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Xantippe
Guest
Come to think of it, FlyLady recommends wearing real clothes and real lace-up shoes at home to increase productivity. (I can’t get on board with her on the lace-up shoes, though.)
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MomaMary8
Guest
Here ladies. Check this page out, buy her book or get it from the library. She discusses simple tricks to keeping your wardrobe elegant, without buying a million pieces. The key is to know you body type, and colors that suit you. Buy basic pieces and mix and match and accessorize on a budget
isyfashion.com
amazon.com/Its-Fitting-Fashion-Your-Life/dp/1890626678
isyfashion.com
amazon.com/Its-Fitting-Fashion-Your-Life/dp/1890626678
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jmjZelie
Guest
I love to wear pretty clothes and do my makeup and hair. I still keep everything fairly plain, as I don’t like to call any undue attention to myself, but I do like it when my husband and children say I look pretty in that outfit or they like my new lipstick. I hate shopping, but I love having a new outfit or new makeup. I keep a minimal wardrobe, but rotate it often enough to keep it fresh. It is an act of love for my husband, too. It pleases him to see me looking pretty, and helps our marriage. His mother, however, has always been a jeans and a tshirt gal, so when I want to be super casual, he likes that, too. He is the one who sends me shopping for myself, bless him.
I don’t exactly follow the FlyLady’s advice entirely, but I have found her to be spot-on about getting dressed for work at home. I am far more productive AND cheerful if I have a cute outfit and a bit of makeup and styled hair (even just barrettes or a bun), than if I am in lounge wear. Plus, I am never afraid to answer the door that way.
I don’t exactly follow the FlyLady’s advice entirely, but I have found her to be spot-on about getting dressed for work at home. I am far more productive AND cheerful if I have a cute outfit and a bit of makeup and styled hair (even just barrettes or a bun), than if I am in lounge wear. Plus, I am never afraid to answer the door that way.
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pensmama87
Guest
Yeah, I don’t do shoes indoors. I only do socks on the absolute coldest days.
I do have a “mom uniform.” It’s usually very casual, but my attitude changes a lot if I’m in jeans vs. sweatpants. And actually, I do wear makeup most days. I have hereditary dark circles under my eyes, and while I got away with not wearing it before, as soon as I had kids everybody decides they can tell me “Boy, you look tired.” And then I started feeling tired. But a quick dab of under eye concealer and maybe even mascara? “Wow, you look like you’ve got a handle on things.” And that perks me up a bit.
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UbiCaritas
Guest
See, I agree with a lot of what she says in this article. What the article says makes sense, and is right for the normal reader. The problem is the cultural context.
I clicked on some other links on her site, and find that her daughters aren’t allowed to learn how to properly swim because IMMODESTY; they’re wearing knee-length, full-skirted outfits which are impossible to swim in. I see her defending the Duggars, who sat back and allowed their daughters to be molested (mind you, according to their church, it was their daughters’ fault, including the 18-month-old’s, that they were molested…), because the family “does not believe in artificial birth control, that lets God do their family planning, that does not abort their offspring, and they have all those kids.”
And then the author is no doubt shocked, shocked, that many of us who homeschool (or, in my case, plan to) and who want our kids to learn to dress appropriately for their stage in life, that being, moral issues aside, a rather useful tool anyway, wonder if there really is no place in the world for them.
In traditional Catholic circles, a woman must wear long, loose skirts at all times. Anything above mid-calf (as she herself says elsewhere) is unacceptable. At the same time, there’s a strong pressure in some subsections of that group for women to make up very well indeed always, use makeup, wear jewelry and so on, because if you don’t and your husband uses porn or cheats, it’s your fault; St. Josemaria said so! Basically, you’re supposed to be stunningly gorgeous while absolutely covered at all times and spending no more than a few dollars per month on clothes, no excuses; if you don’t and your husband sins sexually, that’s your fault. At the same time, if your looking pretty causes someone else to sin, that’s also your fault. (Very extreme indeed, but I was once informed by a self-appointed appraiser of such things on a traditional Catholic singles’ email list that if he could tell that a woman was a woman by looking at her from the neck down in public, he’d lust after her, but that would be her fault. As I said, extreme, but reflective of the culture.)
