Looking for some advice!!!

  • Thread starter Thread starter heather0370
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Heather:

When you go away on a business trip who is in the house with the girls the whole time you are gone ? PLEASE don’t tell me ----the animal??? :eek:
 
ALSO:

For the love of God PLEASE remember to tell your Priest that this animal is a teacher in CCD.

He is a perv.
 
Heather, if you don’t tell the priest what you have told us you will be complicit if he ever does something to somebody else’s kid. It’s a joke, right? Him getting on Virtus?

He’s probably learning ways to avoid being caught, or just what he can do and how far he can go without being prosecuted.
 
Get out now - report him to the Archdiocese if needed - he should not be teaching under the Protect our Children - no way no how - you are complicit in the abuse and neglect of children as if you had done it yourself.
 
You must talk to your priest TODAY. If he has no time for you, go to the Diocese Office of Religious Education. If you will not protect your own children, at least for God’s sake protect the kids of the parish from this man!
 
You need to buy him the book How to be the man that GOD created you to be!
By Father Larry Richards. It is a great book for men and will open his eyes on a mans point of view on how men think and react to the world.

I will be praying for you and your spose.👍
 
I am very numb. This has been going on for a very long time. I want the sites blocked until I can get out of the home. I don’t want him viewing this stuff while we are still there.

I went on 3 business trips last year and he stayed with them but my aunt was there the majority of the time due to the situation. She helped him while I was gone on 2 of the trips. The third trip was just a day. She did stop in to make sure they didn’t need anything. I will be telling him about my husband being a CCD teacher. He does get sent emails where he has to go to Virtus and do the training sections. He basically has lied his way through them.
He just did his re-certification.

I have printed everything out that has been posted and will be taken this with me when I see my priest and my lawyer. I just have a few more things to settle and get in order before this is over.

Thanks for the advice!
 
*heather;

Please do not let your husband stay for even 10 minutes with your kids, alone. He has proven untrustworthy…he has proven unstable. I pray for him, as well. He needs help, desperately. He is very ill, it seems. You need to stay on course…and on a message board, only so much can be helpful. I think you know what to do, just carry through.

You can pray for your husband, from a distance. You can forgive him, from a distance. But, you have to move on…and soon. Very soon.

God bless…*
 
heather0370 said:
I went on 3 business trips last year and he stayed with them but my aunt was there the majority of the time due to the situation. She helped him while I was gone on 2 of the trips. The third trip was just a day. She did stop in to make sure they didn’t need anything. I will be telling him about my husband being a CCD teacher. He does get sent emails where he has to go to Virtus and do the training sections. He basically has lied his way through them.
!
Click to expand...
Looks like he is snowing you on what Virtus is.

He had to watch a movie, have a criminal background check, and sit in a small group study for about 3 hours.

Follow up is an article - one per MONTH - and he has to answer a question after he reads it. They are so common sense that you can just answer the question and be done. Again, this is ONCE EACH MONTH, not daily or weekly. He can easily access them from any public computer, at the library or at the Parish. You DO NOT NEED internet access at home. If he has no access, he does not have to do online virtus updates (more than half of the volunteers do not use computers).

The school also cannot require internet access at home.

Cut it off.
 
Your other option is to password protect the computer and only open it for the children to get on.
 
heather0370 said:
I am very numb. This has been going on for a very long time. I want the sites blocked until I can get out of the home. I don’t want him viewing this stuff while we are still there.

I went on 3 business trips last year and he stayed with them but my aunt was there the majority of the time due to the situation. She helped him while I was gone on 2 of the trips. The third trip was just a day. She did stop in to make sure they didn’t need anything. I will be telling him about my husband being a CCD teacher. He does get sent emails where he has to go to Virtus and do the training sections. He basically has lied his way through them.
He just did his re-certification.

I have printed everything out that has been posted and will be taken this with me when I see my priest and my lawyer. I just have a few more things to settle and get in order before this is over.

