Kids who can't/won't clean

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I don’t know if they get it every single week, but we do try to have time for each of us to be alone with the older two. It may be more like everyone other week. During the school year, my husband gets a long lunch once a week and he often picks up one or the other on his lunch break and takes them out to lunch. They are both in pre-school, so I don’t think there is anyone to evaluate them for attention issues, though I suspect that might be coming soon when my daughter starts kindergarten. She does get some privileges just for being older, but also for taking on more responsibilities. For example, she gets two dollars for sorting and putting away her laundry by herself. Also, she’s got a garden plot in the back yard and I’ve promised to buy her squash and tomatoes from her if she keeps up with watering and taking care of them. I can definately try to spend more alone time with her, but she’s going to be getting a lot of that once school starts again because she will be commuting with me.
 
Maybe not the 3yo, but I think a 5yo certainly has the cognitive processes to keep their own room neat. She had the cognitive process to find the toys and clothing to take them out in the first place. She ought to be able to find her way to putting them back when she’s done with them. This is a kid who has composed five complete screenplays for new Peppa Pig episodes and actually talked her grandmother into writing them down word for word and sending them to the studio that creates the show. A couple of them weren’t bad either. If you ever see a Peppa Pig episode entitled “The Fairy House”, my kid wrote that! And while my 3yo is a little behind her in literary and theatrical skills, he spontaneously creates solar system models out of anything he can get his hands on. He knows how to spell all the names of the planets, including the dwarf planets (which I didn’t even know were a thing), and he knows all sorts of details about each one. I’m pretty sure he can understand the concept of “books on shelf, not floor”.
 
I spent years teaching little ones around you’re kids ages. You are very blessed. You’re children are easily distracted by creativity. Please, as hard as it is at times, please don’t stifle that. Don’t break their spirits. It is a rare thing these days to see wonderfully imaginative children that can entertain themselves. Gifted, especially artistically gifted, children tend to have these same issues you describe. Short attention span, easily distracted, messy, and I bet that they will inject completely unrelated questions into a conversation because that is what their mind is pondering over.

Mama, it sounds as if you have done well with encouraging them to find entertainment without a screen. That is a great accomplishment these days! It will get better. You just need to stick to the rules and not let them just simply get away with not doing their part.
 
I know I’m blessed. They are very smart, very creative. They play extremely well together. They are generally pleasant to be around. It’s just that making them clean up after themselves is too much work! I know they have to learn, but why does it have to be so much harder for them to learn that dirty clothes go down the chute (but dirty dishes do not) than it is to learn that Haumea is shaped like an oval due to it’s extremely fast rotation?
 
I know right?!? I understand exactly what you mean. Sometimes being a stay at home mom to the two little ones I have makes me wonder how it was I could deal with 30 at school! I am seriously considering teaching again when we move instead of staying home like we planned. The last couple of weeks have been so much harder than I expected.
 
Allegra said:
Don’t touch that duck-shaped soap! Just because it looks like a toy doesn’t mean you can play with it!
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I think to a five year old, having a soap shaped like a duck and not being able to play with it makes no sense.

I remember my grandmother had a crocheted toilet paper cover doll in the bathroom.

Grandma has a doll in the bathroom? And I can’t play with it? It’s a doll. I did play with it covertly a few times, while pretending to use the bathroom.
 
I have a 5 and a 3 year old at home. They are not my children, but I’m usually their caretaker. Plus I have a disabled husband and a new puppy (don’t even ask why.) Mine are boys, which is a different story, but similar. My goal is to keep them playing peacefully without hitting, biting, or pinching each other or the puppy.
I think the trick is to cut down on the amount of clothes and toys they have. The other trick is to establish routines, such as taking their dishes to the kitchen when done, which you’ve done.
I believe there is no magic formula. one day they will be old enough to manage it alone, and the house will become neater. Meanwhile, we have to have priorities.
Yours is caring for a baby and maintaining sanity. Mine is caring for several sentient beings, keeping them fed and healthy, and maintaining my own health and sanity at 75. The house will still be there, if not in perfect shape, whether I get the rooms straightened or not.
I think you are doing a splendid job, raising creative healthy children, and should not worry so much.
 
Viki63 said:
I think the trick is to cut down on the amount of clothes and toys they have. The other trick is to establish routines, such as taking their dishes to the kitchen when done, which you’ve done.
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I agree with both of these.
The other thing is to realize that very young children don’t see the world as adults do. They don’t necessarily see stuff “not in its proper place” as a mess. They may not see a difference between putting a dish on the kitchen chair and putting a dish on the kitchen counter. Some kids are naturally neat, but for those who aren’t, neatness simply isn’t that interesting so they don’t pay attention to it. I think adults often expect kids to somehow notice when they aren’t being neat, as an adult would, but many kids don’t notice because they simply aren’t interested in how the room looks.

It has to be a matter of routine/ rules/ regimen. We eat at the kitchen table, then we put our plate in the sink when done. We get dressed once in the morning, then we don’t change our clothes for the rest of the day unless Mom says to do so. If there are not clothes available, then the kid won’t change because there is nothing else to put on. Over time, habits develop.
 
Dlee said:
Should a 5 year old be making toast?
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I see no reason why a 5 year old can’t use a toaster. Most of the kids in my kindergarten class rooms could do basic cooking tasks, make sandwiches, serve themselves, etc.

That being said, what a child does at school for their teacher and what they do at home for their mom are two completely different things sometimes.
 
Imma agree with Little Lady. Minimilase. But most of the toys, books and clothes in a high wardrobe or attic and rotate monthly.
 
Well, in school, their options are a lot more limited and they are in an environment that’s set up exclusively for what the teachers want them to do, so its a bit easier.
 
Why wouldn’t a 5yo make toast? We have a proper toaster. It’s not like she’s holding a piece of bread over an open flame.
 
To clarify, I don’t think they are necessarily going to use her stories. I was just impressed that she took the initiative to send the in.
 
I understood it better this morning. I had insomnia last night when I posted. 😴
 
I wouldn’t mind as much if she’d put it back. Right now those ducks are like our bathroom’s perpetual elf on a shelf! You never know where they’re going to be! And sometimes they even leave the bathroom and I find them in the diningroom or under her bed.
 
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I did just clear out all the winter stuff, which has really helped.
 
I was thinking along the line of plugging into the outlet, burns, toast gets stuck and might try to get it out with a knife. At 5, my kids couldn’t reach the toaster. Just my thoughts.
 
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