Husband won't let me convert...

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Dear defenderof truth:

First of all, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me on my thread. Now, hopefully I may be able to help you on yours.

I have not read all the posts. But here is my advice.\

I do know however, dear, you have got to follow your heart and answer God’s leading, even if our spouses do not follow. We simply MUST

I did so, 5 years ago. None of my friends or family was Catholic, but now my sons are, Praise the Lord~!

Honey, go after it. Seek the pearl of great price. Become a Catholic. Lead your children there too.
 
Your hubby cannot keep you from your faith! Nor can He tell you otherwise.

Just perhaps your Catholic faith will be what God wants.

I think it just may be.
Go ahead honey, CONVERT.

Your life will never be the same again. AND YOU will be used in great ways.

Trust in God. HE has great things in store for both you and me.

Do not let your husband or anyone determine your faith. It will take guts, but you have them I know.
 
I am sorry that you are going through this.

I am asking St. Rita to intercede for you.
 
Dear DoT,
This sounds like my DH for nearly 20 years. He was Episcopalian, but would go no further. It took the consecration of the gay bishop to start him on the path to Rome. Then it was only 5 more years before he converted.
My biggest regret is not going ahead with my conversion process. I could have saved my children from deadly doctrinal error, but I waited for my DH and the children did not get the grounding they needed in the one true Church. I should have followed my heart.
 
So there have been some recent developments.

It seems our Anglican church has decided that abusing the word “charity” is the way to go when it comes to sin.

It’s “charitable” to attend a sister’s wedding when she’s marrying a transsexual. It’s not “charitable” to called planned parenthood “planned barrenhood” or “planned murderhood”. It’s not “charitable” to tell close friends at church who’ve spent alot of time with us and even spent the night several times (because they live a distance away) that the wife getting her tubes tied is sinful. The couple sent a very hurtful nasty email to my husband and I telling us that we are “creepy and scary” for talking about sterilization with them.

It’s “political” to talk about moral issues at church such as homosexual “marriage”, abortion, and birth control.

My husband who’s very anti-Roman Catholic (read the first post on here) is fed up with what he calls “moral ambiguity” of our church and has I believe finally come to the conclusion that it’s Anglican problem not an “our church” problem. So we are going to talk to the head priest at the local VERY conservative Catholic Church here in town about me converting and our upcoming baby’s baptism and my 7 year old being confirmed and taking communion.

Hopefully this won’t change…he’s (my husband) is prepared to not convert and just go for mass and to be around conservative Christian people and have other children for our daughter(s) to play with. (since as you all know birth control is a no-no)

Please continue to pray for us and PLEASE pray for my husband’s conversion too.
 
defenderoftruth said:
So there have been some recent developments.

It seems our Anglican church has decided that abusing the word “charity” is the way to go when it comes to sin.

It’s “charitable” to attend a sister’s wedding when she’s marrying a transsexual. It’s not “charitable” to called planned parenthood “planned barrenhood” or “planned murderhood”. It’s not “charitable” to tell close friends at church who’ve spent alot of time with us and even spent the night several times (because they live a distance away) that the wife getting her tubes tied is sinful. The couple sent a very hurtful nasty email to my husband and I telling us that we are “creepy and scary” for talking about sterilization with them.

It’s “political” to talk about moral issues at church such as homosexual “marriage”, abortion, and birth control.

My husband who’s very anti-Roman Catholic (read the first post on here) is fed up with what he calls “moral ambiguity” of our church and has I believe finally come to the conclusion that it’s Anglican problem not an “our church” problem. So we are going to talk to the head priest at the local VERY conservative Catholic Church here in town about me converting and our upcoming baby’s baptism and my 7 year old being confirmed and taking communion.

Hopefully this won’t change…he’s (my husband) is prepared to not convert and just go for mass and to be around conservative Christian people and have other children for our daughter(s) to play with. (since as you all know birth control is a no-no)

Please continue to pray for us and PLEASE pray for my husband’s conversion too.
Click to expand...
WithGod all thing are possible.
 
defenderoftruth said:
We’ll see what happens come Fall when RCIA starts up again, because I’m going to ask him if I can go; we have a Catholic Church literally a block from us. (St. Rita’s ironically)
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What are you, some baby that you have to ask permission for every little thing?
Is this infantile behaviour a good role model to your children? And when your husband says you have to comply even with his most unfair requests (let me remind you that religious freeedom is a human right) because he is the spiritual head of the house, you just nod and fall silent?
Sorry. But do you really think this is an equal respectful relationship?
And what’s with the yelling?

No need to reply to this. Just some thoughts. Things seems to have gone and become too patriarchal in an unhealthy way.
 
