Is a lack of dating experience by 25 a turn off to women?

  • Thread starter Thread starter WildCatholic
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
CradleJourney said:
Having attended a very small Catholic grade school and high school, I understand what you mean. Groups form early and tend to remain set for the duration.
.
Click to expand...
Tell me about it. I too went to a small Catholic school system where pretty much everyone was in the same group from day one because their parents were friends and all that stuff where as my dad and mom weren’t a part of any group since they had me when I was older and my dad went to public school (same town I grew up in though) while my mom was an outsider so in a sense I was an outsider.

It didn’t help too that in regards to dating there wasn’t really anyone i was interested in (my graduating class had about 30 kids that’s right 30!). I was interested in one girl from a nearby town but of course she wasn’t interested in me in that way.
 
I am a man who has dated off and on, mostly off, for 45 years.

in my view, it is not manly to worry about what silly women think. A guy has to do what he has to do, without respect to every busybody’s criticisms.

Dating comes into a young person’s life when they are ready and able to handle the responsibilities. Before that time, they are not prepared.

When you are ready and in the correct state of mind, you will detect dating opportunities and act upon them.

Don’t worry. Your time will come.
 
Magickman said:
I am a man who has dated off and on, mostly off, for 45 years.

in my view, it is not manly to worry about what silly women think. A guy has to do what he has to do, without respect to every busybody’s criticisms.

Dating comes into a young person’s life when they are ready and able to handle the responsibilities. Before that time, they are not prepared.

When you are ready and in the correct state of mind, you will detect dating opportunities and act upon them.

Don’t worry. Your time will come.
Click to expand...
Okay not to get on the negative bus again but you say time will be when i’m ready. Well I’m already 25. What if it takes me another 20 years. My dad was married at 45 (granted he dated a decent amount in his years before then) and you know what happened to him? he died of cancer. I don’t want that to happen to my kids. If my mom and dad had met even 5 years earlier things would be so much better. With my luck though that’s what will happen if anything at all. Granted by that time my parents probably just ended up together because no one was left.
 
Use CatholicMatch. Trust me on this one. I think someone else in the thread recommended it too. There are many devout orthodox Catholic women on there who would love to meet a devout orthodox Catholic man in the 18-29 age range.
 
Fusiontron said:
Use CatholicMatch. Trust me on this one. I think someone else in the thread recommended it too. There are many devout orthodox Catholic women on there who would love to meet a devout orthodox Catholic man in the 18-29 age range.
Click to expand...
Fine but here are my issues
  1. While I am getting my masters I live at home. I know it is a rough economy but for goodness sake unless its taking care of a relative or you plan to move out within a few months it’s not attractive.
  2. I don’t have a great job. Even devout Catholic women need someone with a stable job who can support them. It’s the mans job. Not that women can’t help or make more than a man by any means (i’m a modern catholic man in that sense). But women aren’t going to find my grocery store job and substitute teaching that attractive.
  3. I am already on Catholicmatch but i’m in a low population area. I’m not made of money and long distance relationships are terrible.
With that being said i am trying it and am hopeful but not very.
 
WildCatholic said:
Fine but here are my issues
  1. While I am getting my masters I live at home. I know it is a rough economy but for goodness sake unless its taking care of a relative or you plan to move out within a few months it’s not attractive.
  2. I don’t have a great job. Even devout Catholic women need someone with a stable job who can support them. It’s the mans job. Not that women can’t help or make more than a man by any means (i’m a modern catholic man in that sense). But women aren’t going to find my grocery store job and substitute teaching that attractive.
  3. I am already on Catholicmatch but i’m in a low population area. I’m not made of money and long distance relationships are terrible.
With that being said i am trying it and am hopeful but not very.
Click to expand...
  1. I don’t think you need to beat yourself up so much about living at home.
prb.org/Publications/Articles/2011/us-young-adults-living-at-home.aspx

About 1 in 5 (almost 19%) of US men age 25-34 live at home, so it’s not at all uncommon. And it’s probably even higher among 20-somethings in school such as yourself.

