Husband won't let me convert...

[PhanxicoXavier]

Many Saints have had to leave husband or wife for the sake of the True Faith. Its always very difficult when family members don’t understand why you want to be Catholic and they fall back on “How can you damn us all to Hell?” and all that garbage.

I wouldn’t recommend giving him any Scott Hahn books, etc. If he despises EWTN, he’ll just dismiss these books as well. He needs to read some solid Bible commentary from early centuries. The Great Commentary by Cornelius a Lapide is invaluable. Don’t forget, “Read without notes, Holy Writ is poison” (Joseph de Maistre). I would recommend buying a copy of The Imitation of Christ by Thomas a Kempis and Preparation for Death by Saint Alphonsus. Leave them lying around the house when you aren’t reading them. What will convert a soul like this is not apologetics but solid, Catholic spirituality.

Pray to St. Joseph for his soul, lest the devil should drag him further into blindness.
*
“…through many tribulations we must enter into the kingdom of God.”*

 

[Joan_M]

Good Lord…I’d have beaten the living snot out of my husband if he tried to come between me and God. Your husband sounds like an immature bully and control freak. Get used to it; he won’t change. Today it’s about religion, tomorrow it will be something else…

Miz

Miz, you made me laugh! I totally agree with you.

No one would stop me from becoming a Catholic. No one. Both my husband and I are cradle Catholics, but, I’m sure you know what I mean. I would not let anyone stand in my way.

 

[heavens_manna]

DoT,

I admire your interest and faith towards the Catholic church. I cannot imagine the heartache you are feeling… I’ll be saying the rosary and praying for you and your family…

May God Bless you!

 

[lutherlic]

…
He’s upset about it all and admits that it bugs him that I’ve wanted to be Catholic and he said he wants to become an Anglican priest. We’ll see what happens come Fall when RCIA starts up again, because I’m going to ask him if I can go; we have a Catholic Church literally a block from us. (St. Rita’s ironically)

DoT, it sounds like some progress is being made. The only thing that keeps jumping out at me is you asking him for permission to do this. This is your choice. Be respectful to him, expect him to be respectful to you, remind him in advance and just do it.

If he retaliates, be prepared to deal with him as you must. That might mean marriage counseling or even separation if necessary. He must know that relentless pressure and threats are unacceptable.

 

[defenderoftruth]

He’s told me when I confront him about the divorce issue that well I can’t really divorce you unless it’s for biblical reasons. (adultery) This is different from before with his well you are divorcing me by your beliefs. I don’t know what he really thinks at this point. I’ve told him that I would make a deal with him when our new baby comes that he can continue to serve at the altar at the Anglican church I won’t ask him/bug him/harass him to sit and help me with the children IF I can go to an early mass at the Catholic Church nearby earlier by myself. He didn’t answer…yet. We’ll see what happens. He’s not yelling anymore but who knows that could change after he has a car ride with his Anglican buddy (if he tells him about me). The ol’ “she’s dividing your house and in rebellion thing” could start him up again. Let’s pray he keeps it between he and I or doesn’t flip out after talking to his anti-Catholic Anglican best friend.

DoT

 

[floresco]

He’s not yelling anymore but who knows that could change after he has a car ride with his Anglican buddy (if he tells him about me). The ol’ “she’s dividing your house and in rebellion thing” could start him up again. Let’s pray he keeps it between he and I or doesn’t flip out after talking to his anti-Catholic Anglican best friend.
DoT

It sounds like your husband is basically a good guy and this friend is influencing him to take an unreasonable understanding of how a husband’s authority works. In the long run, you ought to be able to appeal to your husband’s better nature. Just be firm in a loving and respectful way. Trust in God.

 

[Reepicheep]

I have told him specifically that I would attend church with him at the normal time on Sunday the thing is I won’t be taking communion but I would be there otherwise and I promised I would not influence the kids without his approval. I have told him that I would go to a later mass on Sunday and he or the children are in no way obligated nor do I want to force him to go with me.

That didn’t matter, he said that I was still in rebellion to him period.

Defender of Truth;- A husband’s authority over the household exists for the purpose of allowing the husband to protect and care for his family. *
Not* to let him throw his weight around and issue commands from on high.
If he threatens you because you won’t do as he likes, then he is abusing his authority.

Further, God’s word is the source of that authority.
If your husband uses it to forbid you to obey God’s will, then *your husband *is the one in rebellion, not you.

 

[freerf]

I’m a Prot. whose wife is Catholic.

When I first married my wife, I was also biased against catholics. At the time she was not a practicing Catholic and we went to church that had many anti-catholic parishoners and ideas. I too was influenced by those vocal Catholic-haters. It too created a wedge in my merriage. In time, however, my wife and I matured as Christians. I saw this anger and hatred for what it is: sin. My wife, became more and more catholic, and exemplified Catholic patience and wisdom. I contrasted their ego and anger with her patience and love… and soon began to see the Cath. church in a new light.

