I want to buy sexy lingerie for honeymoon, but...

[katybird]

OK, I was wondering… is it, like, a bad thing to be thinking ahead to my wedding night and looking into buying something sexy for that night? (I’m thinking of something special and pretty that will also be my “something blue.”)

First of all, this means that I - as an as-yet-unmarried woman, will be contemplating sexual acts, and having images of them in my mind. They won’t be a huge turn on or lead me to impure acts, but is it wrong to even think “He might enjoy unbuttoning all these little buttons” or something like that?

And, even if I WERE already married before I went shopping, this still involves going into stores that have all sorts of provocative things hanging from the racks. Some of them are frilly and satiny, and some of them are downright silly (like thong undies with racy epigrams on them). Somehow, I’ve gotten the idea that those sorts of places were sinful, or at least unholy, but I’m not sure why I should assume so.

What do you all think?

 

[deb1]

katybird:

OK, I was wondering… is it, like, a bad thing to be thinking ahead to my wedding night and looking into buying something sexy for that night? (I’m thinking of something special and pretty that will also be my “something blue.”)

First of all, this means that I - as an as-yet-unmarried woman, will be contemplating sexual acts, and having images of them in my mind. They won’t be a huge turn on or lead me to impure acts, but is it wrong to even think “He might enjoy unbuttoning all these little buttons” or something like that?

And, even if I WERE already married before I went shopping, this still involves going into stores that have all sorts of provocative things hanging from the racks. Some of them are frilly and satiny, and some of them are downright silly (like thong undies with racy epigrams on them). Somehow, I’ve gotten the idea that those sorts of places were sinful, or at least unholy, but I’m not sure why I should assume so.

What do you all think?

There is nothing wrong in buying lingerie for your honeymoon or for the enjoyment of your future hubby.

Maybe I am abnormally stoic, I have been in a VIctoria’s Secret, for example, and other then gasping at the prices of the outfits, I don’t remember being upset by provacative nature of the store. You do realize that many less expensive department stores carry very nice lingerie without either the price tag or any sort of sexual atmosphere?

 

[mercygate]

katybird:

OK, I was wondering… is it, like, a bad thing to be thinking ahead to my wedding night and looking into buying something sexy for that night? (I’m thinking of something special and pretty that will also be my “something blue.”)

First of all, this means that I - as an as-yet-unmarried woman, will be contemplating sexual acts, and having images of them in my mind. They won’t be a huge turn on or lead me to impure acts, but is it wrong to even think “He might enjoy unbuttoning all these little buttons” or something like that?

And, even if I WERE already married before I went shopping, this still involves going into stores that have all sorts of provocative things hanging from the racks. Some of them are frilly and satiny, and some of them are downright silly (like thong undies with racy epigrams on them). Somehow, I’ve gotten the idea that those sorts of places were sinful, or at least unholy, but I’m not sure why I should assume so.

What do you all think?

Hey, katybird, have ya read The Song of Solomon? There’s a Baptist preacher who says, “There are two great Christian institutions in shopping malls: Joshua’s books, and Victoria’s Secret!”

 

[StratusRose]

katybird:

OK, I was wondering… is it, like, a bad thing to be thinking ahead to my wedding night and looking into buying something sexy for that night? (I’m thinking of something special and pretty that will also be my “something blue.”)

First of all, this means that I - as an as-yet-unmarried woman, will be contemplating sexual acts, and having images of them in my mind. They won’t be a huge turn on or lead me to impure acts, but is it wrong to even think “He might enjoy unbuttoning all these little buttons” or something like that?

And, even if I WERE already married before I went shopping, this still involves going into stores that have all sorts of provocative things hanging from the racks. Some of them are frilly and satiny, and some of them are downright silly (like thong undies with racy epigrams on them). Somehow, I’ve gotten the idea that those sorts of places were sinful, or at least unholy, but I’m not sure why I should assume so.

What do you all think?

Well it’s a thin line I guess. But I don’t see anything wrong with it. Imagining future relations with your husband is not impure. (I think.)

 

[LovedOne]

I don’t think there is anything at all wrong with buying sexy lingerie (married ladies of course! ) Remember that God designed men to be stimulated “visually.”
Nothin’ wrong with being visually appealing to your husband!

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

katybird:

OK, I was wondering… is it, like, a bad thing to be thinking ahead to my wedding night and looking into buying something sexy for that night? (I’m thinking of something special and pretty that will also be my “something blue.”)

It is not bad at all! What could be more special that you and your husband becoming “one flesh” literally? With all of the pre-marital sex going on nowadays, you are lucky to have that wedding night to look forward to.

First of all, this means that I - as an as-yet-unmarried woman, will be contemplating sexual acts, and having images of them in my mind. They won’t be a huge turn on or lead me to impure acts, but is it wrong to even think “He might enjoy unbuttoning all these little buttons” or something like that?

Relax. You are allowed to look forward to sex with your husband!

You said yourself that buying lingerie will not lead you to impure acts. You know yourself better than we do.