Don’t act embarrassed about it.
  1. You’re in school and studying for a better job, right?
  2. How long before you’re done with your MA? Is it reasonable to just tread water socially until you’re done? Obviously, if somebody amazing comes your way, don’t hesitate, but it sounds like it would be unreasonable to attempt a long distance relationship in your position.
It sounds like in a year or two, you’ll be in a dramatically better situation and you’ll feel more confident when you have a “real job” and are living independently. That by itself may work miracles on your social life.

Best wishes!
 
WildCatholic said:
Is it? I’m 25 and while i’ve had a few dates here and their, i haven’t really had a relationship with anyone. Now I know people will be sympathetic on here, but be honest, would it be a turnoff to find a 25 year old man who’d never had some sort of relationship before? I mean i had such bad self esteem issues throughout high school that I couldn’t even ask girls to dances because I thought I was a “fat ugly weird loser” and in college I focused on school but was still afraid to ask women out.

Now it feels like its the same old refrain. I’m still scared, granted now it’s my economic situation (I’m living at home getting my masters) as well as my experience. Sadly on this site I hear about guys who don’t have experience at a certain point (especially over 30) and are considered creepy, weird, odd,etc. It makes me wonder if i’m heading down that path and the path to single hood since every year less and less women are available, and at this point I won’t date someone with kids, I’m not big on dating non-catholics (only because I grew up in a house where my mother converted just to marry my dad and really didn’t do it for any other reason, though there may be exceptions) and I also won’t date lukewarm Catholics (and by lukewarm I mean don’t go to mass at least every week and disagree with church teachings).
Click to expand...
There are some good resources on the internet for this: I recommend postmasculine.com which gives a practical guide to approach and date women without the nonsense that many dating like to pump out. You could also get Mark Manson’s ‘models’.But bear in mind that it is fairly basic.
 
Xantippe said:
  1. I don’t think you need to beat yourself up so much about living at home.
prb.org/Publications/Articles/2011/us-young-adults-living-at-home.aspx

About 1 in 5 (almost 19%) of US men age 25-34 live at home, so it’s not at all uncommon. And it’s probably even higher among 20-somethings in school such as yourself.

Don’t act embarrassed about it.
  1. You’re in school and studying for a better job, right?
  2. How long before you’re done with your MA? Is it reasonable to just tread water socially until you’re done? Obviously, if somebody amazing comes your way, don’t hesitate, but it sounds like it would be unreasonable to attempt a long distance relationship in your position.
It sounds like in a year or two, you’ll be in a dramatically better situation and you’ll feel more confident when you have a “real job” and are living independently. That by itself may work miracles on your social life.

Best wishes!
Click to expand...
Thanks for the wishes but here is some more issues
  1. Yes 1 in 5 (Btw it’s 20 %) men still live at home but that’s still 80% who don’t. No offense but its probably mostly loser types who play PS4 all day. Yes I could mention that i’m in school and all that but still most people are mentally lazy and create stereotypes. They think over 25 at home = loser. It’s just the way it is.
  2. Education doesn’t mean a job and I learned this the hard way. got my bachelors and no teaching job. Honestly I could have just gone to work at a low end job out of high school and i might be making 12 or 13 dollars an hour by now. Not a lot but still enough that I could be independent. Education is important but it won’t get you the job.
I know i sound negative but I like to play devil’s advocate quite a bit. I have hope i’ll succeed but I guess in a way it is up to God. It’s whatever he wants and it doesn’t matter what I think or how i feel. He knows what’s best
 
