Ill Neighbor Keeps ringing my bell for money

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When she finally tells you her name, you could say, “Sarah, we’ve lived in this neighborhood for five months. The only time you’ve ever come over is to ask for cash. I don’t smoke, so I’m not going to give anyone money for cigarettes! I’ve been in the habit of helping neighbors in my life, but let me be honest with you. I don’t need a reason to not give $20 to someone who turns up at my door claiming to need money. If the only time I ever saw my own brother was when he came to my house saying his car broke down and could I give him $20, I wouldn’t give it to him even if I had it. You may think less of me if I say so, but let me be blunt: if you need a cash machine, this is not the place to come.”

I have to think she keeps coming over because she sees you waver. You don’t want to respond in such a way that she wouldn’t come to you if her life was in danger. She should absolutely see you as someone who is not and will never be a source of a quick $20 that she is never going to pay back. There are just too many people who will go on a downward spiral that eventually kills them, if they get someone who will “help” them like that.

The other thing to do to keep her from coming, of course, is to give her the :kindly" advice that she really ought to put $20 in reserve for the days when her transportation falls through, since it seems to happen on a distressingly regular basis. (I say that tongue-in-cheek, but there are polite ways to make yourself obnoxious to a person who really only wants to use you as a cash machine.)

She is inconvenient, but don’t call the police unless she is actually a threat. The police have people with real problems to deal with. They do not need to be called in for annoying neighbors who are only annoying for ten minutes once or twice a month. (Keep a log, if you think you’ll need to explain a pattern some day.)

Oh, and also ask what her address is. Ask your other neighbors about her. Not everyone who claims to be a neighbor is actually a neighbor. We had some kids who would occasionally come by to ask for money, claiming to be neighbors, but we knew our neighbors and found out quickly that they were lying. They were just trying to see if they could con someone out of some spare change.
 
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The other day my husband saw what he thought was her father, she lives alone and her dad was in a high quality car. He visits every now and again but he doesn’t live with her. I wonder if it’s wise that my husband talk to him if he sees him visit again.
 
momof2angells said:
The other day my husband saw what he thought was her father, she lives alone and her dad was in a high quality car. He visits every now and again but he doesn’t live with her. I wonder if it’s wise that my husband talk to him if he sees him visit again.
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Her father may be trying to help get her out on her own, something she’s not very good at yet. He might very much appreciate a neighbor he could communicate with, someone he could call if something happens to her and her cat needs to be fed, that kind of thing.
 
anikins said:
Yes, shame on those dumb people with addictions!
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Except for this, and the use of qualifiers such as “NEVER”, and “ONLY”.

Although they may be out there, I’ve never seen or heard of someone who “chose” to become addicted, so compassion might exclude a call to put shame on them.

And, NEVER and ONLY might be correct in this case, but until proven it is uncharitably speculative.

So, that leaves us with prayer, for this person, and for us:

Lord Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner…and for the sake of your sorrowful passion have mercy on the whole world. Amen.
 
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Our recent neighbors were heroin and crack users. It was a fifty year old woman, her boyfriend and her son. The daughter didn’t work but got disability. The family was wealthy and the father wanted to put his drug addict, non working daughter in a nice neighborhood.

The father said he wanted to be informed of things, but that was a lie. The family was just into enabling the daughter and her son.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t talk to a parent but don’t be surprised if they ignore you or even are hostile. They know the truth. They may conveniently ignore it for whatever selfish need they have. Of course they could also truly care. It’s just that I’ve seen enough of the bad in situations like that to doubt the good exists.
 
Mary888 said:
The OP has kids. Go tell a mother to risk their safety for a stranger! Who would?
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As someone who was in a relationship with a substance abuser, knew other substance abusers including people with serious addictions that lasted many years, and also is familiar with a number of criminal cases involving people who solicited their neighbors for money, I definitely agree that a person with children has to put their welfare first and foremost.

There are people who have experience with dealing with substance abusers, or who are just more street-smart, or who do not have kids or elderly people in their home to worry about, who may be in a position to spend time helping someone like this borrowing neighbor. However, there are also a lot of people who do not have the experience necessary to handle this or who have a responsibility like children, an elderly parent, etc. in their home. They shouldn’t be guilted into feeling like they have to engage with people who come to their door if their first instinct is safety. Even if the borrowing neighbor themself is reasonably OK, a lot of times they have friends or acquaintances who may not be.

My elderly mom made the mistake of “helping” someone from the neighborhood who told a pitiful story and needed money, only to have the person start showing up at her door regularly wanting more money and wanting to come into the house. Mom wouldn’t let her in and was becoming quite uncomfortable with this. Mom was in her early 80s at the time. I had to tell the woman in no uncertain terms to not come back.
 
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Not only do we not have enough info to advise you, it sounds like you don’t have enough info either.

You have to somehow gather some info about this person. Talk to other neighbors if you don’t feel comfortable talking with her.

Definitely do not give her anything. You don’t know her.
 
I never said he was but he is a model to imitate. Like I said, it took me a while to come to terms with what he said but once I did it made giving to charity much easier.
 
A peephole is easy to install and if you aren’t a renter you can do it asap.
 
I agree with the spirit of charity but I’m not comfortable encouraging someone with kids opening the door to their home to someone even if they would not miss the money. It’s a safety issue. Their home should be a haven; social service agencies are equipped with various programs that can help in a more comprehensive way and can hold clients accountable.
 
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It may or may not be her father. If it is her father, it may even be a situation where he is not happy about her lifestyle and will not her allow her to live at home anymore.
 
Background checking websites often give false positives. I know a person who was alleged to have the rap sheet of a completely different person by cops. Even their systems are broken. Don’t be too quick to judge
 
CatholicSpirit said:
Background checking websites often give false positives. I know a person who was alleged to have the rap sheet of a completely different person by cops. Even their systems are broken. Don’t be too quick to judge
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Right. Those background check websites buy, sell and steal info from other companies. I looked up my mom and myself and it listed a relative we don’t have as having lived at her address and it also lists me as living in a city I’ve never lived in or used as an address. It’s the same false info on all of them.
 
Buddy, you wouldn’t BELIEVE the rap sheet they used incorrectly. A good father being called a wife beater in another state he never lived in, a total nightmare for the guy. And you know what? They bought it because it came from a cop.

Proud supporter of the Innocence Project.
 
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I don’t know why you feel you MUST answer the door.
The only person who ever comes to my door is the UPS guy.
I don’t open my door for anyone that I am not expecting.
 
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I have not read all the replies. One thing that struck me is that you need a peep hole in your door so you and your kids can see BEFORE opening the door. This is just a basic safety issue. Put a lower peep hole so the kids can see out. We had 2 put in.
 
Usually when the doorbell rings I wonder who it is so I open the door, we have a gate though. I hate the sound of constant doorbell ringing. I’d rather answer it.
 
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