Interfaith marriage/relationship advice needed, please!

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HappyCatholic01:
I have spoken to Priests I trust, and they have indicated that the location is not the pivotal point, so long as she agrees to raising the children Catholic, etc. The question is for the individual Catholic in question, is this enough. They do wonder why she has such reticence about RCIA, conversion, or being married in the Church if she attends mass wekkly. That is something only she knows, though again, I suspect it is because she wants the wedding as she views it, and to be Catholic prior to marriage would eliminate this possibility (marriage in her child hood church, with her Pastor, making her family happy, etc.)
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I don’t know that I have much new to add. But I’d like to add another perspective.

First of all, I’d like to commend you for being so committed to your Faith.

Second of all, I’d like to reitterate BLB_Oregon’s post. If she’s not who you want to marry now, don’t marry her. She deserves someone who loves her for who she is, not just for who she could be.

Thirdly, you strike me as a rather driven, idealistic man. You have this dream for what your family should be like and you’ve asked her to step into it. But does she think you are leaving your previous life for her? Right now she is probably thinking that you care more about your dream than you do about her. It’s normal for women (I can’t speak for the men) to be afraid of losing their identity when they get married.

Most women dream of being married in THEIR home parish. Would you be willing to look for a new parish together? Perhaps if you are willing to relinquish your old parish she would be willing to attend RCIA at the new one.
 
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HappyCatholic01:
I guess I just wanted some (name removed by moderator)ut on whether or not asking her to attend RCIA is too much to ask. Conversion, while ideal, needs to be on her time. But attending RCIA isn’t too much to ask, I don’t think.

If she isn’t ready to do that, I can understand that (and respect it, if she is sincere), but that probably means she isn’t ready to marry me either.
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BINGO! There’s your decision, hard as it might be to face.
 
While I admire you for your faith, I think you are being unrealistic at best or selfish at worst. If you are to marry somebody of another faith, you have to accept her for who she is and be willing to compromise. If your own faith is so important to you, and compromise isn’t possible, then you must marry a Catholic.

If she has already agreed to raise the children Catholic, then she has made a very big compromise. You seem to want all or nothing. I don’t think that is fair to your fiance. Why should she be the only one to capitulate?
 
BapCathLuth - I am curious why you think I am being selfish? (Not saying I am not, but am curious what specifically is selfish…).

I have said before I am amenable to she and I getting married in a church of ours togther. I am willing for forgoe getting married in my childhood church; I would get married in Buenos Aires, Arg if it made her happy. I have maintained it made more sense for the couple to get married in the church they attend together. As a groom and bride, you are leaving your old life behind. Symbolically, it would seem to make sense to start this life in your church, together.

I hear what you are saying, but I made it very clear what I wanted (or required) in a spouse and for my family the first time we dated. Literally, I believe, the second phone conversation we had, I was up front and told her everything. :cool:

I spoke of it frequently, and also asked her more than once while we were dating periodically that she was still on board with Catholicism. In terms of being selfish, my motivation is because I know the Catholic Church is God’s one true and original Church, and an instrument to truly allow to touch God Himself through the Eucharist. Her motivation is “I like that church for nostalgic reasons.” Seems to me that one is a bit more selfish than the other, that maybe that’s just my perspective. Admittedly, you can’t always see things clearly when you are in the middle.

I don’t begrudge her for deciding she may have bitten off more than she could chew initially, but I can’t feel quilty either; I was completely honest and upfront. She is the one who changed what she agreed to. Which is fine in and of itself. Neither is right or wrong, but it may mean we are not meant to be together if we cannot find some common ground. And how much sacrificing can a Catholic truly do?

Again, I should point out she has no real grounds (IMO) for asking for what she has since she does not practice or place any effort into the Lutheran faith. It would be like me demanding a significant other who has lived a chaste and virtuous life prior to us dating, all the while I was being promiscuous. What grounds do I have to make such a request, other than “I want what I want!” ?

I seriously doubt she is spending hours on a Lutheran message board debating this dilemma… :mad:

I will be talking to her today, and will hopefully put this to bed once and for all. If she is not open to at least attending RCIA, then I have my answer. That isn’t too much to ask, especially if the person intends to practice that faith in their lives forever, no?
 
Has she spoken with the pastor at her church? If you end up marrying her in her Lutheran church, do you think that pastor will simply let his church be used for a wedding knowing that the Lutheran bride would soon commence with the conversion process?
Also, I’d think her pastor would require some Lutheran-Christian based pre-marital preparation of some sort.

