I knew he/she was NOT for me when

[JoyIsLikeRain]

When she’d drink a lot and reveal too much about her past physical relationships when we’d be out on dates.

 

[Chiltepin]

What makes some of our posters speak in such a way about smoking? I have asthma, passive smoke actually is harmful to me, yet I can’t even begin to think about smoking as a deal-breaker, let alone seeing the other person as a bit of a social outcast. Is that about the addiction or the cancer risk or…? Don’t want to give you an impression I’m argumentative about this, though. “Because I hate the smell of it,” is a fine answer.

I used to think it was a deal breaker, but I see now that depending on the person, it can be a very silly deal breaker. I was very prejudiced before and thought that smokers are, well, stupid. I thought that smokers were stupid and smoking was gross. I even went as far as to tell a previous guy I was dating that if I ever saw him smoke it would completely change how I look a him and ruin any hope of a future (irritating and youthfully dramatic, I know.) I think you can thank some very aggressive anti-smoking and anti-drug curriculum in the 90’s for people holding those types of opinions.

My husband was a smoker when we met. It disgusted me and I hated that about him because I was falling in love with him and want him to live a long time. My husband quit smoking soon after we got married and I just thank God I didn’t count him out for being a smoker because there is no one else quite like him!

 

[nickybr38]

TrueLight relayed a story about knowing that a guy wasn’t for her because he pulled over to urinate on the side of the road in the middle of their first date. Similarly, I had a female friend I was starting to take an interest in. We were out one night on the way to a party. To get there we had to drive through a very nasty portion of town. This wasn’t an area you would normally want to get out of your car in, especially at night on the weekend. She never said a word to me about needing to relieve herself. Nevertheless, we were less than 10 minutes from our destination, and also in clear view of several places that likely had restrooms open to the public. She suddenly and urgently told me to pull over, and when I asked why she said, “Just pull over!” I pulled over and she jumped out of the car, ran just inside the alley I’d happened to stop by, squatted down against the wall, hiked up her skirt and urinated right there. This was in full view of me and anyone else who would have driven or walked past. As I pointed out, she was stone cold sober at the time (as was I). When she was done she got back in the car and acted as though nothing had happened. I was as dumbfounded as a person could be, I suppose, and couldn’t even come up with a way to ask her why the heck she’d done what she just did. I could barely even look at her the rest of the night. We stayed friends after that (are still in touch, actually), although I no longer considered her someone I’d ever ask out.

I understood the story I was baffled by the behavior described therein!!! WOW. That is just… bizarre.

 

[EasterJoy]

That will last a lot longer than a day!!!

Oh yeah. The best that can be hoped for is that you’re not looking across the table thinking the same thing about each other on the same morning, but that’s probably not going to happen, either! Spouses don’t always pick the same day to dig their heels in for some stupid stubbornness, but that is the way to bet.

 

[EasterJoy]

…When he told me his car cost more than my parent’s house. Twenty years later and I still can’t believe a grown man could say something so stupidly offensive.

At least he tipped his hand before you got caught!

 

[Gordon_Sims]

I understood the story I was baffled by the behavior described therein!!! WOW. That is just… bizarre.

Gotcha. Yeah, I never could figure that one out. She was fairly normal in all other respects so that night really threw me. I actually mentioned this to my wife and either I’d never told her about it before or she’d forgotten it. She couldn’t imagine this person doing something like that, although she’s glad it happened since it quashed any possibilities of me asking her out before I’d met my wife, lol.

 

[Samson01]

Oh yeah. The best that can be hoped for is that you’re not looking across the table thinking the same thing about each other on the same morning, but that’s probably not going to happen, either! Spouses don’t always pick the same day to dig their heels in for some stupid stubbornness, but that is the way to bet.

I was just told that yesterday…to the effect that the only reason they weren’t divorced was because they didn’t both want it on the same day.

As for knowing she wasn’t for me…never, I fell for them every time.lol.

 

[chevalier]

I used to think it was a deal breaker, but I see now that depending on the person, it can be a very silly deal breaker. I was very prejudiced before and thought that smokers are, well, stupid. I thought that smokers were stupid and smoking was gross. I even went as far as to tell a previous guy I was dating that if I ever saw him smoke it would completely change how I look a him and ruin any hope of a future (irritating and youthfully dramatic, I know.) I think you can thank some very aggressive anti-smoking and anti-drug curriculum in the 90’s for people holding those types of opinions.

My husband was a smoker when we met. It disgusted me and I hated that about him because I was falling in love with him and want him to live a long time. My husband quit smoking soon after we got married and I just thank God I didn’t count him out for being a smoker because there is no one else quite like him!

Thank you for the explanation. I’m not from the US and so I didn’t take the anti-smoking campaigns into consideration (where I live plenty of people smoke and yet I’ve never known or even heard of a lung cancer case). And yes, you had some pretty bad cases of cancer caused by wrong cigarettes, it probably was enough to make anybody who still decided to smoke look somewhat stupid. As far as “needing a fix” goes, I don’t really see it as worse than alcohol or even entertainment (suggesting lack of maturity/lack of strong will to resist the appeal?)… of which even the latter could be seen as stupid.

