As someone who was not raised Catholic, I never understood why there were people who thought there was something wrong with being homosexual. I had gay friends, and in my view they were just ordinary people who sought love with members of the same sex. I had heard that the Bible mentioned something about homosexuality being wrong, but I was sure that either the Bible was being misinterpreted or it was clouded by the beliefs of the people who wrote it - I had also heard it said some pretty sexist things about women.
In our society today, a person with no faith has little hope of understanding why homosexuality is wrong. They hear people who compare rights of blacks to rights of homosexuals and wonder how anyone could deny equal rights to a person with an inborn same-sex orientation.
The Church’s teaching on homosexuality was BY FAR the most difficult teaching for me to deal with. I went to Mass weekly and started an RCIA program in college, and I thought seriously about dropping out of the program for this very issue. I walked out of a daily Mass because I was crying after a priest talked about the sin of homosexuality, and I cried through an entire Mass at a retreat when another priest did the same. I prayed that they would understand someday that homosexuality is not a sin. I thought they were mistaken.
I didn’t want to think that my friends were doing something that harmed them. Even worse, I didn’t know how to help them if they were.
The priest at my college is an excellent man. He called me on the phone the same day I walked out of daily Mass and offered to talk with me about the issue. We spent several hours talking over every problem I had with Church teaching. He didn’t try to talk me into believing, mostly he just listened and answered my questions. I was surrounded by this priest and others in the Catholic community, and I saw that they were not bigots who had never met a homosexual. They were the kindest, most compassionate people I had ever known. They spoke plainly about their problems with same-sex marriage. I began to listen after that priest listened to me.
I went to a forum titled “Homosexuality and the Catholic Church” where a Catholic man with same-sex attraction spoke about the homosexual life he once led. His testimony was eye opening. I began to see the connection between the fact that all sexual acts outside of marriage are sins and the importance of the definition of marriage as a union between one man and one woman. It was also important for me to see that the Catholic Church did not deny access to people with same-sex attractions - it merely called them to live chastely, as it called all of its members to live chastely.
It is much harder for me to understand that homosexual acts are a sin than it was to ignore this harsh reality. My best friend from high school recently told me that she has decided to be gay, even though she thinks it might be, in her definition, a “phase.” Even now she says she is confused about her sexuality, although she goes to the gay club every weekend, has had a serious girlfriend and has dated a lot of other girls. I have seen some of the causes of her growing same-sex attraction - her father’s inappropriate behavior, her parents’ impending divorce, her flawed romantic relationships with men and encouragement from her peers to be gay.
I know flat-out telling her that what she is doing is wrong, will not get me anywhere. She has no foundation with which to understand me. Even I, as a person of strong faith, struggled with the issue for a long time. She has more reasons than I did to discount the Truth. Instead I try to find more subtle ways of encouraging her to not date for awhile now that she and her girlfriend have broken up, hoping that some time away from the lifestyle will provide her with clarity and working from there.
A religious brother at our school always says we have to, “Meet people where they’re at.” I think this is such wise advice. My friend is not where she is ready to understand everything, so I work with what I have. Many more of my friends who are not homosexual are not ready either. That’s where I was less than a year ago.
One of the main problems, I think is that so few people know that sex should be reserved for marriage and the unique bond formed between one man and one woman in marriage. Without understanding those two things first, I would never have understood the Catholic teaching on homosexuality. Even before that, I had to start listening, and my listening did not begin until our college priest singled me out and listened to me. It was his care and compassion that opened my ears.
If you talk with your friends about these issues with care and compassion, as I’m sure you are, you are making a difference even if you cannot see it. Continue to have patience, pray to God for their understanding of the Truth and let God do the rest.
God bless.
