I'm a gay guy. Should I marry a woman?

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0Scarlett_nidiyilii post is more of a opinion then a tenet of the faith. It needs a few tweaks but it does convey a good definition of marriage.
 
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ratio1 said:
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catholic1seeks:
People on here sure seem to have a highly idealistic notion of marriage.
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That’s the problem. They probably don’t apply the same high standard to themselves. And if we all apply the same standard I don’t think anyone could get married.
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Don’t lie to your intended spouse. Don’t get married only to use your spouse to meet your needs. Not such an impossible standard.

And we’re all self-admitted sinners, so yeah, sometimes we fail to apply the standards we know we should. That’s not a good reason to tell someone else it’s okay to ignore the standards.
 
Maybe you should have a better devotion to God. Many of the saints were alone in there lives and sufferings, yet God always sustained them
 
that is a very difficult question

way beyond the paygrade of most here

are you active in your parish?

i’d’ve suggested you speak to your pastor privatley
 
I will try to talk to my pastor more about it.

It wasn’t the pastor technically, but it was a priest of my parish that actually suggested I be open to marriage.
 
Zaccheus said:
Don’t lie to your intended spouse. Don’t get married only to use your spouse to meet your needs. Not such an impossible standard.
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Good. Then the answer to the OP is yes then he theoretically can marry. We should apply the same standard.
 
I think your priest is absolutely right to be open to the IDEA of marriage. So don’t exclude this option is what I think he is saying. I don’t think he is saying that to go get married now.

Sometimes you don’t know until you try. When you meet a girl you like, that can develop into love. Therapy also helps in this regard. I must say this is not easy but certainly not impossible.
 
An analogy… I wonder if you’ve ever met a woman who is in love with a man who doesn’t want children. She firmly believes she doesn’t want children either, and her relationship with the man is more incentive to stick to that belief. Yet as she grows older, she feels a drive to become a mother. It is a powerful instinct, one she finds cannot be indefinitely ignored. Ultimately, unless the man willingly relents, the situation between them becomes disastrous.

A woman may agree to marry a homosexual man with the best of intentions. She may form a family with him with the best of intentions. And she may come to later recognize that she has cheated herself of the kind of passionate intimacy that can only be experienced with a heterosexual man who has a burning desire for her. By then, of course, it’s likely too late. Would you be willing to marry someone who might well come to resent you for your inability to hold passionate romantic love for her?
 
AlNg said:
I don’t think it is necessary to have a totality of union to have a good marriage.
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Just curious - are you married, and if you are, how long have you been married?

The other issue is this: are you Catholic?
 
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I usually hear from secular people that sexuality is fluid and it can change over time, though. I guess that’s a bit more positive, lol. Although they say that you cannot change it by will (which I agree with)
 
Lea101 said:
I usually hear from secular people that sexuality is fluid and it can change over time, though.
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Really? I thought saying someone is gay who can become straight again is anathema to the gay lobby.
 
Usually a person who experiences attraction exclusively to one sex or the other remains that way. People who are bisexual tend to be a bit more fluid for reasons I’m not entirely clear on.
 
I don’t think a gay person can “become straight.”

I definitely do not envision that in my future.

At least, typically. For there could be various reasons people have SSA. But it seems the dominant reasons, whatever they are, biological or not, result in deep and dominant attraction to same sex.
 
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You’re asking the wrong people here. You need to consult the Marriage Tribunal to see if the marriage would be valid and sacramental if you want to continue in your Catholic faith (I.e. receive communion) after ‘married.’ There are 21 grounds for annulment. If you can annul-proof the marriage then you can have no hesitation about doing it.
 
But my advice would be to back off from the focus being about you and what you want, marriage isn’t about personal needs even for straight people. Sure marriage can satisfy individual needs, but the emphasis is on caring about the needs of the other.
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That may be so, again in the abstract. And maybe that’s what it should ultimately be about. But honestly, it’s not a very convincing explanation for the reality, especially in the Western/American world, where romance is pursued, and boys and girls from high school on up look forward to asking each other on dates and dream about their future families and marriages and so on.

Like, I know what you’re saying. But the thing is, the typical person looks forward to relationship and the ability to form romantic relationship, including marriage and family (children).

Again, not to sound whiny. But I think it’s fair to point out that gay people and other LGBT persons simply don’t have the same opportunities. Marriage is marriage, so I’m not saying we accommodate other definitions of marriage for the sake of loneliness (or whatever). But we can’t be simplistic, either, and pretend it’s a breeze to be gay and Catholic.
 
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Hahaha

Well, while I am hesitant to admit this (kinda personal), I think it helps Express where I’m at:
While most other gay guys in college wanted to mess around and have hookups, I desperately just wanted a committed gay relationship. I constantly looked for it.

Like when I first started to accept being gay in high school, I wrote a lot about just wanting another guy to hold my hand and just be with. I didn’t even think sexually at first. Then college, and every guy was super sexual, and so I gave up and sometimes went down that road. But I always wanted something much more.
 
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