I want to buy sexy lingerie for honeymoon, but...

[12345678]

Princess_Abby:

He did suggest we discuss what we are comfortable with on our wedding night with our future spouses, and specifically what we would be uncomfortable with so as to have a set of clear expectations. Many chaste, praciticing Catholics have set their feet firmly in virtue and are not going to be driven to sin merely by discussing a topic relevant to their future marital intimacy and health. Discussing something usually involves thinking.

And that was also only half of my post.

Katybird, I wish you the best on your wedding night and pray that your preparations are both adequate and full of anticipation for a long, happy life together with your new spouse.

Ok, I will comment on the other half of the post if you insist. I think you are taking on a role that doesn’t belong to you of deciding whether things are sinful or not for Katybird. That is why I hadn’t commented on it.

 

[12345678]

CuriousInIL:

I don’t think it will or needs to turn into a first this then that discussion. However, it could easily (and should) include a “I am not at all interested in _____ but we could ______.”

Ok, that would fall under expectations, you can talk about it without getting in much detail. That is not the same as sitting there and saying “I will unbotton each little button then etc” or pausing to imagine each act. An image may come to mind but you don’t need to dwell on it.

What had been said earlier is that it is ok to sit and think about it.

 

[Princess_Abby]

12345678:

Ok, I will comment on the other half of the post if you insist. I think you are taking on a role that doesn’t belong to you of deciding whether things are sinful or not for Katybird. That is why I hadn’t commented on it.

Inaccurate, but you are welcome to your continued interpretations.

 

[12345678]

“Love and Responsibility” from JPII is another good resource for learning about the beauty of sexuality and man and woman. Great for marriage preparation.

 

[kaymart]

12345678,I tried to be quiet after last night, but this is getting ridiculous. The book you metion could also give impure thoughts if a person is inclined to be, even if it writen by Our Dear Late Pope John PauI II. I mean, it does talk about Sexuality, right, and you said no thoughts of wedding night should occur. There is nothing dirty, lustful or disgusting about love between a man and woman who are married. There is nothing dirty about a woman buying a pretty nightie to surprise her husband, knowing full well he will want to be with her, as there is nothing wrong with a husband buying candles and wine to “set the mood” Yes, they know full well sex (or lovemaking a term I prefer to use) could occur, but God did not create us to be machines with no feelings whatsoever. If you are thinking of the one you love, (not in distugusting way, but holding him in your arms ect.) and you are Married or in the case of the OP about to be Married it is not a SIN. When is she suposse to plan her wedding night, on her 3rd Anniversery? Isn’t her future husband sinning for he more then likely reserved a room for the Night knowing what they are going to do. It’s time you got real.

 

[12345678]

12345678,I tried to be quiet after last night, but this is getting ridiculous. I left so you went after others. The book you metion could also give impure thoughts if a person is inclined to be, even if it writen by Our Dear Late Pope John PauI II. I mean, it does talk about Sexuality, right, and you said no thoughts of wedding night should occur. There is nothing dirty, lustful or disgusting about love between a man and woman who are married. There is nothing dirty about a woman buying a pretty nightie to surprise her husband, knowing full well he will want to be with her, as there is nothing wrong with a husband buying candles and wine to “set the mood” Yes, they know full well sex (or lovemaking a term I prefer to use) could occur, but God did not create us to be machines with no feelings whatsoever. If you are thinking of the one you love, (not in distugusting way, but holding him in your arms ect.) and you are Married or in the case of the OP about to be Married it is not a SIN. When is she suposse to plan her wedding night, on her 3rd Anniversery? Isn’t her future husband sinning for he more then likely reserved a room for the Night knowing what they are going to do. It’s time you got real.

