I'm still breastfeeding my 2.5 year old - getting negative remarks

[twoangels]

My daughter is 15 months, and its very obvious that my mom disapproves. She told me “Once they start biting, that’s it.” When I jokenly mentioned that my daughter was starting to bit me (awhile back) to get my reaction, my mom was like “now its time to stop.” My daughter doesn’t bite me anymore. Biting is typically a sign that she’s not really hungry anymore, so I just would take it away. She’s learned that if she wants to keep sucking, she can’t bite. Unforunately the hard part is that she sometimes wants to nurse in public and will not stand for an ounce of modesty.

 

[Serap]

I’ll play devil’s advocate here…maybe 2.5 years IS too old to be breastfeeding. Maybe it’s more for your benefit than for his. Biologically he does not need breastmilk.

On the other hand, he’s your child, and 2.5 years is not so old as to make it awkward for him.

Thanks.

It’s definitely benefitting him b/c if I didn’t breastfeed, he’d cry bloody murder before bed. He emotionally needs it still. He’s that kind of toddler.

I actually sometimes get fed up breastfeeding him b/c his teeth sometimes hurt. It is actually more of a sacrifice for me b/c I also cannot spend the night somewhere or my mild would dry up. I’d love to go to a hotel one night with my husband…we’ve talked about it a few times and don’t go b/c I’m still bfing.

 

[jilly4ski]

Thanks.

It’s definitely benefitting him b/c if I didn’t breastfeed, he’d cry bloody murder before bed. He emotionally needs it still. He’s that kind of toddler.

I actually sometimes get fed up breastfeeding him b/c his teeth sometimes hurt. It is actually more of a sacrifice for me b/c I also cannot spend the night somewhere or my mild would dry up. I’d love to go to a hotel one night with my husband…we’ve talked about it a few times and don’t go b/c I’m still bfing.

:hug1: I got both my kids to about 15-17 months. But we quit because I wanted the younger weaned before the new baby came. For me it did become more of a sacrifice after they turned about a year old. Mine forget how to nurse about that age and leave teeth mark in the nipple, (not from any bite, but just they way they are latched on) I have wondered if it had to do with their molars coming in. And for us, continuing to breastfeed, meant that my kids were up 3-5 (sometimes more) times a night, which is hard on me. But their were benefits too, it is way easier to provide those calories and nutrients by just popping the breast in their mouth, than making up something for them to eat. Its portable and doesn’t require refrigeration.

 

[1inICXC]

I am disappointed that I have to keep my breastfeeding a private thing…everytime I mention to someone that I’m stil breastfeeding my son (2.5 years) they look at me with disgust…like I’m doing something wierd.

It’s disappointed (with society’s general view of extended bfing) b/c I’m giving him nutrition and love and I only do it at home in his bedroom (before bed). I keep it a secret for the most part.

Why are people so grossed out by it?

I’ve heard:

“If they can ask for it, they are too old.”

“If they can eat a steak, they are too old.”

Serap,
I gotta say, good for you for keeping it up.
However, as much as i know ,on a rational level, that this is good for your child, I just have to admit that I have been socially conditioned to think it’s weird past the baby phase and I just can’t shake it off.
I don’t see myself being comfortable past 18 months, simply because in my warped vision of breastfeeding, I cannot associate nursing with anything other than a baby…

My cousing had a very developped 15 month old- already talking and very strong- willed and just overall seemed so mature- and I gotta say, I was weirded out by her nursing him at that age. BUT, I consider that my problem not hers.

I think it’s surprising to come across people who encourage or support this kind of decision… It’s simply the world we live in…

 

[AthenaC]

Thanks Mary.

For my CAF friends that have followed my son’s journey…he is a high needs child and I really think the breastfeeding helps him relax and get mommy love before bed. I can honestly see myself breastfeeding him b4 bed for another year or two, until he’s ready to be more independent.

He is very sensitive and really needs to connect with mommy. I work, so this is a really good way for him to remain connected to me.

My daughter never had this need to the same degree. I stopped bfing her at 22 months.

That right there should tell you that you are taking the right things into consideration.

Although, I have said in the past, if the child can write an essay about BF-ing, it is probably time to give it up.

