Husband won't let me convert...

[Rascalking]

Any “man” who treats a woman like the way your husband treats you deserves to arrested and jailed for emotional and physical abuse.

Seriously, even taking religion out of the matter, I’m deeply concerned for you family.This doesn’t seem healthy.

 

[floresco]

joandarc2008,
I hear what you are saying but guess what he’s going to kick me out and keep the kids, I will be Catholic and they’ll still be Anglican with him and they’ll believe I left them for a church which won’t convert him or them…no thanks.

Your husband cannot legally kick you out and keep the kids. Talk to a lawyer. If he initiates a divorce you will have a right to live in the house and joint custody of the children. If you establish that he is emotionally abusive (which sounds like it is possible) the court will favour you. They are more likely to kick him out of the house and give you full custody of the children.

Yes, a husband has authority over his wife, but that authority is to be used to protect and care for her. He does not have a right to tell her what to think or to go against her conscience. Catholics believe that we are not obliged to obey unlawful orders even when from legitimate authorities. According to Catholic moral theology you are not obliged to obey your husband in this.

Your husband has no legal or moral high ground in this. If you think you have enough strength to convert in the face of his opposition, you will not be doing anything wrong.

 

[1ke]

I hear what you are saying but guess what he’s going to kick me out and keep the kids,

Boy has he done a number on you if you think he can ‘kick you out’ or ‘keep the kids.’ This is not true. Sounds like you need spiritual advice AND legal advice if you decide to pursue Catholicism.

Talk to a Catholic priest also.

 

[jmcrae]

I did, actually, ask for my husband’s permission to convert to the Catholic faith.

There were some moments there when I thought I was going to end up divorced, too, but in the end, he said, “As long as I don’t have to have anything to do with it, you can do whatever you want.”

He has never become Catholic himself, but he is very supportive, even to the point of keeping Protestant literature out of the house, which is totally not necessary, but it’s a sweet gesture. He also gets fish and chips for me every Friday.

 

[ljubim]

I will pray for you!! :hug1:

I know this sounds odd, but what God wants us to do is NEVER the easy thing to do. If your husband constantly insults you verbally, with most people this means all talk, and no action. If he was really going to divorce you, he would probably have done it already.

All the legal advice is right, your husband CANNOT take the kids and might even lose custody if the judges rule in your favor about all the threats. And that’s just the worst case scenario.

PLEASE PLEASE do not be afraid!!!

 

[Prof_K]

First of all, while the original poster is absolutely relating her perception of the truth, my wife and I of 27 years (tomorrow) do still argue sometimes. When we make up, it often comes out that there really two sides to every argument. We hear threats in each other’s words that aren’t necessarily there, or at least we here them in an exaggerated manner. Only when we talk long and hard can we get through difficult issues. Ultimately, the solutions that work best for us are always compromises that involve some sacrifices from each of us. Thus, I would be looking for the compromise that is most sensitive to your husband, but still allows you to get what you feel God wants you to do. I don’t know what precisely this might be. Ultimately, you need to figure out what each of you really wants and why you want it. If your husband is a good man, and admittedly he does not sound like it from how you portray him, he will want you to have the minimum you need to be happy and will be willing to give in order to make you happy. But you must be willing to do the same. Thus if he really wants you and your children to attend an Anglican Church forever, fine, agree to do so, if he will allow you to also convert and attend a Catholic Church. There is no rule in either church preventing you from attending a service elsewhere. yes it would be time consuming, but it might be a compromise you both can live with. If you propose a number of real serious compromises, and he rejects them all, then ask him to propose compromises that would allow you both to have what you each believe is right. Try attending an Anglican marriage encounter weekened and discuss the issue there. At least the Anglican priest will force you both to fairness and honesty. If your husband rejects all of your serious compromises, and then refuses to provide any of his own and rejects attempts to bring in others to help find one, then I suspect he may be acting childish and only then might it be time to see if he is bluffing.

Start attending both services on your own. Let him see how that works for you. Prove you can be an even happier better wife attending both. If that doesn’t persuade him, then maybe you will need to convert on your own, but please, for your marriage, make sure you are trying to see his side as you try to push him to see yours.

