I need to know!! Do all men watch porn?

[Rascalking]

As guy and only speaking for personal experience, I Do sometime watch porn but I never do when I’m involved with a romatic intrest. Men in gereral want a woman to be three things 1)they want a woman bare foot and pregnant in the kitchen 2) they want a virgin in public and 3) they want a whore in the bedroom. That is just the way guys think whether they admit it or not. That is not to say they do not love they do they just want a woman to behave a certain way, to one degree or another.

I don’t watch porn. It’s just not my thing.

1. No, most men don’t. The majority of my guy friends (myself included) want a happy wife. If this makes her happy, fine, if not, fine.
2. Not true.
3. Not true, and somewhat freaky.

Typical sterotype of the male mind.

Classic way of arguing-saying “wether they admit it or not.” Sort of makes any other comment that a guy makes invalid…you can claim they are not being honest…nice work.

 

[stringbeanduck]

I don’t know how any woman could be okay with a male let alone her husband watching porn. No, not all men watch it and many are firmly against it. I think it’s sick and disgusting how people can look at photos and videos of women and jack off to it. There may be a lot of males with raging hormones, but that doesn’t mean they weren’t given the brains to say no to that nasty junk. Furthermore any sexual activity outside of marriage is nasty, not just porn.

 

[FiberZilla]

I have been married for 5 yrs, my husband and I got married outside the church and I am now returning to my faith. He is not catholic and has no intentions of ever becoming one, which is ok. He has watched porn since he was 13. We have had several conversations about this and how it makes me feel as a woman. He claims he has stopped the past 2-3 months because I threatened our marriage if it didn’t stop. He doesn’t understand though why I feel the way I do and claims that all men do it and its natural!! Is is true?? I am especially looking for male (name removed by moderator)ut here.

In short, the vast majority of men, even christian men do this at least on occasion. It is natural for man to do this because of our fallen nature. This does not mean it is harmless and morally acceptable. Women commit lust in other ways that are just as evil although less visible… Ex: “romance” novels… desparate housewives etc. It’s all lust.

A true christian hates the sin in his or her life. We all need to repent of sinful behaviors no matter what they are and give our hearts completely to Christ for what he has done for us on that cross. Threatening divorce is not the answer for this problem unless he is engaged in illegal activity or acting out due to the porn use.

 

[John21652]

**So far I like your answer best. I don’t think its right to categorically place even “most” men watching porn. I mean what does pigeonholing the majority of men watching porn say for those men who don’t give a damn about porn? **

**Porn dehumanizes both women and men collectively. **

Well, I like your answer the best, particularly the last sentence.
I agree porn dehumanises men and women both. I think it trivialises the sex act and particularly so in the context of marriage.
The big problem I see is that any men who watch the stuff, particularly from a youngish age, are not learning to treat women lovingly and they are not learning to respect themselves in the process.

I do not watch Porn at all and I do not know of any men who watch it either. Of course that doesn’t mean the men I know don’t watch it, but I can assure you they don’t admit to it and that would suggest to me that they do not consider it ‘normal’ behaviour. I have heard no complaints from any of my friends wives, so I expect they do not have it as a problem in their households.

If it is becoming mainstream in any way, then our society is in big trouble.

 

[Langdell]

Langdell, sorry, I should have separated my other reply in a separate post. That post was just to everyone viewing the thread. lol

No problem!

.

 

[KellyJBrown]

I have been married for 5 yrs, my husband and I got married outside the church and I am now returning to my faith. He is not catholic and has no intentions of ever becoming one, which is ok. He has watched porn since he was 13. We have had several conversations about this and how it makes me feel as a woman. He claims he has stopped the past 2-3 months because I threatened our marriage if it didn’t stop. He doesn’t understand though why I feel the way I do and claims that all men do it and its natural!! Is is true?? I am especially looking for male (name removed by moderator)ut here.

I have heard the same lame thing from men that it is natural. But personally I think it is insulting. You will hear from alot of men that it is natural even alot of women feel it is. But you are not alone in your feelings either!
Kelly

 

[whatevergirl]

I don’t watch porn. It’s just not my thing.

