As Isaid before if you are living in chastity you have a perfect right to date only chaste girls but as an advice, be careful with thinking that because someone has yet to be married does not have baggage. That is not necessarily the case and as you get older you will find many people with lots of baggage that haven’t been marriage. You must look at the totality of the circumstances. Again you have to focus on chastity and look at the character of the person. There are people who get attached to their past and have never married but that attachment to the past creates a huge baggage on that person. Again just an advice as you gotta be careful on getting to fixated on one thing (physical virginaty) as that can lead you to miss other issues/red flags which if had you looked at the totality of circumstances you would have noticed.
This is true, but God said we shouldn’t do other things as well. What if the gall had stolen a drink or candy bar from a convenience store when she was in junior high, and has confessed and changed? Or if she had a habit of talked back to her parents in the past?
I see God nowhere there. I only see you are afraid.
I suppose that she will be heartbroken and devastated that the OP will not have her and then spend the rest of her life quietly pining away.
I couldn’t get over the thought of other men having sex with her. I know most people would be able to get past this, but I wouldn’t be able to. I really wish I could, I almost feel abnormal. It seems like everyone else doesn’t care (not on here, just in general). Like, “You had sex with someone before? No big deal.” There have been times where I felt like I should just give up. Like, why should I care about saving it when most others don’t? But then I meet others who feel exactly like me, who have gone through the same thing, who have felt alone and abnormal for their decision to wait. And that makes me feel better.
I think you are mixing up the message of my post.
Would you have tried to ascertain a few dates in whether or not the woman had ever smoked? And if she had in the past and quit, and was committed to living a smoke free life, would you consider her damaged goods for the rest of her life?
The OP never said anything about “damaged goods.” If anything, most of his reasons come down to the fear of comparing unfavorably with those who have gone before him. Relationships with people do not wash out of our memories like “relationships” with cigarettes. Even so, there are many people who would think twice about marrying an alcoholic, even one who had been sober for many years. That is their prerogative, and people who have been in recovery will admit that the danger of a relapse isn’t negligible. Likewise, it is hardly unknown for someone to start longing for a past lover later in their life, even though their present spouse has done them no wrong.
I would argue that there is quite a difference between the relations that are being made here.
He’s rejecting them because of his own personal insecurities and not because he thinks they are damaged goods. Does that hurt any less than being rejected because you aren’t attractive enough or maybe because you’re the wrong race or religion? People have all sorts of deal breakers for their own personal reasons and it’s their perogative to date who they please.
Exactly. Honestly, I’m very surprised about a lot of the comments I’ve read…again, who you date is your business and you’re within your rights to come up with your own criteria for a future spouse, but my goodness…this just seems unreasonable to me. And keep in mind that this has nothing to do with extramarital sex being acceptable, it has to do with understanding repentance and conversion. Are we saying that you can judge a persons devotion and love of God and commitment to the pursuit of holiness by past actions? Especially actions of youth? Are we gonna start excluding people from out possible “spouse list” because of other sins of their past?
You aren’t serious? The OP is not saying that nobody should marry her. He is being upfront that he would feel insecure with a woman who had previous lovers out there somewhere and probably still somewhere in the back of her mind.I suppose that she will be heartbroken and devastated that the OP will not have her and then spend the rest of her life quietly pining away.
I wasn’t being serious. I thought it would be obvious but I guess it is harder to communicate than I thought.
Everybody seems too concerned about the poor girl who’s turned her life around and is now being rejected. I mean, so what? She’ll probably spend all of a minute thinking about it and then move on to someone else. I know I’ve been rejected for far more trivial and embarrassing reasons that not being a virgin.