I have a crush on a seminarian

[Newbie2]

It’s apparent from the OP that this she is hoping that this will end up being a “more than just friends” relationship.

With that intent, going out with him may very well be a temptation that he doesn’t need. On the other hand, God may have put you in this position as a test for him (and for you!).

My advice; treat him as an engaged man. What would his bethrothed think of you and he going out? Put yourself in this imaginary wife-to-be’s role. If you wouldn’t like it, don’t go out. If he is to change his mind in the future, let him do it by himself.

There’s no reason not to be friends, but best to “go out” with with him in a group, if you must. Otherwise, would you be comfortable with the thought that you tempted someone out of the priesthood?

BTW, there are plenty of good Catholic men out there; you just need to know where to look.

 

[Seatuck]

The guy in this discussion accepted the dinner invitation. It’s up to him to set the limits on the relationship. Hopefully they will have an honest conversation about where he is in his discernment. Hopefully he is seeking wise counsel from his superiors on such matters.

 

[jrabs]

The guy in this discussion accepted the dinner invitation. It’s up to him to set the limits on the relationship.

Yep this is true. It does take two for a dinner date.

Though to the poster, if you are looking for a friend ONLY, seek out a girlfriend and leave this man alone to search his vocation. He does not need any additional noise. I am betting the evil one is creating as much interference noise as he can without you helping out.

 

[chicago]

Man, I gotta become one of those seminarian dudes so I can find myself a good woman!

 

[jrabs]

Man, I gotta become one of those seminarian dudes so I can find myself a good woman!

- guess there’s that…or you can get a puppy. They are women magnets.

 

[TMC]

The guy in this discussion accepted the dinner invitation. It’s up to him to set the limits on the relationship. Hopefully they will have an honest conversation about where he is in his discernment. Hopefully he is seeking wise counsel from his superiors on such matters.

I guess I am a little in the middle on this.

I think this quote from Seatuck is right. Even if this gent takes orders, this won’t be the last woman he will ever meet and find interesting. I would suggest being up front. I would say, I really enjoy our friendship, but I also have little crush on you. If he thinks that is more than he can handle, he can put limits on the future interaction.

But, Kendy, if you care for this guy you will want him to follow his path. Would you make a guy quit medical school to date you? Or leave his family to date you? So let him know how you feel and let him control the relationship without pressure. Not all who are called are chosen, so there is nothing wrong, IMO, with hoping. But there is a difference between hoping and sabotaging.

 

[turtle18]

Kendy, your whole post is all about what you want. Not what God wants. Or even the rest of us for that matter–we NEED priests. Or even what your seminarian wants–sure he accepted a “dinner date” with you but you are already convinced he should give up his vocation for you.

 

[lizaanne]

I certainly hope you have canceled this date. I can’t even imagine having the nerve to ask a seminarian out on a date. That’s like going up to some man who is clearly engaged to another woman and asking him out.

Get over the crush sister - he’s off limits. Besides, why would you even want to waste your time on someone you can’t have anyway?



~Liza

 

[pnewton]

I guess I do not see a big problem with it, definitely nothing sinful, as long as you do not tempt him to leave and totally give yoursef to God’s will. A seminarian is not a priest. Expecially early in the life of a seminarian, it ia a time for discernment. If he can not handle the prospect of the celebate life, it is far better to know that up front than to have another scandal waiting in the wings. On the other hand, if God has called him and he does answer, than knowing that there was another option makes the sacrifce greater and he will be better equipped to deal with the life he has chosen.

I think we forget that the life of the priesthood is never one God forces on anyone. Any man has the right to choose the married life and live as a faithful catholic husband and father. As long as a woman knows that this man man choose to embrace priestly vows and prepares for that emotionally, I do not see the problem.

 

[water]

I guess I do not see a big problem with it, definitely nothing sinful, as long as you do not tempt him to leave and totally give yoursef to God’s will.

The original poster thought that the seminarian did not have the call for becoming priest.

 

[pnewton]

The original poster thought that the seminarian did not have the call for becoming priest.

I remember. She must recoginize that her opinion could easily be just wishful thinking. That is why we must turn ourselves over to God’s will. We humans have a gift of self-delusion.

 

[turtle18]

Even if it is not a sin, why not sacrifice your wants for the greater good?

 

[He_Man]

Well, it’s too late cause it’s today, and what am I going tell him. I realized that my motives are less than pure so I am cancelling.

NO, NO!!! We are just going to have a causual public dinner and talk. And if I feel more rotten by the end of it, then I won’t invite him to anything. But if he invites me to something, I wouldn’t be able to say “no.”

All of your smileys lead me to believe you really think this is cute, but it really isn’t.

How is this any different really than casually going to dinner or lunch with a married man, and “claiming” that if it went further there would be nothing you could do? That’s the same thing most adulterers say.

If you wanted to, you could have not asked him out.

If you wanted to, you could have broken it off.

If you wanted to, you could call him now and tell him you don’t feel comfortable “dating” (even once) a seminarian.

Would you applaud me if I decided to go proposition prospective young nuns I found attractive?

Be a real woman, knock it off, and let him be. If he is meant to be a Priest, he will find his way there. If not, then you can pursue him, and you are much more likely to have God’s blessing than if you confuse a man during his discernment.

And people wonder how things like the Fr. Francis Mary Stone incident occur…

 

[He_Man]

The guy in this discussion accepted the dinner invitation. It’s up to him to set the limits on the relationship. Hopefully they will have an honest conversation about where he is in his discernment. Hopefully he is seeking wise counsel from his superiors on such matters.

Yes, and all of us are responsible for their actions. But even if he didn’t realize what was up, the OP could do the right thing.

However, that didn’t acquit Satan from guilt in the garden when he INTENTIONALLY TRIED to lure man and woman away from the path of good, did it?