Good luck. My wife and I will pray for you as well.

 

[CatholicFireman]

OP,

So you’re a slave in your own house. What kind of marraige is that? He has no right to tell you what to do (I know…I’m not there living your life). St. Catherine of Siena had the same problem when she wanted to become a nun but her family refused to let her. Read her life story. Good luck and I will pray for you all. Pax†

 

[defenderoftruth]

I have told him specifically that I would attend church with him at the normal time on Sunday the thing is I won’t be taking communion but I would be there otherwise and I promised I would not influence the kids without his approval. I have told him that I would go to a later mass on Sunday and he or the children are in no way obligated nor do I want to force him to go with me.

That didn’t matter, he said that I was still in rebellion to him period.

 

[Prof_K]

I have told him specifically that I would attend church with him at the normal time on Sunday the thing is I won’t be taking communion but I would be there otherwise and I promised I would not influence the kids without his approval. I have told him that I would go to a later mass on Sunday and he or the children are in no way obligated nor do I want to force him to go with me.

That didn’t matter, he said that I was still in rebellion to him period.

Is he willing to discuss it with the Anglican minister where he prefers to attend? I doubt the Anglican minister would be nearly as harsh or close-minded as your husband apparently is being. Clearly you need some external assistance on this one, such as a religious marriage councilor. God be with you and may your guardian angel protect you.

(By the way, you can only rebel against an external authority over you, such as a government. You and your husband are one. He is not over you, nor are you over him. Thus the very use of the word likely suggests, as others have suggested, a problem.)

 

[Mayita30]

I have told him specifically that I would attend church with him at the normal time on Sunday the thing is I won’t be taking communion but I would be there otherwise and I promised I would not influence the kids without his approval. I have told him that I would go to a later mass on Sunday and he or the children are in no way obligated nor do I want to force him to go with me.

That didn’t matter, he said that I was still in rebellion to him period.

I think you just have to go to both services for starters… JUST DO IT! It doesnt matter if he’s saying you are rebelling against him…its not like your rebelling against God or anything… andd Continue to pray! Pray to God and Pray to Mother Mary too for intercession.

 

[JeffersonD]

Have you asked him to read Scott Hahn’s book Rome Sweet Home? It shows how he converted from anti-Catholic to a Catholic. There should be no reason for him to hate the Catholic Hhurch since the Anglican church was a branch off from the Catholic Church as well as being started by a man with syphilis, not Christ. Christ began the Catholic Church and He still lives in the Catholic Church. God bless you in your situation. I’ll pray for you, your husbands conversion of heart, and your family.

Jeff

 

[Adeodatus]

Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer, counselor, police man or anyone whose opinion you should take seriously. I’m just some dude on the internet.

Imagine yourself living in your house, as a Catholic, with your children, also Catholic, receiving alimony and child support every month.

If this guy wants the privilege of keeping you as his wife, I think he needs to stop abusing you. Regardless of what happens, it is probably in your best interest to retain legal counsel on this matter, if you can do so without the threat of bodily harm. If you are in danger of bodily harm, you should probably consult with the police.

In an emergency, are there relatives with whom you can seek shelter? Like a loving father who owns a 12-gauge?

It sounds to me, albeit without hearing your husband’s side of the story, like you are suffering from spousal abuse. That’s not something to play around with.

 

[floresco]

That didn’t matter, he said that I was still in rebellion to him period.

Your husband, not surprisingly, has a Protestant understanding of this issue. If you consider yourself Catholic,at heart, then you need to apply the Catholic understanding of the relationship between husband and wife. While older Catholic writings talk about the husband’s authority over the wife, that authority has limits. According to Catholic teaching, you do not owe your husband absolute obedience in all circumstances. If God is calling you to become Catholic, that takes precedence over your husband. This is not rebellion because your husband is giving you an unlawful command.

You can submit to your husband’s authority in all the areas where he exercises it legitimately to show that you are not in rebellion. Continue to be pleasant and respectful to him. Perhaps even make greater efforts to consider his wishes in other areas, but he has no right to come between you and God.

 

[CopyKat]

DofT,

What do you think he’d do if you let him read this entire thread?