GraceDK said:
What are you, some baby that you have to ask permission for every little thing?
Is this infantile behaviour a good role model to your children? And when your husband says you have to comply even with his most unfair requests (let me remind you that religious freeedom is a human right) because he is the spiritual head of the house, you just nod and fall silent?
Sorry. But do you really think this is an equal respectful relationship?
And what’s with the yelling?

No need to reply to this. Just some thoughts. Things seems to have gone and become too patriarchal in an unhealthy way.
Click to expand...
I appreciate you brutal honesty Grace, in this world of “beating around the bush”. 😉

No I’m not a baby but I am a wife not a husband, and not the leader of my household. I will be going to church on Sunday with him, if he chooses not to convert that’s his decision. He as my children’s father has a right to make the spiritual decisions for them until they are grown. I’m pretty set on RCIA this fall and conversion. Anglicanism is not for me, he knows this, I have been very straight up with him this week about how I’m totally cool with the Catholic Church and her doctrines even though he is not. (He agrees with the morals though) He knows that he can’t ask me to stay Anglican when he himself isn’t satisfied with it. That’s why I don’t think there will be a yelling match anymore. No I don’t think yelling at me is healthy or acceptable in fact it’s downright sinful. He’s upset and I’m trying to be there for him during this difficult time. He has been basically an Anglican his whole life (he’s 32) and now has come to the realization that although he has problems with the doctrines (that he sees as “extra”) with the Catholic Church there has to be a problem in Anglicanism when priests/people won’t stand up for the unborn or immorality in marriage (contraception). He’ll never tread on the Orthodox trail because we’ve been down that road and they simply don’t believe in a scriptural hell. (that’s something he’ll never waiver on) nor will he ever go to an Evangelical church where they mock the sacraments and believe they are only “symbolic”. So he KNOWS there is no other choice. He’ll be in a conservative moral church where he may or may not get over the doctrinal differences he has with it.

DoT
 
GraceDK said:
What are you, some baby that you have to ask permission for every little thing?
Is this infantile behaviour a good role model to your children? And when your husband says you have to comply even with his most unfair requests (let me remind you that religious freeedom is a human right) because he is the spiritual head of the house, you just nod and fall silent?
Sorry. But do you really think this is an equal respectful relationship?
And what’s with the yelling?

No need to reply to this. Just some thoughts. Things seems to have gone and become too patriarchal in an unhealthy way.
Click to expand...
While I don’t think her husband’s reaction was healthy, I have read the entire thread and do not think she was being “a baby” who had to get permission for “every little thing.”

I think in our society we rely way too much on stereotypes. A husband who *in one area *acts like a jerk is not therefore 100% a jerk. Just as I myself (a wife) have my areas of jerkiness, so does everyone else.

As a wife, I see my husband as the head of the household, and I defer to him in a proportionate way. I go to him about important or big decisions; I try to accomplish those things which he believes to be very important even if I do not agree.

However, that does not mean that he is some sort of big mean boss over me. Sacred Sccripture says that while I am supposed to obey my husband, he is supposed to love me the way Christ loves His Church–for which He gave up His life.

The OP’s husband has since changed and become more open to his wife’s desires. OK, so he acted like a jerk during the process, but at the same time, if his wife had suddenly decided he was abusive, this glitch in their road could have derailed their entire marriage, and left her pregnant with two other children high and dry (since alimony is rarely given out these days, altho palimony is 🤷)

And obedience to our husbands *is *good modeling for them. When I go quickly when my husband calls me, then I am modeling the way I want them to treat *me. *When I argue with my husband over every little thing, then I should not be surprised if my children argue with me over every little thing.

Obedience to my husband does *not *mean putting up with abusive behavior, nor does it mean accepting him over God. I returned to the Church despite my husband’s statement that he would divorce me if I did, but I knew that his authority did not extend that far. But authority and abusive behavior are two entirely different things, and I see that marriages work better when there is some system deciding whose decision is more important than if each thinks that his or her decision must prevail. And I think I get a lot more of what I want this way, too 😉
 
St_Francis said:
Obedience to my husband does *not *mean putting up with abusive behavior, nor does it mean accepting him over God. I returned to the Church despite my husband’s statement that he would divorce me if I did, but I knew that his authority did not extend that far. But authority and abusive behavior are two entirely different things, and I see that marriages work better when there is some system deciding whose decision is more important than if each thinks that his or her decision must prevail. And I think I get a lot more of what I want this way, too 😉
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Thank you for explaining this so well. Many people just don’t understand how a husband’s authority ought to work.

@DoT, It sounds like your patience and perseverance are bearing fruit. I would not be at all surprised if your husband ends up becoming Catholic. I think that you are going to be a good example for him.
 
Maybe you could just secretly convert-- let a priest know what’s going on, and he may not make you go though RCIA classes to be confirmed. Just an idea…
 
floresco said:
Thank you for explaining this so well. Many people just don’t understand how a husband’s authority ought to work.