The greatest strength and witness Catholics have is in their patience and behavior. Be patient with your husband and pray for him. Allow him some time to mature in the faith. Tell him that you feel “God is leading you” in this direction, that “through prayer, I believe God wants me to continue my study of Catholicism.” (if that is true, of course). I would forgo presenting your husband with the “historical proofs” people have suggested, as your husband doesn’t seem to be in a place to hear that kind of stuff.

I see many here advising you towards pride, ego and fear. Fear that you must be Catholic NOW, pride that you consider your husband abusive, and ego that you deserve better. Look to the cross of Christ. Is there room for these up there with him? Be patient and have faith that God has a plan.

God Bless.

 

[defenderoftruth]

I’m a Prot. whose wife is Catholic.

When I first married my wife, I was also biased against catholics. At the time she was not a practicing Catholic and we went to church that had many anti-catholic parishoners and ideas. I too was influenced by those vocal Catholic-haters. It too created a wedge in my merriage. In time, however, my wife and I matured as Christians. I saw this anger and hatred for what it is: sin. My wife, became more and more catholic, and exemplified Catholic patience and wisdom. I contrasted their ego and anger with her patience and love… and soon began to see the Cath. church in a new light.

The greatest strength and witness Catholics have is in their patience and behavior. Be patient with your husband and pray for him. Allow him some time to mature in the faith. Tell him that you feel “God is leading you” in this direction, that “through prayer, I believe God wants me to continue my study of Catholicism.” (if that is true, of course). I would forgo presenting your husband with the “historical proofs” people have suggested, as your husband doesn’t seem to be in a place to hear that kind of stuff.

I see many here advising you towards pride, ego and fear. Fear that you must be Catholic NOW, pride that you consider your husband abusive, and ego that you deserve better. Look to the cross of Christ. Is there room for these up there with him? Be patient and have faith that God has a plan.

God Bless.

No offense to the other posters but this is the best advice I’ve gotten yet. I appreciate hearing from a non Catholic husband who’s honest about how it when for him-you sound sooooo much like my husband I hope that he will convert in the long run or at least come to where you are. He already likes the high church Anglo-catholic mass-smells/bells etc.-I don’t think a Catholic mass would be too hard for him, it’s just the doctrine of the Papacy he REALLY hates.

Thanks,
DoT

 

[freerf]

I agree with the other posters that your husbands behavior is neither appropriate or about the Catholic Church. He is fighting a serious spiritual battle, that much is clear. I don’t know what the issue is. I think you may know in your heart. That much anger and resentment only comes from one place - the devil.

Pray for Him. He is in jeopardy. Perhaps he is your cross? Only you can know. Regardless, Prayer, Grace, Patience and Love are virtues that God will always bless.

Unfortunately, it seems that for now your husband is deeply troubled. Hopefully, with time, this will change.

It did for me. Thank God!

Also, maybe talk PRIVATELY with your pastor about this “friend” and his influence on your marriage. Maybe too about your husbands overbearing yoke. When he (the pastor) rebukes the Catholic Church (and he will), don’t argue, merely ask him what he’d do if he believed GOD was leading him to the Catholic Church?

 

[freerf]

I wish I could take that last post back about your husband being deeply troubled. (does anyone know how to delete a post?!) How would I know. He sounds a bit immature, but like he’s trying to be honest.

I’d still keep the bit about talking with the pastor, however.

 

[Contarini]

Hello I was just wondering if your husband knew that priestly celibacy is just a disiplinary matter and not a dogmatic one. If you and your husband convert and he still feels called to the priesthood he can still be ordained a priest just ommiting the vow of celibacy, just as a deacon. A married man may under such circumstances can be ordained but a man who is ordained may not get married.

Good Luck with your journy you are in my prayers.
-Brennen

Yes, but if his desire to become a priest leads him to abuse his wife, maybe that desire does not come from God?

Edwin

 

[joandarc2008]

Yes, but if his desire to become a priest leads him to abuse his wife, maybe that desire does not come from God?

Edwin

I know in the Roman Catholic Church if there was someone who was married and being considered for ordinaion who was an abuser of women especially his wife- he would no longer be considered for ordination once that fact was brought before te Archdiocese that was considering him.

 

[AndrewRaZ]

I’m a Prot. whose wife is Catholic.

When I first married my wife, I was also biased against catholics. At the time she was not a practicing Catholic and we went to church that had many anti-catholic parishoners and ideas. I too was influenced by those vocal Catholic-haters. It too created a wedge in my merriage. In time, however, my wife and I matured as Christians. I saw this anger and hatred for what it is: sin. My wife, became more and more catholic, and exemplified Catholic patience and wisdom. I contrasted their ego and anger with her patience and love… and soon began to see the Cath. church in a new light.

The greatest strength and witness Catholics have is in their patience and behavior. Be patient with your husband and pray for him. Allow him some time to mature in the faith. Tell him that you feel “God is leading you” in this direction, that “through prayer, I believe God wants me to continue my study of Catholicism.” (if that is true, of course). I would forgo presenting your husband with the “historical proofs” people have suggested, as your husband doesn’t seem to be in a place to hear that kind of stuff.

