If you're over 25 and never had a significant other

[SeekNFind]

I don’t quite qualify, but I’ll be praying for you all.

If this helps anyone: I have a good friend who works as a Catholic missionary on university campuses, is super in love with Christ, and post-discernment is positive she’s being called to marriage. She’s 25 years old. She’s dated a ton. In the five months I’ve known her, she’s dated two very good guys, also in love with Christ (with awesome prayer lives = a requirement for her), and I know she’s dated at least two, three others. None of the relationships have lasted more than a few months (most, maybe two to three), simply because she’s been able to discern via prayer that they aren’t “the one.”

She’s been an incredible witness in my life, and so I urge you all to bring this prayer even more than you already have – pray for your vocation, pray for your future spouse, and trust. God is good, and God works outside of our time. He also hears what we desire most, and if for some reason we aren’t granted that, He returns those desires to us a hundredfold in other ways.

God bless!

When I was in Mass this weekend, I felt very strongly that God was communicating that He has a plan for this area of my life. That’s it. No word on what the plan is ie marriage or not, but I felt He was simply challenging me to believe that full stop.

 

[SeekNFind]

Dosen’t even have to be a “high” sex drive. It’s most natural for men to want to have sex, and our bodies are ready after like 12! So thus waiting til your 30 (nearly 20 years!) is unreasonable, and more to the point, unnatural.

Mainly because they are not romantic interests? There is a girl I’m interested in, who really does grip me. She makes me feel alive like no woman has for a long long time. Embracing her gives me strength and courage. Kissing her makes my worries in life float away. And thats without sex coming into play…

I agree with the first point but I’d widen that to include the women too.

That feeling you describe is just what I hope to experience someday. Like, I get what you’re saying but I have no actual concept of what it is. Anyway, enjoy the feelings you’re experiencing.

 

[SeekNFind]

I hear you - I am almost 30 and have never had a relationship either. I guess it is different for me since I don’t think marriage is for me. But I have, at time, felt like a freak of nature for never having had a boyfriend! I just end up chalking it up to insecurity and thinking of all of the wonderful things I have experienced. Don’t worry - you are not alone in the ‘never had a relationship’ boat. It may be more common than you think, since I doubt many people don’t openly acknowledge it. Good luck with everything and I hope you find what you are looking for!

Thanks for saying I’m not alone.

Now, you don’t think marriage is for you because you’re not interested or because you don’t think it will happen?

 

[SeekNFind]

Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut! I guess my point is that marriage HAS to be discerned - not something you do just because you don’t enter the religious life.

I agree with you about a calling - it is more of a feeling than an order going off in your head. I ask God everyday to lead me in the right direction, and if I ever feel that marriage is that direction, down that road I will go! I just don’t think so right now, nor have I ever really felt that way.

I don’t think most women even realize they get married for wrong reasons until they are miserable a few months into the marriage, and I think this is because they have rushed into marriage for the wrong reasons. I agree - most want a family and want to be loved, but I think they are so scared of ending up alone that they end up marrying the first guy that will put a ring on their finger. I have seen this time and time again, and it makes me so sad.

Ignore my previous question.

 

[trinichiqn]

When I was in Mass this weekend, I felt very strongly that God was communicating that He has a plan for this area of my life. That’s it. No word on what the plan is ie marriage or not, but I felt He was simply challenging me to believe that full stop.

For most of last year I was being followed by Jeremiah 29:11 - “For I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

I had been thinking about the passage for a while and then I heard it read, I got goosebumps - like God was saying “hey, I’m talking to you”. Then it kept popping up everywhere, sometimes when I get discouraged other times I just need to be reminded. It seemed that every book I read or person I talked to was saying it.

So I believe He is telling you that, he has been telling me for a while now, just keep believing and praying.

 

[SeekNFind]

For most of last year I was being followed by Jeremiah 29:11 - “For I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

I had been thinking about the passage for a while and then I heard it read, I got goosebumps - like God was saying “hey, I’m talking to you”. Then it kept popping up everywhere, sometimes when I get discouraged other times I just need to be reminded. It seemed that every book I read or person I talked to was saying it.

So I believe He is telling you that, he has been telling me for a while now, just keep believing and praying.

Thanks trinichiqn! I love that verse and repeat it often. Since I’ve been on this RCIA journey, my relationship with God just keeps morphing and changing but in a good way. I think I’m finally getting to a level with Him of absolute trust. . .

 

[Disciple_pt]

guess i could join the club im 25 and never had a gf before

Me too, 27 and never had a girlfriend. Sometimes i just hope to find a girl like me.

