Inlaws refusing to stay seated during Communion

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Gwendolen said:
I can’t even begin to describe what a poor testament this is to the Catholic faith to someone considering converting. It smacks of unbelievable arrogance and is completely lacking in humility before God. It is one thing to gently explain “we believe X because of y and z” and quite another to tell someone “your faith is a knock of brand of the real thing, and you are all wrong.” Probably the main “knock off” is the Anglican Church, which started out of very selfish motives, but many denominations were the result of groups of people genuinely wanting to please God, and not able to reconcile parts of the Catholic (or other faiths) with what they felt God wanted, based on the Bible. Their motive was a desire for authentic Christianity.

“It’s not my responsibility to be tolerant of their wrongness”. Your responsibility is to love them, and honor thy father and mother. You are also not responsible to be the Eucharist police for your in-laws.(if you were in the position of the OP) Creating a huge fuss about their “wrongness”, because their faith is “just a knock off brand” it not a loving thing to do. Being a living testament to the Catholic faith is, surely this “fullness” you speak of includes more than smugness you have chosen the “right” belief system The OP has chosen a much more loving approach.

Perhaps, also, her in-laws can be present at more church functions, such as Bible/book studies or service projects where the Eucharist is not served, so they can get more of an appreciation for the fullness of Catholic faith. When you believe in the Real Presence, what does that look like in terms of how your life has lived? How does the Eucharist impact you once you leave the mass? I got a bigger picture by someone showing the Adoration Chapel, perhaps that would help explain how the Real Presence of Eucharist is in the Catholic Church.

Show it, don’t just say it, and perhaps they will understand, and it will not be a source of tension.
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Thanks for this post.
Hoo(name removed by moderator)mie said:
For months prior to RCIA I sat in my pew while most everyone else went up to receive the Eucharist. Not once did I feel as if anyone was staring at me in judgment. I think anyone in that church who saw me sitting/kneeling simply understood I was unable to receive. There was never any embarrassment.
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I still have Sundays where I don’t receive if I feel like I need to go to Confession first. I never feel like anyone is staring at me. But maybe they are and I don’t notice because I couldn’t care less 🤷
 
Gwendolen said:
This mindset seems to confine the meaning of the Eucharist as a reward for being Catholic, or a privilege that one earns by making it through RCIA. It is not helping your argument.
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Ultimately, I think it’s okay that the Eucharist is exclusionary and you don’t.

I don’t think that we’ll convince each other any differently.

It’s okay that we disagree.

I’ve been waiting a long time to participate in the Eucharist, so yes, I do consider it a privilege. I can’t take it just because I happen to show up at a RCC and believe in Jesus.

If I hung around Catholics who were a bit more Liberal on these things, perhaps, I’d have a different opinion, but the reality is that the Catholics I know take a conservative view on these things and I take my lead from them.

I would never insist to a Rabbi that my son needs a bar-mitzvah because we aren’t Jewish. In the same way, I don’t have a problem with Catholic Eucharist Mass being just for Catholics. It is what it is.
 
Ask them politely to refrain from taking Communion and explain that it causes you grave concern when they do. Reinforce the fact that you love and respect them as well as their religious tradition but, while in a Catholic mass, ask that they do likewise. Never argue. Tell them they can receive a blessing if they want. If they insist, then offer your Communion in reparation for what they just did.

Pray.
 
Thanks for the additional (name removed by moderator)ut.

Someone pointed out that my inlaws didn’t realize what my husband was agreeing to when we’re married, and I think that is 100% true. I think they thought I would let him and the kids be Lutheran, and I would just get the Catholic wedding I always wanted.

Thankfully my husband and I worked all of this out prior to our engagement, and he fully understood that any kids and I would be Catholic.

His mother has been hounding him with phone calls. Our baby’s recent Baptism seems to be the final straw for her. As I said in another comment she is secretly taking my Jehovah Witness nieces to Lutheran service against their parents’ wishes. There are a lot of issues at play with her it seems.

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I am curious if anyone has ever explained the situation to your in-laws by using a hypothetical example. Like wearing white to a wedding even though you know this is bawked at. No one wants you attending their wedding knowing you are planning on showing up in a white dress.

I know it may be a silly example, but maybe they need to hear something like that.

After reading a comment about feeling left out I wanted to add (don’t know if this has been stated) that they are free to go up to receive a blessing by crossing their arms like an X over their chest or holding a finger over the lips like the whisper symbol. You probably know what I mean but other readers may not so I wanted to explain. This may be a compromise to them (feel like they are participating but in a different way). I don’t know the ages of the children but if they are not receiving Communion yet then the in-laws would not be the only ones remaining in their seats (or everyone can go for a blessing together?)
 
anp1215 said:
Thanks for this post.

I still have Sundays where I don’t receive if I feel like I need to go to Confession first. I never feel like anyone is staring at me. But maybe they are and I don’t notice because I couldn’t care less 🤷
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Me too. The only one that I know is watching me is Jesus, and that is all that matters.

DGB
 
Well when you are in a row of people going to Communion and they have to walk around you, it does feel awkward. Or if you are the only one/one of few sitting in the whole church, etc. I have been there, done that. My current church is soooo small, like 20 people or less in attendance on a regular basis and I do feel like if I didn’t go to Communion one weekend people would notice and/or ask questions even.

If you are not part of the faith, I don’t think you should feel weird for staying seated, though. I would stay seated if I went to a Protestant service.
 
Tell them that what they are doing is making someone else guilty of sacrilege, not themselves. Ask them if they are willing to make someone else guilty of disrespecting Christ after their own faith.