1. No, most men don’t. The majority of my guy friends (myself included) want a happy wife. If this makes her happy, fine, if not, fine.
2. Not true.
3. Not true, and somewhat freaky.

Typical sterotype of the male mind.

Classic way of arguing-saying “wether they admit it or not.” Sort of makes any other comment that a guy makes invalid…you can claim they are not being honest…nice work.

*Thanks for stating this. I’m so saddened by how I hear some on here talk about women… *

 

[teachccd]

… It is natural for man to do this because of our fallen nature…

Our fallen nature does not make disorderd activities/choices “natural”. It would not be natural for me to steal, kill, cheat on my wife, etc… These are unnatural tendencies that we derive from our fallen nature. God calls us to be holy and we can be. Sin is our choice of a lesser pleasure in the place of our Almighty God. We can choose God and we can choose Him more often than not. That is what should be natural. It is NEVER natural for a man to look at pornography. I am a man and I do not look at porn. I do sin in many ways but this is not one of them. No sin should be considered as “natural”. That is a cop out… In Christ… teachccd

 

[FiberZilla]

Our fallen nature does not make disorderd activities/choices “natural”. It would not be natural for me to steal, kill, cheat on my wife, etc… These are unnatural tendencies that we derive from our fallen nature. God calls us to be holy and we can be. Sin is our choice of a lesser pleasure in the place of our Almighty God. We can choose God and we can choose Him more often than not. That is what should be natural. It is NEVER natural for a man to look at pornography. I am a man and I do not look at porn. I do sin in many ways but this is not one of them. No sin should be considered as “natural”. That is a cop out… In Christ… teachccd

The fact that you do not look at porn does not make you (me or anyone else) any more holy than the lowest wretch that does look at and is crushed under the weight of his sorrow and guilt. There is no room such pride. Paul says the wages of sin is death my friend. He also says that in our flesh dwells no good thing.

We are sinners by our fallen nature completely incapable of saving ourselves from it and the wrath to come. Only Christ can deliver us from these sins. It isn’t until we let go of our own human effort and turn it completely over to God that we can be free from any sinful behaviors no matter what they are. He gets the all glory for our sanctification and salvation not us.

 

[whatevergirl]

The fact that you do not look at porn does not make you (me or anyone else) any more holy than the lowest wretch that does look at and is crushed under the weight of his sorrow and guilt. There is no room such pride. Paul says the wages of sin is death my friend. He also says that in our flesh dwells no good thing.

We are sinners by our fallen nature completely incapable of saving ourselves from it and the wrath to come. Only Christ can deliver us from these sins. It isn’t until we let go of our own human effort and turn it completely over to God that we can be free from any sinful behaviors no matter what they are. He gets the all glory for our sanctification and salvation not us.

*That poster wasn’t say that really. He was saying that we shouldn’t call our sins ‘‘natural,’’ and say that ‘‘well, all men do this, so I’m just another guy who does it,’’ kind of thing. Everyone battles with different sins…but porn viewing seems to be one that people tend to make a lot of excuses for, and chalk it up to…’‘well, men are visual so that’s just the way it is.’’ *

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

I have been married for 5 yrs, my husband and I got married outside the church and I am now returning to my faith. He is not catholic and has no intentions of ever becoming one, which is ok. He has watched porn since he was 13. We have had several conversations about this and how it makes me feel as a woman. He claims he has stopped the past 2-3 months because I threatened our marriage if it didn’t stop. He doesn’t understand though why I feel the way I do and claims that all men do it and its natural!! Is is true?? I am especially looking for male (name removed by moderator)ut here.

I would have to echo what you have read from many of the other posts out there. Yeah most men at some point in their lives have looked at porn. I will not say all, but most. In the past I have, but by the grace of God it is now something that repulses me to think of and to know how it destroys lives, marriages, etc. The objectification of women is appalling. I think that Christopher West is right when he says that those that view porn are really looking for God and Mary. They are searching for the love of God, they are searching for the “perfect, ideal” woman and that is Mary. Will they admit to this? Probably not, but it makes a lot of sense.

I’m a woman, but all my ex-boyfriends have watched it, and 99% of my male friends watch it. But it doesn’t bug me at all.