I think it’s sweet that you are thinking of his reaction (the buttons) and are not making this all about yourself and your looks. It is truly about the two of you.

And, even if I WERE already married before I went shopping, this still involves going into stores that have all sorts of provocative things hanging from the racks.

Driving down the street, riding the bus, watching tv commercials, and just walking down the street open you up to all kinds of provocative images. You avoid them when you can, but there will be many times that you can’t. It is not sinful to shop for lingerie.

Some of them are frilly and satiny, and some of them are downright silly (like thong undies with racy epigrams on them). Somehow, I’ve gotten the idea that those sorts of places were sinful, or at least unholy, but I’m not sure why I should assume so.

Some of “those places” can be sinful. But not your average lingerie store in the mall, lol. As for unholy, well I can’t see having Mass inside the store, so I guess it is .

What do you all think?

I think you should find something pretty and special and blue.

If you are uncomfortable actually going shopping for lingerie, consider buying something online. I personally like to try things on and make sure they fit, but plenty of people love shopping online.

Malia

 

[GodBlessJoanie]

Sex within the confines of a Sacramental marriage is like all of Christ’s gifts - nothing less than perfect. Thinking about that gift is well…heaven on earth… wouldn’t you say?

Blessings,
Joanie

 

[kaymart]

There is nothing wrong whatsoever with this. In fact, after 30 years, hidden in a plastic bag in bottom drawer is my little honeymoon teddy. We too waited and that’s why its so special.

 

[LittleDeb]

kaymart:

There is nothing wrong whatsoever with this. In fact, after 30 years, hidden in a plastic bag in bottom drawer is my little honeymoon teddy. We too waited and that’s why its so special.

My mom still has hers too, after 40 years. She waited also. I wish I had.

To katybird, I also would recommend the department stores due to the prices and morality issues. If you know a great seamstress you can have one made. I made a gorgeous one for a dear friend so she could have just what she wanted. We had fittings and everything. It was my wedding gift to them.

 

[Magicsilence]

I hate to be the one that puts a downer on things but is it not a sin to lust over anyone? If you are making yourself very sexually attractive to your husband will he not long for sex?

If i were to get married, I think sex would be my biggest fear, for lust is so easy a sin to fall in to.

Sexy lingerie is a phenomenon of the modern times. I dont agree with it.

Have you established the reason behind buying it? Is it purely to make your hubby happy, or perhaps make you slightly more attractive to him? Vanity?

I think the line here is very very very thin.

I didnt mean to offend anyone, so please, no flaming…

 

[StratusRose]

Magicsilence:

I hate to be the one that puts a downer on things but is it not a sin to lust over anyone? If you are making yourself very sexually attractive to your husband will he not long for sex?

If i were to get married, I think sex would be my biggest fear, for lust is so easy a sin to fall in to.

Sexy lingerie is a phenomenon of the modern times. I dont agree with it.

Have you established the reason behind buying it? Is it purely to make your hubby happy, or perhaps make you slightly more attractive to him? Vanity?

I think the line here is very very very thin.

I didnt mean to offend anyone, so please, no flaming…

The only way you would know if her husband was lusting for her is if you were able to examine his conscience and perhaps hers. What if she were just naked, it would still make him excited, no? Since they are getting married and I assume they have saved sex for the wedding night, then what makes you think he’d lust for her? If two people willingly wait for each other, that is LOVE!

 

[mercygate]

LittleDeb:

My mom still has hers too, after 40 years. She waited also. I wish I had.

To katybird, I also would recommend the department stores due to the prices and morality issues. If you know a great seamstress you can have one made. I made a gorgeous one for a dear friend so she could have just what she wanted. We had fittings and everything. It was my wedding gift to them.

Mine was a beautiful white nightgown with a lace top and a matching peignoir. Yup: still have it after 34 years.

 

[kaymart]

I thought I was the only one who kept hers

 

[mercygate]

kaymart:

I thought I was the only one who kept hers

And I thought* I *was the only one.

Oh, and mine was also kind of special because my mom, whose only personal money came from what she salvaged from between the couch cushions and what was left in pockets on laundry day, went shopping with me and gave it to me as a personal gift from a mother to her daughter . . . Since my mother was in many ways extremely “difficult,” this was extraordinary.

 

[katybird]

I don’t want to mislead anyone… I am NOT a virgin! I just mean that we’re not having sex until we’re married, but we are NOT virgins!

OK, somebody talked about lust above… what is lust? I mean, in the confines of a marriage, where does desire fit in? Is it lust? Is lust a sexual desire that doesn’t love the person being desired? Using your spouse as an object or a means to an end?

Years ago, I knew a very sick man who was highly addicted to porn and had many, many sexual problems. When I realized what he was really like, I got the idea that there could be an opposite…

What about the idea that sex should be so holy that you would have no problem praying together, out loud, while doing it? If you feel funny praying the rosary out loud, and remembering that Jesus is in the room with you, does that mean that there is something dirty in what you doing and your conscience is telling you something. Shouldn’t our hearts be so pure that we’d pray before and after sex just as we pray before and after meals?

