I want to buy sexy lingerie for honeymoon, but...

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StratusRose:
Well it’s a thin line I guess. But I don’t see anything wrong with it. Imagining future relations with your husband is not impure. (I think.)
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It is, ask any good priest (I did, and found it is not good). Its normal for these thoughts to pop up in your mind, but you have to reject them rather than entertain them.
First of all, you aren’t even married yet, so sex is not ok yet, and second of all, sex is a giving of yourself to the other, not a taking of the other for your own entertainment (thoughts) or pleasure.

Even if you are planning on getting married for sure, the deed isn’t done till you actually get married, so you are still a single woman thinking of sexual relations.
 
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12345678:
Even if you are planning on getting married for sure, the deed isn’t done till you actually get married, so you are still a single woman thinking of sexual relations.
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Thinking of sexual relations is not intrinsically evil. It’s thinking about them for the purpose of arousal that makes it lust. For example, when you give your kids “the talk” it is not a sin. Preparing for your wedding night is not an act of lust.
 
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Genesis315:
Thinking of sexual relations is not intrinsically evil. It’s thinking about them for the purpose of arousal that makes it lust. For example, when you give your kids “the talk” it is not a sin. Preparing for your wedding night is not an act of lust.
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I never said it was. That would be crazy to say it was. It just depends on how you prepare for your wedding night.
  1. She did not ask about parents giving kids “the talk”, which in itself is very different from imagining sexual acts with your future husband.
    Somehow I doubt that a mother that is about to tell little Suzy the truth about the birds and the bees will be thinking and saying the same things that a person imagining their wedding night is thinking.
  2. I agree, preparing for your wedding night is not an act of lust. You can prepare for your wedding night very well without dwelling on thoughts of sexual acts or being involved in any acts of lust. In fact, it would be bad to prepare for your wedding night with acts of lust.
 
It is very possible for a husband and wife to lust after one another. This happens when the one sees the other as an object…or when both see each other as an object. Lust also occurs when a man and woman use birth control, condoms etc. I say lust can even occur if one uses NFP. Let me explain. If a person is using NFP saying I never want children and I never plan to have them…yet they are still having sex, this can lead to lust. But, if a person is using NFP and saying to God, " Thy Will be done" this is preventing lust from happening. Being open to life and the will of God will keep spouses from lusting after one another.
 
I do not think there is anything wrong with that.
I too still have my wedding night lingerie still;) . My sister gave it to me for a bridal shower gift - white spagetti strap short nightie in lace and satin with a matching peignoir.
 
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kaymart:
I thought I was the only one who kept hers:)
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Kept mine too! it was pink and black…the only NON traditional thing i did for my wedding! My bridesmaids went with me when we picked it out. now i have only been married 10 months, but i plan on wearing it again in two months. I think those things are very very special. like any other wedding keepsake. I also have the negliche my husbands grandmother and his mother bought for me, it was too small in the bust, but i have still kept it. its lovely. I dont think there is anything wrong with buying lingerie, my husband buys it for me too on special occasions and every now and thens, it makes me feel special and like he finds me sexy. Nothing wrong with it. have fun. That night will TRULY be nothing you will ever forget and nothing will ever top it.
 
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12345678:
and second of all, sex is a giving of yourself to the other, not a taking of the other for your own entertainment (thoughts) or pleasure.
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hold on let me explain something that is just my opinion, so take it as you will. When i wear lingerie for my husband i AM giving myself to him, i am hoping he likes the way it looks on me, and he is giving himself to me through the actual act. there is nothing wrong with doing something special for our spouses. God made womans body attractive to men for a reason, otherwise we would all be shaped like tissue boxes, so if i wear something in private to show off my curves and cleaveage that i show to NO one but my husband, whats wrong with that, my body is a gift to him. lingerie is just like wrapping paper 😉
 
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12345678:
It is, ask any good priest (I did, and found it is not good). Its normal for these thoughts to pop up in your mind, but you have to reject them rather than entertain them.
First of all, you aren’t even married yet, so sex is not ok yet, and second of all, sex is a giving of yourself to the other, not a taking of the other for your own entertainment (thoughts) or pleasure.

Even if you are planning on getting married for sure, the deed isn’t done till you actually get married, so you are still a single woman thinking of sexual relations.
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Pardon me, but have you ever hear of Pre-Cana Classes? They discuss sex in a mariage. Just like everything else, its part of Marriage, one has to think about it before they are ready to give themselves fully to one another. If you can even think about this then you are certainly not ready to marry. I think you Priest must be refering to impure thoughts of lust which is totally different. The OP is talking about her wedding night—not a weekend of lust.
 