I am not here to throw stones, but this is something that you may want to assess in your own life. If you feel that it “does not bug you” that a guy is looking upon a woman with lust in his heart then there are some real concerns there. There are many studies and many cases that show what viewing porn does to a man and his view of women. First and foremost, it takes the love out of an act that is all encompassing love. The sexual union of a husband and wife within the confines of marriage is all about love. It is not, and cannot ever be about lust. But that is what the pornography trains men to think. I have read a lot about this and listened to many talks about it as well and this objectification is something that is so damaging.

Women are meant to be honored and adored by us men. We are not called to use and manipulate you for our own selfish pleasure. That is not why we leave our father and mother and become “one flesh” with our wives. If you think that an addiction to pornography or even occasional viewing is okay, please do some research into the lives of those that are damaged by this addiction. Read threads in the forum. Go to www.settingcaptivesfree.com or whodoesithurt.com/ and read some of the threads, the testimonies, the stories there. PORNOGRAPHY KILLS! It kills love, it kills marriages, it kills your soul, your relationships, especially with God.

As guy and only speaking for personal experience, I Do sometime watch porn but I never do when I’m involved with a romatic intrest. Men in gereral want a woman to be three things 1)they want a woman bare foot and pregnant in the kitchen 2) they want a virgin in public and 3) they want a whore in the bedroom. That is just the way guys think whether they admit it or not. That is not to say they do not love they do they just want a woman to behave a certain way, to one degree or another.

I am going to have to call this out as a total lie. I do not want any of those three things in a woman and I never did. I want (and have) a wife that is equal to me. A wife that I do not have to objectify when it comes to sex. A wife that I share in the marital embrace as a foreshadowing of Christ’s love for His Church. Sex is not an act for our own selfish pleasure. It is not about “getting some” and your own selfish pleasure. Sex is a holy act given to us by God as a renewal of our wedding vows. It is not some selfish act that turns the focus on ourselves. It is about honoring and respecting our wives as Christ does the Church.

I would suggest some reading of the Theology of the Body is in order.

 

[whatevergirl]

*Thanks for that awesome post, MM!

I am a little weary of reading the negative generalizations of men, and how they all have issues with porn…and objectifying women. *

 

[CountrySinger]

I am not here to throw stones, but this is something that you may want to assess in your own life. If you feel that it “does not bug you” that a guy is looking upon a woman with lust in his heart then there are some real concerns there. There are many studies and many cases that show what viewing porn does to a man and his view of women. First and foremost, it takes the love out of an act that is all encompassing love. The sexual union of a husband and wife within the confines of marriage is all about love. It is not, and cannot ever be about lust. But that is what the pornography trains men to think. I have read a lot about this and listened to many talks about it as well and this objectification is something that is so damaging.

Women are meant to be honored and adored by us men. We are not called to use and manipulate you for our own selfish pleasure. That is not why we leave our father and mother and become “one flesh” with our wives. If you think that an addiction to pornography or even occasional viewing is okay, please do some research into the lives of those that are damaged by this addiction. Read threads in the forum. Go to www.settingcaptivesfree.com or whodoesithurt.com/ and read some of the threads, the testimonies, the stories there. PORNOGRAPHY KILLS! It kills love, it kills marriages, it kills your soul, your relationships, especially with God.

I wouldn’t be thrilled if my husband/boyfriend watched porn, but I could understand it. I mean, could a guy stand to be married to me for life, and not have any other woman ever? I’m not worthy to be adored at all.
And in the case I’m not feeling in the mood (HA! High libido is a curse when you are single), I would rather have my husband have an outlet instead of just being sexually frustrated.
And I have read Theology of the Body, btw.

 

[Fidelis_Unus]

I have been married for 5 yrs, my husband and I got married outside the church and I am now returning to my faith. He is not catholic and has no intentions of ever becoming one, which is ok. He has watched porn since he was 13. We have had several conversations about this and how it makes me feel as a woman. He claims he has stopped the past 2-3 months because I threatened our marriage if it didn’t stop. He doesn’t understand though why I feel the way I do and claims that all men do it and its natural!! Is is true?? I am especially looking for male (name removed by moderator)ut here.

