Importance of looking 'nice' for your spouse

[whatevergirl]

I read a Christian article recently about this topic, and got to thinking…of the important of ‘not letting one’s self go’ in a marriage. Do you think it’s important to look nice, and be physically fit for your spouse? I think that it’s important to get and stay physically fit because it shows God that we care about our bodies, and will make sure we take care of our health. I don’t look at being healthy as a vain thing–it’s because our bodies are the Temple of the Lord.

That being said, though…I know some of us have put on a little weight (or maybe a lot) since we got married…or maybe we are a little more ‘comfortable’ with our spouses, and don’t dress up or as nice as we did when we were dating.

Do you place any importance on looking ‘nice’ for your spouse…and ‘keeping yourself up?’ If not, does your spouse ever say anything to you about it? My dh and I love one another – no matter what–but we do like to look nice for one another–especially when we have ‘date nights.’

Just curious if you place value on how you look to your spouse?

 

[chevalier]

The first reply in this thread about marriage will come from a single person, ironically. But yeah, I consider that important. One gets to see a lot of casual life in marriage, including seeing the other in quite helpless or compromising circumstances sometimes, but this doesn’t mean caring for oneself is just for the bait. I have nothing to say about couples who decide both to let go, it’s their choice. But I’m a bit sad for those people whose spouses unilaterally decide to let go. I suppose that’s something that needs to be addressed in conversations before marriage.

 

[Melissa2007]

I was going to post so.ethong very similar. I do think that it is important. I like to look great for my dh. I get up before my girls everyday to shower do my hair and make-up. I will never let myself go. If I go a day w/o showering I can feel it affectong my mood. I just feel better when I am done up. If I am feel great I can be a better wife than if I feel depresssed and lazy. Plus, my dh married me when I got up and got ready for the day everyday. Why would I not do that after I married him. I love it when he thinks I look good. We are both physically fit too. He works out to look good for me too. We would love eachother no matter what, but respect eachother enough to not let ourselves go.

 

[puzzleannie]

DH is fine with it as long as it doesn’t involve spending money, as in $80 for a hair appointment

 

[housewife]

It is important for us, too. I love looking good for my DH and he likes looking good for me. Plus, aside from that, I want him to be proud of me whenever we go out together. I like for other people to see that he does not have a wife who lets herself go and so does he.

 

[armywife]

LOL, My husband was so surprised when a year or so ago I let it slip that I only “get ready” about a half hour before he’s supposed to be home from work. Now, I was at home with four, then three (after oldest went to kindergarten) little ones. I really didn’t want to get peed, spit-up and whatever-else on, then have to change again.

I do make a point of taking care of myself and not looking like a slob when he get’s home from work. I think it’s important to take care of yourself, for eachother. It’s funny that before I was married I really didn’t care how I looked and didn’t try very hard. Now I pay a lot more attention to things because I want to be attractive to my husband.

 

[whatevergirl]

It is important for us, too. I love looking good for my DH and he likes looking good for me. Plus, aside from that, I want him to be proud of me whenever we go out together. I like for other people to see that he does not have a wife who lets herself go and so does he.

Your last sentence is a good point…not that we should care about what other’s think, per se…but others do notice.

 

[housewife]

Your last sentence is a good point…not that we should care about what other’s think, per se…but others do notice.

Yes! It makes DHs feel more proud of one, too, because other people will complement us women. Ultimately, making DHs feel good is what counts and for other people to notice and complement us makes them feel good.

I have gotten many complements in front of him. I guess one of them was when one time a guy was trying to talk to me and get my number (at a karaoke restaurant/bar) and as soon as I was about to respond to him that I was married, my DH noticed from far (he had gone to the men’s room) and came and tapped him on the shoulder with an upset face. As soon as the guy turned to look at him, they both smiled at each other and gave each other a big hug! Yeah, it was an old friend from school who DH had not seen in many years! LOL! DH told him who I was and the guy turned all red and apologized… I am sure he never did that again… (i.e., approach women just like that).

 

[whatevergirl]

Yes! It makes DHs feel more proud of one, too, because other people will complement us women. Ultimately, making DHs feel good is what counts and for other people to notice and complement us makes them feel good.

I have gotten many complements in front of him. I guess one of them was when one time a guy was trying to talk to me and get my number (at a karaoke restaurant/bar) and as soon as I was about to respond to him that I was married, my DH noticed from far (he had gone to the men’s room) and came and tapped him on the shoulder with an upset face. As soon as the guy turned to look at him, they both smiled at each other and gave each other a big hug! Yeah, it was an old friend from school who DH had not seen in many years! LOL! DH told him who I was and the guy turned all red and apologized… I am sure he never did that again… (i.e., approach women just like that).

HA! Great lesson to learn–red face and all!

My dh has received compliments about me…but, I will say that I gained like 15 pounds over the past few months, since we’ve moved. I’m determined to get back on track with exercise, but my hubby is in the same boat. We both know what caused it (our move) but that excuse is about 6 months old now.

