Jokes/Puns you would like to share

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Oh I’m so sorry, I totally forgot to say! Stephie you should click on the reply thingy and then I don’t have known you were talking to me 🙂

What can you play with an orange?
The underwhelming answer is…squash!

I’m sorry, but I have a six year old comedy tutor who is teaching me all he knows about comedy based on his lifetime experiences in the industry. I’m on page two, advanced fruit jokes atm.
 
NB: You can only play squash with an orange once though.

Ok, pg2 section B… 😐

So what’s the loneliest …no correction…unhappiest fruit?

Oh and it’s not what you think.
 
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No, I said, it’s not what you think!

It’s a …pine apple 🤣

(Hey, where’s my tutor gone?)
 
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I can see that. Poor apple that pines away. Would that be worse or equal to a pine nut? In some sense, a Pine Nut would be even worse off.
 
Yes, pine nuts, we should remember them.

And a haunted place in the mountains, there’s a song about it, ‘the trail of the lonesome pine’ if you listen carefully you might hear it up there, pining lonesomely.
 
"I’m half Irish and half Jewish.

“Half of me wants to get drunk, and the other half doesn’t want to pay for it.”

—UNKNOWN
 
G.Gordon Liddy would tell a story about his brother-in-law, the Lector: A militant nun would apply “White Out” to all the male pronouns in that day’s readings for the Mass. His brother-in-law would then go through the readings and write them back in again.
 
My aunt married a tightrope walker on purpose, she wanted very well balanced children. The unforeseen problems arose later when she just couldn’t get them off the clothes lines.
 
Last Christmas Eve my son phoned he said “dad, what would you like for Christmas tomorrow I’m last minute shopping?” I said “yeah, those will do nicely…”
 
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My wife accused me of having an affair with a lass from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. How could she say such a thing?
 
StephieNorthCo said:
Do you say that or sneeze that?
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ROFL. Excellent!

Llanfair: The church (or parish) of St Mary,

pwllgwyngyll: (of the) pool of the white hazels,

gogerychwyrndrobwl: near (or close to) the rapid whirlpool

llantysilio: (and) the church – or parish – of St Tysilio

gogogoch: of the red cave

Usually shortened to LlanfairPG
 
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StephieNorthCo said:
Do you say that or sneeze that?
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My maternal grandfather was English (we lived in the Rhondda Valley, South Wales). He came to understand Welsh, but never learned to speak it.

It was said that English folk could never speak Welsh, because their tongues were not long enough (to twist around the words)!
 
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