NO not all men watch porn. In fact, while most have seen it I believe many men do not. That’s the age-old excuse, “everyone else is doing it”. I wonder if he realizes that he sounds like a 9 year old. Not everyone does it, thankfully. My husband considers that he is too mature and respectful to do something so stupid and damaging to women. He is agnostic.

There’s a Christian singer named Michael O’Brien (not the Catholic one who travels to Medjugorje). I saw an interview that he and his wife did about this very issue. Very uplifting. He talks about overcoming this and why he overcame it. Beautiful story. He read a book called Every Man’s Battle, which changed his life.

Here is part of his story: "About six years ago, I was on the brink of divorce…Though I was a Christian and leading literally thousands of people to Christ each year, I was living in the chains of pornography and masturbation. At the very early age of six, I got my first taste of a Playboy magazine centerfold. From there, I became addicted to hard-porn at the age of twelve and went on to a life of sexual immorality through college and beyond. After getting radically saved when I was twenty-three, I married a beautiful virgin woman named Heidi. Unfortunately, getting married didn’t stop the sin, so now I had a bigger problem. I had hidden my porn habits from her from the time I met her, knowing she would never marry me if she knew this about me. I worried continually, What if she finds out?

Well, she finally did find out. It all came out one night when I shared my struggle with her, and I saw first-hand, face-to-face, how it literally broke her heart. That was the turning point for me–that’s when I fully realized that my sin was not only hurting me, but was hurting the one I loved the most."

Now he’s using his considerable talent to spreading the message of chastity and fidelity. I’ve become a big fan of his music and his ministry. Maybe play his Something About Us CD when you’re together and then, later, introduce your husband to his story? I don’t know what’s best for you, just making a suggestion.

When issues like this come up for my family, I pray the Novena to St. Joseph. It is particularly helpful to me as a step-parent, as St. Joseph was. St Joseph was the head of the Holy Family and in praying to him I find great consolation and hope. More here: ewtn.com/Devotionals/novena/joseph.htm

Having been married to a man addicted to porn when I was younger, outside the Church, I know that it is painful and has a profound effect on you. Your feelings are not misplaced and I pray you find peace during this time. Remember, his porn habit is not about you or your value. It does not change the beautiful and wonderfully made creature that you are! :console:

I pray that you will find the serenity to accept your husband where he is at in his journey balanced with the ability to determine what is acceptable to you and a way of sharing with your husband how this is damaging not just to you, but to both of you.

God bless you and your husband, may this be a step to a greater level of true intimacy in your marriage.

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

I wouldn’t be thrilled if my husband/boyfriend watched porn, but I could understand it. I mean, could a guy stand to be married to me for life, and not have any other woman ever? I’m not worthy to be adored at all.

But why would you settle? Why would you be okay with something like that? It seems that you have bought into the lie of the culture. You most certainly are worthy of your husband (or future husband) giving you all the honor and respect in the world. Does Christ not do that for His bride? This is where we as Catholics have to have a higher standard and not “eat out of the dumpster” when God has a banquet waiting for us.

You, as a woman, are not here for a man’s selfish pleasure. You are not a sexual object and sex is not about pleasure. Pleasure is a by product of the act. Sex is about unification of a husband and wife. A renewal of their wedding vows. Giving to each other, totally, faithfully, fruitfully and fully.

You should demand that a husband “stand to be married to you for life and not have any other woman.” You ARE worthy of that. You should not think otherwise. See that is the lie that so many have bought into. “Will I ever be good enough?” “Can I always be the woman that he wants?” “But I do not look like a supermodel.” “But I have put on a little weight.” Looking at Ephesians 5 we, as men, are given specific instructions on how to treat our wives. “Husbands love your wives as Christ loves the Church.” That is powerful. Sometimes our love will call us to the cross. Sometimes our sexual urges will go unfulfilled, but we suffer for the greater glory. Christ came to his marriage bed (the cross) in agony, not ecstasy.

And in the case I’m not feeling in the mood (HA! High libido is a curse when you are single), I would rather have my husband have an outlet instead of just being sexually frustrated.