 

[Melissa2007]

I was going to post so.ethong very similar. I do think that it is important. I like to look great for my dh. I get up before my girls everyday to shower do my hair and make-up. I will never let myself go. If I go a day w/o showering I can feel it affectong my mood. I just feel better when I am done up. If I am feel great I can be a better wife than if I feel depresssed and lazy. Plus, my dh married me when I got up and got ready for the day everyday. Why would I not do that after I married him. I love it when he thinks I look good. We are both physically fit too. He works out to look good for me too. We would love eachother no matter what, but respect eachother enough to not let ourselves go.

 

[Sr_Sally]

Sure, I like to look good to my spouse. I don’t think getting up and putting on make-up everyday is part of that though. Taking care of your health is important, but I don’t make a special time to exercise that would take me away from my family and responsibilities. A daily walk and eating healthily will have to be enough. Just like being clean and dressing neatly is enough.
I would always hope that the state of my soul is more important to my husband than the state of my hairdo. Just as the state of his soul is more important to me than his ‘lovehandles’.

 

[whatevergirl]

I was going to post so.ethong very similar. I do think that it is important. I like to look great for my dh. I get up before my girls everyday to shower do my hair and make-up. I will never let myself go. If I go a day w/o showering I can feel it affectong my mood. I just feel better when I am done up. If I am feel great I can be a better wife than if I feel depresssed and lazy. Plus, my dh married me when I got up and got ready for the day everyday. Why would I not do that after I married him. I love it when he thinks I look good. We are both physically fit too. He works out to look good for me too. We would love eachother no matter what, but respect eachother enough to not let ourselves go.

Hi Melissa

I commend you for getting up so early to do so! I am a bit lax with make up on the weekend…and honestly, my husband has always liked me with less makeup…I sometimes don’t wear any if I’m not going out of the house…mainly to give my face a ‘breather.’ \

I relate to what you’re saying…when we were dating…when my husband was ‘courting’ me…there would be no doubt that I would dress up…or look my best. I think we have to condition ourselves to making sure we care about ourselves…and this doesn’t mean in any way, that I’m suggesting to knock yourself out looking your absolute best, afterall, one’s spouse should love him/her for his/her heart…but, I’m suggesting that it’s good for a marriage to care about our appearances. Thanks for your reply!

 

[whatevergirl]

Sure, I like to look good to my spouse. I don’t think getting up and putting on make-up everyday is part of that though. Taking care of your health is important, but I don’t make a special time to exercise that would take me away from my family and responsibilities. A daily walk and eating healthily will have to be enough. Just like being clean and dressing neatly is enough.
I would always hope that the state of my soul is more important to my husband than the state of my hairdo. Just as the state of his soul is more important to me than his ‘lovehandles’.

Agreed.

 

[TxIrishCatholic]

I have a similar problem with my wife: I work out quite frequently, and she does not. She has definitely put on weight since we were married almost 2 years ago, and it doesn’t really seem to bother her. I am not looking for her to have a super model physique, but I would like her to take some pride and maintain some consistency. It appears as though she takes no pride in her physical appearance. (she’ll do the basic makeup sometimes, but she is well on to the road of letting herself go) However, it is quite upsetting to see a gorgeous women, such as her, just give it all away due to pure laziness.

I try to approach her about working out, and it only leads to fights. I have tried to get her involved and take her to work out with me, but she is not interested at all (the few times she has, it leads to a fight). It almost seems like she has a great deal of contempt for me still maintaining my “physique”, when she has not, but I do not think she realizes how hard and consistently I have worked to maintain a decent level of fitness.

I think a great deal of love in a relationship is lost when you wake up after 10 years of marriage, and realize that your wife’s pants are larger than yours.

Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can get my wife to be more active? Have I set my expectations too high? What have I done wrong here? Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Thanks,
TxIrishCatholic

 

[quiet52]

Some of us just aren’t “into” exercise for the sake of exercise. I’d like to suggest that you and your wife schedule a block of time every evening to take a walk together – and make it fun for her. Hopefully it will become a “routine” time, working on physical health and the health of your relationship. Perhaps the two of you will begin walking faster – gradually jogging together.

 

[gmarie21]

Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can get my wife to be more active? Have I set my expectations too high? What have I done wrong here? Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Thanks,
TxIrishCatholic

How about doing fun activities once or twice a week. Maybe go rollar skating, ice skating, bowling, mini golfing, play in an arcade, go to a park and swing on the swings, go swimming at a water park, go dancing, etc. Sometimes it takes the fun things to get in the mood to start exercising. Myabe every Friday or Saturday night have a date night and go to a different club to dance (even those lame college clubs where the music is too loud and the crowd is too hormonal). Try a different type of music club/bar each week.

