U
upant
Guest
I bought a dog from a blacksmith yesterday
Got him home and the first thing he did was make a bolt for the door.
Got him home and the first thing he did was make a bolt for the door.
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U
upant
Guest
Broken YoYo’s for sale
No strings attached!!
No strings attached!!
G
GEddie
Guest
Pawnshop sign: “Christmas typewriter, $5”
Customer: “How is that a Christmas typewriter?”
Pawnbroker: “No L!”
Customer: “How is that a Christmas typewriter?”
Pawnbroker: “No L!”
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GEddie
Guest
The problem with lawyer jokes is, lawyers don’t think they are funny, and no-one else thinks they are jokes!
U
upant
Guest
today’s corny jokes
Where does walmart keep the Terminator toys?
Aisle B, back.
A little known fact
Before the crowbar was invented, most crows drank at home.
I tuck my knees to my chest and lean forward until gravity takes me.
That’s just how I roll.
Why do engineers confuse Halloween with Christmas?
Because OCT 31= DEC 25.
Where does walmart keep the Terminator toys?
Aisle B, back.
A little known fact
Before the crowbar was invented, most crows drank at home.
I tuck my knees to my chest and lean forward until gravity takes me.
That’s just how I roll.
Why do engineers confuse Halloween with Christmas?
Because OCT 31= DEC 25.
G
GEddie
Guest
There are 10 kinds of folks in the world: those who understand binary code, and those who don’t.
G
GEddie
Guest
He wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit him.
Then it hit him.
D
Dougbro1
Guest
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing. They fast.
Nothing. They fast.
U
upant
Guest
(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)
M
melonhead
Guest
(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)
I don’t know why, but it never gets old doing this when my kids forget to change tp rolls.
I don’t know why, but it never gets old doing this when my kids forget to change tp rolls.
U
upant
Guest
As a trucker stops at a red light, a woman catches up…
She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says “Hi, my name is Heather and you’re losing some of your load.”
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they’ve never spoken, the blonde says brightly, “Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!”
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the woman gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says “Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!”
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde’s car. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says “Hi, my name is Kevin, it’s Winter in Iowa and I’m driving the SALT TRUCK!”
She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says “Hi, my name is Heather and you’re losing some of your load.”
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they’ve never spoken, the blonde says brightly, “Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!”
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the woman gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says “Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!”
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde’s car. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says “Hi, my name is Kevin, it’s Winter in Iowa and I’m driving the SALT TRUCK!”
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Larry1700
Guest
Love that picture!!! I’m going to try to do that at home!
G
GEddie
Guest
A blonde boarded a flight with an economy ticket and sat down in first class.
The flight attendant tried to get her to go back to her assigned seat, but the blonde answered: “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Chicago, and I’m not moving.”
The cabin supervisor then tried to move her but got the same response.
They then went up to the cockpit to tell the pilots about this issue. The first officer said: “Captain, I’m married to a blonde, let me take care of it.”
The first officer went back, said something softly to the blonde, and she picked herself up and walked back to coach.
“How did you convince her so easily?” the cabin supervisor asked.
" Very simple," the first officer said; “I told her the first class section didn’t go to Chicago.”
The flight attendant tried to get her to go back to her assigned seat, but the blonde answered: “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Chicago, and I’m not moving.”
The cabin supervisor then tried to move her but got the same response.
They then went up to the cockpit to tell the pilots about this issue. The first officer said: “Captain, I’m married to a blonde, let me take care of it.”
The first officer went back, said something softly to the blonde, and she picked herself up and walked back to coach.
“How did you convince her so easily?” the cabin supervisor asked.
" Very simple," the first officer said; “I told her the first class section didn’t go to Chicago.”
M
melonhead
Guest
Q: What’s the difference between Planned Parenthood and the NRA?
A: The NRA doesn’t sell arms.
A: The NRA doesn’t sell arms.
G
GEddie
Guest
Q: What is the difference between a liturgist and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
M
melonhead
Guest
Q: How are Jesuits and Dominicans similar?
A: They were both founded by Spaniards, and were both founded to combat heresy: the Dominicans to fight the Albigensians, and the Jesuits to fight the Protestants.
Q: How are they different?
A: Have you met any Albigensians lately?
A: They were both founded by Spaniards, and were both founded to combat heresy: the Dominicans to fight the Albigensians, and the Jesuits to fight the Protestants.
Q: How are they different?
A: Have you met any Albigensians lately?
J
JanR
Guest
A city slicker was driving along a winding country road. He was getting tired of all the tedious curves and started looking for a shortcut to where he wanted to go.
He saw this creek, and stopped to study it, and after awhile decided to cut across it, thinking it would get him there a lot faster.
He took off and entered the creek, and immediately sank ten feet to the bottom. An old farmer was watching this, and he rescued the city slicker. After he got him back on dry ground, he asked, “WHAT were you THINKING???”
The city slicker looked bewildered. “I don’t understand it,” he replied. “I studied this body of water before entering it, and saw that it only came up to the middle of the ducks!”
He saw this creek, and stopped to study it, and after awhile decided to cut across it, thinking it would get him there a lot faster.
He took off and entered the creek, and immediately sank ten feet to the bottom. An old farmer was watching this, and he rescued the city slicker. After he got him back on dry ground, he asked, “WHAT were you THINKING???”
The city slicker looked bewildered. “I don’t understand it,” he replied. “I studied this body of water before entering it, and saw that it only came up to the middle of the ducks!”
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J
JanR
Guest
This caterer was hired to make sandwiches for a political convention. He was busy working away, building triple- and quadruple-decker sandwiches, well over 10 inches tall.
His boss came by and asked him, in a shocked tone, “WHAT do you think you’re doing?!”
To which the caterer replied, “These fit perfectly into politicians’ mouths.”
His boss came by and asked him, in a shocked tone, “WHAT do you think you’re doing?!”
To which the caterer replied, “These fit perfectly into politicians’ mouths.”
J
JanR
Guest
That toilet paper prank is PRICELESS !!!
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CradleRC58
Guest
My girlfriend calls me and tells me " come on over , nobody’s home "
So I go over … and nobody’s home
Stolen from Rodney Dangerfield :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:
So I go over … and nobody’s home
Stolen from Rodney Dangerfield :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:
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