Thats good. My biggest problem is with NFP. After having twins 5 years ago, my wife is scared to death of having any more. We have 4 children now. She won’t let me breath on her anywhere around her fertility days. Thats like the best timeThat is one area I think we do have worked out for when she’ll let me…
TimIt’s true, it’s the best time.She won’t let me breath on her anywhere around her fertility days. Thats like the best time
That, my man, is how it goes - pure hormones and probably the same with all of us. You’re right - biological!
uch:
When I was in my early 30’s after having 2 children…I felt the same way. Pregnancy is no trip to the beach. We also were concerned about our finances…and having more children would stretch us to the limits. To be quite honest…this was my fear…getting pregnant again, and again, and again. I worked outside the home…in this economy it just “is” that way. At 31 I thought I was pregnant again…turns out it was fibroid and I had a hysterectomy. It was a relief to me and to my hubby.Thats good. My biggest problem is with NFP. After having twins 5 years ago, my wife is scared to death of having any more. We have 4 children now. She won’t let me breath on her anywhere around her fertility days. Thats like the best time
Thank you Julianna for the post and for your honesty. I appreciate that very much. It makes me, andthe other guys here, I’m sure, feel better knowing that there is light and hope.
It has been growing on me throughout a recent and on-going conversion in life, I guess, (and this forum) that the only answers are prayer and communication - prayer to be able to bear and understand the burden, resist sin and ask forgiveness, and communication to at least let my wife know how I feel. Praying has been hard and that is easier than discussing this with my wife even as loving and understanding as she can be. I am going to a healing mass tonight for this and other reasons and will keep everyone in my prayers. God bless to all.
As to pleasing – ah, ‘finishing’ – your wife before or after intercourse, it makes little to no actual difference to the chance of conception (if anything it might increase it very slightly) so I’d say it should still fall within the boundaries of the marital act – hey, foreplay still counts If a little ‘afterplay’ is necessary for her, I suggest you do it, frustration is nothing to belittle in men or women! I can’t remember any particular restriction on that in Catholic teaching; anyone with more current information know any different?For us NFP kills spontaniaty (sp). I could not take the pill as it messed with my pyschie and made me gain weight…20 lbs. in a year. So that wasn’t working. We had to move on to something else…and that also killed spontaniaty as well. I was a nervous wreck because I had to tell my husband “no”, even if I was really thinking “yes”. After our second child, we were trying to buy a house and that was stressful in itself. We moved into my parents house right after the second one was born, and stayed a month until the house we bought was ready to move in. If you have never moved with a 21 month old and a month old infant…my advice, don’t try it. After we were settled in I realized…oh great…my desire (after the baby) has returned red hot, and we are back to playing baby roulette. I was a basket case. My husband never knew. I understand why some women don’t share this with their husbands…especially if they are in total lock step with church teaching. Please know that I believe your wife loves you very much and wants to be with you. NFP has to be followed to the letter or it doesn’t work. Charting and temp taking are frustrating at best…and there is always a margin of error, and in 9 months you will know what it is. This is very stressful. I know people on here may think I am hard hard-hearted. But in my family’s case…it boiled down to pure economics. Can we afford another child? We now have 2 in college, and that is yet another expense…if we had 3 or more…more than likely none of them would be able to go unless they went into the military.
I didn’t mean person(s) don’t or shouldn’t have the right (as in legal right) to withdraw from the relationship. Just wondering whether this is the er…right…thing to do. Is it fair, to expect the other to live a life in cold isolation in what will be, at best, a platonic freindship, with no effort to to rekindle the romantic side of the relationship, and no desire to? I think a lot of women marry men thinkign of them as a second dad, without actually that much attraction involved (and in some cases even fondness for him), as some sort of nieve young-women need to be loved thang. As they get older they grow out of this need, and the husband is left completely alone, as it were, with absolutely nothing he can do about this, nothing that at all, she views the marriage (and any relations within it) as a cross to bear, and he’s left feeling like garbage. If this sounds like a bit of an extreme generalisation then I guess it is, but some women just aren’t being honest with men and themselves about what is they want (or most likely don’t want)PennitentMan:
Cynic asked about “rights” and those are what I discussed.
I think that this could be an indication that someone is married to a spouse that is very selfish. There is no cookie cutter, one-size-fits-all explanation why some people get married when they have no interest in being intimate, but sometimes I think it does boil down to being selfish. Sex between a husband and a wife is supposed to be a total gift of self, but unfortunately sometimes one of those spouses might not be willing to be that giving. You’re right that one spouse should not be left feeling unwanted and like garbage.
cynic said: