Ill Neighbor Keeps ringing my bell for money

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Hi thanks. We have a gate but it’s glass door so it means we have to engage. With a peephole I can choose to ignore after seeing who it is. I hope telling her to stop will help. Thanks everyone for your suggestions, they were extremely helpful and a blessing.
 
Honestly, I’d be more concerned for safety. Let it ring. Eventually they give up. God bless you.
 
Thank you. The gate is always locked. Otherwise I’d be shouting “who is it?!” Like in the old days. I’ll start checking through the window I can see a bit. And she rings excessively so waiting it out is tough. Thank you.
 
I would want it to end once and for all. It’s annoying to feel like you are hiding in your own house because you don’t want to answer the door.

" I have told you already that I have no money to spare. Please stop coming and ringing my bell or I will be forced to involve the police. "

Fair warning.
 
Thank you. I hate confrontation so much I have no problem stating that but then I’d be worried she’ll come back again and again on worse, try to hurt one of us.
 
momof2angells said:
Thank you. I hate confrontation so much I have no problem stating that but then I’d be worried she’ll come back again and again on worse, try to hurt one of us.
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You might be overcautious, but I hate to tell people to ignore their instincts about someone they have met and I have not. If I thought she were sociopathic (either organically or because of an addiction), I’d probably just say, “No, I’m sorry” and not engage her when she came asking for cash for transportation or cigarettes. If she attempts to ramp up the conversation, just repeat, “No, I’m sorry.”

Our guilt feelings aren’t a great guide in this kind of situation. We can feel bad when we’re doing the right thing or not feel bad when we’re failing in some way. I think you’re doing well by consulting with your husband, because he knows the situation fully: he knows you and he knows the woman who keeps coming by.

In my experience, I think keeping the drama low is key. Do not give her money. That doesn’t mean don’t give her help, but since she has not attempted any relationship with you other than coming up with lame reasons to hit you up for cash, I think I’d just say, “No, sorry” over and over and over. Low drama, no excuses. It’s the lowest confrontation way to go. Whatever you do, do not give her an instance when you give her money that she had no just reason to expect you would. Behavior that is only rewarded once in a great while is the most difficult to break. You’ll become a mark.

Our Lord did not say, “I went to you to bum a cigarette and you didn’t give me a light.” She isn’t asking for human contact. She isn’t asking for sustainance. She’s asking to use you. Remain firm. It is OK.
 
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Thank you Petra. And with this lovely response that brought me relief, good night all. God bless.
 
Our Pope would decline, if person said WHAT they were going to do. Buy cigarettes. If he doesn’t know, that’s a different story. THINK! COMMONSENSE!
Sure, I’ll buy you cigarettes and booze, while you are so skinny w ripped clothes.
Each of us, near and involved, .can sense to a degree, the safety issue w each person that confronts us. God’s love should be given. Healing should be our desire. TOUGH LOVE IS A REALITY.
SAFETY ISSUES ARE PARAMOUNT. Heck, bake cookies and bring them to her house. Understand how she is living. Get list of charities that will help deliver w cookies. Make sure husband is home. Bring cell phone.
Love in Christ.
Tweedlealice

That RING SYSTEM IS GOOD! Check prices. Check prices of companies. Peep holes are easy to put in. They have some that are telescoping and enlargement person. Pray! Let Love and courage rise higher than fear of today.
 
I don’t think our Pope would. Here is a copy of some of the article where our Pope states that it is not our job to tell the poor how to spend a handout:

One thing people may tell themselves to feel better about not giving anything, the pope said, is “I give money and then he spends it on drinking a glass of wine.”
But, the pope said, if “a glass of wine is the only happiness he has in life, that’s OK. Instead, ask yourself what do you do on the sly? What ‘happiness’ do you seek in secret?”

The full article is here: http://www.catholicnews.com/service...-always-give-homeless-a-handout-pope-says.cfm

I stated to make sure you and your family is safe. If I didn’t, I should have. But as far as giving is concerned, I would give. There is an old story about Chesterton and Lewis. One gives money to a begger and the other one states that he is just going to buy a drink with it. The one who gave he money says something to the effect, “well, I was just going to buy a drink with it as well.” I love that story. Maybe a drink or a smoke is all the pleasure that person will have…
 
But there is a HUGE difference between giving money to someone while you’re out and about, and giving money to someone at the front door of your home!

This thread is about a woman walking door-to-door asking for money. That is totally different from someone standing on the corner at the highway exit with a sign asking for money.

Maybe you’ve just led a sheltered life and simply don’t get how dangerous it can be to hand out money at your front door. And for the millionth time – a mother’s first consideration MUST be towards the safety of her children!

Handing out money at your front door is begging for trouble. We aren’t talking about the neighbor you’ve chatted with on the lawn on a summer evening, talking about your kids, your dogs, the local sports teams. This is a troubled woman giving all kinds of warning signs. But again, maybe you’ve just never seen how bad a situation like this can go.

A mother’s first responsibility is to her children. Period. She is not to cast her children’s safety aside to play faux social worker on the front porch!

I have a friend who is a social worker, and another friend whose career is working at a homeless shelter downtown, and they would both tell you the same thing – do NOT give money to someone begging at your front door, ever.
 
You are absolutely right. The safety of your family is first. I thought I stated that but I must not have. And you are right I have lived a very sheltered life and I have never been afraid for my safety or my children’s safety at my house. EVER. I am very blessed. And I have given money to people who have come to my house. I have invited sick and injured people into my home (car accident).

I misinterpreted the question…I thought she was asking what I would do. I would give money but I am in a position where 20.00 is not a lot of money for me and I live in a very safe neighborhood.
 
Gertabelle said:
I have a friend who is a social worker, and another friend whose career is working at a homeless shelter downtown, and they would both tell you the same thing – do NOT give money to someone begging at your front door, ever.
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Amen.

Even on the street you need to be cognizant of your surroundings. In certain parts of Europe, tourists are told not to give money to children who come up begging because (a) the children are being exploited by adults and/or (b) when you are getting your money out to give to the kid, you will very likely be robbed or pickpocketed while you are distracted.

I’m sure the Pope is aware of this too. I have seen priests who I know personally who are otherwise good, charitable men refuse to give someone a handout in some cities in Europe because they had a legitimate concern about this type of occurrence happening. Unfortunately the Pope, in trying to get his point across about respecting the humanity of poor people, either did not have time to go into all that and/or assumed those hearing his advice would use common sense without him having to go into all that.
 
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Hi. It looks like we are similar in that I have also lived a sheltered life and I also live in a very safe neighborhood and really never worried about their safety. The difference is that $20 is alot of money for us. I have also aided sick and injured people during my life. She lives a few doors down from us, I’m being cautious.
 
I honestly always wished I was gutsy like that. I don’t know why I keep mentally associating that kind of gutsy response with displeasing Jesus. I should be tougher and be ok with it. Especially as a mother but that fear of, what if she is so taken aback at my response that she tries to attack one of is, always takes over and I become a softy and she can see it in my eyes.
 
Thank you. I’d like to be that gutsy with her but again I always have the fear that if I do she’ll try to harm one of us if I’m firm as well as feeling like im displeasing God. The first is fear and the 2nd is displeasing God. I actually just realized that. I have to work on those two mental challenges somehow.
 
Thank you. Great point. I know God knows my intentions of protecting my family are honorable. I just hate that the teens are home alone sometimes and may forget I tell them not to answer, I only worry about that
 
Blessedwithfive said:
Didn’t Pope Francis say we were to give money to those who need it without worrying about how they were going to spend it. What they do with it is not for me to judge. My job is to give if I am able. I would give if I could.
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I didn’t say “don’t give”, I only commented that giving gift cards etc doesn’t really solve the issue that they may not use the gift for basic sustenance.
 
Yeah, lilke others said, give her a card from the nearest Catholic shelters / soup kitchens. We serve really good food at ours. But she probably just wants money. She will stop coming when she knows you will not give money.

Also, I like those cool door bells that someone mentioned. I’m not sure how much they cost.
 
Salutations
I know what he said, if he was asked,” Can I have money for cigarettes, alcohol, or drugs or a prostitute, he would decline. If he would, give money under those circumstances, I would lose respect for him. If asked,”Do you have any money, I’m hungry-or cold?” We all would give the money!
For instance, this is funny and sad. I worked ER sometimes. I recognized the person in the grocery line. He was drunk. He was trying to buy a frozen dinner and was short of money. I paid for food. I was leaving and cashier approached me. The guy was trying to return food for money to buy booze.
I laughed. She wouldn’t do it. Help ppl heal and grow. I’ll take ppl to eat, a few times. I’ll buy food for person. When I offer to buy food, sometimes, they decline. I can’t knowingly help them kill themselves. I won’t buy the heroin for them… That’s how I deal w it, when I have time. Take them to lunch or buy food. Giving food, they can resell for money but maybe they will eat something and sell something.
Our Pope is not speaking ExCathedra. Let God speak to your heart for guidance.
In Christ’s love
Tweedlealice
 
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