Jokes/Puns you would like to share

  • Thread starter Thread starter upant
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Einstein said to Lebron James: “You’ve got Le-Brawn 💪 and I’ve got Le-brains.” 🧠
 
How about some “You know you’re old when…” jokes?

You know you’re old when you kneel down to pick something up off the floor, and try to figure out what else you might accomplish since you’re already down there?
 
You know you’re old when you drop something, and decide you didn’t need it anyway rather than try to get down and not be able to get up again.
 
Once during Mass, the priest used his homily to chide the faithful for kneeling and for folding their hands to pray. “That’s not how it was done in the Early Church.” As there were no kneelers and people used the Orans posture. Of course the sermon was delivered on wall-to-wall carpeting, under electric lighting using an electronic PA system in a building equipped with a modern central heating system.
 
You know you’re old when you can chat with a stranger about the weather for ten minutes and come away feeling fulfilled 🤣
 
You know your old when those creaking floorboards everywhere you go are actually …your knees.
 
A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.

She says to the clerk, “May I have 50 Christmas stamps?”

The clerk says, “What denomination?”

The woman responds, “God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 22 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran, and 6 Baptist.”
 
No one talks about Jesus’s miracle of having 12 close friends in his 30’s…
 
What is the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One weighs over a ton, and the other is a little lighter.
 
Mathematician yelling at his kid:

“If I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n + 1 times!!!”
 
Do liturgical abuses hurt much?

Well, they caused Jimmy achin’.
 
What is the difference between a lawyer and a tick?

Once you die, a tick will let go.
 
Q: What do you get when you rewind a country song?

A: You get your house back, your truck back, your wife back and your dog back!
 
Someone went in for his annual physical checkup with a painful smile.
Upon completing the examination, the doctor remarked, “You’ve been seeing too many charismatic groups!”

(As told by a priest before a presentation.)
 
Why does California have most of the lawyers, while New Jersey has most of the toxic waste sites?

NJ had first pick!
 
An invisible man marries an invisible woman.

The kids were nothing to look at either.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top