Sorry for just trying to help with what I have learned.
BTW, I never said it was dirty for a woman to buy a nightie (if you read my posts I actually said I bought some too) nor did I say any of the ridiculous things you just said. All I am trying to say is that it is not ok to sit and purposely bring to your mind thoughts of imagining of sexual acts with your future spouse. Obviously you know lovemaking will occur, there is nothing wrong with knowing that and that is** not ** the same thing and sitting and thinking of acts. If you are buying something and a thought pops up, if you are discussing something in preparation and a thought pops up, if you are reading something in preparation and a thought pops up, is very different from sitting there and bringing them up on your own for pure entertainment or what not. If a thought pops up you can just reject it, you don’t need to dwell on it. What you said does not logically follow what I am talking about, once again, so maybe you should reread what I wrote before typing anything else.

And one more thing, it has occured before that people have gotten engaged and then not married… (and katybird, please don’t think I think this will be your case, and btw actually I think it is great that you are trying to find what is right). So, is it ok to think about lovemaking with them, even if you end up marrying someone else?

Now if you want to keep twisting what I say and make it sound like I say that sex is bad (which obviously it is not) or that being excited about your first night is bad (which obviously its not) or any other ridiculous item, be my guest. I was just trying to contribute with what I learned investigating a very similar question when I was getting ready to be married. We aren’t the only ones who read this, other people do and it may affect their opinions. Also, can I help it if other people addressed what I was saying? Am I only allowed to “debate” with you? Sorry, just getting tired of this.

 

[12345678]

I have no clue where you got this from.

kaymart:

I mean, it does talk about Sexuality, right, and you said no thoughts of wedding night should occur…

Never said nor suggested that. In fact I said:
“It is, ask any good priest (I did, and found it is not good). Its normal for these thoughts to pop up in your mind, but you have to reject them rather than entertain them.”

I wrote this as a response to you personally, twice.

kaymart:

There is nothing dirty, lustful or disgusting about love between a man and woman who are married.

Never said nor suggested that

kaymart:

There is nothing dirty about a woman buying a pretty nightie to surprise her husband, knowing full well he will want to be with her, as there is nothing wrong with a husband buying candles and wine to “set the mood”

Never said nor suggested that. I said:
I think buying lingerie 4 the wedding night is not bad at all. How else will you have any for your wedding night/ honeymoon. The problem is thinking about what exactly you will be doing"

I posted this in a response to you personally.

kaymart:

Yes, they know full well sex (or lovemaking a term I prefer to use) could occur, but God did not create us to be machines with no feelings whatsoever. If you are thinking of the one you love, (not in distugusting way, but holding him in your arms ect.) and you are Married or in the case of the OP about to be Married it is not a SIN.

Never said nor suggested that

kaymart:

When is she suposse to plan her wedding night, on her 3rd Anniversery? Isn’t her future husband sinning for he more then likely reserved a room for the Night knowing what they are going to do. It’s time you got real.

Never said nor suggested that. I said:
"I think buying lingerie 4 the wedding night is not bad at all. How else will you have any for your wedding night/ honeymoon."

Posted in a response to you personally.

 

[Princess_Abby]

Even if kaymart is not quoting you verbatim, I think you have indeed suggested some of what she has pointed out. Perhaps that has not been your intention, and I hope it hasn’t been, but clearly it’s been perceived that way. Any other posters who offers examples of contexts in which it would be appropriate to discuss and think about sexuality in a specific sense with a future spouse, are met with disapproval and chastisement from you.

The only reason I even keep participating in this thread is because your seeming rigidity and scrupulosity in this regard could be very confusing for both Katybird and other young, soon-to-be-newlyweds. The last thing any bride needs is the stress of wondering whether or not she’s sinning due to anticipating her nuptial embrace in a chaste way! If you could maybe let everyone know that you agree there are certain occasions and contexts in which young, engaged couples could prepare, discuss and consider their impending lovemaking…then maybe we will have reached some common ground and engaged couples won’t go running to the confessional unnecessarily.

 

[kaymart]

Princess_Abby:

Even if kaymart is not quoting you verbatim, I think you have indeed suggested some of what she has pointed out. Perhaps that has not been your intention, and I hope it hasn’t been, but clearly it’s been perceived that way. Any other posters who offers examples of contexts in which it would be appropriate to discuss and think about sexuality in a specific sense with a future spouse, are met with disapproval and chastisement from you.