@DoT, It sounds like your patience and perseverance are bearing fruit. I would not be at all surprised if your husband ends up becoming Catholic. I think that you are going to be a good example for him.
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Thank you, talking to him just minutes ago he admitted that his “freakouts” have been demonic in nature (attacks not possession). He said that he should be able to disagree with out freaking out and yelling. He’s come to terms with my want and inevidible conversion. He’s a good man and I’m glad to call him my life partner and husband.

DoT
 
defenderoftruth said:
So there have been some recent developments.

It seems our Anglican church has decided that abusing the word “charity” is the way to go when it comes to sin.

It’s “charitable” to attend a sister’s wedding when she’s marrying a transsexual. It’s not “charitable” to called planned parenthood “planned barrenhood” or “planned murderhood”. It’s not “charitable” to tell close friends at church who’ve spent alot of time with us and even spent the night several times (because they live a distance away) that the wife getting her tubes tied is sinful. The couple sent a very hurtful nasty email to my husband and I telling us that we are “creepy and scary” for talking about sterilization with them.

It’s “political” to talk about moral issues at church such as homosexual “marriage”, abortion, and birth control.

My husband who’s very anti-Roman Catholic (read the first post on here) is fed up with what he calls “moral ambiguity” of our church and has I believe finally come to the conclusion that it’s Anglican problem not an “our church” problem. So we are going to talk to the head priest at the local VERY conservative Catholic Church here in town about me converting and our upcoming baby’s baptism and my 7 year old being confirmed and taking communion.

Hopefully this won’t change…he’s (my husband) is prepared to not convert and just go for mass and to be around conservative Christian people and have other children for our daughter(s) to play with. (since as you all know birth control is a no-no)

Please continue to pray for us and PLEASE pray for my husband’s conversion too.
Click to expand...
I’ve been lurking and following your thread…

I think this is an excellent development! I know that many, many people (including my sister-in-law) have converted from Anglicanism to Catholicism precicely because of the liberal flip-flopping of the Anglican church. (Which is a problem of course, because the Anglican church has no real authority so they have no real moral foundation, as a church. They weren’t built on a “Rock” like the Catholic Church was.) With my SiL, her breaking point was when an openly gay Episcopalian priest was made a bishop. She couldn’t deal with the hypocrisy and she ended up converting not long after.

Anyhow…point is, this frustration your husband is feeling toward the Anglican church is a great sign. I don’t think it’s far-fetched at all to hope that even your husband may convert one day. Good for you for being so faithful and obedient to both the Truth that God revealed to you about the faith and to your husband, throughout this whole thing. I know that hasn’t been an easy balancing act. Your attitude is really inspiring to me.
 
ac_claire said:
I’ve been lurking and following your thread…

I think this is an excellent development! I know that many, many people (including my sister-in-law) have converted from Anglicanism to Catholicism precicely because of the liberal flip-flopping of the Anglican church. (Which is a problem of course, because the Anglican church has no real authority so they have no real moral foundation, as a church. They weren’t built on a “Rock” like the Catholic Church was.) With my SiL, her breaking point was when an openly gay Episcopalian priest was made a bishop. She couldn’t deal with the hypocrisy and she ended up converting not long after.

Anyhow…point is, this frustration your husband is feeling toward the Anglican church is a great sign. I don’t think it’s far-fetched at all to hope that even your husband may convert one day. Good for you for being so faithful and obedient to both the Truth that God revealed to you about the faith and to your husband, throughout this whole thing. I know that hasn’t been an easy balancing act. Your attitude is really inspiring to me.
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Thank you…I think the love I feel for God gave me patience through these tough times and taught me to stick with my husband and be supportive no matter what. I told him tonight despite our disagreements I would rather be with him than anyone in the world and I’m glad I have him to go through life with. 😉 After talking to him he KNOWS and has admitted that the Catholic Church is the best thing for us and our kids. (despite some of his doctrinal concerns)
 
lovemyboys said:
Maybe you could just secretly convert-- let a priest know what’s going on, and he may not make you go though RCIA classes to be confirmed. Just an idea…
Click to expand...
How would that be supposed to work?

She (I assume) lives in the same house as her husband, so I think he would notice if she became a Catholic, even if she kept it secret from the particular Church in which she was receiving instruction. No one would benefit by this, since the only person aware of her journey would be the one person who is hostile to it.

RCIA is only “public” to the members of the parish where it takes place - her husband wouldn’t know or care whether she were attending public classes or private instruction, when she is away from the home once a week for two hours.

Why keep it secret from those who could potentially support and encourage her? 🤷
 
Corinne3 said:
Your hubby cannot keep you from your faith! Nor can He tell you otherwise.

