A
aterrell
Guest
I wouldn’t count on this for your reasoning!! There are alot of things that Catholics do that are against Church teachings!!
- Status
J
jman507
Guest
Take a step back. What you are asking her to do is two very big and life changing things. Why do people who very much love another person get cold feet before the wedding? There is a big difference between talking about getting married and actually getting married. She may very well understand the whole gravity of it all, even if she doesn’t understand all that it means. You can take someone to the pool & show them the diving board, show them what to do, but to make that dive is a whole different thing.
It sounds like she is saying one step at a time. You sound like, hey thats crazy, just make the conversion and you’ll love it. Perhaps she will, but you must remember it is scary. It is a surrender. We all have the tendancy to want to ‘look back’ and to say ‘I will not serve.’ But it is the loving Father that says “Do not be afraid.” You must be that gentle but yet guiding witness who will say "do not be afraid.’ If you don’t ‘cast out into the deep’ you will miss your caught.
Is this the right mate? I don’t know. Pray. You want her to convert. Pray and set a good example, then try to guide her, yet be gentle. You should know better than to push a scared person off the diving board. Or if you hound them about it, then they might get discouraged. But be gentle and show them, its very good to jump off the diving board, it is everybit worth doing.
Pray to change your heart and to be more docile to her, if it is indeed the way it seems that this is your mate. Often times it is the cup we give that we recieve. It sounds like once she decided to make that step she’ll be all for it, but til then you must bear with her. You must convince her that you care about her as a person. She is not going to be a scalp that you helped converted and made your wife. But that being Catholic is good for her, and closer to the person she ought to be. You still love her no matter what she be.
It sounds like she is saying one step at a time. You sound like, hey thats crazy, just make the conversion and you’ll love it. Perhaps she will, but you must remember it is scary. It is a surrender. We all have the tendancy to want to ‘look back’ and to say ‘I will not serve.’ But it is the loving Father that says “Do not be afraid.” You must be that gentle but yet guiding witness who will say "do not be afraid.’ If you don’t ‘cast out into the deep’ you will miss your caught.
Is this the right mate? I don’t know. Pray. You want her to convert. Pray and set a good example, then try to guide her, yet be gentle. You should know better than to push a scared person off the diving board. Or if you hound them about it, then they might get discouraged. But be gentle and show them, its very good to jump off the diving board, it is everybit worth doing.
Pray to change your heart and to be more docile to her, if it is indeed the way it seems that this is your mate. Often times it is the cup we give that we recieve. It sounds like once she decided to make that step she’ll be all for it, but til then you must bear with her. You must convince her that you care about her as a person. She is not going to be a scalp that you helped converted and made your wife. But that being Catholic is good for her, and closer to the person she ought to be. You still love her no matter what she be.
S
stbruno
Guest
familyministries.org/www.inthespiritofcana.org/2.6.10.htm
WE do marriage prep in our parish and while you are not engaged as yet…I highly recommend you participating in a FOCCUS inventory. foccusinc.com/sections/foccus_content.asp?PKID=11 This is a tool used not only by the Catholic church but many marriage ministries during preparation. There is a whole section on faith discussed in it. You may need a third party like the FOCCUS facilitators to help you get your point of view discusses with your ladyfriend. With all things Pray! Pray not only for your relationship, but specifically daily for your girlfriend.
WE do marriage prep in our parish and while you are not engaged as yet…I highly recommend you participating in a FOCCUS inventory. foccusinc.com/sections/foccus_content.asp?PKID=11 This is a tool used not only by the Catholic church but many marriage ministries during preparation. There is a whole section on faith discussed in it. You may need a third party like the FOCCUS facilitators to help you get your point of view discusses with your ladyfriend. With all things Pray! Pray not only for your relationship, but specifically daily for your girlfriend.
M
MariaG
Guest
After the background you wrote, I can understand why you wish her to attend RCIA.
But really, the point of it all is you have lost your trust in her. For her to win back that trust, you feel RCIA is needed.
You let things slide before because you trusted her to follow through and you trusted God to work on her heart and come to the Catholic Church in her own time.
You still trust God, but you have lost trust in her.
You no longer trust her. You cannot get engaged, much less date a person you don’t trust. She broke that trust in multiple ways.
Stop putting using RCIA try to have your trust in her restored. Work it out in other ways. But you should stand firm in your original plan and she should convert before marriage. Also, Know that God’s plan for your life is more wonderful than you can imagine.
God Bless,
Maria
But really, the point of it all is you have lost your trust in her. For her to win back that trust, you feel RCIA is needed.
You let things slide before because you trusted her to follow through and you trusted God to work on her heart and come to the Catholic Church in her own time.
You still trust God, but you have lost trust in her.
You no longer trust her. You cannot get engaged, much less date a person you don’t trust. She broke that trust in multiple ways.
Stop putting using RCIA try to have your trust in her restored. Work it out in other ways. But you should stand firm in your original plan and she should convert before marriage. Also, Know that God’s plan for your life is more wonderful than you can imagine.
God Bless,
Maria
C
cyprian
Guest
Deepen your faith and find another bride. I speak from experience. Her intentions to become Catholic (as I understand it) eventually is because she is worried about what others will think. Pride. Isaid it before and so again, the problems you will have are exponential.
peace and love
peace and love
K
Kathryn_0404
Guest
Wait until she converts…it’ll be worth it in the long run…
P
puzzleannie
Guest
I always hesitate to answer questions such as yours, because an honest answer seems to generate so much ill feeling, but as I do have direct experience on the RCIA aspect of your question, I offer it. If you don’t like it, just disregard it, no reply is necessary.
