How many days a month to abstain from sex during NFP?

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I was responding to the OP. He asked how many days to abstain if using NFP to TTA(that’s how I interpretted his question). For us it is about 14 days, though often 21 or so now that I reflect back on it a little more. Probably about 18 days average. That’s how it worked out for us when we were doing it. It’s different for everybody.

After having a baby of course everyone mentions you should abstain for 6 weeks to let the mother recover(though it isn’t always necessary), but if you are trying not to have another baby within a year it is longer than 6 weeks, at least for us. If you are exclusively breastfeeding then that can prevent ovulation for a while and no abstinence may be necessary. But if she works and stops exclusively breastfeeding then you are in full time abstinence until she starts her cycles again. For us that works out to around 6 or 7 months, and even then I would say we don’t have more than a handful of days a month that we would consider safe. Probably a year or so until things might be “normal” again and using NFP would only mean 18-21 day stretches of abstinence.

Yeah, NFP isn’t really all that great, in my opinion. If you need to space children or avoid for a while, then you can use it. To say to a man who thinks about this and says he doesn’t think it sounds all that great that he should just not get married is pretty unreasonable. You might as well say no man should get married as I have yet to meet a man who said he was looking forward to 2-3 weeks of abstinence every month in marriage.

Edited to add: I didn’t include abstaining during her period in those numbers. That would be in addition to the number of days I wrote.
 
white_sheep said:
I was responding to the OP. He asked how many days to abstain if using NFP to TTA(that’s how I interpretted his question). For us it is about 14 days, though often 21 or so now that I reflect back on it a little more. Probably about 18 days average. That’s how it worked out for us when we were doing it. It’s different for everybody.

After having a baby of course everyone mentions you should abstain for 6 weeks to let the mother recover(though it isn’t always necessary), but if you are trying not to have another baby within a year it is longer than 6 weeks, at least for us. If you are exclusively breastfeeding then that can prevent ovulation for a while and no abstinence may be necessary. But if she works and stops exclusively breastfeeding then you are in full time abstinence until she starts her cycles again. For us that works out to around 6 or 7 months, and even then I would say we don’t have more than a handful of days a month that we would consider safe. Probably a year or so until things might be “normal” again and using NFP would only mean 18-21 day stretches of abstinence.

Yeah, NFP isn’t really all that great, in my opinion. If you need to space children or avoid for a while, then you can use it. To say to a man who thinks about this and says he doesn’t think it sounds all that great that he should just not get married is pretty unreasonable. You might as well say no man should get married as I have yet to meet a man who said he was looking forward to 2-3 weeks of abstinence every month in marriage.

Edited to add: I didn’t include abstaining during her period in those numbers. That would be in addition to the number of days I wrote.
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Thanks for your answer. Haha, indeed i don’t think there is a man who looks forward to alot of abstinence 😛 But ok, after pregnancy I can manage of course, she needs time for recovery so I don’t like to interfere in that…
 
A woman is typically only fertile for 100 hours during her cycle. The key is knowing when the 100 hours begins and when it ends. You can determine this accurately after several months using NFP. Still, the possibility of pregnancy during typically “infertile times” is always there when using NFP and you need to be open to that.

My advice, start charting now so that you will have a headstart to understanding your wife-to-be’s cycles even before marriage. Also, learn SPICE. SPICE stands for Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Communicative and Emotional communication. It is a way for couples to be intimate in other ways during the fertile times (if postponing pregnancy) and makes for a stronger marriage.

Best of luck to you!
 
Just use contraception. Didn’t see Jesus saying no condoms.

You’ve waited til marriage, a big commitment (Lord knows I know!) and you’ll spend the rest of your life together. As long as you are not adverse to children at some point, then what is the issue?
 
fgh_123 said:
Just use contraception. Didn’t see Jesus saying no condoms.

You’ve waited til marriage, a big commitment (Lord knows I know!) and you’ll spend the rest of your life together. As long as you are not adverse to children at some point, then what is the issue?
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You cannot encourage Catholics to sin. Besides what is the point of avoiding sin before marriage and then purposefully turn ones back on God and start sinning while you are married?

BTW, this is an old thread, and I doubt the OP is even on anymore.
 
jilly4ski said:
You cannot encourage Catholics to sin. Besides what is the point of avoiding sin before marriage and then purposefully turn ones back on God and start sinning while you are married?

BTW, this is an old thread, and I doubt the OP is even on anymore.
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I don’t view it as a sin to be honest, not if the intentions are good. Eg the OP is willing to receive or at least be open to the idea of children.
 
@fgh: But why do you feel the need to post advice contrary to what the Church teaches as revealed Truth when the OP specifically asked about how NFP works? This is not a “what should I do thread”. He was specifically asking about the practical application of NFP. there is no shortage of threads that question how the Church understands sexuality and issues related thereto, but this thread was not one of them.
 
Angelo85 said:
After several months I’ll get married and get my first sexual experience.
I want to follow NFP (don’t want to make my becoming wife pregnant until I finish my studies and have a proper settlement).
Now just to put it bluntly as an average: how many days a month should we abstain from sex on average? And which days of the menstrual cycle are the fertile days?

I’m quite shocked to see few threads telling that having sexual abstinence will require a rather large part of the month. Because after marriage I want to unify with my wife physically and emotionaly, and in my opinion sex plays a rather big part of it, as sex is made as the ultimate beautiful expression of love between married couple (with the purpose of unity and procreation). I already waited until marriage with some difficulty. I can’t abstain for that long every month 😦
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My friend, my understanding is that the normal period of abstenance using NFP is 8-12 days per month. However, these are averages. The best thing for you and your fiance/wife to take a class on NFP.
Angelo85 said:
I can’t abstain for that long every month 😦
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Your sentiments are understandable…but it is the duty of a husband to give himself up for his wife, so any amount of self-sacrifice that is necessary is your (honorable) duty.

And such sacrifice IS an honorable duty - do not let anyone convince you otherwise.
 
Angelo85 said:
After several months I’ll get married and get my first sexual experience.
I want to follow NFP (don’t want to make my becoming wife pregnant until I finish my studies and have a proper settlement).
Now just to put it bluntly as an average: how many days a month should we abstain from sex on average? And which days of the menstrual cycle are the fertile days?

I’m quite shocked to see few threads telling that having sexual abstinence will require a rather large part of the month. Because after marriage I want to unify with my wife physically and emotionaly, and in my opinion sex plays a rather big part of it, as sex is made as the ultimate beautiful expression of love between married couple (with the purpose of unity and procreation). **I already waited until marriage with some difficulty. I can’t abstain for that long every month **😦
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Really? Well… since I have also abstained with much difficulty, and since I don’t have a marriage in sight… you think I am justified in going out and having sex now with someone… because I already waited this long, and I am probably older than you… and frankly Im tired of waiting. Poor me!
 
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