I guess what I’m getting at is - if her church is from a more conservative synod, they’re not going to let her go without a fight.

I agreed to be married in my wife’s Lutheran church and went through their required premarital classes. I made it clear to my wife and her pastor that despite being married in her church, I was not converting. AFter the last session of our classes with her pastor, he gave me a print-out of marital statistics basically stating that our marriage didn’t have a statical chance of lasting unless I converted to Lutheranism.

Happy,

I wish that 10 years ago, my Catholic faith would have been as strong as yours. You will find in time that your decision will be a tribute to the process you are going through right now and I commend you for that.
 
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spanky:
Happy,

I wish that 10 years ago, my Catholic faith would have been as strong as yours. You will find in time that your decision will be a tribute to the process you are going through right now and I commend you for that.
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Thanks for that 🙂 To be honest, I think I am fortunate that I am single at 30. I am not the same man I was five years ago (were any of us?), and I am not sure how I would have behaved when I didn’t know what I do now. And growing when your spouse isn’t growing can be difficult for both parties, as I have seen attested to on here.

I guess that is my goal. I’d rather head off trouble now before it brews down the road. The problem is, no one gets married thinking “well, statistically, we have a 50% chance of making this”, or doesn’t think “we are so in love, nothing will ever change!!!” So even if the latter thought is in my head, I don’t trust it. Everyone said that, and many have seen that bubble burst, sadly. I just hate feeling so cynical and jaded at times, I would like to be a bit more carefree and allow the pleasure of being “in love” to actually take hold more…

And as my recently married cousin told me, the things you want to disagree on in life with your spouse are the details, not the cire “things” (what’s a better word for “things”???). The color of flowers, the number of bridesmaids, etc are things that can dealt with. The foundations of your life (religion, finances, children) are things that you want to see eye to eye on.
 
HappyC,

Here is a heads up. No matter what she agrees to, if she is not Catholic, she cannot raise your children Catholic. She can agree that she allows YOU to raise them Catholic, and even help by seeing they get to church, etc. But she cannot pass on a faith she does not share.

No amount of signing papers, promising, or saying “the church says its OK if…” will change the fact that a non Catholic cannot truly pass on the faith.I think that many people figure that if they meet the church’s signed paper criteria it is a done deal.

Catholic school cannot raise your children Catholic either, nor can CCD. Only Catholic parents can do the real day to day, minute to minute job.

cheddar
 
Update:

I spoke to her last night, and told her that I thought it was prudent for us to take a look at RCIA so we knew what the role of a Catholic couple really was. She felt like if we are not even really boyfriend/girlfriend, it didn’t make sense. She said perhaps if we were engaged, or once were married, it made good sense.

I stressed there was no pressure to convert. I simply wanted her to know what she would be getting into. She said she looks forward to becoming Catholic eventually, raising a Catholic family, and that excites. I just don’t understand why taking the classes is such a big deal. Maybe it is because I am Catholic already, but it seems to me, if I was considering marrying into another faith, I’d be willing to go and learn about what they believe. She pointed out that her best friend (Catholic) married a non-Catholic and they are about to have their first child (got married in June), and they didn’t attend RCIA together. And? I hate anecdotal evidence… I know they attended Pre-Cana though.

We didn’t accomplish much it doesn’t seem other than she now knows that I think this is important. It just doesn’t seem like too much to ask. She has said she thinks it is sad to potentially lose each other over something like this, and I agree, but what else can I do?
 
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HappyCatholic01:
Update:

I spoke to her last night, and told her that I thought it was prudent for us to take a look at RCIA so we knew what the role of a Catholic couple really was. She felt like if we are not even really boyfriend/girlfriend, it didn’t make sense. She said perhaps if we were engaged, or once were married, it made good sense.

I stressed there was no pressure to convert. I simply wanted her to know what she would be getting into. She said she looks forward to becoming Catholic eventually, raising a Catholic family, and that excites. I just don’t understand why taking the classes is such a big deal. Maybe it is because I am Catholic already, but it seems to me, if I was considering marrying into another faith, I’d be willing to go and learn about what they believe. She pointed out that her best friend (Catholic) married a non-Catholic and they are about to have their first child (got married in June), and they didn’t attend RCIA together. And? I hate anecdotal evidence… I know they attended Pre-Cana though.