This is another lie that the devil has been so good at implanting in our minds. That a guy simply “cannot go without sex” and if he does he will die. You will not die from lack of sex. That is why the Catholic Church is so brilliant, so wise in her teaching of NFP. We have so many great teachings, but this one, this one is the golden ticket. In learning NFP we learn how to temper these sexual desires. It is likened to fasting, we sacrifice for the greater glory. Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder. But you learn self mastery. You learn that sex is not all about the physical act of intercourse. It is about giving of yourself to your spouse. Remember at mass and in the scriptures where it says “Take this all of you…this is my body given up for you.” This is what we say to our spouse in that marital embrace. This is my body given up for love of you.

If you and your (future) husband truly understand sex, he does not need an “outlet” for anything. Whether you think that masturbating in the comfort of a room looking at porn or having sex with another woman is different, it is not. It is still all about lust. It is not about being called to uniting with our spouse in the marital act. It is and will taint your marriage and your sex life. It is satan’s way of driving a wedge in your life as husband and wife. I have seen it too many times. Don’t fall for the lies. You are worth more than this world teaches you in your (future) marriage.

And I have read Theology of the Body, btw.

Good for you! It is an amazing teaching and I have read “cliff notes” of it and I plan on getting further into a study of this teaching soon. If you have read ToTB then you should not be shocked by the things that I am saying.

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

There’s a Christian singer named Michael O’Brien (not the Catholic one who travels to Medjugorje). I saw an interview that he and his wife did about this very issue. Very uplifting. He talks about overcoming this and why he overcame it. Beautiful story. He read a book called Every Man’s Battle, which changed his life.

Thanks for pointing that out, I had forgot about his story. There is also a story about Clay Crosse (a Christian singer) that had the same struggle. I think that you can find some of his story on YouTube.

 

[crazzeto]

I have been married for 5 yrs, my husband and I got married outside the church and I am now returning to my faith. He is not catholic and has no intentions of ever becoming one, which is ok. He has watched porn since he was 13. We have had several conversations about this and how it makes me feel as a woman. He claims he has stopped the past 2-3 months because I threatened our marriage if it didn’t stop. He doesn’t understand though why I feel the way I do and claims that all men do it and its natural!! Is is true?? I am especially looking for male (name removed by moderator)ut here.

No, not all men watch porn… I am a man, I have no desire to watch porn, there you are. I would disagree with your statement that “it’s fine” that he doesn’t become Catholic. If you do have, or plan to have childeren then the Fathers faith (or lack there of) is very influential in the childs views on God and Faith. I wouldn’t go giving him ultimatums right now, but I would see if he’s open to at least learning the faith. That might get your foot in the door for a conversion hopefully.

Good luck, and God bless.

 

[MrZetterlund]

Hello, I’m sixteen. I used to watch porn all da time.

But I stopped for two reasons #1. God is watching me. #2. We switched over to Mediacom so I don’t get Cinamax after ours anymore.

But that craving for naked women on my TV screen still lingers around.

 

[moto5150]

I have been married for 5 yrs, my husband and I got married outside the church and I am now returning to my faith. He is not catholic and has no intentions of ever becoming one, which is ok. He has watched porn since he was 13. We have had several conversations about this and how it makes me feel as a woman. He claims he has stopped the past 2-3 months because I threatened our marriage if it didn’t stop. He doesn’t understand though why I feel the way I do and claims that all men do it and its natural!! Is is true?? I am especially looking for male (name removed by moderator)ut here.

Not that I am in any way qualified to answer this, but I am going to address a seemingly equally serious issue in your post that is not even related to porn. As a husband (who dealt with VERY SIMILAR issues) my wife had the same response as you. I am a typical male, into sports, high-adrenaline lifestyle, ridiculously high sex drive, etc… I struggled with this issue as well. Mostly at times when my wife was witheld intimacy for months at a time, and instead of turning to the disciplines of my faith, I found it easier to act out and satisfy my “need”. Absolutely WRONG!

