How to respond to comments about your growing Family Size

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What about legitimate concerns that some kids get overlooked while others are overburdened with responsibility and your concerns that needs may end up not being met, not only material needs but also emotional needs and guidance since everything has an opportunity costs?
 
My mom was in her mid 30s when she had me, then my sister and in her late 30s when my brother came along. (I’m the oldest of 3.)
 
I’m the second oldest of five. None of us ever felt that our needs were not being met. Especially our need for brothers and sisters.
 
No, it happens here too. When people comment about having more than 2 children I tell them the story of my parents. If either my paternal or maternal grandparents had stopped at 4 or 6 children, I wouldn’t be here nor my siblings!
 
Such concerns are not legitimate unless they are held by the mother and father. For everyone else, family size, whether large or small, goes in the Not Your Business file. You see a kid actually being abused or neglected, that’s something different.
 
RCIAGraduate said:
What about legitimate concerns that some kids get overlooked while others are overburdened with responsibility and your concerns that needs may end up not being met, not only material needs but also emotional needs and guidance since everything has an opportunity costs?
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What about legitimate concerns … in any family? That an only child will have no siblings to talk to/bond with; will be alone on his parents’ deaths; that lower income families can’t get their kids into a safer neighborhood or a home in better repair; that a child might have health issues as a result of parents who carry certain genes?

The list could go on forever and the truth is SOME large families don’t do a great job of raising their kids and SOME small families don’t do a great job with the one or two they have. And EVERY parent is going to be less than perfect in some way. And some kids are going to FEEL they were overlooked or treated unfairly even if they weren’t.

But I think for the most part, this is a sad stereotype of large families. Are you asking out of concern for large families and their children or are you asking out of your own concerns about possibly having a large family one day?
 
I haven’t even had children yet and my MIL is already saying I shouldn’t have more than two. Honestly, I’ll be grateful for whatever God wills. And if people make comments I would just say “Its the Lords plan!”
 
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Funny to me, because mine was the opposite. My MIL and her sister kept asking us “are you pregnant yet?” My mom, on the flip side, was irritated when we announced our third, almost angry with our 4th, then just threw her hands up in the air when we announced #5.
 
Anyone have a witty comeback for someone who asks “trying to take over the world?” When they see all our kids. Just happened the other day & I was wishing I had a fun comeback…
 
Yep. So it would be to your benefit to be on our good side when we do take it over.

Yep. And what happens to those who ask to many questions?
 
I would note a caution for coming back with snappy or sassy answers. As adults, you may find them entertaining, but teenagers often will be embarrassed and humiliated. I grew up in a big family. Once I realized how and why most of the world viewed large families, I understood why they asked questions. Not that it was OK. It isn’t. At all. But what also wasn’t OK was my mom and dad being “loud and proud” with (what they thought were) snappy and sassy responses. It was embarrassing. Going out as a family was already embarrassing because, as an introvert, I didn’t like attention for any reason. People stared and pointed and made comments. Then, on top of that, we had loud dad jokes being made. It was painful, and socially debilitating. This was over 40 years ago, so I am not a member of the snowflake generation. The experiences were real, and I can still feel it like it happened yesterday.

Please be mindful that your kids may feel differently about the way you handle such situations. Their emotional needs should be considered.
 
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JMMJ said:
I would note a caution for coming back with snappy or sassy answers.
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What answers would you want to hear?
I understand you felt embarrassed, but I doubt a snappy rebuttal to an inappropriate question would be the cause.
I would think the question itself is more of the issue.
 
A warm smile with a “We do love our big family” in an understated tone would have been more than sufficient.
 
I don’t know if “trendy” is the word, 🙂 but I do think we are seeing more young Catholic families with large numbers of children. That is a beautiful thing.

But in our zeal for a culture of life, we need to not lose sight of the fact that small families are beautiful too, and that a family is not more Catholic or more holy because they have 6+ kids, nor another family less Catholic or less holy because they only have one or two. (Not that anyone said that here.) Many couples would love to have more children but cannot for various reasons, and some are not even able to have any.

So yes, big families are great, but I think sometimes in traditional-leaning Catholic circles, there is a tendency to glorify large family size; and this can be painful to women who struggle to conceive and who were open to life but do not have the visible results to show for it. Just throwing it out there. 🙂
 
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