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TarAshly:
hold on let me explain something that is just my opinion, so take it as you will. When i wear lingerie for my husband i AM giving myself to him, i am hoping he likes the way it looks on me, and he is giving himself to me through the actual act. there is nothing wrong with doing something special for our spouses. God made womans body attractive to men for a reason, otherwise we would all be shaped like tissue boxes, so if i wear something in private to show off my curves and cleaveage that i show to NO one but my husband, whats wrong with that, my body is a gift to him. lingerie is just like wrapping paper 😉
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I never said lingerie was bad, I have lingerie too, and some can be very pretty and feminine. All I was saying is that a woman should not purposely entertain thoughts of sexual acts with her future husband, plain and simple.
 
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kaymart:
Pardon me, but have you ever hear of Pre-Cana Classes? They discuss sex in a mariage. Just like everything else, its part of Marriage, one has to think about it before they are ready to give themselves fully to one another. If you can even think about this then you are certainly not ready to marry. I think you Priest must be refering to impure thoughts of lust which is totally different. The OP is talking about her wedding night—not a weekend of lust.
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Pardon me, but yes, I went to a Pre-Cana course and I don’t know about yours, but in mine we did not have a session to imagine sexual acts with our future spouse. One thing is maturely talking about sex and its role in marriage, its value, what it is, etc. (which was done) and another is thinking about different sexual acts with your future spouse on your own.
Of course its fine to talk about sex! within the correct context. Sex is something good and beautiful. I was just saying that thinking about sexual acts with your fiance is not correct (not my opinion, but what I learned).
 
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12345678:
Pardon me, but yes, I went to a Pre-Cana course and I don’t know about yours, but in mine we did not have a session to imagine sexual acts with our future spouse. One thing is maturely talking about sex and its role in marriage, its value, what it is, etc. (which was done) and another is thinking about different sexual acts with your future spouse on your own.
Of course its fine to talk about sex! within the correct context. Sex is something good and beautiful. I was just saying that thinking about sexual acts with your fiance is not correct (not my opinion, but what I learned).
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I’m sorry if I led you to believe this. All I was trying to say, we had a “PURE” talk on sex within the marriage. Your Priest, as I said before, I believe he was talking about lust, such as dreaming of the Act of sex and nothing else. Getting a little nightie for your special Wedding Night does not make you a sinful person. I went to Pre- Cana in 1976 we did not have a session like you said, nor did I say that.:mad: Please retract your statement(Session imagining sex with our future spouse) as it is insulting to me, my husband and the other people who attended that class. What I meant when I said “think about it” was not the act, but to commit yourself to one person Body and Soul Thank You. Keep your Mind out of the gutter please
 
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Benedictus:
Desiring sex with one’s spouse is not the same as lust. If a spouse isn’t trying to be attractive for the other spouse, then he/she isn’t doing his/her job. The new Catechism says that lust is a disordered desired for sexual pleasure. Desiring sex with one’s spouse is not disordered.

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Id say that desiring sex is the same as lust in most cases. If you desire sex because it just feels so good or whatever else, I think its wrong wrong wrong. However, if you desire it because you wish to please your husband/wife and unite with one another it is different. However I would guess that most people desire sex for the first option.

If desiring sex with ones spouse is not disordered how can lust be present in a marriage ever?
I’d guess that you’re young (less than 20?), new to the faith, or have some type of sexual history that you regret. One of the purposes of marriage is to relieve concupiscence.

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Lol, still a virgin, born and bred catholic but yes, 18. But its not like you think. As im sure you know (or maybe you dont, im not implying anything, 😛 ) , overcoming lust outside of marriage is one thing. And believe me, it is very hard for a teenager! And male at that, in this day and age. But to try and not have a desire for sex(evidently im referring to self gratification) when im doing it all the time, I cant think of a worse temptation! Just my take on it anyway.
Well that’s fine, but there is nothing wrong with it, if you’re married. Is it okay to see a spouse naked, but not in sexy lingerie?

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Id say there is a big difference between what is naturally there and what you add on so to speak. What is the purpose of lingerie? To make sex more exciting, to make one more attractive? To make ones spouse desire you more? I cant see how lingerie would be something God would condone. Sorry.
I don’t know how thin it is.
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I think its about as thin as it gets. 🙂

Anyway.

Its just my view on it. I cant see any possible way that buying lingerie brings a couple closer to God, which ultimately should be the focus of every action in their lives.
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Katybird, please go out and buy as many beautiful pieces of lingerie as your little heart desires (and that your wallet can handle). 🙂 There is nothing sinful in displaying your femininity for your husband to admire and enjoy on your wedding night.