The infamous denim jumper thing is kind of a reaction to that subculture, an attitude of “I’ve had twelve kids in ten years, never have so much as a morning to myself to go shopping, and don’t have the money anyway, at least I’m covered, deal with it” sort of thing. That can also be turned into a sort of prideful “It doesn’t matter what I wear, I’m much too holy to worry about that”–implication being, if you do enjoy getting dressed nicely or wearing makeup or spritzing on that perfume that makes your husband smile when he walks in the door, then you are Worldly, Very Worldly, my dear! sad head shake (Of course, there are plenty of women who dress simply and it works for them, it’s what they like, and their husbands like it, so everyone who’s important is happy. That’s not what I’m referring to at all; I’m talking about the attitude of Everyone Who Isn’t Just Like Me Is Wrong.)
(cut for length, more in a moment)
I clicked on some other links on her site, and find that her daughters aren’t allowed to learn how to properly swim because IMMODESTY; they’re wearing knee-length, full-skirted outfits which are impossible to swim in. I see her defending the Duggars, who sat back and allowed their daughters to be molested (mind you, according to their church, it was their daughters’ fault, including the 18-month-old’s, that they were molested…), because the family “does not believe in artificial birth control, that lets God do their family planning, that does not abort their offspring, and they have all those kids.”
And then the author is no doubt shocked, shocked, that many of us who homeschool (or, in my case, plan to) and who want our kids to learn to dress appropriately for their stage in life, that being, moral issues aside, a rather useful tool anyway, wonder if there really is no place in the world for them.
In traditional Catholic circles, a woman must wear long, loose skirts at all times. Anything above mid-calf (as she herself says elsewhere) is unacceptable. At the same time, there’s a strong pressure in some subsections of that group for women to make up very well indeed always, use makeup, wear jewelry and so on, because if you don’t and your husband uses porn or cheats, it’s your fault; St. Josemaria said so! Basically, you’re supposed to be stunningly gorgeous while absolutely covered at all times and spending no more than a few dollars per month on clothes, no excuses; if you don’t and your husband sins sexually, that’s your fault. At the same time, if your looking pretty causes someone else to sin, that’s also your fault. (Very extreme indeed, but I was once informed by a self-appointed appraiser of such things on a traditional Catholic singles’ email list that if he could tell that a woman was a woman by looking at her from the neck down in public, he’d lust after her, but that would be her fault. As I said, extreme, but reflective of the culture.)
The infamous denim jumper thing is kind of a reaction to that subculture, an attitude of “I’ve had twelve kids in ten years, never have so much as a morning to myself to go shopping, and don’t have the money anyway, at least I’m covered, deal with it” sort of thing. That can also be turned into a sort of prideful “It doesn’t matter what I wear, I’m much too holy to worry about that”–implication being, if you do enjoy getting dressed nicely or wearing makeup or spritzing on that perfume that makes your husband smile when he walks in the door, then you are Worldly, Very Worldly, my dear! sad head shake (Of course, there are plenty of women who dress simply and it works for them, it’s what they like, and their husbands like it, so everyone who’s important is happy. That’s not what I’m referring to at all; I’m talking about the attitude of Everyone Who Isn’t Just Like Me Is Wrong.)
(cut for length, more in a moment)
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UbiCaritas
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It’s actually, though I’m sure this would horrify any number of such people to no end if they heard me say it, quite reminiscent of certain branches of fundamentalist Islam. In them, women are supposed to make themselves as attractive as possible with makeup, perfume, etc and sexually available to their husband at all times no matter what, but then they must wear burkhas, niqabs, and so on over all that so that no one can tell if they’re even male or female, because even a glimpse of their perfectly-styled hair or well-made-up eyes must, by definition, cause men to sin. 
Yet if they aren’t perfectly coifed/made up/dressed under that burkha, it’s also their fault if their husband has an affair!
Long story short: the author would probably be floored to know that many of us would take her article to mean “go forth and find ye something cute to wear that works for you and makes you happy,” rather than the attitude I described above. However, I choose to reflect on the former attitude.
