Jokes/Puns you would like to share

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During a magazine and newspaper subscription drive, the neighborhood paperboy learned about good salesmanship.

His supervisor instructed the kids to maintain a positive attitude, even when they were turned down.

One potential customer told the boy, “I’ve got papers and magazines strewn all over the place – I don’t need any more clutter.”

The young salesman replied, “Well, how about a subscription to Good Housekeeping?”
 
Hydrogen ion: “Drat, I’ve lost my electron.”

H2 molecule: “Are you sure ?”

Hydrogen ion: “I 'm positive!”
 
Because electrons get lost quite often, they develop a negative attitude.
 
I didn’t know that! That’s almost 22 out of every 20 math students.
 
Today it was so cold here that the teenagers had to pull their pants up.

It was so cold that a politician had his hands in his own pockets.

It was so cold that my neighbor with the sleeve tattoos actually wore a jacket.
 
His opposite number in another town, dying, implored his wife: "Honey, I know you are not supposed to.take it with you; but I am gonna try. Put $500,000 in New bills in a valise in the attic, and I’ll take it with me when I depart. "

The wife kept his request, and six months after his passing, went into the attic. The valise of bills was still there and untouched.

The wife struck her forehead and exclaimed:

“I KNEW I should have put it in the basement!!!”
 
You can’t take it with you, but you can ship it on ahead. Use those Church envelopes!
 
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