 

[benjammin]

Wow, I never knew there were so many people like me. Even though i’m a little young for this forum (i’m 23), i sell feel a little better knowing their are strong catholics like me in the same boat. Honestly, I struggle a lot with anxiety over whether I want to get married or not. It’s tough when all of my friends i made at school through our Campus Ministry are getting married (or at least it seems like everybody) and i wonder if I’m pursuing it because i’m called to be married, or just feeling peer pressure. Also, it doesn’t help that while i’m not antisocial, i am a bit shy, and sometimes i wonder if God made me like that because he has a greater plan for me than marriage, but who knows.

 

[Layp3rs0n]

Im 29. Was engaged four years ago but that fell apart. All the women where I live are super liberals. Patience. We all need patience

 

[ThatOneGuy92]

Okay, so confession time. I’m not over 25 (I’m only 20). That being said, I have never had a significant other. I have never been on a date. I have always been rejected- either in a mean way, or let down gently, i.e. “friendzoned”.

And while I may moan and groan and pray to the Almighty that being single sucks, I have had the chance to make many observations, and formulate many thoughts. And I shall share:

You are you. You are born complete, in and of yourself. A person does not need another to “complete themselves” or “be made whole”. These are indeed romantic and beautiful poetic ways of expressing love (and in being in love), but they unfortunately give the impression that in order to be “whole” or “normal” or whatever have you, that a person needs a significant other.

Hogwash.

We are told that, in marriage, that “the two become one”. I don’t view that as two halves of a whole coming together. Rather, I see it as two persons uniting to form something new and unique, and venturing forth on that journey to see what it shall bring about. For many people, this is their call. After all, God knew that man couldn’t handle things… I mean, it was “not good for him to be alone”.
Still, this does not mean that those who do not end up marrying, for whatever reason, are inferior.

Being single is a unique vocation. Being married is a unique vocation. Being celibate (whether as a priest, religious, etc.) is a unique vocation. They are all wonderful, and used of by God. And they all present within themselves unique challenges for each.

Being alone sucks. Oh heavens, I know, I know. But, that does not make me inferior. And, I do not despair. For ultimately, I am complete in myself. If I am graced to meet a lovely lady and marry her, then happy day. If not- well, then, I will have to keep living, no?

My unsolicited :twocents:, anyways.

 

[Andre1000]

I am 22 but I did not want to wait 3 years to post.
I never had a girlfriend or dated, but I only ask one girl out ever, because I do not really care for a relationship (for the most time). Being single sucks but for what I have seen, being married sucks much more.:ehh:

 

[Lokabrenna]

I’m 26, never had an S.O. and I’m not really interested in a relationship right now. I’m more concerned with getting a job and my own place, THEN I’ll worry about romantic relationships. I love being single. No worrying about anniversaries or birthdays, no fighting over trivial matters, no having to share my living space with anyone, no need to spend money on dates (I’d pay if I was the one that asked, or split the bill).

My advice: Don’t worry about finding “the one” just live your life and maybe someone will come along. It’s like when you’re trying to find something you’ve lost, the best advice is NOT to look for the lost object!

 

[chazk728]

Gonna be 30 in March, and I’ve yet to meet “the one”…I’ve had a few relationships, but nothing that really went anywhere. Some days I’m really down about it, but I just let God do His thing. Like other guys on here have admitted to, I’m not very good at picking up on subtle cues, and I’m shy as all get-out to boot. I’m working on that this year by getting myself into better shape, both physically and spiritually. My greatest growth has been in the spiritual department for the last year and a half, and focusing on the wonderful things God HAS given me, and that I can give to others, is a great help.

I have to remind myself of a few things when I get down n’ lonely: God loves me, loves us all, He IS love. That means that, if we’re praying for an SO, and being good people otherwise n’ doing what we’re supposed to be doing, and it just doesn’t happen yet, well…it’s just not the right time. Our dear God won’t give us a scorpion when we ask for an egg…I went searching for the egg all on my own with the last relationship, and got stung instead. Lesson learned.

If we’re having to wait, it’s because God is letting us wait out of love, of kindness and mercy and patience and all of that good stuff. It’s hard to remember sometimes, but for our own peace of mind, our ability to help and love others, we’ve got to keep that in mind. No-one here, no-one, is ever alone. God put us here 'cause He knew we’d enjoy life, could find peace and wonder and joy in it 'cause He made it so, right?

To all the lonely folk here, and especially to the dear OP: Just keep truckin’ on along. Just like cutting down a tree, the things we look for in life take time, and then suddenly, with one last prayer or axe-stroke, the tree is felled. We’re called to hope, so please…take hope, and know that others (such as myself) are thinkin’ of you and prayin’ for you.

Thanks for such a good way of thinking about the situation. Reminds me of what Father Benedict Groeschel says, if life doesn’t make sense, if it doesn’t seem to be fair at all, go on with hope, live your life. No doubt that with your approach to life, if God wills for you to be married it will happen.

