Kids who can't/won't clean

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Our toaster is always plugged in and since its on the kitchen counter near the sink, the outlet is one of those safety mechanisms that shut off if it detects too much current. She’s knows that hot things hurt when you touch them, so she’s never stuck her hands into the toaster. Also, the children’s knives are silicone. The risks are minimal.
 
I always fear the knife or other utensil stuck in the toaster by curious minds or because of stuck toast, scenarios. A whole house circuit will swiftly act as a ciruit breaker, but can throw a person away. I would not place my trust in plug in circuit breakers internally without the wired in type.
 
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It’s an outlet circut breaker and it’s very sensitive. Our microwave shuts it off all the time. Very irritating when you are trying to defrost something. But that’s beside the point. She doesn’t stick her hands into the toaster, or knives, either way. Her school has a little kitchen in it where they teach the kids how to measure, cut, and all sorts of kitchen and food prep safety. My family freaks out because my 3yo knows how to cut his own meat properly and make himself a PBandJ without help. My daughter can make herself and her brother scrambled eggs in the microwave and she even knows not to leave the fork in the bowl! But then she puts her dinner plate on a chair under the table, instead of in the sink. I don’t get it.
 
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There is a problem here. Your 5 yo and 3 yo can prepare their own food? Why in the world is a five year old child cooking eggs, microwave or not? Why does your three year old have a knife sharp enough to cut meat? They are capable of doing these dangerous things but tear up toilet paper for fun?

I know you have a newborn, how much time are the other two left to their own devices?
 
She cooks eggs because she likes to cook eggs. How else is she supposed to learn to cook eggs without doing it? She isn’t doing it unsupervised, she just doesn’t need any help at this point. Earlier today, she made cupcakes by herself. The only part I had to do was turn the oven on and get the eggs out of the fridge, because she’s too short to reach and I’m not willing to risk the safety of the rest of the carton of eggs. She can read the recipe on the box of cake mix. (It helps that they use pictures now instead of just words.) crack the eggs, measure the ingredients, mix up the bowl, etc all without help. Once they’re cool, she can spread the icing and decorate with sprinkles. That’s why I know she has the cognitive ability to pick up her clothes and toys. The three year old has a knife sharp enough to cut meat because it’s silly to try to cut meat with too dull a knife. Again, he’s doing this at the dinner table, with the family around him. He does get left to his own devices sometimes, but not at mealtime when the whole family is together.
 
I’m with you , Allegra!

Children are capable of cooking for themselves. They’ve been doing it for hundreds of years in the United States. Slave children used to cook over open fires!

Of course, a lot of college students have no idea how to cook, possibly because their parents were always afraid to let them try it.

Obviously, there are risks, but if the child has been taught well, they can cook just fine.

Have you ever seen Master Chef, Jr. ? A few weeks ago, a little eight year-old boy made ECLAIRS! Three different types! I’m 62, and I don’t think I could make eclairs!

And on those cooking shows, very young children are cooking over open flames, and using very sharp knives.

So carry on, Allegra!

But I still wonder why you are going to the trouble of having guests when you already have so much on your plate with 3 children. I hope you’re sending out for pizza and salad for these guests!
 
Apologies for not being caught up.

It’s easier with only one smallish child in the house (mine are 16, 14 and 6.5), but I try to remember to ask for quid pro quo.

For example, if Baby Girl wants something from me (for example cartoons or a new fun thing we just bought from the store), I tell her to pick up the living room/pick up the playroom/pick up 20 things/clean up her craft stuff from my kitchen table. She might not do it, but then in that case, no cartoons! Win-win!

At bedtime, I typically do the same thing with youtube. Baby Girl picks up 10 things or all of a set of things and then I show her 3-4 minutes of video. Repeat until kid is either done picking up the room or just wants to go to sleep. I just did this, and after picking up about half of her room, she just wanted to go to bed. And that’s fine, too.

I also have some financial incentives going. You have to watch this, though, because kids do not accept pay cuts, so any financial incentives need to be judiciously chosen to be sustainable for you long term. I give $1 per problem room picked up, which means (thanks to the fact that Big Girl picks up a lot of rooms and other financial incentive programs) that I budget $120 a month for paying kids for household projects. That’s going to be out of reach for a lot of families BUT a) I get a lot of bang for my buck (Middle Kid is getting paid $10 or so for helping with a household project that saved us $1,000 if we’d hired it out) b) it means that the big kids are not mad about picking up after Baby Girl c) Big Girl and Middle Kid are saving up for their senior trips, so this is almost all getting funneled into their trip savings.
 
