S
sorrowful1
Guest
So, today I let myself into a bitter, heartbroken crying. I rarely ever cry out loud in front of another person - mostly, I hide away if the “job” is to be done with dignity , haha - but today was different. Out of the blue.
Person A and B (senior to me) , whom I trusted with all my heart and always looked up for inspiration , misunderstood my silence as a disrespect. The why-and-how is a long story, let’s leave it - person A reprimanded me with bitter words, and with her I’ve a decade long relationship of sisterhood from two different mothers and different corners of the world. We did have occasional clashes but I’ve always remained discreetly silent because she has helped me several times.
The accusation (by A) that I was stepping out of boundary and disrespecting them , particularly person B , hurt me like nothing had (done) before. While I’ve spent each day praying the rosary (and miscellany of other prayers) for them ( I do it first for others, and then for myself), while I’ve done everything to avoid offending them , the blatant finger pointing shocked me as well as broke my trust with them , forever, perhaps.
It was a bitter realization - do not trust anyone. That said, I’m not trying to say I am guilt free. One of my worst habits is that I speak less. So, of course people will misunderstand me. But NOT PEOPLE WHO HAVE KNOWN ME FOR SUCH A LONG TIME.
While I was crying, A apologized to me. But what of that? The heart is so shaken up that I don’t see any reasons why I should spend an hour with the rosary devoting the prayers for people who can easily pierce my heart.
I’m so very tired of people. My efforts to do and mean) good for them always goes in vain.
What am I doing wrong? The prayers? Or am I such a sinner that God isn’t willing to accept those prayers?(It’s not just the prayers. I show my goodwill in actions too, but alas…) .
Person A and B (senior to me) , whom I trusted with all my heart and always looked up for inspiration , misunderstood my silence as a disrespect. The why-and-how is a long story, let’s leave it - person A reprimanded me with bitter words, and with her I’ve a decade long relationship of sisterhood from two different mothers and different corners of the world. We did have occasional clashes but I’ve always remained discreetly silent because she has helped me several times.
The accusation (by A) that I was stepping out of boundary and disrespecting them , particularly person B , hurt me like nothing had (done) before. While I’ve spent each day praying the rosary (and miscellany of other prayers) for them ( I do it first for others, and then for myself), while I’ve done everything to avoid offending them , the blatant finger pointing shocked me as well as broke my trust with them , forever, perhaps.
It was a bitter realization - do not trust anyone. That said, I’m not trying to say I am guilt free. One of my worst habits is that I speak less. So, of course people will misunderstand me. But NOT PEOPLE WHO HAVE KNOWN ME FOR SUCH A LONG TIME.
While I was crying, A apologized to me. But what of that? The heart is so shaken up that I don’t see any reasons why I should spend an hour with the rosary devoting the prayers for people who can easily pierce my heart.
I’m so very tired of people. My efforts to do and mean) good for them always goes in vain.
What am I doing wrong? The prayers? Or am I such a sinner that God isn’t willing to accept those prayers?(It’s not just the prayers. I show my goodwill in actions too, but alas…) .
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