I see many here advising you towards pride, ego and fear. Fear that you must be Catholic NOW, pride that you consider your husband abusive, and ego that you deserve better. Look to the cross of Christ. Is there room for these up there with him? Be patient and have faith that God has a plan.

God Bless.

I agree, I think this may be the best response yet. I think he has hit the nail on the head, saying “look at the cross of Christ. Is there room for these up there with him? Be patient and have faith that God has a plan.” I don’t care what “denomination” (I really don’t like that word, as we are one Body in Christ) you are part of, that is the essence of what it means to be Christian.

I can’t help being more than a little disturbed at how many suggest divorce so quickly. It’s not something to take lightly.

Saint Monica prayed for Augustine for 33 years, even apparently until the day she died. He credits her as the single strongest human force in his conversion, and her prayers for the reason God placed such a deep longing for Truth in his heart.

I don’t presume to have any great advice. All I can say is to pray for him, and talk to the priest at the Catholic parish you mentioned, if you haven’t. I’m sure he will be able to be able to give you some direction. You sound like you love your husband very much. I am sure you already do this, but tell him you love him. Support him, even in his vocation–who knows where God will lead him. Be that example of a good Christian that he needs to see.

You will be in my prayers.

Caritas,

–Andrew

 

[mPR]

I see many here advising you towards pride, ego and fear. Fear that you must be Catholic NOW, pride that you consider your husband abusive, and ego that you deserve better. Look to the cross of Christ. Is there room for these up there with him? Be patient and have faith that God has a plan.

I was about to make an angry post addressed to all those posters who rushed to brand the OP’s husband as “abusive”, but this was worded perfectly. I guess I should say: Amen, brother

If I were you, DoT, I would try and get secretly accepted into the Church. However, I think there’s something admirable about the way you’re dealing with this. I hope everything turns out well for your family.

 

[joandarc2008]

I can only state this in defense of myself - I have not been quick to use the word abusive -I have told the OP that she needed to speak to the priest at the her current church about whether or not the situation is in is abusive as it stands now. It seems to me from everything that the OP says that she ahs not even been afforded the appropriate opportunity to speak one on one with her clergy at the Church that her dh does serve and then what she says is repeated to other people by her dh. Yes, this might be her cross but St Monica was not seperated from the Sacraments in the meantime.

 

[jmcrae]

If I were you, DoT, I would try and get secretly accepted into the Church. However, I think there’s something admirable about the way you’re dealing with this. I hope everything turns out well for your family.

I don’t think a priest would allow one to get “secretly accepted” into the Church. All of the Sacraments of Initiation are public ceremonies. Plus, it’s an awful burden to carry, to keep secrets from one’s spouse. I wouldn’t recommend it.

If there are people you don’t see very often, who don’t need to know what religion you practice, that’s a different story, but members of your household need to know what religion you practice, even if they don’t share it, so that they can accommodate your needs.

 

[joandarc2008]

Not only that but looking at it there are things that we do as Catholics that are absolute requirements

1. Eucharist once a year - minimum
2. Sacrament of Reconciliation once a year - minimum
3. Fasting During Lent
4. Tithing
5. Mass Attendance on Sundays and Days of Obligation

How can one be Catholic in secret or consider oneself Catholic Heart?

 

[Miserys_Fence]

I can’t help being more than a little disturbed at how many suggest divorce so quickly. It’s not something to take lightly.

I understand where you’re coming from, but abuse isn’t anything to be “taken lightly” either. A friend of mine from high school told me she got out of her abusive marriage “just in time”–when he started hitting the children. Uh, no, that was WAY too late. She should have packed her bags the first time he raised a hand to HER.

The mother of my daughter’s classmate gave her control-freak boyfriend “one more chance” and is now paralyzed and confined to a wheelchair for the rest of her life.

What disturbs me is that I bet everyone reading this thread would be absolutely horrified if the OP was letting her child watch R-rated movies or inapproriate TV shows–but is anyone else besides me horrified that this child is watching Mom being abused and disrespected on a regular basis? Is that not far worse??

I agree marriage is sacred, but not as sacred as life.

Miz

 

[joandarc2008]

I understand where you’re coming from, but abuse isn’t anything to be “taken lightly” either. A friend of mine from high school told me she got out of her abusive marriage “just in time”–when he started hitting the children. Uh, no, that was WAY too late. She should have packed her bags the first time he raised a hand to HER.

The mother of my daughter’s classmate gave her control-freak boyfriend “one more chance” and is now paralyzed and confined to a wheelchair for the rest of her life.

What disturbs me is that I bet everyone reading this thread would be absolutely horrified if the OP was letting her child watch R-rated movies or inapproriate TV shows–but is anyone else besides me horrified that this child is watching Mom being abused and disrespected on a regular basis? Is that not far worse??

I agree marriage is sacred, but not as sacred as life.

Miz

Exactly - and I don’t think anyone here was saying run out of the house screaming - I think most people were saying look at the level control and if it is not appropriate get some outside help before goes too far. If it is way too far - do something.