The only reason I even keep participating in this thread is because your seeming rigidity and scrupulosity in this regard could be very confusing for both Katybird and other young, soon-to-be-newlyweds. The last thing any bride needs is the stress of wondering whether or not she’s sinning due to anticipating her nuptial embrace in a chaste way! If you could maybe let everyone know that you agree there are certain occasions and contexts in which young, engaged couples could prepare, discuss and consider their impending lovemaking…then maybe we will have reached some common ground and engaged couples won’t go running to the confessional unnecessarily.

Thank you Abby, I tried to always try talk delicately about topics of sex,when I say for example “think about “it”” His/her mind seems to gravitate “to think about it” means “Graphic Sex like two animals in heat” full of impure thoughts, sorry to use this expression but it seems this person is getting his/her jollies off of this topic I believe 21 of 27 posts (give or take a few) are on this one topic. I’m done responing to this person, for I enjoy talking with everyone here on a variety of subjects and not letting one person ruin it. Thank you again, see you on another thread!!! PS to Katybird, My Best Wishes for a long and Happy Marriage. Kay

 

[12345678]

Princess_Abby:

Even if kaymart is not quoting you verbatim, I think you have indeed suggested some of what she has pointed out. Perhaps that has not been your intention, and I hope it hasn’t been, but clearly it’s been perceived that way. Any other posters who offers examples of contexts in which it would be appropriate to discuss and think about sexuality in a specific sense with a future spouse, are met with disapproval and chastisement from you.

The only reason I even keep participating in this thread is because your seeming rigidity and scrupulosity in this regard could be very confusing for both Katybird and other young, soon-to-be-newlyweds. The last thing any bride needs is the stress of wondering whether or not she’s sinning due to anticipating her nuptial embrace in a chaste way! If you could maybe let everyone know that you agree there are certain occasions and contexts in which young, engaged couples could prepare, discuss and consider their impending lovemaking…then maybe we will have reached some common ground and engaged couples won’t go running to the confessional unnecessarily.

I really don’t understand why you think this if I have even quoted posts in which I am actually saying the opposite of what she says I am.
Anyways, that makes two of us. I only keep participating because I am worried that someone might read this and think it is ok to purposely sit and think of themselves engaging in sexual acts with another person. I learned this is wrong and wanted to share that. Now, I don’t understand why every time I say this someone has to come and twist what I say into something that makes no sense at all and is usually a terrible misconception.

Can you prepare for your wedding night? Of course! Can you buy a nightie for your wedding night? Of course! etc. etc.
You can do all of this without dwelling on thoughts of sexual acts

All I was saying is that it is not ok entertain thoughts of sexual acts. Not my opinion, just what I learned. If your opinion is different and I seem rigid or scrupulous for that, sorry. I would rather seem like that then lie about what I learned just to help calm consciences.

 

[Princess_Abby]

Kay, you summed it up quite accurately.

 

[Lizzie]

Why spend money in a shopping mall?

Has romance and true love been reduced to this?

 

[bear06]

Can you prepare for your wedding night? Of course! Can you buy a nightie for your wedding night? Of course! etc. etc.
You can do all of this without dwelling on thoughts of sexual acts

See, you and I are getting to different ideas about what has been said. I don’t think anyone here has said that anyone should dwell on thoughts of sexual acts. There’s a difference between “Hmmm… I wonder if my husband will or won’t like unbuttoning these buttons?” and “Wow, I’m imagining him opening this button, and then this button…” etc. Is anyone here thinking that the latter should happen? I don’t think so but maybe I’m wrong. This seems to be what 12345… is thinking you are saying.

 

[bear06]

Lizzie:

Why spend money in a shopping mall?

Has romance and true love been reduced to this?