We didn’t accomplish much it doesn’t seem other than she now knows that I think this is important. It just doesn’t seem like too much to ask. She has said she thinks it is sad to potentially lose each other over something like this, and I agree, but what else can I do?
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What is this part about “She felt like if we are not even really boyfriend/girlfriend, it didn’t make sense”.

I was under the impression you two were boyfriend and girlfriend discussing taking the next step - engagement.

If you aren’t boyfriend and girlfriend, then she’s right, there’s no sense for her to go into RCIA now.

If you are boyfriend and girlfriend then the statement that she doesn’t feel as if you are, then that’s a very, very telling statement.

Here’s the bottom line:

If she honestly wants to consider you as a prospect for marriage she has to understand what being Catholic means because Catholic = you. How can she say she loves you if she doesn’t know who you are? and if she wants to love you like that - forever - then you’d think she’d be happy to find out everything about you, including your faith.

No, HappyCatholic, it doesn’t seem like she’s mature enough to appreciate what it is you are asking of her - not so much the conversion - but just being open to learning more about YOU. She may be ready when she reaches 30, who knows. The question is whether or not you’re willing to wait for her, continuing to date until she ‘gets it’.
 
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HappyCatholic01:
Update:

I spoke to her last night, and told her that I thought it was prudent for us to take a look at RCIA so we knew what the role of a Catholic couple really was. She felt like if we are not even really boyfriend/girlfriend, it didn’t make sense. She said perhaps if we were engaged, or once were married, it made good sense.

I stressed there was no pressure to convert. I simply wanted her to know what she would be getting into. She said she looks forward to becoming Catholic eventually, raising a Catholic family, and that excites. I just don’t understand why taking the classes is such a big deal. Maybe it is because I am Catholic already, but it seems to me, if I was considering marrying into another faith, I’d be willing to go and learn about what they believe. She pointed out that her best friend (Catholic) married a non-Catholic and they are about to have their first child (got married in June), and they didn’t attend RCIA together. And? I hate anecdotal evidence… I know they attended Pre-Cana though.

We didn’t accomplish much it doesn’t seem other than she now knows that I think this is important. It just doesn’t seem like too much to ask. She has said she thinks it is sad to potentially lose each other over something like this, and I agree, but what else can I do?
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Man I can feel your pain on this. I’m on the other side of the fense, my wife is Catholic and I am Anababtist. Before we were married my wife and I had agreed that because both our faiths were so importent to us that we would raise the children with knowledge of doth faiths. I only had one request, that the children be babtised when they reach the age of reason (as is tradition in my church). Knowing there were requirements fo the RC church we put our engagement on hold untill my wife finally made an anonomous call to a church official and was basicly told that it was ok as long as the child was raised christian. Ok great, well we get married and live happily ever after…

About a year ago my wife (through an off handed conversation) tells her sister that she will probably just babtise the children to get her pairents off her back. I overheard and in the end we almost split over it. My wife told me that she only agreed to not babtise the children because she wanted to marry me and that was the only way. She thought that I would be Catholic and that by time we had kids it wouldn’t be an issue. Well let’s just say things didn’t turn out like that.

I guess what I want to get across is that even though she might care for you that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have pre-conceptions about the future that she isn’t sharing. She might believe that you will end up converting or that maybe there is a middle ground between the two (as I believed before my experiance). Being as I have gone down this road I really identify with your situation and I’ll offer a few prayers up for you. The best thing you might do is to sit her down and say “I know you have some reservations about going to RCIA but I do care for you and I see many qualities in you that I have prayed to be in my future wife. My faith is important to me and I want to share that with you, I also need to know if you can live with the things my church will require of us.”

Of course use your own words but I wish my wife had done the same for me, protestants have a bit more fluid idea of denominations than RCs do so she might be hanging on to some of these ideas. Again I will pray for wisdom and cander for you two.
 
If faith is such an key part of who you are, and who she says she wants to be, it is not something little that “you shouldn’t lose eachother over.” IF it isn’t important, then whose responsibility is it to let the other have their way if no one feels good about letting it go?

I encountered a similar dilemma with my ex. You said you hate anecdotal evidence, but I’m going to give it to you anyway. In the beginning, he said he would be willing to convert. I made lots of progress showing him Catholic doctrine and why it made so much more sense than the buffet his church taught was OK. He agreed with most of it, and didn’t disagree with the rest (if that makes sense).

