How important is physical appearance when dating?

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Thankfully there’s no universal “standard” of beauty & it’s truly in the eyes of the beholder! I’d say we’re naturally drawn to attractive looking people but it’s the personality & character that ultimately determines the outcome of the relationship.
Yeah, but that’s too simple for this thread.

See, the central issue I got at was regardless of opinion of beauty, should someone really be in a long-term relationship with someone they are not attracted to based on how they look?

I suppose dating a little would be fine. Maybe the person would get to be attracted to the person.

The reality is that appearance does play a role for most people, I suspect.
 
Erm… I think it suffices to say this is an extremely uncharitable thing to say.

Shall we create countries so that beautiful people can live with other beautiful people? Then we can send all the ugly people somewhere else so no one has to look at them.

Maybe we’ll make it so the ugly people can’t reproduce, and make laws so the beautiful people can have the best jobs (to support their beautiful lifestyle, after all-they deserve it don’t they? I mean, they’re beautiful) and create zones where ugly people are allowed to live. Then, if the uglies get uppity, we can send them to camps so there will never be such a horrible stain upon the earth as ugly people ever again.
I don’t mean to sound like ugly people shouldn’t be with people but I have been told in this site that an overweight man who doesn’t exercise and just sits around all day watching TV is not going to be a good match for someone with a healthier weight who has to maintain their looks. I’m not saying the man shouldn’t pursue but use common sense. If she truly has similar interests than there is more of a shot but at the same time you shouldn’t expect to get someone beyond you’re level . Anyway that’s what i’ve been told on this site
 
Erm… I think it suffices to say this is an extremely uncharitable thing to say.

Shall we create countries so that beautiful people can live with other beautiful people? Then we can send all the ugly people somewhere else so no one has to look at them.

Maybe we’ll make it so the ugly people can’t reproduce, and make laws so the beautiful people can have the best jobs (to support their beautiful lifestyle, after all-they deserve it don’t they? I mean, they’re beautiful) and create zones where ugly people are allowed to live. Then, if the uglies get uppity, we can send them to camps so there will never be such a horrible stain upon the earth as ugly people ever again.
Actually, natural selection is taking care of that pretty well.
 
I don’t mean to sound like ugly people shouldn’t be with people but I have been told in this site that an overweight man who doesn’t exercise and just sits around all day watching TV is not going to be a good match for someone with a healthier weight who has to maintain their looks. I’m not saying the man shouldn’t pursue but use common sense. If she truly has similar interests than there is more of a shot but at the same time you shouldn’t expect to get someone beyond you’re level . Anyway that’s what i’ve been told on this site
Well, what does the inactive overweight guy have in common with the gym bunny? It’s not like he’s going to be joining her for her half marathons, her triathlons, or her mountain climbing and white water adventures and she doesn’t want to join him for his all day TV marathons. Does this really sound like a good foundation for a harmonious and happy family life? It’s not even mostly a question of looks–there’s a fundamental disconnect between what the two of them regards as a normal lifestyle or a fun way to spend time. If she can’t imagine family life without multi-day camping trips far from civilization, it’s going to be pretty sad if she has to do that alone with the kids and he’s home with his best friend, Mr. TV.

If you want a gym bunny, be a gym dude. If you want to be a pasty TV/internet/gamer dude, be prepared to accept a pasty TV/internet/gamer girl. (And I say that as a TV/internet gal.)
 
Well, what does the inactive overweight guy have in common with the gym bunny? It’s not like he’s going to be joining her for her half marathons, her triathlons, or her mountain climbing and white water adventures and she doesn’t want to join him for his all day TV marathons. Does this really sound like a good foundation for a harmonious and happy family life? It’s not even mostly a question of looks–there’s a fundamental disconnect between what the two of them regards as a normal lifestyle or a fun way to spend time. If she can’t imagine family life without multi-day camping trips far from civilization, it’s going to be pretty sad if she has to do that alone with the kids and he’s home with his best friend, Mr. TV.

If you want a gym bunny, be a gym dude. If you want to be a pasty TV/internet/gamer dude, be prepared to accept a pasty TV/internet/gamer girl. (And I say that as a TV/internet gal.)
Yes i agree with this

but…….

I guess it seems like in today’s culture it’s easier said than done. Sure our hypothetical mr tv man might find someone like him who happens to be a “stunner” as more secular people would put it but odds are against him. Especially if he’s more into the physical assets than the inside. I guess I just notice this in lots of church circles but it seems as if guy’s think that they have something in common with other woman because they go to the same church. Not that simple.

But it is truth you speak. Trust me i want to find someone who doesn’t mind sitting around but if they were up for it we could go and say kayaking or go hiking or try some cool restaurant.
 
Yes i agree with this

but…….

I guess it seems like in today’s culture it’s easier said than done. Sure our hypothetical mr tv man might find someone like him who happens to be a “stunner” as more secular people would put it but odds are against him. Especially if he’s more into the physical assets than the inside. I guess I just notice this in lots of church circles but it seems as if guy’s think that they have something in common with other woman because they go to the same church. Not that simple.

But it is truth you speak. Trust me i want to find someone who doesn’t mind sitting around but if they were up for it we could go and say kayaking or go hiking or try some cool restaurant.
Here’s the thing, if a man is overweight and sits around expects the gym bunny it’s not likely. When I did online dating I had a lot of obese men contact me and we have little in common.
 