 

[defenderoftruth]

We talked last night, well it started out ok, he raised his voice a bit, and then he calmed down to a depressed “I’m beaten” state. I told him even if he takes all the books away, my rosary, cuts me off from watching EWTN (he never threatened any of which btw) I told him I would still be Catholic at heart. He stayed up late talking with me about it. At one point he said well you can go be a Catholic and I’m going to take the kids to the Anglican church, I don’t want you to come to church anymore because you think we are heretics. I told him I would still go to church with him whenever he wanted but I would not take communion.

He then stated emphatically that he denies 25% of the dogmas of the Catholic Church. He doesn’t believe Mary remained ever virgin, (he thinks she had kids with Joseph), or that she was sinless-he said “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”, he can’t stand the papacy, he admits that there were probably “nice guys” in the past as popes but he thinks they are pompous to be the supreme leader of the Church.

He’s upset about it all and admits that it bugs him that I’ve wanted to be Catholic and he said he wants to become an Anglican priest. We’ll see what happens come Fall when RCIA starts up again, because I’m going to ask him if I can go; we have a Catholic Church literally a block from us. (St. Rita’s ironically)

 

[floresco]

He then stated emphatically that he denies 25% of the dogmas of the Catholic Church. He doesn’t believe Mary remained ever virgin, (he thinks she had kids with Joseph), or that she was sinless-he said “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God”, he can’t stand the papacy, he admits that there were probably “nice guys” in the past as popes but he thinks they are pompous to be the supreme leader of the Church.

I recommend that you do not argue with him about this sort of thing. Just keep praying for him and being a loving and respectful wife.

I’ve been thinking about that “in rebellion” thing. Here is an example of what I mean about unlawful orders. If your husband ordered you to commit suicide, you would not have any obligation to obey him, because the order would be morally wrong. You would not be in rebellion if you disobeyed.

 

[bmccpy78]

Hello I was just wondering if your husband knew that priestly celibacy is just a disiplinary matter and not a dogmatic one. If you and your husband convert and he still feels called to the priesthood he can still be ordained a priest just ommiting the vow of celibacy, just as a deacon. A married man may under such circumstances can be ordained but a man who is ordained may not get married.

Good Luck with your journy you are in my prayers.
-Brennen

 

[revert_jen]

We talked last night, well it started out ok, he raised his voice a bit, and then he calmed down to a depressed “I’m beaten” state…

Congratulations! This sounds like it went a lot better than expected. You might want to reinforce this by thanking him (maybe a few times, well-spaced) for supporting you in something that is so important to you. (I understand that his support is limited, but it’s better to err on the side of more thankfulness.) This may help keep him from changing his mind later.

God bless you!

–Jen

 

[masondoggy]

joandarc2008,

I hear what you are saying but guess what he’s going to kick me out and keep the kids, I will be Catholic and they’ll still be Anglican with him and they’ll believe I left them for a church which won’t convert him or them…no thanks.

Arlene,
I agree it is childish and bullying behavior but I married him, we have two (three) kids and when I’m not talking about converting we get along perfectly fine no arguments! This is the one and only subject he freaks out about.

I wasn’t suggesting that you run out and get a divorce right away. But from what you wrote in this thread, it sounds to me that you are in an emotionally abusive marriage and you NEED to seek a qualified counselor that has experience with this type of stuff. Perhaps start with a battered woman’s shelter to get a referral? Doesn’t mean you have to file papers tomorrow. It just means that you sit down with somebody and sort out what is going on and what it means and figure out a way to handle it that is best for you and your kids.

 

[floresco]

Perhaps start with a battered woman’s shelter to get a referral? Doesn’t mean you have to file papers tomorrow. It just means that you sit down with somebody and sort out what is going on and what it means and figure out a way to handle it that is best for you and your kids.

Do not go to a women’s shelter unless you are in physical danger. These people are not in the business of helping marriages with problems. Their business is making the husband into the bad guy and splitting up the couple. There are stories about shelters coercing women into making false charges against husbands. The shelter decides that the man is a threat to the children and if the woman doesn’t cooperate with them by laying charges they tell her they will take her children away from her because she is not protecting them.

Talk to a priest. Talk to a marriage counsellor. Talk to anybody but women’s shelter staff.