Oh yeah. The best that can be hoped for is that you’re not looking across the table thinking the same thing about each other on the same morning, but that’s probably not going to happen, either! Spouses don’t always pick the same day to dig their heels in for some stupid stubbornness, but that is the way to bet.

That reminded me of something. Actually, people don’t get attracted or advance in a relationship symmetrically. One party needs attention and interaction, the other needs space. Then the roles reverse. Good thing if the previous “needer” hasn’t got over it yet, worse if he or she has. Speaking of which, I had a friend who was attractive and fun to be around but one day she mentioned a husband wouldn’t keep her home, a child would but not a guy. We talked about that a bit more, in general terms. That was one of the points that influenced my decision that she wasn’t for me. I had already been taught by experience with the “space” problem.

TrueLight relayed a story about knowing that a guy wasn’t for her because he pulled over to urinate on the side of the road in the middle of their first date. Similarly, I had a female friend I was starting to take an interest in. We were out one night on the way to a party. To get there we had to drive through a very nasty portion of town. This wasn’t an area you would normally want to get out of your car in, especially at night on the weekend. She never said a word to me about needing to relieve herself. Nevertheless, we were less than 10 minutes from our destination, and also in clear view of several places that likely had restrooms open to the public. She suddenly and urgently told me to pull over, and when I asked why she said, “Just pull over!” I pulled over and she jumped out of the car, ran just inside the alley I’d happened to stop by, squatted down against the wall, hiked up her skirt and urinated right there. This was in full view of me and anyone else who would have driven or walked past. As I pointed out, she was stone cold sober at the time (as was I). When she was done she got back in the car and acted as though nothing had happened. I was as dumbfounded as a person could be, I suppose, and couldn’t even come up with a way to ask her why the heck she’d done what she just did. I could barely even look at her the rest of the night. We stayed friends after that (are still in touch, actually), although I no longer considered her someone I’d ever ask out.

I once had someone utter something equivalent to “nudie photos” at full volume in a café whereat only two people were. And it was a small café. Unfortunately, that didn’t seal the fate of the affair right there and then. Nor was it the first such an awkward dictum.

 

[chevalier]

By people I mean visitors. Obviously, the manager was present.

I contend

Oh you do. Anyway:

I contend that no matter who you marry, you have to be ready for the day to come when you look across the breakfast table and wonder how on earth you could have ever married someone so obtuse and unreasonable.

I am reasonably at peace with that. I’ve already come to the conclusion that most people aren’t very reasonable or perfectly acute. For example, most lawyers don’t get what I’m rambling about when I go on about a point of law. They just don’t get it except a handful who do. I once had a court not get it when the opposing counsel was getting it and privately agreeing with me. Moreover, I have my own days when I’m not particularly quick of mind. They get to the point that people suspect slight retardation while in fact I hit close to genius range with the right (or wrong) IQ test.

Sigh… if I met a woman who’d just get a gist of what I was ranting on about, she could get away with a lot of things.

There will also come a day when this person will have the deciding vote in your life.

Yeah, I’ve been told that when you marry, it’s the woman who gets the deciding vote in your life.

There will be a day when you will give in and do it his/her way. You have to be willing to live with that, and when the decision turns out to be a poor one, you say, “We decided. *We’ll *live with it”, instead of “I told you so!” That is what marriage is all about.

Yeah, I suspected that. In turn, if I make a wrong decision, she will be saying, “I told you so,” right? Or am I missing on something?

Marry someone whose wisdom you respect, even if you don’t think her SAT score could match yours.

My equivalent of the SAT score was a joke. I broke the system. I had been a B student in highschool, though. Then again, highschool was much more difficult than law school.

Marry someone who admires your judgment but realizes you are capable of making a bad decision, and can accept that.

Yeah, I’ve seen people so surprised I did something less than perfectly mature even just a while after they went out of their way to tick me off with their immature antics.

You will live to thank yourself, many times over.

I’ve decided that reasonably unimpaired logical circuits and the ability to identify and question presumptions are a must. A grasp of reality would help too.

 

[chevalier]

I’m glad you like it! The trick is to learn to do it, so you’ll attract someone who thinks the same way!

That’s impossible. There aren’t that many dyslectic lawyers with oversized right brain hemispheres around.

I knew he was NOT for me when…

Various males, various reasons:

• he let me manipulate him and walk over him like a doormat.
• he didn’t respect me.

With all respect, you do notice the contradiction there (in plain words you expect respect from him but where’s your respect for him)? I am not saying this to make you uncomfortable, rather to help you see something I believe you might benefit from, but when a woman tries to manipulate me, I 1) notice that without failing, 2) lose respect for her, and 3) (possibly besides the point) take yet another barbed knife wound to the heart.

As for a man letting you use him, with all due respect, you should work on your character (as all of us should and all of us have something to work on) so that you wouldn’t be inclined to use him.