WildCatholic said:
Thanks for the wishes but here is some more issues
  1. Yes 1 in 5 (Btw it’s 20 %) men still live at home but that’s still 80% who don’t. No offense but its probably mostly loser types who play PS4 all day. Yes I could mention that i’m in school and all that but still most people are mentally lazy and create stereotypes. They think over 25 at home = loser. It’s just the way it is.
  2. Education doesn’t mean a job and I learned this the hard way. got my bachelors and no teaching job. Honestly I could have just gone to work at a low end job out of high school and i might be making 12 or 13 dollars an hour by now. Not a lot but still enough that I could be independent. Education is important but it won’t get you the job.
I know i sound negative but I like to play devil’s advocate quite a bit. I have hope i’ll succeed but I guess in a way it is up to God. It’s whatever he wants and it doesn’t matter what I think or how i feel. He knows what’s best
Click to expand...
  1. That’s 1 in 5 of 25-34 year olds, which means that in your particular age group, the numbers are probably dramatically higher, as there are presumably far fewer early 30-somethings living at home than there are 25 and 26-year-olds. The percentage pretty much has to be substantially higher for men your age.
Do you want to date a “mentally lazy” person who thinks in stereotypes and can’t even register the fact that you are in school and working and obviously not playing PS4 all day? No, you don’t. So, being rejected by one of those is actually a time saver.

An intelligent woman knows exactly what it means to be in school and will understand that school is not forever. And again, being rejected by someone who doesn’t get that is a time-saver. Lots of people get married in graduate school without having a bean between them–my husband and I did that and I know probably at least a dozen people who did the exact same thing.
  1. I think what you call being a “devil’s advocate” looks to me like beating yourself up and tearing yourself down. You don’t need that.
  2. How long do you have left in your program?
 
WildCatholic said:
I know i sound negative but I like to play devil’s advocate quite a bit. I have hope i’ll succeed but I guess in a way it is up to God. It’s whatever he wants and it doesn’t matter what I think or how i feel. He knows what’s best
Click to expand...
Actually, for quite some time it has seemed to me like you are playing a game. Specifically, it sounds like the “game” “Why Don’t You-Yes But” described by Eric Berne M.D. in his book Games People Play.
 
I was 30 before I met my wife. I had had a couple girlfriends before, nothing serious though - I think I had been dating someone for maybe a grand total of 5 months combined in the years before I met my wife. Now, 2 years later, we’re very happily married and expecting the birth of our first child any day now.

I would argue that not having experience is a good thing. You won’t be jaded by the ‘rules’ and the ‘tricks’ that seem to go along with dating - you can just be yourself. Actually, I was the first person my wife ever dated, so all those stupid dating ‘rules’ were never even considered. A man who constantly is dating different women may not the ideal partner anyway - true men live for and defend their spouses, not go from one to another. Be a man, find a woman to love, doing what you are passionate about.

And now, some (name removed by moderator)ut from my wife:

A lack of dating experience is definitely NOT a turn off to women! As a woman myself, I have to say that I really appreciated the fact that my husband was not one of those guys who dated a lot. It meant we could be completely honest and open with each other about what we were looking for in a partner, about who we were ourselves, and about what we wanted from the future. I didn’t have to worry that he was just saying what he thought I wanted to hear, or that he was just wanting sex, or that he was just playing around. We could be vulnerable with each other, which was really awesome! So not dating much is really not a problem. My husband was confident about who he was and what he believed, and that to me was a definite turn on!! So just be who you are, seriously. The right girl is going to love all those weird quirks about you - if she doesn’t, keep looking!!! Wishing you all God’s best for your life…
 
I’m not a woman but have female friends who do find it a bit awkward to chance upon a fellow your age who hasn’t dated frequently or been in at least one steady relationship. However, as many people have said, it’s not a deal breaker. What is the deal breaker is your extremely pessimistic opinion of yourself, massive lack of any form of confidence, and paranoia about what women will think when they meet you.

If you don’t like something about yourself, do something about it. Sure you can’t change everything, but there is quite a bit you can. You mentioned you could lose some weight; do it. Go to the gym. You’ll feel so much better about yourself. You said you only have one friend (or something like that). Go out more for whatever reason, just by yourself. You need to get comfortable being around people and having small interactions, like talking to the pretty barista when you order a coffee without coming off all wobbly. Make it a goal to get out of your social comfort zone.

Stop treating certain women differently. I’m going out on a limb, but I’ll bet you talk to pretty girls differently than you do to your friends. Why? They are just people. Sure you can’t say the same jokes as they might not get them, but don’t feel as if you have to change the way you talk in order to impress them. Speak your mind, and be confident when you do.

