He told his wife, the woman who has given him four children and is pregnant with the 5th, to go to her room as a punishment? Not, “Honey, you look exhausted, go put your feet up and rest and I’ll keep the children quiet?” And after all those pregnancies, he is badgering you for gaining too much weight?
So as I said, I did not read all the posts and I am not going to. I also said that my post would go against the grain because there were some posts that I did see that said a husband is not the head of the family, which is not true or should not be true.
So you are going to have to show me where I said leading can be a dictator. I said, as according to the Catechism of Trent:
and
Not everyone.
Also, coming from someone who grew up with someone who yells, and being a nurse around yelling doctors, male and female, I have found one bible verse to be true in almost all circumstances: Proverbs 15:1 - A mild answer breaketh wrath: but a harsh word stirreth up fury.
This. The nonsense he’s trying to pull is not based in Church teaching, and it sounds like an excuse to be emotionally abusive more than anything.
I have not heard that from anyone here before and no I do not believe that. Without questions and discussion there is no communication and communication in a marriage is very essential but in the end, yes, the husband is responsible for the final decision, even if he allows his wife to decide an issue or delegates certain responsibilities to her.
I completely agree and not sure why we would be debating this because it is pretty much what I said also: pray, offer up rosaries and Masses and speak with a priest. In other words, get help for their marriage because their marriage bond and their family is most important here.
You know, it could be that he has gotten the idea that he has to be controlling everybody in the household in order to be a good Catholic husband. He may just be misinformed. Most of us have gotten some very wrong-headed ideas about what it takes to become a saint, after all. His wife feels he is a great guy, so maybe he just has good motives that he doesn’t know how to express in a fruitful way.
I can honestly hear the person they say it to say, “I beg your pardon?” Really: when you need time to think, aren’t YOU usually the one who excuses yourself to find the quiet room? Have you ever sent an adult to their bedroom so you could think?
As agreed, we do not know the context of the situation but yes absolutely, I have asked someone to leave the room we were both in so I could think. Perhaps they came into my room, my home office, perhaps the kitchen while I was cooking or any other room that I was in and doing something and I was the one who needed to stay in the room we were in. I would then ask could you please go to another room and leave me to think. I have had people ask that of me and I try to respect their request. No problem. No big deal. People ask each other that all the time. It actually can be done very politely and can be a good way to diffuse an argument.
We only know what she is saying here on the internet. We absolutely do not know what started the argument or what context the sentence was given.
This I would agree but mostly, and I say in all charity to the OP because she may have been very upset when she came here and just needed to vent, but because she came to the internet for advice and help. We can only hope that later after things calmed down, they were able to discuss the situation, reconcile and communicate with each other. If not hopefully they will talk to a priest.
Again, we only know one side of the situation. I do agree they should seek out a good Catholic priest first and foremost.
Mmm…nice try, but asking someone to leave you alone in your workroom is not the same as “go to your bedroom.” The latter really is something that is said to misbehaving children. The message is not “I need space for myself.” It is “I’m shunning you from the rest of the house as a punishment, until you learn how to behave.”
YES. This.
My guess is that he’s terrified of the reality of providing for a wife and for 5 children under the age of 7. He’s watching his life slowly careen off the tracks and is desperately trying to control ANYTHING he can, like some teen-aged anorexic girl counting out the 10 Cheerios she’s going to allow herself to eat today.
Hmm, I think you are reading more into this than what she wrote. She wrote room, not bedroom, even though, yes room could imply bedroom but I think it odd that he would say, “go to your room”, not go to our room or a particular room. Most husbands and wives are in the same bed room and it is not one person’s room over another. If my husband said, go to your room, he would mean my office/sewing room.
Same here. Happy wife, happy life. If mamma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy, and all that