I wouldn’t take them with you if they (intentionally or unintentionally) disrespect the church, just out of respect for our Lord.

A good way of making the point that this will not be keeping the children out of church, would be for you or your husband to take the children without them.

If they disagree with the teachings of your church it is no use telling your family or local church about it or just going along and violating them, they need to write to the Vatican or something.
boymama said:
t she is secretly taking my Jehovah Witness nieces to Lutheran service against their parents’ wishes
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…wait she is what now? :eek: Encouraging religious schism between children and their parents is a pretty serious thing… what about the other 99% of the time when their parents think, incorrectly they are at the head of the religious ship? What about when that family faces serious issues and challenges and the parents are unaware someone has been secretly telling their children they are liars? :mad: I mean there is time in a person’s life to change religions, you do not have to undermine their parents to do it.

Sorry forgive my surprise, but there are more honourable and honest ways to convert a person than by subterfuge and lies. If anything that will just break hearts, bring about hostility, and drive people away in the end.
 
I didn’t read through all the threads.

When this sort of an issue comes up, I generally have one response:

If you want to belong to the club, you have to follow the rules.
 
I have a very understanding priest who says when he knows there are non-Catholic in his congregation always announcing that if you take communion in your own church then you are welcome to take it in his church. This priest has done more to bring people to the Lord than all the condemnation some people feel. I for one would never have become a Catholic without this priest and the congregation making me feel welcome.People have to come to the Lord in their own ways and my priest said this morning, worry about your own sins and the way you behave rather than judge others. There is a greater power who will judge.
 
STOTTYCAKE said:
I have a very understanding priest who says when he knows there are non-Catholic in his congregation always announcing that if you take communion in your own church then you are welcome to take it in his church. This priest has done more to bring people to the Lord than all the condemnation some people feel. I for one would never have become a Catholic without this priest and the congregation making me feel welcome.People have to come to the Lord in their own ways and my priest said this morning, worry about your own sins and the way you behave rather than judge others. There is a greater power who will judge.
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If a Priest encourages non-Catholics to partake in the Eucharist, although well meaning, he is actually sinning. He doesn’t get to make up his own rules - and the rules say only Catholics may receive.

I will pray for him.

PS. I’m glad you became Catholic - why not change your religion on your membership info?
 
I haven’t actually become a Catholic until the Easter vigil. The reason I posted that my priest invites others to share the Eucharist I don’t know but I will ask him when I see him. He is very learned and elderly ( he refused when asked to become a bishop). Some Anglican churches do in fact believe in transubstantiation and many worship between Catholic churches and Anglican churches so I believe my priest is not sinning when offering communion to these people. I think I have read somewhere that there are special circumstances when shared table is allowed but I will verify this with my priest as he will know why he does this. It tends to be if it is an ecumenical service-we have a thriving ecumenical town where numbers of Christians are growing but sadly the Catholic numbers are declining except for an aging congregation. I notice this is a worldwide trend.
 
I haven’t read this entire thread… mostly the first page… Suggestion.

I have managed an understanding with my non Catholic no other religion in laws. They understand that DH and I will be raising our children Catholic.

Grandparents are welcome to attend events and such. Welcome to Mass. They usually pass. I do think it’s their quiet way of protesting.

They are not permitted under any circumstances to try to educate the children. It’s inferred they will lose their privilege of visits and alone time with the children. They would have to be supervised.

Also, and this is the most important point. I’ve told my in laws that I always want my children to look at them with respect. It’s in their best interest not to contradict our teachings. As I’d basically have to inform my children as to how uneducated their grandparents are, and they are wrong, and not to be trusted in these sorts of things.

Understandably, the in laws do not want to lose visiting opportunities, or to have the children thinking they are completely clueless about all that is important.

You might mention to the in laws there will quickly come a time the children will recognize that what they are doing is wrong and disrespectful. And they will lose the respect of their own grandchildren. Because I really wouldn’t have a problem explaining how some people would rather be “right” than actually do what’s right… etc.

There will be no messing with my children’s Catholic Education.
 
STOTTYCAKE said:
I haven’t actually become a Catholic until the Easter vigil. The reason I posted that my priest invites others to share the Eucharist I don’t know but I will ask him when I see him. He is very learned and elderly ( he refused when asked to become a bishop). Some Anglican churches do in fact believe in transubstantiation and many worship between Catholic churches and Anglican churches so I believe my priest is not sinning when offering communion to these people. I think I have read somewhere that there are special circumstances when shared table is allowed but I will verify this with my priest as he will know why he does this. It tends to be if it is an ecumenical service-we have a thriving ecumenical town where numbers of Christians are growing but sadly the Catholic numbers are declining except for an aging congregation. I notice this is a worldwide trend.
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Perhaps the numbers are declining in your area because, why would anyone want to take on the difficult aspects of being a Catholic, if they can just receive Holy Communion anyway? 🤷
 
Forgive me if someone else has brought this up–and I apologize that I don’t offer a solution but just an observation.

It does seem ironic that a LUTHERAN insists on having “Communion” with the Catholic Church.

I also thought it telling that the children of the Lutheran have split off and gone to other faiths.

I will pray for your family about this. I hope that it works out superbly.
 
Tokyo_Pat said:
Forgive me if someone else has brought this up–and I apologize that I don’t offer a solution but just an observation.

It does seem ironic that a LUTHERAN insists on having “Communion” with the Catholic Church.

I also thought it telling that the children of the Lutheran have split off and gone to other faiths.

I will pray for your family about this. I hope that it works out superbly.
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Very well put. 👍
 
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