Thanks for the advice!
Click to expand...
Most precious and dear Heather-
Of course you are numb. This is a normal coping reaction. Once you break out of your numbness, you will experience very difficult emotions and feelings. You will want to flee back to numbness and medication, because these feelings are so overwhelming.

You will second guess yourself constantly, and this is why you need your priest, counselor, and lawyer to support you and help you move forward.

When I say your posts are xxx-rated, I mean your life is getting so toxic, it is unbearable for me to read, because I’ve been there. And I know how very very hard it is to get out. Yes, you need a lot of courage. And most of all, you need to rely on Our Lord and Savior for strength, for it will indeed take super-spiritual strength to untangle yourself and you daughters from this mess. Your girls may not want to change or move. But this is not in their hands. You are the parent, their mother.

I know my kids kicked and screamed not to move. Once here, they would call up their dad every time I disciplined them and complain. Then he would talk to me about how unreasonable my discipline was. It was only with the help of Our Lord and Savior that I was able to get through this. He truly an awesome and wonderful God to love me so and help me so.

I remember looking into the eyes of exh, and seeing nothing but a bottomless pit. Dark. And in this pit was nothing. He could fill it up with all his desires and wants, and it was never going to be enough. I saw Satan.

God bless you and keep you. :hug1::grouphug::heaven::harp:
 
I won’t let my children with him again. I don’t want to hurt them anymore than they are already. I want to make everything right for them and me.

I did check into the blocker on the computer through my internet provider. It is pretty expensive to block it that way. I can block it from the computer but I couldn’t do that last night because he was constantly over my shoulder looking what I was doing on the computer. I can also put a password on the computer but I need to ask a question to our IT department since there are different accounts if I need to password protect each account. I will find that out this morning.

It feels like I start to come out of the numbness because I have had all kinds of emotions and feelings and then I go back to be numb again. It doesn’t hurt as much being there. I am working on getting the counselor situated. I have an appointment with the lawyer and I am waiting on my priest right now to get back to me.

I misunderstood what you meant. Now I understand completely. I didn’t mean to surface any feelings or emotions on your end regarding my situation. My girls are ready to change and move. They do not like this situation and do not like my husband at this point. I have talked with my oldest daughter about moving and she is okay. I haven’t with my youngest but I know that she would be okay with it.

When I look at my husband, I see evil all around and he makes me sick in my stomach. I do know that I love him and that makes it even more difficult. My love is not fake. He proclaims that he loves me but there is just no way do to his actions. From what I am being told he could love me but not the same way I love him. We were brought up two different ways and that has a lot to do with it.

I love my children very much and I never meant to hurt them in anyway. I have mad some really bad choices in my life and I have grown to accept those choices and not make any changes. Now, I need to make the changes so that I can be a better person, and a better mother to my children. It may be to late for my son but I can at least do it for my daughters who are at a very tender age.

As for my husband, I hope that when this is all said and done that he realizes what mistakes he made and that what he did do was not normal. I doubt that will happen only because of the way he is and want he wants. One can only hope for his daughters sake that he will overcome the issues that he has and puts her needs first then his own.

Thank you for the advice and prayers!
 
heather0370 said:
Thank you for the advice and prayers!
Click to expand...
I am happy to pray for you. It’s truly a privilege! :signofcross:

As for the filters, blocks, etc. They are just bandaids. The problem is HE, not the computer. He still gets his magazines. You can’t fix him.

Do not apologize for bringing up bad memories, I am here by my own choice. I only wish I had more support like you have. My priest told me to live like brother and sister. NOBODY advocated leaving him. Exh looked good on the outside to the community, and I was reminded about my vows “in sickness and in health.”

I laugh now at how stupid and insane the whole situation was. :hypno:I grieve for you because you are in that situation. One day you will LAUGH at how obvious it all is.

I’ll bet that within six months of your leaving him, he’ll already have another one.

They only reason they hold on to you is because they don’t have another one waiting in the wings yet.

Where is your step daughter’s mother?

God bless you and keep you.:highprayer:

:blessyou:
 
Your priest MAY have lost the message. Call the office now, and say it is urgent you speak to Father so and so.
 