In that interpretation of the article, I like the idea, and frankly, need to work on it a bit more myself, as I’ve slacked. I’m at the point in pregnancy where maternity clothes would be silly, and I’ve actually lost a bit of weight, but nothing fits and I feel “bleh.” To me, the clothes I wear every day are my work uniform (I liked the military comparison!), and when I feel pretty and well-put-together, I work more effectively and am happier. Need to look over the wardrobe tomorrow, and perhaps even–gasp!–drop a little money on a pair of maternity jeans.
Note to self: schedule haircut for next weekend, it’s been mumble nine-ish months, and while I can sort of get away with that because my hair is curly/wavy, these ends need to goooooooo. And these piggies aren’t going to polish themselves…
Yet if they aren’t perfectly coifed/made up/dressed under that burkha, it’s also their fault if their husband has an affair!Long story short: the author would probably be floored to know that many of us would take her article to mean “go forth and find ye something cute to wear that works for you and makes you happy,” rather than the attitude I described above. However, I choose to reflect on the former attitude.
In that interpretation of the article, I like the idea, and frankly, need to work on it a bit more myself, as I’ve slacked. I’m at the point in pregnancy where maternity clothes would be silly, and I’ve actually lost a bit of weight, but nothing fits and I feel “bleh.” To me, the clothes I wear every day are my work uniform (I liked the military comparison!), and when I feel pretty and well-put-together, I work more effectively and am happier. Need to look over the wardrobe tomorrow, and perhaps even–gasp!–drop a little money on a pair of maternity jeans.
Note to self: schedule haircut for next weekend, it’s been mumble nine-ish months, and while I can sort of get away with that because my hair is curly/wavy, these ends need to goooooooo. And these piggies aren’t going to polish themselves…
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UbiCaritas
Guest
I’m reminded of a Catholic queen and king–St. Elizabeth and Blessed Louis, perhaps?–who, though they dressed very quietly in private life, would wear their gorgeous silk and velvets when in public because it made the people happy to see pretty things, and yes, improved their morale.
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bitterhope
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But not everyone buys into the dress equals morale thing. I can assure you most soldiers do not feel better in their dress uniforms and none of them are more productive. Morale plummets when Class A’s are required–even Class B’s are morale killers. Dress is for show not function. The dress uniforms are for ceremonies, balls, pictures, funeral detail and other special occasions. They are not relaxed or even allowed to relax. Their behavior is very restricted when wearing the Class A uniform. Moms must be functional. They must be relaxed. There is no reason for show and their behavior shouldn’t be restricted to a set standard. Motherhood requires getting messy and hugging puking kids. I’m not willing to do that dressed up with makeup on. If another mom is able and feels more natural while dressed all up, that’s how she should do things. But no way am I ever jumping in board with that. And ind if our house rules is no shoes in the house so slippers or socks if your feet get cold is the best I’m doing on days I’m home. Tennis shoes when I’m going out. Rubber boots when I’m working outside. Flats with skirts–can’t wear heels due to ankle problems.
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Xantippe
Guest
She does consults! Glory be!
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Xantippe
Guest
My husband is not super observant, but he does notice and appreciate a new top on me.I love to wear pretty clothes and do my makeup and hair. I still keep everything fairly plain, as I don’t like to call any undue attention to myself, but I do like it when my husband and children say I look pretty in that outfit or they like my new lipstick. I hate shopping, but I love having a new outfit or new makeup. I keep a minimal wardrobe, but rotate it often enough to keep it fresh. It is an act of love for my husband, too. It pleases him to see me looking pretty, and helps our marriage. His mother, however, has always been a jeans and a tshirt gal, so when I want to be super casual, he likes that, too. He is the one who sends me shopping for myself, bless him.
I don’t exactly follow the FlyLady’s advice entirely, but I have found her to be spot-on about getting dressed for work at home. I am far more productive AND cheerful if I have a cute outfit and a bit of makeup and styled hair (even just barrettes or a bun), than if I am in lounge wear. Plus, I am never afraid to answer the door that way.
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jmjZelie
Guest
Interestingly, I am probably less comfortable and more productive in my nicer outfits. I like to wear a tunic or shirt dress with coordinating leggings during the cooler season and dresses during the warmer season. Sometimes, linen pants and cute blouses. The more comfortable I feel, the sleepier I feel. Being slightly uncomfortable and having to sit and move in a ladylike way with my feminine dress keeps my mind focused upon my duties more. And the feeling of mascara and barrettes signals me something like “I look nice, my family will be happy to look at me, I am happy and they will be happy with me, too”. Maybe it seems petty to some, but it works for me. 
