In trying to answer your question re: " how you think you’re on
God’s side," can you tell me something about your prayer life? St. John Vianney wrote in his
Catechetical Instructions, Ch. 8, Catechism on Prayer, “Prayer is nothing other than union with God.”
To grow in the life of prayer and grace, to grow toward maturity in the
Interior Life, is to grow first toward, and then into the seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit. This brief teaching - truth - is profound and deep:
Catechism 1831 The seven gifts of the Holy Spirit are wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety, and fear of the Lord. They belong in their fullness to Christ, Son of David. [Cf. Isa 11:1-2] They complete and perfect the virtues of those who receive them. They make the faithful docile in readily obeying divine inspirations.
Let your good spirit lead me on a level path. [Psa 143:10]
For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God . . . If children, then heirs, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ. [Rom 8:14, 17]
Note the first Gift listed - which is the greatest, and holiest, as most inclusive of the others in a sense, is wisdom - intimately united with Holy Charity, one of the virtues (Faith, Hope and Charity)
completed and
perfected by these Gifts! Amazing, beautiful, crucially important!
These Holy Gifts, brought to maturity in a maturing Interior Life, are the intended fruit of prayer, being the journey to and into union with God.
This is how one comes to know God. Such knowing is found in a life of prayer. So - you don’t need to tell me anything! But I strongly suggest you ask and answer yourself: How is your prayer life? If you want to grow in prayer, you need to understand and live the spirituality of the saints who have recorded their wisdom for the Church and hear how exactly one “grows” in prayer, that is, in union with God.