How to respond to comments about your growing Family Size

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My responses back then:

-The more the merrier.

-Love doesn’t divide, it multiples.

-Oh, yes. Definitely better me than you.

-We don’t have a television.

Today, I wouldn’t have been as charitable. I would have told people “you don’t pay my bills, so what’s it to you?”
or “Mind your own business, and you won’t be minding mine!”
 
Eh, I just answer rude remarks as if the person had given me an incredibly sincere compliment. I’m not fake about it or anything, I just pretend that I think that the words they said were meant in an extremely respectful, complimentary way.
 
I don’t see the point in responding. Let them judge. Ignore them.
If they were smart, they’d realise more “big” families are desperately needed. There’s a crisis in Japan and South Korea, where TFR is around 1.1 now. Some predict it’s possible it will go under 1. The West is following that path. Who’s going to be paying for pensions? Who’s going to help take care of the elderly? Who’s going to be doctors? Who’s going to build things? Immigrants? For now, there are many countries where things aren’t going well but that’s changing. Why would people move when their home countries also have these needs and standard of living is improving?
 
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I’d simply tell the nosy bodies, “Mind Your Own Business”, possibly in more colorful language, and quit speaking to them. As MamaJewel said, if you’re not asking them to help pay your bills, then they need to butt out and stay out.
 
Back when our kids were little, it was a much bigger problem for my wife than for me. I found women are treated much worse with regards to a lot of little kids than men. Any person who made a comment to me was typically a good friend at work, and it was almost always the same: “Don’t you know who causes that”, and always said in jest and always accompanied by a sincere congratulations. I had a standard reply: “We do, we happen to find it a lot of fun, you and your wife should try it sometime”. My wife had it much worse. The comments were not just said in jest, not just by friends, and much more biting, and always from other women. A few times I was present and was actually shocked at the tone and the way she was treated. More than once I stepped into the conversation and told someone to mind their own business. This really made matters worse in my wife’s mind, as she felt it made her look like it was all my doing and she was just a weak wife who was in her present state because she wasn’t strong enough to stand up for herself. So I quite doing this and learned to bite my tongue. My wife would typically turn and walk away. But when it came from someone she was close to, it would literally drive her to tears at times.

Wish I had better advice.

ETA: I will say this: “This too shall pass”. I can think of more than a couple of women, good friends or family, who were very mean to my wife when she was pregnant, and now that the family is mostly grown they love to rave about how wonderful our family is. They were never bad people, just women who had been brainwashed by the 70s/80s feminist movement. A stay at home mom with a lot of kids was an traitor in their mind, especialy as my wife was well educated and had quit a successful professional career to be a wonderful mother.
 
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Love them, even the rude people “The more love in the world, the better” is a perfect response to any comment about children.
 
Aside from any negative comments, I am sure people got words of encouragement as well.

When my family started to take an entire pew at Mass, everyone noticed and commented encouragement.
 
In my experience, I would certainly classify what I saw my wife go through at times as sexism. Based on her sex, she was not living the life they thought was best for her. None of them ever said anything to me. The difference between how the mothers and the fathers get treated, is by itself an indication that it is sexism.
 
I am one of seven in an era when family sizes were already declining. Parents shrugged it off so far as I know.

I would say it’s reverse sexism in action when mothers are told they shouldn’t have so many children, think of the oppression and of the career you’re missing out on. Most women were born to be mothers, some were born to be prolific mothers, but few have the opportunity to live that out. There are some young women out there who desire more children yet feel compelled to keep their mouth shut in today’s culture and that is not right.

That is one of my ongoing prayers btw, that more parents not only stay together, they are open to more children.
 
“Luckily for my family, I am more loving and wealthier than you.”

Note, that’s what I sometimes want to say…

Actually, I just swallow any negative comments that bubble up in me, and say something like “we just love the joy our children bring our family” and leave it at that. Me making a rude comment back serves no one, or at least, doesn’t model Christian behavior as I hope to. We are 10 days our from our fifth baby being born, and you’d think we were the Duggars with the shock some people have.
 
Dr_Meinheimer said:
Actually, I just swallow any negative comments that bubble up in me, and say something like “we just love the joy our children bring our family” and leave it at that. Me making a rude comment back serves no one, or at least, doesn’t model Christian behavior as I hope to. We are 10 days our from our fifth baby being born, and you’d think we were the Duggars with the shock some people have
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I think taking the higher road like this is a much better response. I don’t doubt that people with large families tire of receiving curious or intrusive comments about their family size, and I am sure it is tempting to think of snarky responses to use on those occasions. But using the occasion instead to comment on the joy and love that children bring, is a great witness to the faith. And who knows, it could make a few people re-think their initial reactions when seeing a larger family. Good for you!
 
Yes, all children are truly a gift, regardless of number. What I would not give to have their innocence again.
 
Take the high road. Smile and move on.

I have a very large family. I’ve taken the comments in stride, and my kids have over the years gotten a huge kick out of people’s reactions.

In truth, though, I’ve had very few negative comments and I think in part it’s because I’m not ashamed and I don’t care what anyone else thinks and when I tell people how many kids I have, my joy shines through and I can only guess they’re taken aback. And in the end, because people see someone who is not the ugly stereotype liberals have painted of mothers of large families, and because they see my happiness with my children, they have to re-think some things, and they end up being amazed. (And hopefully re-thinking much of what society has taught them.)
 
Poet said:
Take the high road. Smile and move on.
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Easier said than done in some cases.

The worst I have encountered were those passing judgement, not on the large family, but on their mistaken notion that the younger kids are actually children of the older kids.
 
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