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UbiCaritas
Guest
Sure, but I imagine that you get a lot more done wearing BDUs than if you were in some sort of impractical-for-the-job-at-hand outfit, too, while BDUs simultaneously imply a sense of purpose.
I suppose it may be a cultural thing, but I don’t see a cute (washable!!!) outfit and a touch of makeup as being incompatible with hugging a puking kiddo. Oddly enough, when DD was going through her spitup-all-the-time stage, I actually felt better if I was dressed up just a tad (read: comfortable and functional and cute) than if I were wearing something comfy and functional but ugly, like yoga pants and an ancient college tee. I hate being dirty or smelly, and feeling a little bit pretty when she barfed on me made me have more of a positive attitude about it, strange though I admit it sounds. If I were wearing my sloppy clothes, I felt like “Not only do I look ugly, but I now have curdled milk all down my front” rather than “Okay, so DD spat up, it’s not the end of the world, go wash it off and change, you can still feel pretty even if you’re a mom” and I’d stay cheerful rather than getting more depressed.
I also had a pretty nasty case of PPD, and I suspect that being able to feel okay, at least, about just one small aspect of my life helped. I freely admit this isn’t true of everyone, and ditto the clothing perspective, but it was for me.
(FWIW, your attitude is much like my best friend’s perspective: she wears what’s comfortable and works for her everyday activities, period, and doesn’t dress to feel pretty unless she’s going out on a date. My daily makeup/hair/clothes routine would drive her nuts, while her yoga-pants-no-makeup routine would make me depressed…in both our cases, we figured out what works best for us, and then did it, which, like just about every other aspect of parenting, was the right answer, even if it was different.)
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UbiCaritas
Guest
This is so me! There’s a HUGE switch that gets flipped when I change into my PJs for the evening. Very little gets done after that, so I make sure to get the dishes, etc done beforehand.Interestingly, I am probably less comfortable and more productive in my nicer outfits. I like to wear a tunic or shirt dress with coordinating leggings during the cooler season and dresses during the warmer season. Sometimes, linen pants and cute blouses. The more comfortable I feel, the sleepier I feel. Being slightly uncomfortable and having to sit and move in a ladylike way with my feminine dress keeps my mind focused upon my duties more. And the feeling of mascara and barrettes signals me something like “I look nice, my family will be happy to look at me, I am happy and they will be happy with me, too”. Maybe it seems petty to some, but it works for me.
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bitterhope
Guest
Yes! Find what works for you and go with it. There isn’t a right it wrong here.
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jmjZelie
Guest
Yes, this is similar to what I was trying to explain about myself. A healthy inner life for me (which makes me a better wife and mother) is supported by pretty, but easily washable outfits.
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Xantippe
Guest
Here’s another FlyLady story:
In her book, she mentions that when she was (name removed by moderator)atient at a mental health program (depression?), part of the program was that she was required to make herself up EVERY day.
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pianistclare
Guest
6pm.com for really reasonable BRAND NAME shoes.I basically need an entirely new wardrobe. What hasn’t been worn to bits no longer fits.
I bought three new sweaters on clearance at Kohl’s this week. And wouldn’t you know, I still feel guilty, even though before that I had exactly two shirts suitable for cold weather.
I dunno. Clothes are hard. (But shoes are worse!)
ETA: I will say that I’ve gotten better about self-care, though. I get regular exercise which is great for my physical and mental health, and I did bother making sure I got good running shoes (although still clearance).
I got a really nice pair of mootsies tootsies for less than $20 there. Have been buying sketchers and various brands ever since. Also the crocs website (yes crocs is making regular, nice shoes) has great sales.
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pianistclare
Guest
You guys don’t wear makeup?
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Xantippe
Guest
I’ll dab on a little concealer now and then, but I never really got the big Girl 101 course growing up, so there are whole areas of makeup that are a complete mystery to me. (Eyeliner–what is it for??? And foundation–how do you use it without winding up with a creepy clown look???)You guys don’t wear makeup?
One of these days, I’m going to get myself to the makeup counter and finally learn all of this stuff.
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Xantippe
Guest
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