Like your g/f, his main hangup was not being able to receive Communion. I offered to go to church with him, as a sign of good faith, so he could licitly receive at his church until he went through RCIA and could receive at the Catholic church we went to regularly. He grew increasingly hostile after every Mass, demanding that I not take the Blood because he didn’t like to smell the alcohol on my breath afterwards.

His excuse for not converting then was that his father had died a Methodist, and he would feel like he was spiritually abandoning his family for someone who wasn’t yet family. He said he would do it after we got married, so he would be converting in order to bring religious solidarity to the family. It made sense at the time because I wanted it to, but now it’s just another excuse.

Even while we were talking about marriage, I realized over the course of three long years that something wasn’t right. I begged and begged God to make something happen to just break us up if we weren’t meant to be together, because this guy just adored me and would never have done it himself. We basically abandoned all our other relationships for that one, so neither of us had anywhere to go if we broke up. Add into the equation that our emotions were severely clouded by unchaste behavior, and it was a recipe for a nightmare marriage since neither of us could let go. (I point out chastity for your sake, no need to share if this has seeped into your relationship, but please take the emotional attachment into account if it has.)

As my final college semester approached, Catholic guys started coming out of the woodworks expressing interest in me, not knowing I had a steady b/f. That definitely grabbed my attention! At a Catholic youth conference, the Holy Spirit moved me to end it once and for all (I had broken up with him before). I resolved to do it when I got back, but when I talked to him on the phone, it just happened right then instead.

I am to marry a wonderful Catholic young man in less than nine months, and he is everything I ever dreamed of and more. (yeah, I do sound like a gooshy young bride now don’t I?)

Only you can know what’s right for you, but here’s my final advice:
If this is indeed as important to you as it sounds, don’t accept a compromise. From one who tried over and over to convince herself this other guy (and he was and still is a good guy, for the most part) was ‘the one’, you WILL “just know” if you two are meant to be together. If you have to ask, “But how?” then you don’t “just know,” and IMO that is a pretty strong sign it isn’t meant to be.
It is appropriate to accept compromises IN marriage, but not in order to justify getting married. I think you said yourself, you don’t want to push her to convert for the wrong reasons. If she won’t convert beforehand, then she’s not serious enough about her faith to be the Catholic wife you’ve wanted all your life. If she isn’t just clamoring to go to RCIA so she can receive the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Jesus Christ since she’s complaining about not being able to go to communion, I’d be a little skeptical.
 
Thanks YYM. Just to clarify, she and I dated for about a year and a half, stopped, and have been dating again recently. We know we love each other (and in my heart, I feel that i always will, whether or not she and I stay together or not), and we act like boyfriend/girlfriend even if we are not technically (we only began dating again 1 month ago after two months apart). But again, perhaps I am too cynical, but I fear our love will not survive the rigors of life. Not for any other reason other than I know most people who marry are in love, and many don’t make it.

I am more than willing to “officially” be her boyfriend, it isn’t as though she or I is dating someone else, but the whole point of this was that I didn’t want to go down theat route again (I consider exclusivity a time to test and prepare for to possible engagement, i.e., it is more serious that just dating) without establishing the religion thing up front. we have talked about marriage often before - kids, NFP, education, etc. The vibe I get is that she wants more of a commitment before pursuing this, whereas, I want to pursue this before making more of a commitment.

She isn’t some girl I met for the first time last week. I do not need to know much more about her to know whether or not she would make a good, loving wife. I don’t think it is wise to go down that road again and deal with this later. It just doesn’t seem like too much to ask of someone who wants to potentially be my wife, etc, and as you said, to really get to know me.
 
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HappyCatholic01:
Thanks YYM. Just to clarify, she and I dated for about a year and a half, stopped, and have been dating again recently. We know we love each other (and in my heart, I feel that i always will, whether or not she and I stay together or not), and we act like boyfriend/girlfriend even if we are not technically (we only began dating again 1 month ago after two months apart). But again, perhaps I am too cynical, but I fear our love will not survive the rigors of life. Not for any other reason other than I know most people who marry are in love, and many don’t make it.