Just perhaps your Catholic faith will be what God wants.

Do not let your husband or anyone determine your faith. It will take guts, but you have them I know.
Click to expand...
I agree. I mean, it’s ridiculous your husband won’t “let you” convert as if it’s his decision. Did he ask permission from you to convert to his faith?

The more he antagonizes you about your faith, the stronger you will get. He clearly has no respect for you as a person if he can’t accept your decision to become Catholic.
 
Tide210 said:
I agree. I mean, it’s ridiculous your husband won’t “let you” convert as if it’s his decision. Did he ask permission from you to convert to his faith?

The more he antagonizes you about your faith, the stronger you will get. He clearly has no respect for you as a person if he can’t accept your decision to become Catholic.
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True…The OP’s faith and her decision to/call to convert isn’t up to her husband or anyone else but herself and God. But she is trying to go about this in a good way, respecting of her husband’s authority in the family and the fact that he’s the other half of herself now, and not an outsider. They are one, not two. So she’s tried to respect and not exclude him, which I admire. And it seems to be working. I think God blesses this kind of attitude.
 
**Today readings seem particular appropriate to this thread.

**Reading 1

Jer 31:31-34**

The days are coming, says the LORD,
when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel
and the house of Judah.
It will not be like the covenant I made with their fathers:
the day I took them by the hand
to lead them forth from the land of Egypt;
for they broke my covenant,
and I had to show myself their master, says the LORD.
But this is the covenant that I will make
with the house of Israel after those days, says the LORD.
I will place my law within them, and write it upon their hearts;
I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
No longer will they have need to teach their friends and relatives
how to know the LORD.
All, from least to greatest, shall know me, says the LORD,
for I will forgive their evildoing and remember their sin no more.

Ps. 51:12-13, 14-15, 18-19

Responsorial Psalm

R. (12a) Create a clean heart in me, O God.
A clean heart create for me, O God,
and a steadfast spirit renew within me.
Cast me not out from your presence,
and your Holy Spirit take not from me.
R. Create a clean heart in me, O God.
Give me back the joy of your salvation,
and a willing spirit sustain in me.
I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners shall return to you.
R. Create a clean heart in me, O God.
For you are not pleased with sacrifices;
should I offer a burnt offering, you would not accept it.
My sacrifice, O God, is a contrite spirit;
a heart contrite and humbled, O God, you will not spurn.
R. Create a clean heart in me, O God.

Mt 16:13-23

Gospel**

Jesus went into the region of Caesarea Philippi
and he asked his disciples,
“Who do people say that the Son of Man is?”
They replied, “Some say John the Baptist, others Elijah,
still others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.”
He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?”
Simon Peter said in reply,
“You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”
Jesus said to him in reply, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah.
For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my heavenly Father.
And so I say to you, you are Peter,
and upon this rock I will build my Church,
and the gates of the netherworld shall not prevail against it.
I will give you the keys to the Kingdom of heaven.
Whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven;
and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.”
Then he strictly ordered his disciples
to tell no one that he was the Christ.

From that time on, Jesus began to show his disciples
that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer greatly
from the elders, the chief priests, and the scribes,
and be killed and on the third day be raised.
Then Peter took Jesus aside and began to rebuke him,
“God forbid, Lord! No such thing shall ever happen to you.”
He turned and said to Peter,
“Get behind me, Satan! You are an obstacle to me.
You are thinking not as God does, but as human beings do.”

I cannot say what you should do with your marriage, but it seems that your husband is not giving your equal say in your marriage. This issue of headship seems to be a big in certain Protestant circles, and the topic of many after dinner debates with our protestant friends.

Perhaps your husband needs more grounding in why the Catholic Church is the right path. Listen to the words from the old testament with God’s covenant the the realization in the New with his sacrifice.

I will pray for you right now.
 
Defenderoftruth, your husband does not have the authority to command you what religion you can keep or not. I have to say it, but, forget the rubbish we call ecumenism. Be strong lady, it may be a bit dangerous for your marraige converting to Catholicism but, if you want to convert what’s your husband going to command you for? Even if two holy Catholic couples married in the Catholic Church and the wife fell and became a Protestant, the husband has no authority to force his wife to become Catholic.

The most your hubby can do is to try to convince you that the Anglican chuch is the true Church (which of course it’s not. It’s a sect which was invented by an adulterous numskull who spent all of England’s money on useless things. Henry the eighth (of Henry the ate because he was a glutton!)).

Pray to Mary that your relationship with your hubby may be kept and pray so that you may join the Catholic Church. I’m a traditional Catholic and I suggest buying books from TAN. Their collection is immense! But pray to Mary. She will definitely listen to you and make you a good, holy Catholic.
 
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