Holding hands during the Our Father

[Apryl]

Christ isn’t in the back going “Boy oh boy, look at these people holding hands, how shameful” or “Why isn’t he/she holding his/her hand??? takes out notebook and makes a check”. hahah. I have never felt distracted, I mean, if someone is flailing around like a crazed Tasmanian devil, yeah, I’d be distracted, but I never had that problem.

Interesting image But I don’t think that any one is suggesting that the problem is that hands are being held (as an isolated problem), but when the holding of hands trumps the other stuff.

So, if Person A is praying, but he’s not allowed to pray because Person B needs to hold hands… so Person B grabs Person A, distracting Person A from his prayer.

Person C wants to pray, but hasn’t started praying because he can’t reach to Person D. This is distracting him.

Person E wants to pray, and wants to hold hands, but Person F has a cold and just sneezed into his hand and wiped it on his hand. Now, Person E is thinking, ‘where can I get some hand sanitizer to protect me from an outbreak of the flu?’

Then there is a group of people along the sides of the church who hadn’t planned to hold hands, but now that there are others who are doing it feel like they will stand out as not being part of the In-Crowd if they don’t hold hands. Seeing the others who are holding hands makes them feel like outsiders, and they want to be part of what is going on around there, for a variety of reasons.

Distractions. There is nothing ‘Christ-like’ in these Distractions.

'Smatter of fact, these things pull the people around away from Christ.

What is the important part? The praying, or the hand holding?

When we are preparing to approach the altar for Communion, should we have things that would get us to think about our differences? Or should we be thinking of what we hold in common?

No, I agree that Christ isn’t sitting to the side thinking ‘Oh, look, these people are holding hands’… but I would be willing to say he is thinking, ‘Can you hear me, My Brother? I’m talking to you. And I’m ready to hear you when you are talking to me. I’m ready to listen to you’

I’m just saying.

 

[utah_rose]

I know exactly how people can be. I have approached people and been downright IGNORED. (I’d approach and say good morning! And after giving me a quelling look they’d literally turn their back to me. Usually it is older people in the nice clothes with the perfect hair and fancy jewelry that do these kind of things. I’ve had MANY people do this to me and yeah it stings and leaves a person feeling like a parasite).

I mean, I suppose they must think I’m socially slow because I just walk up and introduce myself but if I don’t who’s going to do it for me? Now, this method of approach has gotten me rejected many times in many settings (Church, social functions, parties, etc) but it has also led to many friendships too…

The only problem is sometimes Ihave the courage to just step out on a limb and sometimes I don’t.

My point is - it’s hard. REALLY hard… but sometimes going out on that limb and taking the initiative could lead you to a wonderful Church family. I’m not saying introduce yourself to everyone, but maybe next Sunday make the choice to introduce yourself to one person. Just one. Find the friendliest looking person you can. If they reject you shrug it off and next Sunday choose a new person to introduce yourself to.

If they think you’re socially slow - so what. At least you made the effort! But if they’re feeling like you are (left out but also shy) you might just make someone’s day.

COLOr

I hope you are approaching people after Mass or before, because if they are seniors, they may be offended. I would ask your pastor if perhaps you could have a little social hour after some of these Masses. Our church provides coffee and doughnuts (we do donate for these) but its a wonderful way to meet people, and your church could also get a little more profit from this.

And, if you have an organization to belong to like the Altar Society or Women’s Guild some of these women may prove very friendly to a younger person, as many of these organizations have members that are getting older and need some new blood.

Just some suggestions. I am a revert, and when I came back to the Church about 5 years ago, everyone seemed to know someone else, and I too felt a little awkward, but it takes time. Luckily I did try some socializing and joining organizations and everything then fell in place.

 

[nickybr38]

Oh yeah. I forgot to mention that. Timing is important. I only approach people AFTER Mass, and only if they’re hanging out outside after and/or in the foyer.

 

[estesbob]

1976: I got my first programmable calculator Texas Instruments SR52
1979: I dropped on the floor a huge stack of punch cards that were used to simulate the interaction of 256 hard spheres for some molecular dynamics class.

I once shut down the accounting systems of 6 large metropolitan banks becuse i was one digit off on a punch card in a deck of about 500 hundred.

 

[utah_rose]

Yes, we have those who almost “demand” that you hold hands. But being that I’m stubborn and probably “pig-headed” I just put 5 to 5 and pray. I don’t have this happen at EF Masses which is why I tend not to go to OF Masses.