I am more than willing to “officially” be her boyfriend, it isn’t as though she or I is dating someone else, but the whole point of this was that I didn’t want to go down theat route again (I consider exclusivity a time to test and prepare for to possible engagement, i.e., it is more serious that just dating) without establishing the religion thing up front. we have talked about marriage often before - kids, NFP, education, etc. The vibe I get is that she wants more of a commitment before pursuing this, whereas, I want to pursue this before making more of a commitment.

She isn’t some girl I met for the first time last week. I do not need to know much more about her to know whether or not she would make a good, loving wife. I don’t think it is wise to go down that road again and deal with this later. It just doesn’t seem like too much to ask of someone who wants to potentially be my wife, etc, and as you said, to really get to know me.
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Oh yeah, you mentioned this was a getting back together issue.

Who’s pressing to get back together, you or her?

It is possible to love a person almost completely and still not have that person be THE one for you, so yeah, you’ll probably always love this woman, but it doesn’t look like it’s meant to be as your wife.

Speaking from experience, no marriage can work when there’s an underlying message stating you aren’t perfect. I wasn’t perfect for my would be husband either. Our hearts were connected in 6th grade…never dated until high school, and through college, we’d talk about marriage but it wasn’t happening. We were both Catholic…I wasn’t Catholic enough at the time though (more INO or Cafeteria to his ‘strict’). My not being ‘really’ Catholic always gnawed away at him, and it showed, even though he kept telling me in words that I was still THE one for him and that it wasn’t a problem. I became resentful of feeling like I was not good enough, not his equal and I finally walked away. Love me as I am or don’t love me at all, was my attitude.

I was all set to live a single life from then on because honestly he would always be my soulmate. I moved to a new city to start a new life and within a month I met my husband. 6 months after we met we were engaged, a year after our meeting we were married. Going on 20 years now and life is grand.

My ex and I are still friends, though we didn’t contact each other for 10 years. When we started writing each other we looked fondly back at what we shared, what connection we still share, and thank God that He moved us to where we needed to be so that he could meet his wife to have their daughter, and I could meet my husband to have my son & daughter. We are where God wanted us and we are very happy for each other and understand it wasn’t us that didn’t work out, it was God’s design. We’re very happy we listened to His calling even though it hurt each of us terribly for those 10 years, but the entire time God was working in our hearts to heal the hurt as His purpose became clearer as our individual lives progressed happily.

In my humble opinion, I say let her go. Let her move on. It doesn’t really matter if she understands anything about your reasonings now, in time it will make sense to her, especially if she finds her true mate. That hesitation in you about her is evident in what you do…it’s making you hold back…and I sure she feels that. It’s not fair to her, nor to you.
 
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HappyCatholic01:
BapCathLuth - I am curious why you think I am being selfish? (Not saying I am not, but am curious what specifically is selfish…).

You are saying, “It’s my way or the highway.” Unless she were very interested in Catholicism before she knew you or was now, I wouldn’t marry her. She will resent you, and I wouldn’t blame her.

You are a devout Catholic. It sounds like your religion is the most important aspect of your life. Why would you choose a life partner who isn’t truly interested in Catholicism? You are cheating yourself and being unfair to her.

If you can’t accept her for who she is, don’t marry her.
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Well, just to update, I spoke to her, and she said she loves the Catholic Church, but isn’t ready to attend RCIA yet. I told her it was informative only, and conversion was a matter for her and god. She still said that she felt it was premature to attend since there wasn’t a real commitment between. I told her it made sense because I didn’t want to MAKE such a commitment without both of us being on the same page (or close to it). I also told her I wasn’t sure how I felt about marrying in her church, even with a dispensation. My family is very catholic, and I just feel as though I don’t want to let them down, nor is it my first choice.

She maintained that since traditionally, the marriage is held in the woman’s church, and that out of respect for her family, I would do this. I said I’d prefer for she and I to be married (if we got married) in OUR church, and she said, “We don’t have a church”. She told me that right now, that Lutheran Church is still her church (despite her not going any more; we went to Mass again yesterday…)

I just worry that if she and I part company (for now or forever), I will always look back and regret losing her. Silly as this sounds I know, I picture myself with other women, and (at least right now), it makes me sad, as though they don’t belong.

She seems to think that I am making a big deal out of small things, and that we can work all this out. She claims that wants to raise a Catholic family, to join me in the Church, and that the prospect excites her. She talks about learning to say the Rosary, (I have explained it before), and whatnot, and seems quite sincere. I just think she is hesitant to take any step without some commitment from me. Is that a legitimate position to have??

