Someone very close and very dear to me said that I’m giving to much and too concerned with making others happy. I have heard this from a couple of other people as well. So where does giving and doing for other become too much? Also I know my drive to help others comes from me feeling overly blessed and I somehow need balance it out again. Is it wrong to think that God has given me too much when I myself haven’t really begone to do anything in life yet?
When it can become too much is when one isn’t taking care of his own needs, not tending adequately to his own health, needs, and those of his family in order to give to others. This is especially true when the people receiving don’t want, or don’t need, won’t appreciate or use the gifts/services.
I heard of a case where a lady gave so much to charity that she couldn’t meet her own needs, and the charity basically did something like sue her for the check she wrote, renegged on. Again, not your case, but to give examples to help illustrate some cases when giving CAN be overdone.
I’ve had people push things on me, and when I don’t want their “help”, get angry (not saying it’s your particular case), just one of many.
In a relationship, it’s helpful to have balance with both parties doing the work, not one doing it all. If one is always doing all the work, it creates an imbalance in THAT relationship.
Further giving and giving and giving, never receiving, can create resentment over time.
It can also create an unhealthy dependency, in some people. With some, if you give and give, and one day decide not to give, they can get really “put out”, angry.
It also depends on HOW one gives. If one goes downtown and indiscriminately gives to everyone and anyone, that, to me, would not be good. Well, some people downtown on skidrow are there because they have addictions, and many people have usually tried to help them, but for whatever reason(s), it wasn’t enough. These people still haven´t fallen far enough to want to change.
If you give these people help, in the form of cash, they will only use that for their alcohol, drugs, etc., and instead of being helped, can be actually hurt.
With giving, it’s preferable to “teach a person to fish” rather than give him the fish, where possible.
It can be helpful to ask what our motivation is in giving. If the motivation is to get attention, that would, also, not be good (again, NOT saying it’s your case, but to try to answer your question as to when giving is too much).
If we give to get something, that can, in some cases, also be wrong, but not always.
If we are giving so much where we are using our money that needs to go for our own families for others, that’s not okay. If we are spending so much time giving that our families are suffering from neglect, likewise, not okay.
If we aren’t resting enough, suffering from burnout, ourselves, then the giving has gotten out of hand.
Sometimes, we can try to please others, but I suppose we need to walk a fine line insofar as when that becomes too much, too.
I remember one priest suggesting that, instead of just handing panhandlers downtown, cash, to pay for a student’s books, say, to help someone get an education.
If we chronically need to give, ignoring our own needs, to “rescue” others from their problems, instead of allowing them to try to handle at least some, themselves, codependency could also be an issue.
With codependency, we can have sort of a like a need to be needed. If this is within healthy parameters, all well and good, but if not, not.
With Christmas giving is HUGE! Sometimes, we feel the need to spend, spend, spend, and spend. Some max out the credit cards, go into debt, become all stressed out, and for what?
A priest I know does a homily, every year, about Christmas spending. He tells us we don´t need to go into debt, spend a lot, to have a nice Christmas, that often times, we would be just as happy, if not happier, with a simple meal instead of having the finest wines and more.
I just got back from WalMart, and the rush happens from before Halloween to Christmas each year. People get REALLY stressed out. The closer it gets to the holidays, the worse it is. I have a friend who goes to the mall around holiday time just to watch the chaos, says to himself, “Glad that’s not me!”
At times, we can give, almost to buy love and affection, as if feeling if we don´t, we would be unworthy in and of ourselves.
If we give a lot with expectations, “strings”, then that’s another potential example of problematic giving.
So, actually, there are numerous reason why, and how, giving can go over the top, be it with cash, or volunteering, or whatever. Generally, I’d say if it is somehow adversely affecting oneself, one’s family, or even the person receiving (by creating a dependency, for example), then it would be more prudent to actually…give less.
, something for retirement would be good, where possible.