While you shouldn’t entertain explicit thoughts about future marital intimacy, it’s okay to evaluate the fit, beauty and practicality of any given piece. It’s perfectly okay to take what you know about his taste (such as him liking the color blue) and apply it in a chaste way to this shopping trip.

Again, you might try looking online. Victoria’s Secret has a website and you can browse them before actually going into the store. That way you’ll know what you’re looking for and maybe your senses won’t be overwhelmed if you are typically visually distracted by lingerie shops. You’ll even be able to tell a clerk, “I saw a pink babydoll with black lace, online. Do you know which piece I’m referring to? I need a size medium.” Or whatever.

However, you don’t have to speed through this trip or feel guilty for buying pretty underwear or garments. I bought pretty things long before I was married (and I waited for my wedding night in every way, shape and form) because I liked to wear pretty things both to bed and as undergarments. There is nothing wrong with being feminine! 🙂
 
Magicsilence said:
I hate to be the one that puts a downer on things but is it not a sin to lust over anyone? If you are making yourself very sexually attractive to your husband will he not long for sex?
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If i were to get married, I think sex would be my biggest fear, for lust is so easy a sin to fall in to.
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Sexy lingerie is a phenomenon of the modern times. I dont agree with it.
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Have you established the reason behind buying it? Is it purely to make your hubby happy, or perhaps make you slightly more attractive to him? Vanity?
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Aquinas has some interesting things to say on this issue in the Summa:
I answer that, As regards the adornment of women, we must bear in mind the general statements made above (1) concerning outward apparel, and also something special, namely that a woman’s apparel may incite men to lust, according to Prov. 7:10, “Behold a woman meeteth him in harlot’s attire, prepared to deceive souls.”
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**Nevertheless a woman may use means to please her husband, lest through despising her he fall into adultery. Hence it is written (1 Corinthians 7:34) that the woman “that is married thinketh on the things of the world, how she may please her husband.” Wherefore if a married woman adorn herself in order to please her husband she can do this without sin. **
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But those women who have no husband nor wish to have one, or who are in a state of life inconsistent with marriage, cannot without sin desire to give lustful pleasure to those men who see them, because this is to incite them to sin. And if indeed they adorn themselves with this intention of provoking others to lust, they sin mortally; whereas if they do so from frivolity, or from vanity for the sake of ostentation, it is not always mortal, but sometimes venial. And the same applies to men in this respect. Hence Augustine says (Ep. ccxlv ad Possid.): “I do not wish you to be hasty in forbidding the wearing of gold or costly attire except in the case of those who being neither married nor wishful to marry, should think how they may please God: whereas the others think on the things of the world, either husbands how they may please their wives, or wives how they may please their husbands, except that it is unbecoming for women though married to uncover their hair, since the Apostle commands them to cover the head.” Yet in this case some might be excused from sin, when they do this not through vanity but on account of some contrary custom: although such a custom is not to be commended.
I would also suggest looking into “Theology of the Body”.
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BTW, load up on the lingerie now! It never quite fits the same after you have kids. I miss the “stretch marks are sexy” thread!
 
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Magicsilence:
I hate to be the one that puts a downer on things but is it not a sin to lust over anyone? If you are making yourself very sexually attractive to your husband will he not long for sex?

If i were to get married, I think sex would be my biggest fear, for lust is so easy a sin to fall in to.

Sexy lingerie is a phenomenon of the modern times. I dont agree with it.

Have you established the reason behind buying it? Is it purely to make your hubby happy, or perhaps make you slightly more attractive to him? Vanity?

I think the line here is very very very thin.

I didnt mean to offend anyone, so please, no flaming…
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Lusting is the attitude of using another person as an object for your own sexual ends. If her husband to be has his head screwed on right - he truly loves her - it should not be an issue at all. to delight in her sexually is to share the most intimate gift God has given us - sexual intercourse.

As to lingerie being a recent, moden phenomenon, you might want to take a history course in clothing. It hardly is. Sexual intercourse is not something that was done ony with mere disgust by our great grandparents, possibly with a little enjoyment by our grandparents, and probably with some measured, but very very discreet enjoyment by our parents, only to suddenly have gone into full bloom with the modern age.

Perhaps modern, barely negligible material of open weaving is a more recent invention, but not everyone went to bed 50 or 100 or 200 or more years ago dressed from the top of their head to the soles of their feet in several layers of flannel.

If sex is your biggest fear, you know not too much of marriage, and little of intimacy between husband and wife.
 