I can sell drugs to free-willed adults too, but that doesn’t absolve me of guilt.

 

[gardenswithkids]

…How is this any different really than casually going to dinner or lunch with a married man, and “claiming” that if it went further there would be nothing you could do? That’s the same thing most adulterers say…

My goodness, some of the posts here are harsh. One big difference is a married man has taken vows, but this seminarian hasn’t. Another difference: she isn’t having an affair with him; she’s having dinner.

The seminary is a place of *discernment *to prepare men for the priesthood. God doesn’t call every man in seminary to be an ordained priest. Even if this particular man does become a priest, priests need to know to deal with women–including women who may have crushes on them.

If this seminarian gets ordained, I would definately agree that he’s off-limits and she should keep her distance if she still feels romatic feelings. But while in the seminary and accepting dinner invitations from a woman, this relates much closer to a man with a girlfriend who hasn’t yet made up his mind.

I second the earlier suggestion to keep the relationship platonic. If he’s called to the priesthood and they maintain a good friendship, he might bring some other nice, devout, Catholic man Kendy’s way.

Have a nice time at dinner Kendy, and I said a prayer for both of you.

 

[He_Man]

My goodness, some of the posts here are harsh. One big difference is a married man has taken vows, but this seminarian hasn’t. Another difference: she isn’t having an affair with him; she’s having dinner.

The seminary is a place of *discernment *to prepare men for the priesthood. God doesn’t call every man in seminary to be an ordained priest. Even if this particular man does become a priest, priests need to know to deal with women–including women who may have crushes on them.

If this seminarian gets ordained, I would definately agree that he’s off-limits and she should keep her distance if she still feels romatic feelings. But while in the seminary and accepting dinner invitations from a woman, this relates much closer to a man with a girlfriend who hasn’t yet made up his mind.

I second the earlier suggestion to keep the relationship platonic. If he’s called to the priesthood and they maintain a good friendship, he might bring some other nice, devout, Catholic man Kendy’s way.

Have a nice time at dinner Kendy, and I said a prayer for both of you.

Harsh? I’d say honest. This IS the internet. We don’t have hours and hours and facial expressions and gestures to make points. And you are asking complete strangers for opinions, and that is what you get.

Besides, it appears (and correct me if I am wrong) that the OP is just hoping the seminarian runs away, shirking the potential Priesthood, and chooses true love. Our Priests and Seminarians have enough traps laid fopr them by Satan; El Diablo doesn’t need our help. Like I said, the Fr. Francis Mary Stone incident is case in point! I am engaged to be married, but when I was still looking, I didn’t pick up discerning, prospective nuns, since we need nuns (and Priests) more than I needed a date. That would have seemed selfish, to me.

The OP appears to post as though this is all cutesy stuff, but to a lot of people, it isn’t. We can act innocent all we want, but if our attitude is, “hey, whatever happens at dinner, who am I to object?,” how innocent is it?

Come on. Besides, you can’t expect to post this stuff on a PUBLIC, CATHOLIC, forum on the INTERNET, request opinions, and then get annoyed if certain opininions are negative. Might as well not have asked, eh? If all we want is affirmation, then we should only ask ourselves, and avoid other people.

 

[pnewton]

The seminary is a place of *discernment *to prepare men for the priesthood. God doesn’t call every man in seminary to be an ordained priest.

There seems to be a lot of people forgetting this. It is just as likely the seminary will decide he should not be a priest. There is a huge difference between a seminarian and a priest. The Sacrament of Holy Orders makes an indelible mark that changes the nature of everything. Up to that point, it’s not a lot different than dating a kid in high school that has said he is thinking about the priesthood. Heck, some even go to seminary for the purpose of discerning a call, not because he is already decided.

The Church does not put chains on a dinner in this situation. We need not go any further than the church.

 

[turtle18]

While it is true seminarians are allowed to date, I think it would be best if the seminarian had initiated the date. They don’t need woman actively pursing them. It is hard enough to deal with the celibacy as is.

If a seminarian initiated the date, then he might actively be deciding that he needs to be around woman. If a woman initiates the date, he might view it as a temptation he can’t resist.

Personally, I don’t think I would ever feel comfortable dating a man in the seminary. Crushes come and go.

 

[whatevergirl]

where’s kendy? I read through this thread…did the dinner take place?

For what it’s worth…there are plenty of good men out there who are Catholic, kendy. I would be very scared, yes scared, if I tempted someone to stray from the priesthood for me. Not that you are per se, tempting this man…but, you sound like you want him to ‘like’ you…so, your motives for getting together will not be altruistic. Please…be careful.

 

[gardenswithkids]

All of your smileys lead me to believe you really think this is cute, but it really isn’t…

Harsh? I’d say honest. This IS the internet. We don’t have hours and hours and facial expressions and gestures to make points. …The OP appears to post as though this is all cutesy stuff…

On the internet, those “cutesy smileys” you fault the op for using are internet attempts at facial expressions. Kendy’s “facial expressions” primarily point to embarassment , blushing and sadness .

…Besides, you can’t expect to post this stuff on a PUBLIC, CATHOLIC, forum on the INTERNET, request opinions, and then get annoyed if certain opininions are negative. Might as well not have asked, eh? If all we want is affirmation, then we should only ask ourselves, and avoid other people.

I didn’t read anywhere that the op got annoyed. But I find it annoying when people on the internet word their opinions in harsh, judgemental ways. Especially on a *public *Catholic forum, we should remember that non-Catholics often judge Catholics by our charity–or lack of charity. If we can take the time to voice our opinions–even if we disagree with someone and what they are doing–we should take a little extra time to make sure we voice our opinions charitably.

And I think you owe an apology to smiley users everywhere.