I’m sorry, I know it sounds like I’m telling you what to do or something, but these are all suggestions. Honestly, I used to be just like you and I really had to work in order to sharpen my social skills. You need to be comfortable in your own skin, and if you don’t like your own skin, do something about it. Be happy with yourself, and then people will be happy to be around you.
 
WildCatholic said:
Okay, i must ask you what type of women have you been seeking pal? Predatory and scam artist women? Don’t get me wrong there are women who are nice and kind and truly beautiful souls who attract a lot of men who are confused and think that the woman in question likes them, but I can’t think of any woman who do it to scam men.
Click to expand...
Not to sling this at you, but you admittedly don’t have any dating experience. Once you do, you will understand what I’m talking about. I am sure you’ve heard the term “player” and “gold digger” haven’t you?
WildCatholic said:
I hope this has not happened to you, but if it was just that you liked a woman you thought liked you and she didn’t than she didn’t scam you. Even I can tell the difference between a girl just being nice and being attracted to you.
Click to expand...
This is not what I’m speaking about. I am talking about women who pretend and act that they love you and want to be with you. They talk you into some hefty life-changing decisions and once you do, they clean you out somehow. There are warning signs for such women and con artists in general, and if you don’t know the signs and are blinded by emotion you are at risk for falling victim to these types. They especially seek out people who are naive, good hearted, and generous.

My point was, not having dating experience isn’t bad because a woman will think lesser of you and that something is wrong with you, but not having dating experience is bad because you might not necessarily be able to tell when there’s something wrong with her.
 
Thorns,

Maybe WildCatholic has been spared gold-diggers by not having any gold.
 
Thorns said:
There are warning signs for such women and con artists in general, and if you don’t know the signs and are blinded by emotion you are at risk for falling victim to these types.
Click to expand...
Just a quick aside here, and I don’t deny that a person with little dating experience would be an easy mark for a con artist with little conning experience, but it seems to me that it would be a very poor confidence woman who couldn’t inspire confidence in whomever she sought to exploit. I doubt that there is any amount of dating experience that could inoculate one from such deception.

However, as far as women dating you, marrying you, and then leaving you, I doubt most women intend to do this. It’s not unusual to feel taken advantage of in a situation like that, but I think you’re giving certain people too much credit. There are lots of faster, easier ways to steal money; there are faster, easier ways to make money legitimately. This is the proverbial Rube Goldberg design to theft, and it just doesn’t seem very plausible.

If a person lacks the maturity and responsibility required of marriage, there are definitely warning signs for that, the biggest one being a concept of love that hasn’t progressed beyond the “warm fuzzies” stage. However, I doubt that there are many people who get married with malicious intent.
 
But somebody could easily wind up corresponding with someone who says (over the course of a number of emails), “Hi! I’m Natasha in Russia, here’s a picture of me in a bikini, and by the way, my mom is sick and needs expensive medicine quick!”

Plus, Natasha may actually be a Boris, for all we know.
 
JorduSpeaks said:
Just a quick aside here, and I don’t deny that a person with little dating experience would be an easy mark for a con artist with little conning experience, but it seems to me that it would be a very poor confidence woman who couldn’t inspire confidence in whomever she sought to exploit. I doubt that there is any amount of dating experience that could inoculate one from such deception.

However, as far as women dating you, marrying you, and then leaving you, I doubt most women intend to do this. It’s not unusual to feel taken advantage of in a situation like that, but I think you’re giving certain people too much credit. There are lots of faster, easier ways to steal money; there are faster, easier ways to make money legitimately. This is the proverbial Rube Goldberg design to theft, and it just doesn’t seem very plausible.

If a person lacks the maturity and responsibility required of marriage, there are definitely warning signs for that, the biggest one being a concept of love that hasn’t progressed beyond the “warm fuzzies” stage. However, I doubt that there are many people who get married with malicious intent.
Click to expand...
Jordu, not everyone is malicious but it is not uncommon or even rare that you run into someone like that by any means.

There are also different ways people can be conned and for different motives, not all involve stealing or using a person for money. People can use you in a variety of different ways, either emotionally, for stability, materially, socially, etc.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top