If we forgive those who offend us but then avoid their company have we truly forgiven them?

[Sarcelle]

This

Forgiveness does not mean endorsement nor does it mean allowing the transgressions to continue.

 

[Sirach2]

No, that’s not.my question. I understand the letting go of anger and the need to wish them well. But is that what the previous post about not having resentment means?

Sorry, I wasn’t clear.

St. Faustina heard from Our Lord that it is not always within our power to control our feelings, [and this includes feelings of resentment.] But be “willing” to let it go, and ask God for His grace to do so, ….

Feelings are emotions that may come and go and are not always in one’s control. But your “will” is master, and if you “will” not to hold resentment, despite it returning to taunt you, then changing the channel of these thoughts will eventually overcome them with the help of grace. Thoughts are not sins. I trust you know this.

And having these thoughts recur does not mean you have NOT forgiven someone.

 

[Eric_Hyom]

You have a version that is not correctly using Jesus’ words. He said, “not seven times, but seventy times seven times.”

Peter was struggling with forgiving up to seven times. You get the feeling he was hoping Jesus would say; forgive them once then you have done your duty.
How could Peter be expected to forgive someone for 77 or 490 transgressions; if he broke contact with them after the first?

 

[TK421]

If you forgive someone once, and then move away, you are not in a position to forgive a second or third time.

In order to be able to forgive them a 8th and 9th time, you still have to be in some kind of relationship with them. This is my interpretation of Mathew 18 - 21.

It is not an interpretation the Church agrees with.

People being habitually bullied are allowed to remove themselves from the situation.

 

[thistle]

No, that’s not.my question. I understand the letting go of anger and the need to wish them well. But is that what the previous post about not having resentment means?

And does all if this equate to “forgiveness in one’s heart”?

Forgiveness is an act of will, not emotion or feelings.

 

[Sirach2]

Sometimes we are unable to break contact, such as with an employer where one’s livelihood is dependent on it, an unruly next-door neighbor, or other such unavoidable situations. All we can do in repeated situations like this is be willing to forgive, until such time as God may lead you out of the circumstances that provoke offense.

If we are able not to return to a difficult relationship, we do well to choose our friends as St. Francis de Sales advised in the Introduction to a Devout Life that I posted early in the thread.

 

[Annie]

It seems to me that Christ meant here that while we are to forgive everything, it does not mean we have have to go back for more bad acts against ourselves so we can forgive again. New people will always come along to give us new things to forgive over.

We must forgive all that a person has done to us, we can’t say, a student abused me every day for 12 years, and I only have have to forgive him for 490 of those transgressions.

And for me, this also applies to the many times that I “take it back:” the times I have gotten to a point of forgiveness but later “unforgive” and feel resentment again, and so must forgive all over again.

 

[tafan2]

Sorry, I wasn’t clear.

Guess I am the one not being clear. I was looking for a more precise definition of forgiveness than most of the responses on this thread. You gave two definitions, I was curious as to whether you considered them equivilent.

Secondly, I wanted to know, in your second definitiin, if you consider “letting go of resentment” redundant, as the dictionary definition would imply. If not, what you meant by that phrase.

 

[Sirach2]

Depending on the definition of resentment, letting go of resentment seems rather difficult. I looked it up, and by most definitions, it is anger and feeling ill-will towards someone. By that definution, letting go of resentment is redundant to the rest of your requirements. Any thoughts on the resentment aspect ( beyond the letting go of anger and wishing them good)?

Secondly, I wanted to know, in your second definitiin, if you consider “letting go of resentment” redundant, as the dictionary definition would imply. If not, what you meant by that phrase.

I’m at a loss as to how to reply, for I believe I gave you a standard when I said that this is an emotion/feeling that is not always under one’s control. WILLED resentment is certainly NOT forgiveness. However, if you WILL to overcome these thoughts and feelings, asking for God’s grace in that respect, then yes, it qualifies for forgiveness.

 

[tafan2]

Thanks. Maybe I will try to be a little more precise in my questions later, but I think I am pretty sure, based on what you have written thus far, the answers.

 

[Visiter58]

Thank you!

 

[Visiter58]

My feeling as well.

 

[Sirach2]

I’m glad you are settled now and are finding peace in your heart.

 

[graciew]

If you forgive someone once, and then move away, you are not in a position to forgive a second or third time.[/

Sometimes staying around, depending on what we are talking about of course…, also means tempting another person.
Or repeating our same mistake though not deliberate with that one person. So it is taking into account the other person as well. I think…
Also that we may not necessarily be the only ones to be able to deal with something. So we can always make room for somebody else to do so once we realize our presence, our words, or style or whatever stirs another person to something bad.
It depends on what we are talking about I guess…

 

[John10]

I think we must remember forgiving means we have truly forgave our enemy. This means we no longer feel anger (or even worse hatred) against them. This also means their presence should not cause us to feel uncomfortable. Of course, when there is a potential for psychological, spiritual or physical harm we would be wise to avoid befriending those people, but we should never be afraid of anyone.

If you cannot stand the presence of someone because of what they did to you, then I do not think you have truly forgave him or her. However, if there is a major risk as stated above of additional harm, then it would be wise to distance yourself.

We must learn to be able to deal with all sorts of people, good and bad, just as Jesus did, however for our friendships we should carefully decide on those who we feel will bring us closer to God.

 

[tafan2]

Well, this wasn’t an issue causing me a lack of peace. Just curious as to the definition of forgiveness. Even the catechism uses it as a term that is assumed to be understood. I don’t think it is. You gave a definition, so I wanted clarification.