Importance of looking 'nice' for your spouse

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It is important to look nice, because we are temples of the Holy Spirit. God lives in us. Grace is God’s life in us. He is in us after we receive Holy Communion. We should look nice for Him. We are God’s gift, so we should take care of that gift. Just as our home is God’s gift to us and we should take care of it, and so forth. Of course I want to look nice for my husband, but that should be secondary. We should not take it to extremes so that it becomes vanity. It is sometimes hard to know the difference, isn’t it? But we are only human and subject to faults. But I don’t look nice because of what other’s think of us. That does not matter.
Years ago I was overweight and just could not lose the pounds. I thought if I did it for my husband that would motivate me. But he loves me no matter what I weigh. I finally learned that I had to do it for God, making sacrifices offered to Him, and in turn I received grace from Him. My focus was on God and not on myself. The pounds all came off – 30 pounds in about 30 weeks. A few have creeped back on, but I learn to think more often about Jesus and less often about me.

God be with you,
Susan
 
I think a great deal of love in a relationship is lost when you wake up after 10 years of marriage, and realize that your wife’s pants are larger than yours.
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What if her pants were bigger than yours to begin with??

Why is it that being big is seemingly the WORST fate a woman can endure, and the worst sin she can commit? 🤷 😦
 
TweetyBird said:
I sort of think this whole topic is peculiar to westerners. Many people in the world don’t have luxuries like make-up, cologne, fancy clothes, etc. Probably the thought of such things wouldn’t even cross their minds. I guess I don’t really think looking ‘nice’ for one’s spouse is intrinsically important, though it may be from a western cultural point of view.

Anyway, I wasn’t exactly a looker to start with, and I’m not into make-up, so I guess there are no dashed expectations here…

**A shower, clean clothes, hair pulled back and I’m good to go. **Obviously, I dress up for the very rare times we go to a formal occasion. I don’t expect much of dh either, though he does kind of gross me out when he gets home from work. He works in a restaurant and comes home reeking of the kitchen - or maybe it’s just my pregnant nose, but I digress…
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Yes, I agree. And I think we are also talking about 2 different kinds of events here. There are the ‘every day’ posts and the dress up to go out posts.

My morning routine involves getting up before 6am and making breakfast and lunches for my family. We say our family rosary and dh leaves for the day. I have still not showered or dressed at this point. I have no problem rising before dawn to pray or to care for my family. I am not going to get up any earlier just for the purpose of putting on mascara before my dh leaves for work! :dts:

After that I shower and dress (in way under 45 minutes) and make sure the dc are ready for school. They go off and I start work. Nowhere in there is blowdrying or makeup. But that is my decision and what I am comfortable with. And something my dh isn’t all worked up about.

Have we both gained weight since we got married? Yes, but we did it enjoying good meals together, but also working hard and doing things like coming home to read with our children instead of spending an hour at the gym every evening.

Do either of us dress in sweats all the time, belch in public, or go around un-showered? No. But did you know that the phrase ‘the odor of sanctity’ came from the fact that many Saints were so taken up with worship of God that they did not wash? Something to think about!
 
Sr_Sally said:
Have we both gained weight since we got married? Yes, but we did it enjoying good meals together, but also working hard and doing things like coming home to read with our children instead of spending an hour at the gym every evening.
!
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I think you (general you) can get exercise without putting your family on the backburner. You can walk with your kids. Being physically fit doesn’t require an hour at the gym everyday. A 15 minute walk works wonders.

You can work hard being a good parent and be active at the same time 🙂
 
actorgirl said:
I think you (general you) can get exercise without putting your family on the backburner. You can walk with your kids. Being physically fit doesn’t require an hour at the gym everyday. A 15 minute walk works wonders.

You can work hard being a good parent and be active at the same time 🙂
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I absolutely agree with you and that is how I get my exercise. However, going from getting hours of strenuous exercise a day to getting about an hour of moderate exercise is a big drop. I danced (ballet, etc.) before marriage and children and stopped during my first pregnancy. That is a very time-consuming form of exercise that can’t be shared with dh and kiddos! 😉

Now we take walks, hikes, etc, but don’t get the level of exercise we used to. I just think that the idea that we should be “buff” and “hot” all our lives is not really a good Christian ideal. Health is one thing, but looks are something we shouldn’t really be focused on.
 
It funny reading this thread. There are such differences.

When we were stationed overseas in Germany and Italy, the women always looked “put together”. Not to say they were dressed up but I never saw an Italian women out and about without accessorizing. And in the winter they wouldn’t dare go out without their properly-tied scarf, LOL. I guess I sort of took that on and when we moved back her I always feel overdressed.

For example; Jeans are very popular but they would never wear a man’s style t-shirt. And always with great shoes…ugh, I miss the shoes!!!
 
Sr_Sally said:
. That is a very time-consuming form of exercise that can’t be shared with dh and kiddos! 😉
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Ah come, one chasse with the family:)
Now we take walks, hikes, etc, but don’t get the level of exercise we used to. I just think that the idea that we should be “buff” and “hot” all our lives is not really a good Christian ideal. Health is one thing, but looks are something we shouldn’t really be focused on.
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Health is very important. I do think “buff” is relative though. I feel everyone needs to feel comfy in their own skin. If that means fit and toned, or a little more weight, so be it. But I don’t think one is better, morally, than another.
 