I agree, buts worse is with the kiss of peace. People go all around the Church shaking everyone’s hands! And the priest’s leave the altar to do the same. This interrupts the Mass, and although i know they have good intentions, they could do this just as well after Mass as we have a “greeting area” in back of the Church.

I wish our bishop had the guts to write a “reminder” letter of what should be taking place, but since he didn’t even bother to write one on abortion when the election was going on, I doubt that he would do that for this.

We definitely need SOME of our bishops to pull up to the bat and instructing the priests and parishioners. A lot of catechetical teaching could be used for this.

The bishops in the fifties had no problem with this. Now most (but not all) have failed in their shepherding.

 

[ProVobis]

I once shut down the accounting systems of 6 large metropolitan banks becuse i was one digit off on a punch card in a deck of about 500 hundred.

Bad programming design. Should have had verification, error handling, and deviation control. Not your fault.

But we’ve digressed enough, myself included.

 

[Lycorth]

I agree, buts worse is with the kiss of peace. People go all around the Church shaking everyone’s hands! And the priest’s leave the altar to do the same. This interrupts the Mass, and although i know they have good intentions, they could do this just as well after Mass as we have a “greeting area” in back of the Church.

I wish our bishop had the guts to write a “reminder” letter of what should be taking place, but since he didn’t even bother to write one on abortion when the election was going on, I doubt that he would do that for this.

We definitely need SOME of our bishops to pull up to the bat and instructing the priests and parishioners. A lot of catechetical teaching could be used for this.

The bishops in the fifties had no problem with this. Now most (but not all) have failed in their shepherding.

Amen. Heck, in my home church about 30-35 years ago, the monsignor would lock the doors before Mass began, as latecomers would filter in at all times and cause disturbances. All this milling around at some churches makes the Mass about the people and not about the Lord.

I agree with whomever it was that said the Sign of Peace should be moved to earlier in the Mass. After the Consecration, we should be focused solely on the Lord and not on how many hands we can shake. Little wonder respect for the Eucharist is in such decline.

 

[The_Reginator]

I agree with whomever it was that said the Sign of Peace should be moved to earlier in the Mass. After the Consecration, we should be focused solely on the Lord and not on how many hands we can shake. Little wonder respect for the Eucharist is in such decline.

Yes indeedy!!

That is ONE of my pet peeves. And I believe you are right is suggesting that it contrubutes to the declining respect for the Lord in the Blessed Sacrament.
I once had a ‘catholic’ parishioner tell me that the only important thing is that we are all sons and daughters of God, so therefore have a big love-in at the sign of peace. (He may have been pulling my leg though.)

 

[cecilia97]

as a woman i don’t like it either, unless it’s with a sweetheart… or i’m trapped under a bus, bleeding to death and some stranger is trying to comfort me.

Amen! And since this is a free country and the rubrics don’t call for it, I will continue to politely but firmly rebuff anyone who tries to force their intimacies on me during the Mass.

 

[Apryl]

Sometimes, I am reminded that I really need to NOT come to CAF every day

Today, at Mass, when the Our Father ended, someone said, ‘and she won’t hold any one’s hand’

Thank you for making my time at Mass about you, about the impression you may have, about the questions of whether or not I am going to respond to your comment.

I listened to the readings, to the Homily, and I was there for the consecration… and now my mind is on holding hands at the Our Father

And I started thinking, ‘I need to post this to CAF, along with the idea tht people are distracted in their efforts to REACH some one as much as those who are reached are’

Sheesh

 

[roadsend]

Sometimes, I am reminded that I really need to NOT come to CAF every day

Today, at Mass, when the Our Father ended, someone said, ‘and she won’t hold any one’s hand’

Thank you for making my time at Mass about you, about the impression you may have, about the questions of whether or not I am going to respond to your comment.

I listened to the readings, to the Homily, and I was there for the consecration… and now my mind is on holding hands at the Our Father

And I started thinking, ‘I need to post this to CAF, along with the idea tht people are distracted in their efforts to REACH some one as much as those who are reached are’

Sheesh

I have gotten the look and the grab before also and can only imagine the comments.
I did have one old codger tell me once - “but you’ve got to hold hands”.

I cannot fathom why the padres have not ordered an end to this obviously illicit and divisive ritual. I can only surmise that they are afraid of making the hand holding zealots angry or openly defiant.