Don’t get me wrong - I’d feel REALLY weird praying before, during, or after sex (except maybe quietly in my head) but I’d say that that means that I’ve got some scarring in my soul and it’s proof that I’m not holy and pure in my heart.

 

[mercygate]

katybird:

I don’t want to mislead anyone… I am NOT a virgin! I just mean that we’re not having sex until we’re married, but we are NOT virgins!

OK, somebody talked about lust above… what is lust? I mean, in the confines of a marriage, where does desire fit in? Is it lust? Is lust a sexual desire that doesn’t love the person being desired? Using your spouse as an object or a means to an end?

Years ago, I knew a very sick man who was highly addicted to porn and had many, many sexual problems. When I realized what he was really like, I got the idea that there could be an opposite…

What about the idea that sex should be so holy that you would have no problem praying together, out loud, while doing it? If you feel funny praying the rosary out loud, and remembering that Jesus is in the room with you, does that mean that there is something dirty in what you doing and your conscience is telling you something. Shouldn’t our hearts be so pure that we’d pray before and after sex just as we pray before and after meals?

Don’t get me wrong - I’d feel REALLY weird praying before, during, or after sex (except maybe quietly in my head) but I’d say that that means that I’ve got some scarring in my soul and it’s proof that I’m not holy and pure in my heart.

This is available from Focus on the Family; you and your fiance should listen to it together. It’s a delight. (This is the Baptist I mentioned in an earlier post.)

Focus Resource Center - God’s Design For Intimacy I-II by Rev. Tommy Nelson
Broadcast CD: Is every wedding holy? Is all sex divine? If not, what makes the difference? Hear the answers, and experience God’s best!
http://www.family.org/resources/itempg.cfm?itemid=4528

 

[Benedictus]

Magicsilence:

I hate to be the one that puts a downer on things but is it not a sin to lust over anyone? If you are making yourself very sexually attractive to your husband will he not long for sex?

Desiring sex with one’s spouse is not the same as lust. If a spouse isn’t trying to be attractive for the other spouse, then he/she isn’t doing his/her job. The new Catechism says that lust is a disordered desired for sexual pleasure. Desiring sex with one’s spouse is not disordered.

If i were to get married, I think sex would be my biggest fear, for lust is so easy a sin to fall in to.

I’d guess that you’re young (less than 20?), new to the faith, or have some type of sexual history that you regret. One of the purposes of marriage is to relieve concupiscence.

Sexy lingerie is a phenomenon of the modern times. I dont agree with it.

Well that’s fine, but there is nothing wrong with it, if you’re married. Is it okay to see a spouse naked, but not in sexy lingerie?

I think the line here is very very very thin.

I don’t know how thin it is.

 

[LovedOne]

Magicsilence:

I hate to be the one that puts a downer on things but is it not a sin to lust over anyone? If you are making yourself very sexually attractive to your husband will he not long for sex?

If i were to get married, I think sex would be my biggest fear, for lust is so easy a sin to fall in to.

Sexy lingerie is a phenomenon of the modern times. I dont agree with it.

Have you established the reason behind buying it? Is it purely to make your hubby happy, or perhaps make you slightly more attractive to him? Vanity?

I think the line here is very very very thin.

I didnt mean to offend anyone, so please, no flaming…

You are confusing “passion” with “lust.”
Passion for each other in marriage is a beautiful thing.
Lust is “disordered” passion - looking ONLY at the other as an object.
You cannot separate the desire for physical closeness and attraction for your spouse from the love you feel for them.
They go together when ordered properly.
That’s the way God designed it.

 

[Orionthehunter]

katybird:

What about the idea that sex should be so holy that you would have no problem praying together, out loud, while doing it? If you feel funny praying the rosary out loud, and remembering that Jesus is in the room with you, does that mean that there is something dirty in what you doing and your conscience is telling you something. Shouldn’t our hearts be so pure that we’d pray before and after sex just as we pray before and after meals?

Don’t get me wrong - I’d feel REALLY weird praying before, during, or after sex (except maybe quietly in my head) but I’d say that that means that I’ve got some scarring in my soul and it’s proof that I’m not holy and pure in my heart.

Consummating your marriage within the marital embrace is holy and its own prayer. I love my wife and it is impossible for me to lust after her. Don’t get me wrong. I do love to be amorous with her but within the boundaries of love for her, there is no lust.

 

[12345678]

I think most people are giving you their opinions. This is not my opinion, this is what I learned from several very good priests while I was getting ready for marriage and had similar questions:

1. You should not dwell upon images in your mind of sexual acts you will be doing with your future husband. It is very possible images will come without you purposely thinking about it, the important thing is that you reject them rather than entertain them.
2. You do have to be careful with what you look at or where you go and the effects they can have on you.
3. The items you select to wear can be pretty and feminine but be careful to not objectify yourself.
4. There are several books such as “Love and Responsibility” and some of Christopher West’s books that explain the thin line between lust and love. Ideally, married love is pure, but with the original sin this is easily contaminated. Its a tough subject but you should look into it before getting married to get a clearer view of how you should approach this.