It has been my experience (in over 15 years in this ministry) and that of everyone I know who is active in RCIA as catechist, director etc. that when an individual goes through RCIA to please a fiance or spouse, or when “I am engaged to a Catholic” is the only reason for the choice, that this individual no longer is practicing the Catholic faith 3-5 years later. In a very high percentage of cases, the Catholic spouse has also left the Church, particularly if their spouse has returned to a very strong evangelical, fundamentalest or pentecostal denomination, and the children are not being raised Catholic.
that is not to say that there are not genuine conversions of non-Christians married or engaged to Catholics who are responding to the Catholic values witnessed by their partner, or genuine reconcilations with the fullness of the faith experienced by non-Catholic Christians responding to the same witness. There are and they are beautiful to see. However, in all these cases where the conversion “sticks” the impetus for the conversion is a call from Christ recognized deep within the individual, and something they would have pursued even without their “Catholic connection” through marriage or engagement to a Catholic.
No individual has the right to place conditions on the thoughts, beliefs, spirituality, or religion of another person. You either accept and love this lady for who she is, with your eyes wide open to the threat that ALWAYS exists to the faith of the Catholic partner and to the children in a mixed marriage, or you reluctantly and with prayer end the relationship now. Please, as in all such questions, the advice of your pastor is of far more value and weight than the opinion of numerous strangers on an internet forum, however well-intentioned. Please see your priest now.
From a disinterested standpoint of an old lady who has seen a lot: you do not want to marry her because she lacks a trait you consider vital: being a practicing Catholic. She does not want to marry you, because she is aware of your attitude and seems to be feeling pressure from you on this issue. Don’t get married as long as this conflict exists you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of building resentment and ultimate failure. If you want to marry a Catholic girl, date Catholic girls.
A
Al_Masetti
Guest
A thought:
Many of the people who have happy marriages seem to have included GOING TO MASS TOGETHER as a date.
Imagine that: not dancing. Not drinking. Not a sports game. Going to Mass as a date.
It would strengthen the faith of the “partner” who is weak in the faith. OR, it would establish firmly that the “partner” [not sure what to call “it”… datee?? ] is interested or definitely NOT interested.
If the person is “DEFINITELY not interested” in strengthening their Catholicism, then that person will initiate action to break off the relationship.
Interesting idea???
Many of the people who have happy marriages seem to have included GOING TO MASS TOGETHER as a date.
Imagine that: not dancing. Not drinking. Not a sports game. Going to Mass as a date.
It would strengthen the faith of the “partner” who is weak in the faith. OR, it would establish firmly that the “partner” [not sure what to call “it”… datee?? ] is interested or definitely NOT interested.
If the person is “DEFINITELY not interested” in strengthening their Catholicism, then that person will initiate action to break off the relationship.
Interesting idea???
M
Mom_of_5
Guest
You cannot “make” someone do something and expect a lifetime of happiness. We canot give someone else our faith, that has to come from within. From all I have learned on this suject thoughout the years, don’t marry this girl until she comes to the Catholic faith on her own. Don’t try to push her, if she concedes, she may well not be a “happy” wife and Catholic when all the excitement wears off. If all that is keeping her from converting is the wedding day in her church, maybe her maturity is in question, but I think she is having a difficult time actually believing in the Catholic Church. I have been to Lutheran services and at the church I went to, it is was very much like the Catholic church, so her participating in Mass is most likely not difficult for her. Worshipping like a Catholic is not the same as “believing” like a Catholic.
Love and peace,
Mom of 5
Love and peace,
Mom of 5
R
RyanL_s_Wife
Guest
I doubt this will help any, but you asked about protestant’s views on RCIA. So, here goes… I am a Baptists, married to a Catholic, we were not married in a Catholic church, but we go to Mass together every week, we will raise our children in the Catholic church. I feel I know quite a bit about the Catholic church (this forum can teach you a lot) and my husband is in the process of getting a dispensation (retro-active…it has a name, I dont know what it is) for our marriage. All this being said, I am still very hesitant to attend RCIA. I can’t point out a specific reason. I just can’t bring myself to go. I realize I can go and not convert, but I am just not willing to take that step yet. It is a huge step for me, and I can’t bring myself to take it. Your girlfriend my have a totally different perspective, but I just thought I would let you know how I, as a protestant, felt about the matter.
While RCIA is a great thing…I still know quite a bit about the Church having never attended RCIA… just something to consider.
This may be too late in coming, seeing as you don’t think you will be talking anymore, but I hope it added some insight. God be with you in whatever happens with this situation.
RyanL’s Wife
While RCIA is a great thing…I still know quite a bit about the Church having never attended RCIA… just something to consider.
This may be too late in coming, seeing as you don’t think you will be talking anymore, but I hope it added some insight. God be with you in whatever happens with this situation.
RyanL’s Wife
N
ndodana
Guest
I`m also a Catholic getting married to a Salvationist. My church is refusing me the opportunity to get married in the Salvation Army. We had agreed with my fiance/wife to be, that we get married in the Salvation Army and then go to the Catholic church for a blessing and acceptance to which it was said that we should choose either of the two. As it is we have compromised all our plans. We still talking to our families, the priests and salvation army officers about it. We are not sure of the outcome. If you have any ideas and advice you can offer us please assist. We had scheduled our wedding days as the 3rd and 4th of December 2005. We wanted t start at the Salvation Army on 3rd and then move on the Catholic church on the 4th. All is in place. Please help because I do not know what to do now!
S
stbruno
Guest
Pray, Pray and pray somemore. You have a lifetime together to build on your faith. Just remember to be faithful to God. Place Him first in your life as the commandments dictate and things will fall hopefully into place. Keep a dialog going with the Catholic church as well as your spouse.
- Status