If you are married, don’t you ever dress up for your husband? This is simply dressing up for a private rendevous. Like I said, St. Thomas Aquinas says this isn’t a bad thing.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Lizzie:

Why spend money in a shopping mall?

Has romance and true love been reduced to this?

Why not?

Romance and true love can be expressed in many ways…each couple has their own preferences and, unless immoral, none of them are wrong. It is a private issue and it doesn’t mean that you have to agree, but you need not criticize…

Malia

 

[12345678]

bear06:

See, you and I are getting to different ideas about what has been said. I don’t think anyone here has said that anyone should dwell on thoughts of sexual acts. There’s a difference between “Hmmm… I wonder if my husband will or won’t like unbuttoning these buttons?” and “Wow, I’m imagining him opening this button, and then this button…” etc. Is anyone here thinking that the latter should happen? I don’t think so but maybe I’m wrong. This seems to be what 12345… is thinking you are saying.

Well, I hope you are right (that no one thinks its ok).

I just don’t understand why I keep getting attacked by the same two people every time I say that exact thing (the phrase one should not dwell on thoughts of sexual acts…)

I’ve already made the point, if they want to keep making nonsense of it, fine by me.

BTW, I appreciate your honest replies. All your posts on this topic have been honest and logical.

 

[12345678]

kaymart:

Thank you Abby, I tried to always try talk delicately about topics of sex,when I say for example “think about “it”” His/her mind seems to gravitate “to think about it” means “Graphic Sex like two animals in heat” full of impure thoughts, sorry to use this expression but it seems this person is getting his/her jollies off of this topic I believe 21 of 27 posts (give or take a few) are on this one topic. I’m done responing to this person, for I enjoy talking with everyone here on a variety of subjects and not letting one person ruin it. Thank you again, see you on another thread!!! PS to Katybird, My Best Wishes for a long and Happy Marriage. Kay

Sorry if disagreeing with you “ruins it”.

I am quite glad you are done talking about this topic though, I am tired of the insults.

I too wish Katybird a wonderful Marriage, full of many blessings!!!

 

[La_Chiara]

12345678:

I just don’t understand why I keep getting attacked by the same two people every time I say that exact thing (the phrase one should not dwell on thoughts of sexual acts…)

I’ve already made the point, if they want to keep making nonsense of it, fine by me.

Let’s hope katybird can glean some useful insights from this thread, despite the squabbling. I am sure kaymart and Princess Abby only meant to help 1234568 clarify her posts, and did not intend to attack her. Right, ladies?

 

[LovedOne]

12345678:

“Such self-mastery involves both avoiding occasions which might provoke or encourage sin as well as knowing how to overcome one’s own natural instinctive impulses.”

You are making the incorrect assumption that thinking of ANYTHING sexual within the context of married love requires “self-mastery” and is an “occasion which might provoke or encourage SIN.”
I agree with the poster who said you are rigid and suffer from scupulosity.
And it concerns me that the thousands of posters who read the threads here and are interested in the truth and beauty of the Catholic faith will be TURNED OFF because of your narrow and innaccurate take on what constitutes “lust” and what constitutes rightly ordered desire and passion that God placed in the pure hearts of men and women.
To you - ALL passion and desire is lust.
And readers who are reading here - please do not think that.
Lust is a disordered desire for another seeing them only as an object and a means to an end.
Hardly the case of a betrothed beloved about to enter into the sacrament of matrimony and joyfully anticipating it.

For those readers so curious, please read Pope John Paul II’s “Theology of the Body” and also Christopher West’s “Good News About Sex & Marriage” which explains in wonderful language easy to read the beauty of married love.

 

[kaymart]

La Chiara:

Let’s hope katybird can glean some useful insights from this thread, despite the squabbling. I am sure kaymart and Princess Abby only meant to help 1234568 clarify her posts, and did not intend to attack her. Right, ladies?

That’s all I tried to do, (started with the interpetation of what this person’s Priest had said, that’s all) I am not saying anymore, for everytime I do, it gets twisted.