**Um, showered and dressed. Does that count?

No makeup EVER, no special hair/nail/skin/beauty/exercise routines

That’s where I’m at, and hubby seems to like me well enough. ;):p:D

I’m not obese, but certainly not thin. But, hubby likes me better with more weight. I was a 4/6 when we met. I am now a 14. I guess among this thread that makes me “big.” 🤷
**
 
TxIrishCatholic said:
I have a similar problem with my wife: I work out quite frequently, and she does not. She has definitely put on weight since we were married almost 2 years ago, and it doesn’t really seem to bother her. I am not looking for her to have a super model physique, but I would like her to take some pride and maintain some consistency. It appears as though she takes no pride in her physical appearance. (she’ll do the basic makeup sometimes, but she is well on to the road of letting herself go) However, it is quite upsetting to see a gorgeous women, such as her, just give it all away due to pure laziness.

I try to approach her about working out, and it only leads to fights. I have tried to get her involved and take her to work out with me, but she is not interested at all (the few times she has, it leads to a fight). It almost seems like she has a great deal of contempt for me still maintaining my “physique”, when she has not, but I do not think she realizes how hard and consistently I have worked to maintain a decent level of fitness.

I think a great deal of love in a relationship is lost when you wake up after 10 years of marriage, and realize that your wife’s pants are larger than yours.

Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can get my wife to be more active? Have I set my expectations too high? What have I done wrong here? Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Thanks,
TxIrishCatholic
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Give her a copy of the book “His Needs, Her Needs” with the chapter on physical attraction highlighted. 😛
 
actorgirl said:
Ah come, one chasse with the family:)

Health is very important. I do think “buff” is relative though. I feel everyone needs to feel comfy in their own skin. If that means fit and toned, or a little more weight, so be it. But I don’t think one is better, morally, than another.
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ONE chasse only! 😛

Yes, I guess buff is a relative term. Not necessarily on this thread, but IRL I see women (and men) who devote a LOT of time and energy to their looks–gym, hair appts, etc. Some of these same women are amazed that we find time for family prayer, that I go to church (some are not Catholic, but are actively Christian) more than once per week, etc.

So my point is that when you can get to the gym 2 or 3 times a week for an hour or so and can spend almost an hour on your daily ‘beauty’ regime, but don’t have an hour for Adoration or Bible study, there is a serious problem.
 
Sr_Sally said:
So my point is that when you can get to the gym 2 or 3 times a week for an hour or so and can spend almost an hour on your daily ‘beauty’ regime, but don’t have an hour for Adoration or Bible study, there is a serious problem.
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👍
 
Did your wife work out before marriage? What form of exercise did she take then? Some people find the gym deadly boring. Perhaps your wife thinks you spend too much time at the gym and she’s posting somewhere asking how to get her husband to spend more time with her?

Maybe take up something like golf or ballroom dancing together. Something SHE would enjoy and not something she feels you are forcing her into.

Also, does she think she has time for the gym? What is she doing while you are there? Cleaning the house, working, taking the kids somewhere? Or laying on the couch watching TV? Only in the last case do you have an issue. Perphas helping her with those other tasks (or not complaining about them later if they don’t get done) will free up the time for her to exercise with you.
 
Sr_Sally said:
ONE chasse only! 😛

So my point is that when you can get to the gym 2 or 3 times a week for an hour or so and can spend almost an hour on your daily ‘beauty’ regime, but don’t have an hour for Adoration or Bible study, there is a serious problem.
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OK, now I see where you are coming from. I’m not Catholic, my husband is, and so will our son, but I totally see what you mean.
 
armywife said:
It funny reading this thread. There are such differences.

When we were stationed overseas in Germany and Italy, the women always looked “put together”. Not to say they were dressed up but I never saw an Italian women out and about without accessorizing. And in the winter they wouldn’t dare go out without their properly-tied scarf, LOL. I guess I sort of took that on and when we moved back her I always feel overdressed.

For example; Jeans are very popular but they would never wear a man’s style t-shirt. And always with great shoes…ugh, I miss the shoes!!!
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Yes! The shoes! A good shoe can definately make the outfit. I’ve found some Born shoes that are stylish and comfy–so I don’t run around in tennies all the time.
 
TxIrishCatholic said:
I think a great deal of love in a relationship is lost when you wake up after 10 years of marriage, and realize that your wife’s pants are larger than yours.
Code: 
 TxIrishCatholic
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WHOA! WHAT ??? You are **disappointed **that she has gained weight…or you **don’t love her **now that she is heavier? I am sorry. I’m sure this is a real issue for you, but I don’t know how to respond after that particular comment. I mean, maybe a loss of physical attraction to your wife…but a loss of LOVE ?? I have gained a little weight over the last 5 years and 4 babies and I’m sure my husband appriciated my form more before the all the pregnancy/c-section/breastfeeding, but never has he made me feel that he loves me less because of the physical changes I am going through. As a matter-of-fact, just yesterday he told me how HOT he thinks I am…and, my friend, I am currently 8 months pregnant…far from hot! Now that is true love.
 
Well, since we both loathe exercise and are total food freaks, I guess we’re doomed.

😃
 
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