That’s hilarious. And probably true.

Because they’re highly sexualized and forgot that God made breasts for feeding. Just ignore them.

Exactly. Side issue, but I feel the same way when I am told that breastfeeding in public is “gross” but showing cleavage in public is “awesome.”

I think I also read that mom has a lower chance of endometrial and ovarian cancer?

No, that’s birth control pills that primarily do that. Breastfeeding mainly lowers the risk of breast cancer (differentiated cells with a purpose are not as vulnerable to stray DNA and RNA instructions, if I’m not mistaken), and it does help with endometrial and ovarian to the extent that ovulation (and corresponding cell division in that area) is delayed.

 

[NSFrame]

Thanks.

It’s definitely benefitting him b/c if I didn’t breastfeed, he’d cry bloody murder before bed. He emotionally needs it still. He’s that kind of toddler.

I actually sometimes get fed up breastfeeding him b/c his teeth sometimes hurt. It is actually more of a sacrifice for me b/c I also cannot spend the night somewhere or my mild would dry up. I’d love to go to a hotel one night with my husband…we’ve talked about it a few times and don’t go b/c I’m still bfing.

Maybe it is time to wean him then, if it is interfering with your life so much at this point? If it’s not working for you, it’s not working period. Not like it is any of my beeswax, but you did ask so I’m just throwing it out there.

 

[Serap]

Maybe it is time to wean him then, if it is interfering with your life so much at this point? If it’s not working for you, it’s not working period. Not like it is any of my beeswax, but you did ask so I’m just throwing it out there.

motherhood is a bit of a sacrifice…i guess i’m willing to give up stuff to benefit him…there will be a time where I will decide that we’re done. I’m not quite there yet.

it’s funny how we do things that we don’t want to do and then complain about it, like we have no control over it

 

[Serap]

Serap,
I gotta say, good for you for keeping it up.
However, as much as i know ,on a rational level, that this is good for your child, I just have to admit that I have been socially conditioned to think it’s weird past the baby phase and I just can’t shake it off.
I don’t see myself being comfortable past 18 months, simply because in my warped vision of breastfeeding, I cannot associate nursing with anything other than a baby…

My cousing had a very developped 15 month old- already talking and very strong- willed and just overall seemed so mature- and I gotta say, I was weirded out by her nursing him at that age. BUT, I consider that my problem not hers.

I think it’s surprising to come across people who encourage or support this kind of decision… It’s simply the world we live in…

You know what…b4 I had kids, I had exactly the same view as you. Now that I have my babies, my attitude has completely changed.

it’s amazing how much motherhood changes you. You do things that you never thought you would ever do and you make sacrifices that you never thought you could make.

It’s all out of the tremendous love that you feel for your babies.

 

[jawgee]

:hug1:

My youngest will be 3 in a couple of months and she’s still nursing. Since today was a busy day, she only nursed three times. We don’t nurse in public past age one, so no one outside of this house really needs to know.

My other two bio kids both nursed to around the age of 3. I had no intention of nursing any of them that long, but with our AP lifestyle it just ended up that way.

Here’s some perspective for those who are uncomfortable with the idea of toddlers nursing. This paragraph is from the American Academy of Family Physicians web site:

NURSING BEYOND INFANCY
As recommended by the WHO, breastfeeding should ideally continue beyond infancy, but this is not the cultural norm in the United States and requires ongoing support and encouragement. It has been estimated that a natural weaning age for humans is between two and seven years. Family physicians should be knowledgeable regarding the ongoing benefits to the child of extended breastfeeding, including continued immune protection, better social adjustment, and having a sustainable food source in times of emergency. The longer women breastfeed, the greater the decrease in their risk of breast cancer. Mothers who have immigrated from cultures in which breastfeeding beyond infancy is routine should be encouraged to continue this tradition. There is no evidence that extended breastfeeding is harmful to mother or child. Breastfeeding during a subsequent pregnancy is not unusual. If the pregnancy is normal and the mother is healthy, breastfeeding during pregnancy is the woman’s personal decision. If the child is younger than two years, the child is at increased risk of illness if weaned. Breastfeeding the nursing child after delivery of the next child (tandem nursing) may help provide a smooth transition psychologically for the older child.