I tend to think that what excites her is being married to ME, in any form. I do believe she loves me very deeply, but sometimes I think she (and many others) trivialize that which should not be. I just hate to throw away a wonderful girl without prudent reasons. I guess that fear that you will never love someone like you do this person is irrational? Hopefully someone can validate that, I’d hate to believe I’d lose that feeling forever! That just depresses me…

Thanks again 🙂
 
Don’t be depressed.

If you are called to marriage then your future spouse will cross paths with you someday.

You need to trust in the Lord and right now he’s talking to you. She’s not THE one, no matter how wonderful she is in other ways, when it comes to the faith, she’s not budging and neither should you.

One test I suppose you can have would be to propose to her, giving her the committment she seeks. If she accepts your proposal then she starts RCIA and you find a church together, the wedding will not be at her parents’ church nor yours…find a new parish for the two of you to go through your engagement and marriage prep with and be married in. I suspect she will decline your proposal with such conditions and then you will know to walk away.

Her arguments for marrying in her church still don’t speak to her belief in their creed/customs/rituals, but I suspect that is the real issue. I suspect if she could, she’d marry you promising to follow through after the wedding and then not follow thru because she knows that marriage is forever in your religion and you couldn’t leave her and she’d get to remain Lutheran.

Your faith is not trivial. Why do you keep buying into her complaints about that to the point that you’re second guessing whether or not standing up for the faith is not prudent or rational??
 
How much commitment is she looking for? Does she just want public acknowledgement that you are ‘boyfriend and girlfriend’? Does she want exclusive dating? Does she want a marriage proposal?

As I mentioned in a previous post, don’t discount the importance to her of marrying in her family’s church. This truly is a big, big deal to a lot of women. The fact that she doesn’t attend is irrelevant. The idea that she is marrying in your church and not hers probably seems fundamentally wrong to her, maybe not even without her realizing it.

Once again, ask her about attending RCIA at a parish other than at the one to which you (singular) belong. Please don’t be selfish and demand that it be your home parish.
 
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HappyCatholic01:
I tend to think that what excites her is being married to ME, in any form. I do believe she loves me very deeply, but sometimes I think she (and many others) trivialize that which should not be. I just hate to throw away a wonderful girl without prudent reasons. I guess that fear that you will never love someone like you do this person is irrational? Hopefully someone can validate that, I’d hate to believe I’d lose that feeling forever! That just depresses me…
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You are caught between the emotional and the rational response to relationships. On one hand, you say that people “trivialize that which should not be,(rational)” but on the other hand say you “hate to throw away a wonderful girl without prudent reasons.(emotional)”

I have a very good friend (who I passed up for my fiance basically based on who asked first) who is marrying a girl who is not Catholic. She truly WANTS to become Catholic, and insisted the wedding take place AFTER she enters the Church next Easter. Now, she probably wouldn’t have considered it if she hadn’t been in a relationship with my friend, but she truly has come to love the faith. If your gal isn’t converting regardless of your committment, then you’re right that she’s excited about you, not about Catholicism. Some people are OK with this. I was not, and by the sound of it, neither will you be.

That being said, the wedding IS only one day, and it IS pretty customary for the wedding to be at the bride’s church. I hate the idea of getting married in a Protestant church, but perhaps you would consider it if she attends RCIA AND converts BEFORE the wedding.

People get back together for one of two reasons: They don’t know where else to go, or God really is guiding them back to one another. Both of you deserve to enter your engagement without doubts. Trust God enough to bring the two of you back together again and walk away if you are at an impasse.

My gut feeling: You are trivializing the situation yourself if you keep trying to convince yourself you’re making a mistake. If it was me, I’d end it.
 
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vluvski:
That being said, the wedding IS only one day, and it IS pretty customary for the wedding to be at the bride’s church. I hate the idea of getting married in a Protestant church, but perhaps you would consider it if she attends RCIA AND converts BEFORE the wedding.
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This makes sense on the surface, but if you think about it…if she converts before the wedding, why would she want to marry in a Lutheran church now that the Catholic church is her home?

If, it is only to please her parents, then I guess it would be ok…but think about his family…what message does it send that their son’s fiance converted but the wedding’s going to be a Lutheran wedding?

If she converts she should be able to coax her parents into accepting her change of faith and attending the wedding at THEIR church - not one of hers, not one of his, but THEIRS.
 
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