My niece was in a farm-to-table cooking club when she was my daughter’s age. For her 6th birthday, she asked for a griddle to make pancakes and a sewing machine.
 
And I had guests over to celebrate Father’s Day. I was custard and sangria on the patio, so not much food prep.
 
This may not be much help but you say that they are not usually like this and you have a newborn. Also, if I remember correctly you did not have an easy pregnancy.

I’m wondering if it could be a reaction to the newborn. Either an attention getting mechanism or an understanding that you are not operating on full capicity at the moment.

Also, could it be you? What I mean is maybe they were always like that but you coped well so didn’t really notice. With the newborn you’re less able to cope so noticing more?
 
There is a video program I see on Twitter posted by Epicurious.

It’s a series of random people told to either make something simple, or preform a food prep task. Often it’s a video of clueless people not knowing what to do.

I saw the video of people needing to prepare scrambled eggs. I was shocked to see that some couldn’t even crack an egg.

So I gave my youngest son a lesson on how to do the entire thing. My two oldest used to spend a lot of time with Grandma who would cook and teach them. My older son has had cooking lessons with occupational therapy when he was in a rehab hospital due to a brain injury.

I don’t remember the first time I cooked. I think I was 6 or 7. I had my own cookbook. I used to love making breakfast in bed for my mom. It wouldn’t always come out right, but I’d try.
 
I think there is an element of “Mom’s taking care of the baby, so there’s a good chance I will get away with this right now” going on. They really weren’t this bad about it before though. We’re more unstructured during the summer, which is what I want in general, but I think they are sensing a more lax schedule and getting lazy with their habits.
 
I know by the time I was in first grade, I could make my two favorite meals by myself. (tuna casserole and eggs in a basket.) I needed the stovetop for both, so I’m sure I was doing some cooking at five. I just don’t remember specifically. I know I was making my own cereal and sandwiches by five though.
 
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My kids had to get their own breakfast and lunch by the time they were 8. Breakfast was usually on the run, as they had to be at the skating rink by 5:30 a.m. to practice every morning. Lunch was brown bag, and they usually took a peanut butter sandwich and a banana.

They also had to do their own laundry by the time they were 8.

There were times I felt mean, but they have thanked me many times for making them learn so many skills while they were young because a lot of their friends in college were pretty helpless without mommy around to do their work for them.

Interestingly, though, Allegra, I didn’t make them clean their own rooms, other than make sure that food was not left for days! One daughter was hyper neat, but the other–oh, my! What a slob! But I just shut the door and told her that if that’s how she wanted to live and entertain her friends, fine!

She is a great housekeeper now that she is grown and married with a house of her own.

So maybe that’s an answer for you–allow your children to keep their rooms like flea markets–piled to the windows (no higher because you don’t want the neighbors to report you!), clothing piled into mountains, toys hither and yon…but no food left overnight ever.

However, every other room in the house must be kept clean–toys put away, dishes to the sink, towels in the laundry basket or chute, coats hung in the hall closet, wipe spills up in the kitchen, etc.

Just an idea.

You watch–they’ll totally switch personalities when you least expect it, and they’ll be telling you that they want their house to look like the ones on HGTV (the “after” houses!).
 
Yeah bread. I cut a circle out of the middle of the slice for the egg. My favorite was those little circles fried in butter and covered in grape jelly! Sounds a little nasty now.
 
The kids aren’t allowed to eat in their rooms anyway, but even so, I’m not sure my temperment is suited to this plan. How will I sweep the floor?
 
The 8yo niece came over and provided one solution to our picking up problem. Apparently, their house is infested with spiders that may or may not be brown recluses. (probably not) Having overly permissive parents that allow her completely unsupervised access to a tablet, and being of a naturally curious and scientific mindset, she tried to look up photos of brown recluses, in order to determine the species of their spider infestation. While doing so, she inadvertently got results for “brown recluse bites” and is now completely traumatized. When she saw my kids’ box of dressup clothes half on the floor, she proceeded to freak out and tell them in gory detail the results of a brown recluse bite and that the only way to prevent this is to keep clothes off the floor. So far, they’ve been neurotic about doing so. So I guess the solution was terror and unfettered access to the internet!
 
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