Well, what does the inactive overweight guy have in common with the gym bunny? It’s not like he’s going to be joining her for her half marathons, her triathlons, or her mountain climbing and white water adventures and she doesn’t want to join him for his all day TV marathons. Does this really sound like a good foundation for a harmonious and happy family life? It’s not even mostly a question of looks–there’s a fundamental disconnect between what the two of them regards as a normal lifestyle or a fun way to spend time. If she can’t imagine family life without multi-day camping trips far from civilization, it’s going to be pretty sad if she has to do that alone with the kids and he’s home with his best friend, Mr. TV.

If you want a gym bunny, be a gym dude. If you want to be a pasty TV/internet/gamer dude, be prepared to accept a pasty TV/internet/gamer girl. (And I say that as a TV/internet gal.)
:confused: I hope not everyone is so one dimensional!

I am living proof that one can be a gym “bunny” cringe and love video games, sci fi, fantasy, etc. I also love music, art, history, and politics. A well rounded person should be able to find common ground with many people, regardless of fitness habits.
 
:confused: I hope not everyone is so one dimensional!

I am living proof that one can be a gym “bunny” cringe and love video games, sci fi, fantasy, etc. I also love music, art, history, and politics. A well rounded person should be able to find common ground with many people, regardless of fitness habits.
Wild Catholic wasn’t positing any other common ground, though–just both being church going. That’s not quite enough common ground, I think, especially for persons of the opposite sex. Consider how very different various CAF posters are, and that even just with regard to friendship, we wouldn’t assume that we’d be best buds with all the other CAF posters in real life. A fortiori, we wouldn’t assume that the love of our life just happens to be the only cute single person at our parish (although, who knows?), especially if we seem to have very little else in common.
 
Wild Catholic,

Here’s an incomplete list of stuff my husband and I have in common as interests/stuff we like:

–Catholic stuff
–college academic life (we’ve lived on and near college campuses ever since we met and I enjoy hearing about the funny things academics do)
–languages
–Eastern Europe (I’ve taken a number of courses in his native language)
–Polish and Russian movies
–French and German movies
–LOTR
–Terry Pratchett movies and books (I don’t read the books, but am always happy to hear about them and I love the movie version of Color of Magic)
–Space Janitors (it’s a web-based parody of Star Wars, featuring the janitors on the Death Star)
–The Guild (another web-based TV show, featuring a gamer guild)
–British TV mysteries/British TV (Sherlock, Gently, Endeavor, etc.)
–Thai restaurants and Indian lunch buffets
–crepes (my husband makes very good ones)

Hence my belief that just being members of the same parish is a little thin as a basis for a relationship. I feel like ideally, there should be half a dozen other points of contact.

(I have to mention that a number of those interests have only appeared the last few years. We also have been able to share a number of them with our kids. The last night or two, we’ve been laughing our heads off over Galaxy Quest, the Star Trek parody.)
 
I think interests is extremely important actually.
The guy I mentioned earlier who I liked was purely based on physical appearance because we had nothing in common. Sure he was nice, but he loved video games and TV and that ain’t my thing at all.

Long term, if you have nothing in common, I don’t think it could work.

The most attractive thing about a man to me now is his faith. I want to serve God in this life and if I marry, I want a man to serve God with me.
 
Wild Catholic wasn’t positing any other common ground, though–just both being church going. That’s not quite enough common ground, I think, especially for persons of the opposite sex. Consider how very different various CAF posters are, and that even just with regard to friendship, we wouldn’t assume that we’d be best buds with all the other CAF posters in real life. A fortiori, we wouldn’t assume that the love of our life just happens to be the only cute single person at our parish (although, who knows?), especially if we seem to have very little else in common.
Yes and I see this with younger guys and girls that even in church groups they go for looks first in a lot of cases. Its our human nature to do so and while we obviously shouldn’t chose mates this way people still want to be around better looking people unless their behavior is super unattractive. One of my best friends was especially like this. Not that he was a dog or anything but you could tell why he wanted to go for a certain young woman at church youth events.
 
Is it wrong to not want to date someone because you don’t find them attractive?
Or should a person date and not worry about appearance and consider the personality and character only?
What do you think?
If you are married, were you initially attracted to your spouse when you met?
There is something called ‘the law of attraction’ in psychology. What this means is that people of equal beauty will be attracted to one an other-usually.
People know their limits on a subconcious level, in regard to physical beauty.

Once a date happens-then the law of attraction kicks in again, to meausure character strengths, personality and intelligence.

This can happen in reverse too-say you know someone who has compatible personality and character-but unequal in the looks department-the personality etc. sometimes will over ride the lack of physical attributes.
But ususally initial dating is based on the visual, unless you know the person well.
 
*"But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for the Lord sees not as man sees; man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart” * 1 Samuel 16:7

I think for some people, looks are very important, as is apparent when reading this thread, but for some, they play a much smaller role.

Call me crazy, but I think virtue and personal holiness are very attractive in a potential spouse. That is beauty that is soul-deep.

My two denarii.
:twocents:
 
"But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for the Lord sees not as man sees; man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart” 1 Samuel 16:7

I think for some people, looks are very important, as is apparent when reading this thread, but for some, they play a much smaller role.

Call me crazy, but I think virtue and personal holiness are very attractive in a potential spouse. That is beauty that is soul-deep.

My two denarii.
:twocents:
I also think it may be difficult to distinguish between the physical and the spiritual qualities if one knows the person well. Knowing that the person has an ugly personality will make them look uglier than they objectively are, while knowing that the person has a beautiful personality will make the person look more attractive than they objectively are. It’s only when dealing with total strangers that we can be quite objective about physical appearance.
 
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