How do women feel about chivalrious men?

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I can’t believe that no one’s called you out on this statement. It is horribly rude and unkind to couples who have no children due to infertility. Of course we are families. :mad:

Perhaps before you worry about chivalry, you should learn compassion and tact.
There is always adoption if you want children. My parents adopted me and I couldn’t ask for better parents.
 
Hey, is that Prairie Home Companion? I used to listen to that until I got sick of the NPR pledge drives. Anyway, Lake Woebegone is in the Midwest if I remember right. The North is north and east of Virginia.
That’s the northeast. Everybody knows the North starts at I-10. 😉

Surf(name removed by moderator)ure is right…it’s all in good fun. But our food IS pretty durn good. 😃
 
That’s the northeast. Everybody knows the North starts at I-10. 😉

Surf(name removed by moderator)ure is right…it’s all in good fun. But our food IS pretty durn good. 😃
All you have that is different are ribs, kudzu, and sweet tea, right? I’ve only been to the South once for Disney World, and that was when I was very young, so I don’t remember anything.
 
I can’t believe that no one’s called you out on this statement. It is horribly rude and unkind to couples who have no children due to infertility. Of course we are families. :mad:

Perhaps before you worry about chivalry, you should learn compassion and tact.
I’m really sorry. I really didn’t mean to offend. I meant those who chose not to have children because they think them as a burden. Those who are infertile and would love to have children if they could, I don’t think would fall in this category. Those who get married with the intention of not having children (while having the ability to do so) are not married at all. That’s Church teaching. You must be infertile and I know that I have hurt and offended you. I should have been more clear and I’m sorry.
 
I’m really sorry. I really didn’t mean to offend. I meant those who chose not to have children because they think them as a burden. Those who are infertile and would love to have children if they could, I don’t think would fall in this category. Those who get married with the intention of not having children (while having the ability to do so) are not married at all. That’s Church teaching. You must be infertile and I know that I have hurt and offended you. I should have been more clear and I’m sorry.
Apology accepted. And yes, you are correct that couples who intend to never have children at the time of marriage are invalidly married.
 
All you have that is different are ribs, kudzu, and sweet tea, right? I’ve only been to the South once for Disney World, and that was when I was very young, so I don’t remember anything.
😛 Ha ha…we do have ribs (everywhere has ribs I thought) but not much kudzu and sweet tea is a strange, strange thing from east of here. We have flautas and chopped beef sandwiches and Dr Pepper and Ziegenbock!! And a huge superiority complex from being our own country for just a few years! 😛

There is good stuff all over. People just like to toot their own horn about where they live…after all, if you didn’t think where you live is the best, why wouldn’t you move somewhere else?

This thread really makes the point that manners are based on opinion and culture. I can’t say you’re rude for not wanting to pay for dates, because that’s the culture you embrace. But I’d have equal right to say I wouldn’t date someone with that idea…and it would be better for both parties that way.
 
This thread really makes the point that manners are based on opinion and culture. I can’t say you’re rude for not wanting to pay for dates, because that’s the culture you embrace. But I’d have equal right to say I wouldn’t date someone with that idea…and it would be better for both parties that way.
So you don’t see a problem in a woman asking a man for a date and then expecting him to pay for it, or a man and a woman who date each other exclusively and the woman never offers to pay?
 
So you don’t see a problem in a woman asking a man for a date and then expecting him to pay for it, or a man and a woman who date each other exclusively and the woman never offers to pay?
What I see there are situations where two adults have free will and no one has a gun to their head. So the woman has every right to refuse to date the man if he won’t pay, and the man has every right to stop dating the woman if she won’t pay and he expects her to. Sounds like two people who have incompatible values and should not date, period.

What I’m saying is it’s culture. If you lived here and said “the girl can open her own door”, you might not have to think about who pays because you wouldn’t get many dates, period. But you’re not here, so do what works for you where you are.
 
What I see there are situations where two adults have free will and no one has a gun to their head. So the woman has every right to refuse to date the man if he won’t pay, and the man has every right to stop dating the woman if she won’t pay and he expects her to. Sounds like two people who have incompatible values and should not date, period.

What I’m saying is it’s culture. If you lived here and said “the girl can open her own door”, you might not have to think about who pays because you wouldn’t get many dates, period. But you’re not here, so do what works for you where you are.
I was raised with the understanding that men and women are equal and should be treated accordingly. I know one girl who has an air of entitlement, and she will be five years old in two weeks and screams and throws a tantrum if she doesn’t get her “baba” of milk when she wants it. Any woman who comes to a date that she asked for thinking that the man should pay for it just because he’s a man and she’s entitled to a free meal for being a woman probably had a similar start in life.
 
So you don’t see a problem in a woman asking a man for a date and then expecting him to pay for it, or a man and a woman who date each other exclusively and the woman never offers to pay?
What has to be taken into account is that “dating” and “women” have both been redefined in our culture since in the 1950s. Customs have changed, as has the financial picture. Men (and boys) no longer ask women on formal dates (it was once considered brazen for a girl to ask guy out, or to pursue him at all like they do now). He doesn’t usually come in to meet her dad (because most “dating” goes on well past the age it used to). He doesn’t even usually pick her up (she’s just as likely to do the driving, and sometimes they meet somewhere). And because women are as likely to be working as men, he doesn’t automatically have more cash to spend.

Dating used to be for a few years starting in high school and ending when couples got married in their late teens and early 20s. It has now become a multi-decade ordeal of such complexity that I hardly see how any of us survived to be happily married!! I don’t envy the man who has old fashioned (read: chivalrous) ideas of dating these days. It’s noble and admirable, but most of the girls will not understand it, or else will take advantage of his willingness to go out of his way for them (but who wants most of the girls, anyway?). 😉

So I don’t blame you, Larowyn, for feeling that it’s only fair that if a girl asks you out she ought to help pay for the evening. Only be cautious of those girls who are avid pursuers. They may have an expectation to “lead” in every area.
 