That being said, Mamanurse, please hear this: Threatening your husband with your marriage will cause him to withdraw into protective mode. Ultimately what you are doing is telling him that he is not worthy of you in his state of sin, and your approach to resolving the issue will present you with one absolutely MASSIVE obstacle: Dishonesty. He, like myself and many other men, will find it nearly impossible to tell you if he struggles with this in the future, as you have let it be known that it’s a potential deal breaker. This gives him nothing to loose to lie to you, and everything to gain. A man will do almost anything to hold his family together, and to many men, and to our fault, it includes dishonesty.

May I offer this approach:
“Your interactions with these images makes me feel cheap, dirty, unloved and unprotected. I know you do not intend for it to make me feel this way, but as a woman, it does. I love you very much, and I respect you as a man, even though you have the ability to hurt me so much. I understand how pornography can be so attractive, but to a woman who is so much in love with you and respects you so greatly, it is equally repulsive. Let’s see what we can do to work through this issue, because I cannot continue to feel this way and respect you as I should.”

I dont know, but I think that might get you somewhere. It would if you were talking to me, that’s for sure.

Thoughts?

 

[CountrySinger]

But why would you settle? Why would you be okay with something like that? It seems that you have bought into the lie of the culture. You most certainly are worthy of your husband (or future husband) giving you all the honor and respect in the world. Does Christ not do that for His bride? This is where we as Catholics have to have a higher standard and not “eat out of the dumpster” when God has a banquet waiting for us.

You, as a woman, are not here for a man’s selfish pleasure. You are not a sexual object and sex is not about pleasure. Pleasure is a by product of the act. Sex is about unification of a husband and wife. A renewal of their wedding vows. Giving to each other, totally, faithfully, fruitfully and fully.

You should demand that a husband “stand to be married to you for life and not have any other woman.” You ARE worthy of that. You should not think otherwise. See that is the lie that so many have bought into. “Will I ever be good enough?” “Can I always be the woman that he wants?” “But I do not look like a supermodel.” “But I have put on a little weight.” Looking at Ephesians 5 we, as men, are given specific instructions on how to treat our wives. “Husbands love your wives as Christ loves the Church.” That is powerful. Sometimes our love will call us to the cross. Sometimes our sexual urges will go unfulfilled, but we suffer for the greater glory. Christ came to his marriage bed (the cross) in agony, not ecstasy.

This is another lie that the devil has been so good at implanting in our minds. That a guy simply “cannot go without sex” and if he does he will die. You will not die from lack of sex. That is why the Catholic Church is so brilliant, so wise in her teaching of NFP. We have so many great teachings, but this one, this one is the golden ticket. In learning NFP we learn how to temper these sexual desires. It is likened to fasting, we sacrifice for the greater glory. Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder. But you learn self mastery. You learn that sex is not all about the physical act of intercourse. It is about giving of yourself to your spouse. Remember at mass and in the scriptures where it says “Take this all of you…this is my body given up for you.” This is what we say to our spouse in that marital embrace. This is my body given up for love of you.

If you and your (future) husband truly understand sex, he does not need an “outlet” for anything. Whether you think that masturbating in the comfort of a room looking at porn or having sex with another woman is different, it is not. It is still all about lust. It is not about being called to uniting with our spouse in the marital act. It is and will taint your marriage and your sex life. It is satan’s way of driving a wedge in your life as husband and wife. I have seen it too many times. Don’t fall for the lies. You are worth more than this world teaches you in your (future) marriage.

Good for you! It is an amazing teaching and I have read “cliff notes” of it and I plan on getting further into a study of this teaching soon. If you have read ToTB then you should not be shocked by the things that I am saying.

I’m not shocked by it, I just think it is a bit of a pipe dream for me. I will probably win the lottery, get struck by lightening, become an international superstar, and then become the next pope before I would be able to find a guy who doesn’t like porn who is also willing to spend his life with me (ie, impossible). But I would look fetching in the pope hat.

And being single for the rest of my life isn’t an option. Really trust me, it isn’t an option. I was in a convent, and I was so desiring the physical aspect of marriage, I would get stress migraines and start twitching, and not be able to sleep. I would be a VERY good wife.

So I do have to settle somewhere, no man is perfect. I’m not going to turn down a man just because he likes porn. That’s like a guy rejecting me because I like cheescake and Elliott Yamin.