 

[angelic06]

**Refusing to do so would make them uncomfortable **

and I have no desire to do that.

Unless it is expressly forbidden by the Church I will allow this slight discomfort to make my neighbors more comfortable. I will not reach for anyone’s hand, but if they reach for mine I will take it.

That’s just my position on this. As a not-yet-Catholic and not completely understanding the Mass Christian.

If it makes them uncomfortable for you for you NOT to hold their hands, then the problem is THEIRS exclusively, absolutely and positively NOT yours.

As someone said (I don’t know who), your right to swing a bat or your fist or something, ends at my nose. Therefore, you can safely ignore those who want to hold your hand but with whom you don’t want to reciprocate.

 

[Lycorth]

The wife and I went to a 5:00 PM Mass this Sunday as we couldn’t make it to our normal church, and we were out of town, anyway.

Had to deal with not just people holding hands all over the place during the Our Father, but the priest, the reader, and his adult male server (who didn’t wear any sort of robes - I think he was an EMHC perhaps) all held hands during it as well.

We wished we had gone to an earlier Mass anyway.

 

[estesbob]

I have gotten the look and the grab before also and can only imagine the comments.
I did have one old codger tell me once - “but you’ve got to hold hands”.

I cannot fathom why the padres have not ordered an end to this obviously illicit and divisive ritual. I can only surmise that they are afraid of making the hand holding zealots angry or openly defiant.

Probably becuase, like most of us, they dont see it at as an issue we should be concerned about.

 

[roadsend]

Probably becuase, like most of us, they dont see it at as an issue we should be concerned about.

I respectfully disagree.
The Mass is critically important to me and to many of the rest of us.
Anything that corrupts it should concern us.

 

[estesbob]

I respectfully disagree.
The Mass is critically important to me and to many of the rest of us.
Anything that corrupts it should concern us.

Of the issues facing the Catholic church I wouldnt even out this in the top 100. Dont want to hold hands? Don’t. Want to hold hands? Do so. I dont normally hold hands but do so on occassion. Since I am about to hold our Savior in my hands and consume his body where my hands go during the Our Father is of no concern to me whatsoever.

 

[Tantum_ergo]

Of the issues facing the Catholic church I wouldnt even out this in the top 100. Dont want to hold hands? Don’t. Want to hold hands? Do so. I dont normally hold hands but do so on occassion. Since I am about to hold our Savior in my hands and consume his body where my hands go during the Our Father is of no concern to me whatsoever.

Of course, if the only situation were that different people had different postures, then provided the gestures were not inappropriate (I can’t imagine, for example, that an admittedly silly example like people flapping their arms and squawking like chickens, or giving each other slappy 'high 5’s would be accepted in most places), you’d have a good point.

But what you have in a lot of places (and if you haven’t experienced it, you are blessed) is people who force–yes physically force–other people to abide by somebody else’s preference. If you aren’t arthritic and haven’t had your hand grabbed by a beefy man and SWUNG heavily, such that you turn sheet white and can barely keep from screaming in pain, you might not realize that the gesture which seems so simple and ‘unconcerning’ to others is a real agony to some.

If you haven’t had people, no matter how gently and sweetly you explain that you would LOVE to hold hands with them but have serious medical issues, not only tell you that “if you just TRIED harder to be a CHRISTIAN it wouldn’t HURT you”, to have them not only shun you the rest of the Mass but to shun you and ‘cut’ you everywhere they see you, to see them whispering and even HEAR them telling others how ‘nasty’ you are and how do you even THINK of calling yourself a Christian. . .you wouldn’t find this a ‘little issue of no concern to most’.

 

[ProVobis]

Of the issues facing the Catholic church I wouldnt even out this in the top 100.

Beg to differ.

When trends and asserting rights tend to become the focal point of Mass, whether holding hands out, holding hands, CITH, etc., instead of focus on God, I would say that’s the NUMBER ONE issue. But your point of not arguing about it is valid.

 

[Apryl]

I respectfully disagree.
The Mass is critically important to me and to many of the rest of us.
Anything that corrupts it should concern us.

Um… please don’t take this as me in any way ‘defending’ EstesBob,

but his statement was that ‘most of us’, this doesn’t mean ‘ALL of us’.

 

[pnewton]

Vatican II stated No Priest, Bishops can make changes, Innovations to the Mass!

Then this would also include praying in the “arrow” position, fingertip to fingertip? That is not in the GIRM.