How to respond to comments about your growing Family Size

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Oh man. The worst was while pregnant with my 4th. What was it about #4?! So many people said a cheerful “my condolences!” when they found out I was pregnant. Random strangers. It was creepy. Finally it happened one day in an elevator in my OB’s office of all places. I was about a week from my due date and I just started sobbing. “I’m not sad about this pregnancy!!!” I blubbered, “Why do people keep acting like it’s a funeral?!!” The poor women in the elevator just stood there. I’m sure it was so awkward for her.

So clearly I don’t have great quips for these things. On the bright side, no one really comments on my pregnancies anymore. I think I look so Dugger-esque to them now they just leave me alone. “Do you know what causes that” just does have the same zing when the person is pregnant with their 7th, ya know?

I kind of wish someone would ask me the old golden “don’t you have a TV?” though. I’m secretly dying to say “of course! where else do you think we put the kids so we can sneak off to the bedroom?!”
 
Agreed, I know many people find these comments hurtful. I never have because I’ve always seen them as a reflection on the speaker, and probably more so, a sad reflection on the times we live in, such that I don’t take it personally. I see them as a bit of a victim of society’s values, that they’re blinded by what they’ve been taught.

Maybe I see it this way because when I was a very young mother, everyone around me was saying they couldn’t wait until their children went to school. I started to drink in the attitude I was swimming in. Fortunately, I met another young mother who made the comment that she loved having her child at home and wasn’t going to wish that time away. It opened my eyes that, as much as I hadn’t bought into most of what society says, I had fallen victim to a foolish attitude simply because everyone around me was repeating it.

I think this might be why I’ve seen those with their foolish comments about large families in the same light. ‘forgive them, father, they know not what they do.’ They’re missing out on the joy they might have.

And then there’s the fact that I just have always been someone who doesn’t care much what anyone else thinks. 😉
 
I recall reading a book by Teresa Bloomingdale as a teenager. She only had ten children although she had been aiming for twelve. When she got time, she wrote some books about family life. The first one was titled “I Should Have Seen It Coming When The Rabbit Died.”
 
The two are not mutually exclusive.

Someone gave me the gift of a lovely plant. I have the burden of watering, fertilizing, taking the plant in and out based on the weather. If I travel I must arrange for someone to come in to my house to water the plant.

Imagine someone gave you a house. A fabulous gift! You then have the burden of paying taxes, upkeep of the property. Even if you wish to sell it, there is a burden in arranging the sale, paying a real estate agent.
 
MamaJewel said:
-The more the merrier.

-Love doesn’t divide, it multiples.
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I like these. I sometimes say “The more the merrier” myself.

Other responses:

Other person: “(However many) kids! How old are you”
Me: I’m Catholic.

Them: Do you know what causes that?
Me: No, please tell me. In detail.
Or: Yep, and we’re pretty good at it!
 
I have known many families that are persecuted in stores, and many other places because they have more than two children. They are open to life and use natural forms of NFP. The stories I have heard are unbelievable. Blessed are those who are persecuted for Christ…rejoice and be glad…regrets but that is all I can say. God will give you the right words and actions when you are blessed to be with child and someone has the audacity to question your pregnancy.
 
“Well, someone has to pay for my Social Security, and if you’re not going to let more immigrants in…”

When the kids were young I would stop it at someone has to pay for my Social Security and leave it at that.

Them: Do you know what causes that?
Us: We’re still doing research.
 
Divine3 said:
I have known many families that are persecuted in stores, and many other places because they have more than two children.
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That is shocking!

I have heard of people being questioned, pointed at, laughed at, mocked, but never actual persecution. Maybe this was in a country with one-child policies?
 
I thought after I should change the word to harassed. You just confirmed it.
 
My late father was the youngest of 5 children and my mom is the 7th of 9 children. ☺️
 
Divine3 said:
I have known many families that are persecuted in stores, and many other places because they have more than two children.
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My ex and I were frequently harassed in church and other public places for having so many children. Heck, we were harassed at church before my conversion and reception of sacraments in the late 90’s. (I was pregnant with #4, a planned NFP pregnancy when I came into the church.)

When we separated 7 years ago, he looked me straight in the eyes and remarked that nobody ever supported our marriage. In many ways, he was absolutely correct. We got so much push back all the time for trying to do the right thing by God. Most family, friends, pastors, church members, and the public had a problem with our lack of contraception and the size of our family. Funny thing is, we paid our own way, including taxes.

As a single mother, I’m now so deep in the taxpayers pockets I’m afraid I’ll never get out of poverty.
 
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vz71 said:
The worst I have encountered were those passing judgement, not on the large family, but on their mistaken notion that the younger kids are actually children of the older kids.
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This happened to our oldest daughter when she was 16. They thought her baby brother was her baby. They also thought I was her older sister, so go figure 🤯

The looks she received were terrible though.
 
Persecute:

1.) To harass or punish in a manner designed to injure, grieve, or afflict specifically. To cause to suffer because of belief

2.) To annoy with [persistent] or urgent approaches (such as attacks, pleas, or importunities)
 
Jen7 said:
People ask you how old you are?! 😂🤯 Where do the nosey question end?!
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The questions don’t end.

The one that really gets me is “you know that you and your wife can get fixed, right?”😡 To which I have two responses, depending upon my mood:
  1. You don’t fix what ain’t broke. Duh.
  2. (If I’m in a fowl mood) You “fix” a dog or cat, not a human. Are you comparing my dear wife to an animal? Given that my wife is a minority, what kind of racist drivel are you trying to imply?
#2 always makes people quiet.😆
 
A priest once told me…When I said, not about the priest 😊 I put a sign up for me…Mind your own business and he said, " Mind God’s business.
I wonder if one can say, “I mind God’s business (with a loving look at the children) and you mind your own business.” 😐
 
My mother was married at the age of 40, uncommon in her time. No children came. It was already 5years.
She did filing, part time, for a woman gynecologist.
One day Mom told the doctor she thought she was having gallbladder problems. The doctor offered to check her. Then she said, Rose (not real name) you are at least five months pregnant.
Mother’s hair at 40 was already salt and pepper. And as a child when we would go grocery shopping togeher and they called my mother grandmother…I would say very, very strongly— “She is not my grandmother, she is my mother.”
 
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