 

[Lochias]

Thanks for such a good way of thinking about the situation. Reminds me of what Father Benedict Groeschel says, if life doesn’t make sense, if it doesn’t seem to be fair at all, go on with hope, live your life. No doubt that with your approach to life, if God wills for you to be married it will happen.

Glad I could share…and glad that God gave me the opportunity to learn from my mistakes so that I am able to share now. I can only trust in the Lord, and be glad that I am alive.

God Bless.

 

[SeekNFind]

Okay, so confession time. I’m not over 25 (I’m only 20). That being said, I have never had a significant other. I have never been on a date. I have always been rejected- either in a mean way, or let down gently, i.e. “friendzoned”.

And while I may moan and groan and pray to the Almighty that being single sucks, I have had the chance to make many observations, and formulate many thoughts. And I shall share:

**You are you. You are born complete, in and of yourself. A person does not need another to “complete themselves” or “be made whole”. **These are indeed romantic and beautiful poetic ways of expressing love (and in being in love), but they unfortunately give the impression that in order to be “whole” or “normal” or whatever have you, that a person needs a significant other.

Hogwash.

We are told that, in marriage, that “the two become one”.** I don’t view that as two halves of a whole coming together. Rather, I see it as two persons uniting to form something new and unique, and venturing forth on that journey to see what it shall bring about.** For many people, this is their call. After all, God knew that man couldn’t handle things… I mean, it was “not good for him to be alone”.
Still, this does not mean that those who do not end up marrying, for whatever reason, are inferior.

Being single is a unique vocation. Being married is a unique vocation. Being celibate (whether as a priest, religious, etc.) is a unique vocation. They are all wonderful, and used of by God. And they all present within themselves unique challenges for each.

Being alone sucks. Oh heavens, I know, I know. But, that does not make me inferior. And, I do not despair. For ultimately, I am complete in myself. If I am graced to meet a lovely lady and marry her, then happy day. If not- well, then, I will have to keep living, no?

My unsolicited :twocents:, anyways.

I missed this before but great insight.

 

[poirot]

Hello SeekNFind, I am 33 (female) and I’ve also never had a significant other and I’ve also never been on a date. I have the same thoughts as you. I am also very old-fashion (attends daily Mass, Pro-Life, never drink, never smoke) and shy (except at work). Glad to know that there are others out there. Thanks for posting.

 

[Crescentinus]

I’m 22 and I am a romance failure. D:

 

[Eude]

Hi,

I am a 28 years old male and never had a significant relationship. If it is sill the case in a few years and if I don’t hear or feel any call for religious life, I will probably get involved in a kind of humanitarian organization (I had been volunteering for a few
years). I can’t imagine living the rest of my life without any commitment.

 

[GraceDK]

You know, if I were a single unmarried man and found a 30 year old woman who was without baggage and a history of men I’d be surprised. But I think it would be a very good surprise.

We live in a culture now where women have been given the idea that they need to have ‘experience’ dating, sexual history, etc in order to impress men. Quite frankly though,** I’d much rather find a woman who hasn’t been passed around.**

.

This is a fact of life. Ive been in love a few times and you’d probably say I have been passed around. But I have hardly met any man who wasn’t pushing to cross the times into impurity or who were not having a problem with drinking too much (which is the beginning of all vice), even when they called themselves Christians or Catholic. A person can pretty soon become a damaged good when they have grown up overprotected and come out at 25 not knowing themselves and running into players. Yep, the mistakes started for me at that time… big love and emotion but also these experiences with the abyss that made me very distrustful of men. Because fact is, they will be selfish alright, and then afterwards, as a woman you have to bear the scorn of other Christians. Boys will be boys, people say, and we must always have compassion for their filthy habits of lusting, porn and what not, but a woman who made a mistake is “passed around”. Well, you know what. I dont want a man who has looked at pornography, unless is was a one time event whereafter he repented hard. I dont want a man who has had severel sexual partners unless it was in relationships of love, and he has truly tearfully repented and think of his past with great shame. So what are the odds of me finding a man like that? Most of the time, also on CAF I see women who are ashamed and have repented, but men don’t really feel that, because their instincts are just natural, and we mustn’t demand something from them.
I guess the people who scare me most are those who don’t know what it means to repent.

 

[blackice71]

I was just thinking today wouldn’t it be ironic if the person showed up when I truly just threw in the towel and gave up? I am starting to think hoping for romantic love is harmful to the psyche. . .

Yes–thats how it happened for me. I gave up, and abandoned my search , giving it over to God. I had to be ok with never finding someone, before I actually met someone. God was teaching me a lesson I still have trouble remembering…Jesus has to be ENOUGH…not Jesus and (insert desire here…wife, money, children…).