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kaymart:
I’m sorry if I led you to believe this. All I was trying to say, we had a “PURE” talk on sex within the marriage. Your Priest, as I said before, I believe he was talking about lust, such as dreaming of the Act of sex and nothing else. Getting a little nightie for your special Wedding Night does not make you a sinful person. I went to Pre- Cana in 1976 we did not have a session like you said, nor did I say that.:mad: Please retract your statement(Session imagining sex with our future spouse) as it is insulting to me, my husband and the other people who attended that class. What I meant when I said “think about it” was not the act, but to commit yourself to one person Body and Soul Thank You. Keep your Mind out of the gutter please
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Did you read my post before answering it? Never did I say (nor would I ever say) that wearing a nightie on your wedding night is sinful. That is plain silly.

Were you at all following the conversation before chirping in?

The OP said:
“First of all, this means that I - as an as-yet-unmarried woman, will be contemplating sexual acts, and having images of them in my mind.”,

StratusRose answered: "Well it’s a thin line I guess. But I don’t see anything wrong with it.** Imagining future relations with your husband is not impure**. **(I think.) ** "

I answered:
"It is, ask any good priest (I did, and found it is not good). Its normal for these thoughts to pop up in your mind, but you have to reject them rather than entertain them.
First of all, you aren’t even married yet, so sex is not ok yet, and second of all, sex is a giving of yourself to the other, not a taking of the other for your own entertainment (thoughts) or pleasure.

Even if you are planning on getting married for sure, the deed isn’t done till you actually get married, so you are still a single woman thinking of sexual relations."

Then you quoted the above and replied:
“Pardon me, but have you ever hear of Pre-Cana Classes? They discuss sex in a mariage. Just like everything else, its part of Marriage, one has to think about it before they are ready to give themselves fully to one another. If you can even think about this then you are certainly not ready to marry. I think you Priest must be refering to impure thoughts of lust which is totally different. The OP is talking about her wedding night—not a weekend of lust.”

I was addressing what the previous posters had said about “contemplating sexual acts” and “Imagining future relations with your husband”. Neither these posters nor myself have our minds in the gutter, and that is very rude to imply it. We are conducting a mature discussion on the topic offering opinions and things we have learned. If you were not talking about the same subject, then why did you quote me? I most certainly did not want to insult you, I just responded in your same format you had responded to me. I had actually felt that you were implying that in pre-cana they talk about such things, which I thought was unfair for pre-cana classes. But I will say I am sorry if you felt insulted because I did not mean to insult you.
 
To 12345678, I was upset over what you said about my Pre-Cana class that’s all, taking what I said out of context, you have a right to your opinion (about Lingerie and thinking about it beforehand)and I totally respect that. I blew up and I am sorry I posted that, forgive me I was angry and wrong to react that way. I’m usually a fun, happy person. Now why I said its ok— I was 19 and a virgin when I Married and had no clue what to even lust after. A little covering of a pretty teddy with lace bathrobe made a scared young girl(me-in 1976) a little less nervous. My mother told me nothing, Pre-Cana was the first time I heard anything positive(Within the Marriage) about giving oneself and the two becoming one flesh. Again I am sorry and don’t want to bicker with anyone…Peace???
 
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kaymart:
To 12345678, I was upset over what you said about my Pre-Cana class that’s all, taking what I said out of context, you have a right to your opinion (about Lingerie and thinking about it beforehand)and I totally respect that. I blew up and I am sorry I posted that, forgive me I was angry and wrong to react that way. I’m usually a fun, happy person. Now why I said its ok— I was 19 and a virgin when I Married and had no clue what to even lust after. A little covering of a pretty teddy with lace bathrobe made a scared young girl(me-in 1976) a little less nervous. My mother told me nothing, Pre-Cana was the first time I heard anything positive(Within the Marriage) about giving oneself and the two becoming one flesh. Again I am sorry and don’t want to bicker with anyone…Peace???
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2 things to make this clear:
  1. I wasn’t taking anything out of context, it was the context in which it was said that made it unclear.
  2. I think buying lingerie 4 the wedding night is not bad at all. How else will you have any for your wedding night/ honeymoon. The problem is thinking about what exactly you will be doing.
I’m sorry about what you went thru,

Peace 👍
 
12345678 said:
2 things to make this clear:
  1. I wasn’t taking anything out of context, it was the context in which it was said that made it unclear.
  2. I think buying lingerie 4 the wedding night is not bad at all. How else will you have any for your wedding night/ honeymoon. The problem is thinking about what exactly you will be doing.
I’m sorry about what you went thru,

Peace 👍
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Thanks, I just wanted to clear the air. I understand, I’m not very good sometimes at expressing exactly what I mean to say. Have a good night. and thank you Kay:)
 
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