I agree about letting the church know that it is vital that you speak to the priest right away. This is pretty serious.

I don’t know if I missed it several pages back, but have you talked to a domestic violence center? I know that they can give you advice about what you should be doing RIGHT NOW.
 
I know filters and blocks are just temporary. I know that he is the problem and I know that I can’t fix him. When we go into public it is a different story. He treats me like a wife and not a slave/maid/hostage. My step daughters mother is not a good person either according to my husband. Just some of the stuff I have seen I would still feel the same way about leaving her with her mother as well. It is not a good situation at all. I really need to focus on my daughters and myself right now and worry about her after everything is done. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

I spoke with the receptionist just a few minutes ago and Father is not in. She took another message. I have talked briefly with DV. I called and asked some general questions. I do plan on calling and asking more detailed plans once I talk to Father. I will see Father briefly this weekend for a meeting. If I don’t talk to him over the phone, I will talk with him then.
 
heather0370 said:
I know filters and blocks are just temporary. I know that he is the problem and I know that I can’t fix him. When we go into public it is a different story. He treats me like a wife and not a slave/maid/hostage. My step daughters mother is not a good person either according to my husband. Just some of the stuff I have seen I would still feel the same way about leaving her with her mother as well. It is not a good situation at all. I really need to focus on my daughters and myself right now and worry about her after everything is done. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

I spoke with the receptionist just a few minutes ago and Father is not in. She took another message. I have talked briefly with DV. I called and asked some general questions. I do plan on calling and asking more detailed plans once I talk to Father. I will see Father briefly this weekend for a meeting. If I don’t talk to him over the phone, I will talk with him then.
Click to expand...
*Just curious…what are you wanting the priest to tell you in this case? Are you just looking for confirmation from him, that you are making the right choice to leave? I believe that as Catholics, we should look for guidance from our parish priests…but, I get the sense that until you speak with him, you won’t move forward with what is in the best interest of protecting your kids. I don’t personally see this as merely a marital issue anymore…your kids are in danger. To me, that should be the ultimate driving force to get out of there. You have not failed as a wife…your husband is ill, and not capable of providing a safe environment for you and your girls. That is really the ultimate problem…so, just curious if you are merely seeking confirmation that what you are about to do, is the right next step? (I’m not suggesting you shouldn’t go, I’m just curious as to what you hope to gain from going–just peace of mind that you’re making the right decision, or advice, etc?)

Glad to see you are growing stronger. :o *
 
Your stepdaughter’s mother is not a good person…according to the man you married?

Hahaha. Wait till you hear the things he tells people about YOU when you break free of him!

He’ll paint you out to be a sicko and damaging to the kids, and who knows what else.

Of course he’s nice to you in public. It’s all about HIS image. He can be nice when he WANTS to. When you leave him and his image is hurt, he’ll start doing to you what you’ve seen him do to his ex.

If I were you I’d really question what that woman was really like.
 
Liberanosamalo said:
Your stepdaughter’s mother is not a good person…according to the man you married?

Hahaha. Wait till you hear the things he tells people about YOU when you break free of him!

He’ll paint you out to be a sicko and damaging to the kids, and who knows what else.

Of course he’s nice to you in public. It’s all about HIS image. He can be nice when he WANTS to. When you leave him and his image is hurt, he’ll start doing to you what you’ve seen him do to his ex.

If I were you I’d really question what that woman was really like.
Click to expand...
Amen, preach it sister!!!
 
Heather, why do you need to speak to your priest before you get advice from the domestic violence center? That doesn’t make sense to me.

When you call the parish and ask for the priest, have you let the receptionist know that it is about a background problem with one of the catechists that they need to be aware of. This is something that needs to be dealt with NOW, but your parish can only know that if you give them the information NOW. This is something they should and will take seriously. From all that you say about your husband, it makes me wonder what his motivation is to be a CCD teacher. If he believes that pornography and masturbation are normal and to be accepted, then he it sounds like he is not interested in his faith. Why is he going to the bother of teaching CCD?
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top