If we forgive those who offend us but then avoid their company have we truly forgiven them?

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If we forgive those who offend us but then avoid their company have we truly forgiven them in a way that satisfies Jesus’s command to forgive others?
 
I recently was involved in a similar situation, where a friend of many years had offended me. I felt that I had truly forgiven, but I had no desire to resume a relationship. Forgiveness does not require that we keep company with the person. As I prayed about whether I needed to do this, the Holy Spirit brought to mind the teaching of St. Francis de Sales in his Introduction to a Devout Life.
Do you, my child, love every one with the pure love of charity, but have no friendship save with those whose intercourse is good and true, and the purer the bond which unites you so much higher will your friendship be.
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This whole chapter may speak to you in many ways, but this was the clincher for me to abandon the relationship, even though I had forgiven the person.
 
That can certainly be the case. For one, we’re not obligated to put ourselves back in harm’s way in order to demonstrate forgiveness. If someone is not truly repentant, we don’t have to put ourselves back out there to be hurt. Even that aside, we don’t owe people a relationship with them simply because they may desire one with us.
 
I think it’s okay if the person is abusive towards you and refuses again and again to correct their abusive behavior. I don’t believe we are required to subject ourselves to the repeated abuse of another individual, nor to repeatedly put ourselves in personal/spiritual jeopardy by socializing with abusive people.
 
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Thank you sooo much! That is sooo helpful. Just seems like I should not have to spend time with family members even who make me feel bad.
 
I appreciate the comments as well. I often get confused by the same thing. Keep those close that will bring you closer to God. Those that cause you to fall away, distance yourself. I can still pray for them and love them with a forgiving heart.
 
It depends.

You often may need to forgive someone but keep your distance for good reasons.

St Theresa of Avila wrote: ‘Only a fool thinks they can be friends with bad company and get away unscathed.’
 
Forgiveness is for you what you do after that depends on the situation. If the relationship is worth salvaging, then do it appropriately for you. We are not commanded to be everyone’s friend, we are called to treat them as unique people with with respect and love. Maybe what has happened means it might be time for the friendship to move on or be redefined. Often there is not even “sin” involved just differences in opinion or needs.
 
Sirach2 said:
Forgiveness does not require that we keep company with the person.
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Indeed. Particularly if that person is (in modern parlance) “toxic” for us. We are not required to keep company with those who harm us or are abusive to us.

Additionally, I would say that forgiveness does not mean presence in one’s company but rather that you wish no evil for that person. Can you sincerely pray for that person’s conversion to Christ and avoidance of Hell? Can you keep that person’s transgressions from tormenting you? Then you are on the path of forgiveness…nothing to do with physical presence.
 
Bump. A lot of positive advice in this thread imo. I would link a chart but it’s written by psychologists and not faith based so I’m nitsure if it’s authenticity. I also think it’s important to define these things. Sometimes I think we tend to see mercy and forgiving as having no standards.
 
therese1998 said:
Additionally, I would say that forgiveness does not mean presence in one’s company but rather that you wish no evil for that person.
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This is very true. St. Faustina wrote about this in her Diary #1628.
O my Master, You see very well that I feel no love for them, and that troubles me. Jesus answered. It is not always within your power to control your feelings. You will recognize that you have love if, after having experienced annoyance and contradiction, you do not lose your peace, but pray for those who have made you suffer and wish them well.
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I was stung by a bee, my fault but I’ve avoided holding them ever since.

Edit: I should add that I like bees, don’t like being stung though.
 
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Forgive does not mean forget. You can avoid a person harmful to your physical or mental health.
 
You will never look into the eyes of anyone who does not matter to God. If everyone matters to God, they should matter to us.
 
I submit that this is not realistic.

There are lots of people in this world that don’t matter to me on any sort of personal level. Think of it in terms of how I relate to the cashier that rang me up at the grocery store. I try to be polite and kind to her, and I would certainly prefer that she have good things happen to her. But there’s no relationship there.

There are people out there who are dangerous or toxic. There are also a lot of people we just don’t have an obligation to have a relationship with.
 
I am a victim of abuse and bullying in my home country. The kids have abused me, and even teachers have selected me separately and beated me in front of the children, or sometimes in private. I hid all of these from my parents.

I moved to Canada when I was 12, and I was not able to forgive those who have abused me. I was in denial and I did not believe in God. I had a yearning for God but not a fullness of the faith because I was a Protestant.

When I went to university, I decided to become Catholic and received the confirmation/baptism in 2015. My eyes were opened and I was able to forgive the people I feared.

I still tremble when I think of the memories. But God’s love is greater than anything. No matter what you have went through, God will wash away your pain by being at your side. Do not be afraid and pray for those who have hurt you. Maybe they’re thinking of you right now.

Pax Christi!
 
Personally I still work on forgiveness sometimes but I have to say when I started to pray for those that hurt me that seemed to help turn a corner… just worked for me…
 
DarkLight said:
There are people out there who are dangerous or toxic
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And Jesus died for them too.

When I go out with the Street Pastor Teams; we come across a fair amount of anger and violence. We walked in the middle of a couple of lads fighting; to try and keep them apart. The bigger lad was still aggressive, he stood inches away from my face and then started spitting out his words. He said. you are f…g Christians, you are supposed to forgive, would you forgive me if stabbed your mother in the face and f…g raped her?
I said; it is better to forgive than to hate. Then he just walked off.

When I went out a couple of weeks later, I saw the same lad across the road with a few of his mates. He came over to me and shook all our hands, his mates also shook our hands, he said thank you, then they walked off.

It can seem like a risk to look for the best in everyone, but I believe kindness can overcome evil in the end. I will be going out with the team around 11 pm tonight, we shall finish around 4 am tomorrow.
 
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