I was raised with the understanding that men and women are equal and should be treated accordingly. I know one girl who has an air of entitlement, and she will be five years old in two weeks and screams and throws a tantrum if she doesn’t get her “baba” of milk when she wants it. Any woman who comes to a date that she asked for thinking that the man should pay for it just because he’s a man and she’s entitled to a free meal for being a woman probably had a similar start in life.
Well, it would be even worse manners for a woman to ask out a man on a date, and any man who accepts deserves whatever he gets.

Nice women invite men to come to parties, or to accompany them to Church; not out on dates. 😉
 
So you don’t see a problem in a woman asking a man for a date and then expecting him to pay for it, or a man and a woman who date each other exclusively and the woman never offers to pay?
I am old fashioned, I would never ask a guy out. And my husband when we were dating and I attempted to pay he was insulted. I never did THAT again. I am in my 50’s (late) and I suppose of that generation where we opened our own door…but still if a man were to do it for me I never fussed about it and liked it very much. I was raised mostly in southern Cali where rather then calling them rude or some such they are probably better defined as being ‘casual’; but still respectful. Of course if it is mutual I don’t think there is anything wrong with the dutch thing.
 
I was raised with the understanding that men and women are equal and should be treated accordingly. I know one girl who has an air of entitlement, and she will be five years old in two weeks and screams and throws a tantrum if she doesn’t get her “baba” of milk when she wants it. Any woman who comes to a date that she asked for thinking that the man should pay for it just because he’s a man and she’s entitled to a free meal for being a woman probably had a similar start in life.
I agree in equality too. It works both ways. You have a right to not date someone who won’t pay, just like she does.

There’s a simple way to fix that problem. Have the conversation about who’s paying before you agree to the date. I bet you’ve thought of that. You save your time and your money that way. Because if she’s the type that refuses to pay, she’s not your type, right? Why bother?

THAT would be something I’d call chivalrous…being upfront about your expectations so no ones’ evening is wasted or ruined.
 
I hate double standards.
I’m not sure to whose standards you are referring, but a word spoken in love: It will help all of us to converse freely and charitably if anger and harsh words are not injected into the conversation. We are brothers and sisters here. Imperfect, all, and none of us reached the beatific vision yet, but still in the image of God and in His service. So I know some of us have inadvertently gotten your feathers ruffled, but please overlook what you find offensive and speak with compassion. I don’t believe anyone here meant any harm.
 
I think that the generation of women who were so radically obnoxious when a man tried to hold the door are heading into their 50s and 60s and out of the public spotlight so good riddance. I always thought that many of them were hypersensitive over little things that just didn’t matter with regards to gaining parity in salaries or hiring or educational opportunities.
As a woman in my 50s, I can assure you that the vast majority of us of my generation were not “radically obnoxious” about men holding doors, etc. As usual, the obnoxious ones made their way into the spotlight while the rest of us, the “silent majority,” went quietly about our business, thanking those who showed us respect and courtesy. And I’m a lifelong Michiganian, BTW. I don’t know what “little things that just didn’t matter” you are referring to about salaries, hiring, etc., but imagine for a moment that you are a woman working in a factory during the 1960’s, and that you doing the exact same work as anyone else, male or female…but the men are making 15% more. Now imagine that you have been there for ten years with an excellent work record, but when the foreman job comes up, your application is denied solely because you are a woman. Now tell me how that “doesn’t matter.”

Getting back to the OP’s question, I admire anyone who shows respect for others, and if that includes traditional “chivalrous” manners, so much the better. I am not the least bit offended when a man opens doors for me, stands when I enter the room, etc., although I am more likely to consider it a matter of showing respect for my age rather than my femininity, at this point in my life. :o But in any case, the man who holds the door for me will get a “thank you” and a smile, with eye contact. 👍
 
I agree in equality too. It works both ways. You have a right to not date someone who won’t pay, just like she does.

There’s a simple way to fix that problem. Have the conversation about who’s paying before you agree to the date. I bet you’ve thought of that. You save your time and your money that way. Because if she’s the type that refuses to pay, she’s not your type, right? Why bother?

THAT would be something I’d call chivalrous…being upfront about your expectations so no ones’ evening is wasted or ruined.
I’m starting to think that you misunderstand what I’m trying to say. If I asked a girl for a date, I would pay. If the girl asked me for a date, I’d expect her to pay. If we were dating each other frequently, I’d think it would be appropriate to go Dutch or alternate. I think the person who asks for the date should be respectful and attentive to the person they asked on the date, but I think that things like opening the car door for the girl every time both get in or the boy throwing his coat over puddles ranks up there with the boy trying to woo the girl with Shakespeare quotes.
 
I think the person who asks for the date should be respectful and attentive to the person they asked on the date, but I think that things like opening the car door for the girl every time both get in or the boy throwing his coat over puddles ranks up there with the boy trying to woo the girl with Shakespeare quotes.
Really; he should learn some real poetry and woo a girl with some verses from Hopkins or Emerson or something.
And btw it’s not romantic to memorize three lines and repeat them without contextual reason and get visibly irritated when they don’t impress. It’s not a magic formula. It’s poetry. Just thought I’d get that out of the way.😃
 
Really; he should learn some real poetry and woo a girl with some verses from Hopkins or Emerson or something.
And btw it’s not romantic to memorize three lines and repeat them without contextual reason and get visibly irritated when they don’t impress. It’s not a magic formula. It’s poetry. Just thought I’d get that out of the way.😃
I meant that it ranks up there with quoting Shakespeare in terms of cheesiness and insincerity.
 
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