I've given an ultimatum-now what?

[whatevergirl]

My wonderful husband is a terrible procrastinator when it comes to home repair. I find is so frustrating. For five years I’ve asked hm repetitively to move our dryer down to the basement where the washer is (and the children’s dressers). At the beginning of this month, I told him to move it this month or else! He agreed as he has every time before (passive-aggressive pattern I lived with these fifteen years).

He hasn’t even glanced at it. I know he is working next weekend, so I’m not too hopeful. Did I mention I’ve been asking for this for five years?

These are my options as I see them:

1)Pay someone to do it (I’d have to charge this).

2)Move the dryer downstairs, but not hook it up, so we won’t have a dryer. I hang a lot of laundry anyway–until the weather gets cold, he probably won’t notice.

3)Ask my dad to do it. This would humilate my husband–I know from past experience that having my dad do things makes my husband feel very small.

4)Learn to live with a dryer upstairs forever. So, I wash, bring upstairs to dry, take back downstairs to fold and put away.

5)Go on a laundry strike.

I don’t like any of my options. I"m leaning towards just turning off the gas and moving the dryer downstairs. I want to make room for a pantry. I don’t have enough room for food storage for my family of eight.

Any advice? Is it okay to make your husband mad if you’ve given him lots of time to do it himself?

sigh

I think I would ask him why he is not doing what you have politely asked him to do, and would he rather you ask your dad or something. It is not threatening (which I don’t believe in)…not mean…not fight provoking…and might get him to open up as to why he is not doing this “one” thing you have asked of him for so long. I think if he still refuses…or whatever…I’d ask your dad. I mean…this could drag on for another 5 years. lol

 

[Cupofkindness]

Leonie:

Today is the 30th. If you don’t have it done, can you make a plan to have it done soon? Can you explain this whole story to your father and appeal to him for help, even if he can’t help until Thanksgiving weekend? It’s regretful that this situation is ending this way. I just don’t see how this situation is just. You really need to engage your husband in a long talk about the state of your marriage. I’m angry that your dryer can’t be moved by someone. Why don’t you call your pastor?

 

[leonie]

you know, laundry is one of my biggest challenges. I hate all housework anyway. But, laundry just is never ending. Last winter, I decided to really embrace it. I wanted establish a laundry room in my basement. I wanted a wheeled cart that I could pull from the laundry chute to the washer. I wanted a big table to sort and fold laundry. I wanted all the kids dressers right there so the clothes could get put away. Then, the kids would have more space in their rooms and they could just collect the next day’s clothes before bed.

I talked this all over with the dh. He agreed to move the dryer (again). He said I could buy a table and he would build me a cart.

Of course nothing happened. In fact, he wouldn’t let me buy a big table I found at Goodwill. I did get the dressers moved (the kids helped me).

I just don’t think he takes me too seriously.

But, if I dwell on it, I get angry and resentful. So, I think I better just let it go.

 

[leonie]

Oh no! my dh just caught me typing on the thread. He asked me what I was typing (because I clicked off quickly) and I told him. So, now he’s kind of pissed.

 

[leonie]

Oh no! my dh just caught me typing on the thread. He asked me what I was typing (because I clicked off quickly) and I told him. So, now he’s kind of hurt. I feel really small. I would be really upset if he was typing with complete strangers about me. He has more to complain about me than I do about him, that’s for sure.

I owe him a big apology. Thanks for all the advice and the prayers.

 

[MooCowSteph]

leonie, I hope he’s not too mad! Maybe he’ll realize that if you’re typing about it with folks on the internet, it must be important to you. What would happen if, one day while he’s plopped down in front of the TV you start just hauling the dryer down stairs. Will he get up and say, let me do that for you or just let you struggle by yourself?

I can understand where you are coming from. I’ve always got a to-do list for dh and I have to nag for months and months before any of it gets done. Have you ever read The 5 Love Languages? It’s a good book. We listened to it together in the car when going for small trips. I think it may have helped dh realize that when he doesn’t help out with household projects, I take it personally and I feel like he doesn’t care about my desires. I can’t be too hard on him though because he’s always doing little things like loading the dishwasher or fetching me water.