 

[EasterJoy]

My great grandmother is famous for saying that children of her time (Pennsylvania, roughly the 1890s or 1900s) started chewing tobacco at about the time they quit breastfeeding (in rather colorful language I’ll not repeat here). That was reportedly about 4 years old.

OP, no matter what you do, somebody you did not ask for an opinion is going to think your parenting needs improvement, and will say so. Get used it, it is a busybody world.

 

[Cathhsmom]

I nursed all 4 of my children. My older 2 weaned before they were 2 years old, but the younger 2 both went past 3 years old. I even nursed in public. I think once you get past the first couple of kids it is easier to deal with the looks and comments. You have already seen the results and know that you are doing what is best for you and your child and family. Now that all my kids are grammar school to high school, I find myself missing the nursing and cuddling. Enjoy this time. Yes, it can be stressful, and you will have those “I want to give up” days. But, these days will come to an end. You will go onto the next stage. Hang in there and know that you are doing what is best for your child. Tell the ones giving you a hassle to use their judgement on their own children and leave you to parent your child your way.

 

[MariaG]

Just posted it on another thread but will put it here too.

I nursed two to 15 months and one til he was 3. I called it “mama” because I knew I would nurse longer than the norm. As they get older, they can learn to wait until it is convenient. However, they will throw a temper tantrum on occasion. And when you are carrying an exhausted 2 year old out of a restaurant because you know they won’t allow you to modestly cover and have an extremely slow let-down reflex, people tend to smile when they see you comforting a child yelling for his “mama”. Not so much when they are screaming “boobie”.

 

[maryjk]

For my CAF friends that have followed my son’s journey…he is a high needs child and I really think the breastfeeding helps him relax and get mommy love before bed. I can honestly see myself breastfeeding him b4 bed for another year or two, until he’s ready to be more independent.

He is very sensitive and really needs to connect with mommy. I work, so this is a really good way for him to remain connected to me.

My daughter never had this need to the same degree. I stopped bfing her at 22 months.

My husband is all for it and in fact encourages it. He says to my son, “You want mommy’s boobie?”

My son says, “Drink boobie!”

I’m lucky in that regard. He is very nuturing towards his kids.

Okay, I was reading through the posts thinking whose business is it that you are still breastfeeding? Why do people care? So he is 2 even 2 1/2, shoot who cares if he is three.

But then I thought about this. He is now 2 1/2, which means in 2 years he will be 4 1/2. It could even go until he is 5, right? And he asks to nurse by saying “boobie.” To say nothing of the fact that he screams if he can’t nurse at night.

I see that as a problem. Unless you plan on never being sick. Never going out, ever, in the evening. Home schooling, because the kids at school will have a field day with him calling it “boobie.” If this isn’t a problem yet, it will become one.

I support breast feeding. I support you raising your own children without interference. BUT, I think you should take breast feeding like I do home schooling. It is working now, and I hope it will work in the future. Have information ready about what you are doing or ignore what people are saying. And hang on, because you aren’t going to get a lot of support breast feeding a preschooler.

(Reading through this post, I might come off as someone telling you that you are wrong or shouldn’t be breast feeding at whatever age. Breastfeed or not, it doesn’t effect me. I am just someone on the outside looking in, and guessing at what might happen in the future.)

 

[Jennifer_J]

Ignore the naysayers and busybodies, even on this thread. Please. If you have a problem with NORMAL breastfeeding (which the op is doing, it’s normal, it’s NOT extended or abnormal) then that’s YOUR problem. I’ve breastfed 6 children and I’m currently breastfeeding the 7th. They weaned at different ages, from as young as 10 months to as old as over 4. We do what works for our family and what works for each child. I could care less what anyone else thinks or says about it. I’m not in your face about it, but I won’t hide or lie to people, either.

Serap, with the problems you had when he was little, I’m so proud of you for sticking it out and continuing and responding to your little one’s needs. I’m glad your husband is so supportive, too. Mine is as well and it makes a huge difference.