 

[whatevergirl]

I have a similar problem with my wife: I work out quite frequently, and she does not. She has definitely put on weight since we were married almost 2 years ago, and it doesn’t really seem to bother her. I am not looking for her to have a super model physique, but I would like her to take some pride and maintain some consistency. It appears as though she takes no pride in her physical appearance. (she’ll do the basic makeup sometimes, but she is well on to the road of letting herself go) However, it is quite upsetting to see a gorgeous women, such as her, just give it all away due to pure laziness.

I try to approach her about working out, and it only leads to fights. I have tried to get her involved and take her to work out with me, but she is not interested at all (the few times she has, it leads to a fight). It almost seems like she has a great deal of contempt for me still maintaining my “physique”, when she has not, but I do not think she realizes how hard and consistently I have worked to maintain a decent level of fitness.

I think a great deal of love in a relationship is lost when you wake up after 10 years of marriage, and realize that your wife’s pants are larger than yours.

Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can get my wife to be more active? Have I set my expectations too high? What have I done wrong here? Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Thanks,
TxIrishCatholic

Hi TxIrish…

Ouch, your statement…about her pants being larger than yours. I can see your frustration, and believe me, your wife is probably frustrated too…she just might not know where to begin. Just because she doesn’t express it, she sees you everyday, and it probably hurts her to know that she is not working out like you, and taking care of herself the way you do. I don’t think that looks is more important than a person’s heart and soul, but I will say that looking attractive is important in a marriage–for both spouses to ‘care’ about what they look like.

I would like to offer you some food for thought, though…feeling hungry? Typically more so for men, you are visual people…and at times, some men view their wives/girlfriends, as representative of themselves. I have read books on the subject, and have come to the conclusion that in many cases, men want to be proud of their wives’ looks and appearance, as it somehow reflects on them. (Somewhat when our kids are dressed like “gangstas” or look sloppy, we parents think it reflects on us.)

But, that is somewhat backward thinking. I encourage you to think if this is how you are feeling. I’m sure it runs through your mind…‘I take great care of myself, and what do people think OF ME, that my wife doesn’t take care of herself?’ That’s important to think about, and I am not saying you do think like this…I just say, let your mind really be open to the possibility that you could be thinking this…and there is nothing wrong per se, with thinking this…BUT, if you are thinking like this, it will not help you to help your wife…because you will come to her, out of your own selfishness, and she will sense it.

I say…like one of the posters…get your wife to do things with you…I would NOT say the following:

1. honey, when are you going to work out?
2. honey…why don’t you like to work out?
   rather say:
3. honey…I would like us to start working out together. What do you think? (she may say no) then you say…(why don’t you want to work out with me?) and she could say…(what’s wrong with me the way I am?) and then you could say…(Nothing is wrong with you…but, I want us both to be together for a long time, and I want us to be healthy for each other.") and say nothing more. If she still says no…you have planted a seed.

Again…be wary of your true feelings over this–get to the heart of what eats at you over this, and overcome it, if it’s what I indicated above–and if it is…give it up to God. I have a feeling if you don’t harp with your wife…and just show her unconditional love and support, yet ask her to workout with you now and then…she might surprise you one day, and come home with some brand new workout clothes! (I mean, we women have to look the part, too) lol

Good luck!!

 

[housewife]

Myabe every Friday or Saturday night have a date night and go to a different club to dance (even those lame college clubs where the music is too loud and the crowd is too hormonal). Try a different type of music club/bar each week.

I totally agree with this one. Once she sees other women around her at those places and how they look, on a frequent basis, she will start to feel that, she too, would like to do something to better her health. A healthy person is a beautiful person (physically).

 

[Melissa2007]

Sure, I like to look good to my spouse. I don’t think getting up and putting on make-up everyday is part of that though. Taking care of your health is important, but I don’t make a special time to exercise that would take me away from my family and responsibilities. A daily walk and eating healthily will have to be enough. Just like being clean and dressing neatly is enough.
I would always hope that the state of my soul is more important to my husband than the state of my hairdo. Just as the state of his soul is more important to me than his ‘lovehandles’.

I was not implying that my hairdo was more important than my soul. I think we can all agree that it is not. I personally like it when my dh finds me irresitable. I love it when we go somewhere and he tells me that I am the prettiest woman in the room. I like it. It feels good. So that’s why I do it.

 

[SeekerJen]

I totally agree with this one. Once she sees other women around her at those places and how they look, on a frequent basis, she will start to feel that, she too, would like to do something to better her health.

Either that, or she’ll see the overly made-up, scantily clad skinny women and feel worse about herself. I’m of slender/average build and am a healthy weight for my height, but put me in a room of tall, anorexically-thin blondes with good tans and good makeup for an hour and I’m on a diet almost immediately. I know that looks-wise, there is no way that I can even hope to compete with those women. I’m too short, too curvy, too brunette. Putting myself in an atmosphere where I would feel compelled to compete with them for my husband’s attention would be a sure-fire way to make me feel even worse.

I like the idea of date night being a physical activity, but not so she can compare herself to the other women and come up lacking.