I will say, though that the mom who calls nursing ‘Mama’ is brilliant We tend to call it nummies or num num because those have been the sounds baby can make (see, even BABIES ask to nurse!!), but that lets you be discreet about the fact that the child wants to nurse. You might see if your little one will switch words, Serap, just for discretion in public places

 

[BettyBoop416]

My husband is all for it and in fact encourages it. He says to my son, “You want mommy’s boobie?”

My son says, “Drink boobie!”

As much as I support breast feeding mothers, I have to admit - this made me cringe just a bit.

 

[Geri_Forbes]

I gotta tell you that I nursed my first one for 2 1/4 years and my second for 4 years. They are now 19 and 14 and we enjoy a very wonderful relationship (both are girls). Plus, and I don’t know exactly if this had anything to do with the length of time breastfeeding, but both have absolutely no food allergies…

I would encourage you to make your decision on when to wean on what is right for you, your baby and your family. Don’t worry about weird looks, no matter what you do, someone gives you a weird look!

 

[1inICXC]

You know what…b4 I had kids, I had exactly the same view as you. Now that I have my babies, my attitude has completely changed.

it’s amazing how much motherhood changes you. You do things that you never thought you would ever do and you make sacrifices that you never thought you could make.

It’s all out of the tremendous love that you feel for your babies.

The sad part is that I have 3 little ones…so I don’t know what chance is left for me. I loved nursing but I also loved knowing my baby is weaned. 12-13 months each

 

[Litcrit]

I wasn’t going to respond about something as normal as breastfeeding a 2-year-old, but I have to.

I nursed my first child until she was 2 years 7 months old. I stopped because I was tired of it and she said she was a big girl who didn’t need it any longer.

My second girl is still going strong at 2 years old. I don’t see her weaning too soon on her own.

I actually don’t understand how on earth children wean earlier than 2-3 years old. Do they really stop asking? Or do they scream bloody murder without a response until they no longer hope for the breast, at which point they have weaned?

“Do you want mommy’s boobie?” is quite a normal question to ask a toddler.

Go, Serap! You know your child, you know what he still needs, we who’ve been there KNOW it’s not about mommy (I mean, come on, really - nursing an active, kicking, teething toddler is about me how exactly?) and we know it can be hard on several levels simultaneously and still feel like the only right thing to do!

 

[pentecostbaby]

I don’t understand why any of this is an issue.

Serap, ignore the negative comments. You know you’re doing what you need to do. Giving these people any voice, listening to the comments - this is your anxiety talking! YOU know you’re doing what’s best.

JenniferJ (as usual) is right: this is not extended breastfeeding. This is NORMAL breastfeeding.

 

[jilly4ski]

I actually don’t understand how on earth children wean earlier than 2-3 years old. Do they really stop asking? Or do they scream bloody murder without a response until they no longer hope for the breast, at which point they have weaned?

Lol, it probably depends. Like I said mine weaned at about 15-17 months, with very little crying. Our biggest step was the night nursing, weaning at day time wasn’t really a problem.

With my first we night weaned first, I was lucky enough to be able to do the dreamfeeding method with him around a year old, so even that was very little crying, though it did take several weeks. (I really needed a full nights sleep). We then moved on to day weaning, and in order to do that, we just offered something else instead of the breast. So a milk or water cup or a toy or game. (For bedtime we substituted a milk cup, then a water cup, with cuddles and prayers and singing with nursing). There was some running and throwing himself at my chest, but very little crying.

With my second we actually day weaned first, he was just so busy that I stopped offering and he didn’t ask. I remember once, I unclipped my bra to offer and he crawled away smiling to chase his brother. Finally, I again couldn’t handle the 3-5 night wakings, and I was nearing the 3rd trimester of my current pregnancy and wanted to wean before it would be too close. Going to bed wasn’t so much of a problem, because we just offered milk instead. And once my dh got involved with getting up with him, it really only took a week or two for the night nursings to stop. There was some crying there, because he is a little firebrand and throws a fit if he doesn’t get what he wants. (He had been standing up in his crib right next to my head and shrieking at me in order to nurse ). I was unfortunately too tired to do the dreamfeeding method. But we didn’t let him cry it out either.