Looking for some advice!!!

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I appreciate the advice and the different stories that were told. I can relate to all of them.

Here is another scenario from my house:

Last night was a hectic night for me. My husband was outside talking with the neighbor and I was inside working on getting dinner ready. His daughter goes outside and ask her dad to run her to our local craft store for yarn. So, what does he do. He comes in and says please take her to the craft store to get her yarn. I said I am getting dinner ready. He said please take her. I said fine. I run her and her friend in. I come back home and he was in the bathroom. He comes out after a while with a magazine and his wallet in his hand. He said his wallet on the dresser and put the magazine away. His wallet had this part of a picture showing. So my curiosity got the best of me. I looked. He has a picture from one of his magazines in his wallet. I opened it up and took pictures of it front and back like my attorney advised me to do. He must have just put this in his wallet because not to long ago he asked me to get something out of his wallet and nothing was there.

He left evidence of what he was doing in our bathroom. He had masturbated while I ran his daughter to the craft store and my two daughters were home because they didn’t want to go with me. This is not the first time he has carried pictures of girls in his wallet. He doesn’t care pictures of me or the kids because he said it makes his wallet to balky and they would get destroyed but he can carry a picture of a naked girl in his wallet. That is ok. I got really sick in my stomach and I actually threw up. He was outside shoveling snow of the roof at this time. I was done for the night. My husband said that he would not run the girls anymore so I ended up taking my daughter to counseling and then came home and cleaned up the mess from dinner. I had to then go back out and get my daughter from counseling. My youngest was at the house and he was on the porn sites while she was in the room.

He didn’t say anything about sexual activity at all but what gets me is that we had sex the night before and he still felt the need to masturbate the following night. That is messed up. I did not say to much to him but he definitely was feeling guilty because he was more caring and making sure that I was OK. I pretty much went into bed after that and didn’t sleep much due to him and I had a big meeting this morning. I am sick to my stomach about this whole situation.

He also has pictures of him and naked girls from a night where he went to a strip club. He doesn’t know that I know about them. He used to carry them in his wallet as well. He went out with a group of guys for dinner a couple years back and these surfaced not to long ago. He has never carried pictures of me or the kids in his wallet. Just this smuck!!!

My deadline was for the middle of this March but it may be sooner. He literally just came in from the shop and asked me if we were have sexual activity at my desk tonight. There were a lot of people around. I said to him get back to work and then I said why did you asked that. He said that he was horny!!! I said go to work. He left.

THIS IS MESSED UP BIG TIME!!!

Thanks again for the advice, prayers, and your stories.
 
Why don’t you go into HR and file a complaint? As a co-worker, being your husband gives him no right to humiliate you in front of co-workers.
 
While parenting issues are rather low on your radar right now, yarn from the craft store is NOT an emergency that requires dad or mom to drop everything and go right now.

Tell the kids to schedule when they want to go shopping.
 
She needed the yarn for a homework project that was due today. The point is that I had to stop what I was doing to run her to get the yarn when her father was not doing anything of importance. He was viewing porn while I ran her into the store. Where I could have finished making dinner and we wouldn’t have eat as late as we did last night.

Naked girls are his priority right now in my eyes!!! Carrying a picture of a naked girl in his wallet is just wrong.

Going and filing something with HR, he would just deny it. I don’t know that anyone heard what he said it is just the thought that he did it in the office. That is all.
 
You got one sick puppy on your hands.

When you see him doing something inappropriate call him out on it. Who cares if it upsets him.

Don’t have sex with him anymore until he can start acting like a real man. And tell him the reasons not just be mad at him and expect him to feel guilty. Passive agressive behavior will not work and with your husband, nothing might work since he needs a lot of help. Next time you catch him masterbating or asking to have sex in front of co-workers let him know that he will be sleeping alone for a while and what he did was inappropriate and you will no longer put up with that kind of behavior. And don’t fold after a day or two.

Shut off your internet at home. Or call your Internet provider and have them block those kind of websites.
 
heather,

first of all, stop acting surprised by his behavior. there’s no new information here.

second, your two girls are meandering about the house while a man, who is not their father, views pornography and masterbates.

i dont care how big your house is, heather. a man is viewing pornography and masterbating just few feet and one closed door away from your unsupervised girls. i dont care how much the girls dont want to go to the store. leaving them alone with him is negligent on your part.

if you can kick him out, have your house blessed. heck, have it blessed while he’s still there. tell him it’s because the devil is there and you want it out.
 
heather0370 said:
She needed the yarn for a homework project that was due today. The point is that I had to stop what I was doing to run her to get the yarn when her father was not doing anything of importance. He was viewing porn while I ran her into the store. Where I could have finished making dinner and we wouldn’t have eat as late as we did last night.
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When you can deal with parenting issues again, let the kids learn natural consequences. She put off the project and wanted you do drop everything because of her poor planning.

Right now is not the time to arrange deck chairs on the titanic.

From now on, if you leave the house take all the kids WITH you. Never trust them alone with this monster.
 
I would say take the evidence you have back to your lawyer and ask him to get a restraining order - if not on your behalf - on the behalf of your children. This is a very sick man. Secondly, BOTH your girls need to be in counseling whether they know it or not. When my four year old cousin was molested - granted yours are older- her Mom and I both spent much time throwing in little comments about what is normal behavior. For instance, “Its not nice to have someone take your picture unless they let you put on a nice outfit and fix your hair and makeup.” Well just imagine what the put on a nice outfit got us for information. (The makeup was more about Mom and me.) Most victims if they have not made up their mind to tell you will tell you no when directly asked just like you probably tell people on the outside that you know in real life that everything is fine.
 
Heather, you need to DO something other than post here. What do you think is the appropriate way to handle the problem that you are having with his viewing of pornography in the presence of your daughters and harrasing you in ways that are becoming increasingly invasive? This problem is only get worse until you do something to stop it. If you don’t have the strength to deal with it, please contact your parents and let them know you need their help.
 
BTW, rest assured, he handed you the wallet with that trash in it because he WANTS you to see it. That excites his twisted self.
 
Heather, move your children over to your parents’ house tonight.

Get them out of there. He is a sick pervert. And someday when they are parents they will start HATING you when they realize how you have left them with that sick monster.

He gets off on masturbating with them a few thin walls away. He’s taunting you with the magazines and pictures.

You do realize, also, that when he is doing you in the bed, you might as well not be there. Alone or with you, it’s all the same to him. He doesn’t even need you for that. There is nothing about love in that action. It’s really hard not to describe all this in very degrading terms because there is nothing good about any of this.

Get your daughters out of there right now.

Don’t wait till his damn birthday or yours. Your house is burning down and your kids are in it and you’re waiting???

You are nothing to him. When you leave he’ll replace you within a week.

And you’re hanging on why?

Get a restraining order against him being in the house. I’m sure your daughters have seen and heard stuff and they either aren’t telling you because they’re disgusted, ashamed or they don’t even realize what they’ve seen and heard.

We’ve been telling you for weeks to get out. GET OUT NOW!!!

GET OUT NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!
 
i agree with everyone who has been affirming to you and also encourage you to get out and get help. I will be praying for you. I encourage you to also pray to the Blessed Mother and her most chaste, most loving spouse,St. Joseph.His is a powerful intercession.

The Holy Family is our model of what marriage and family should be. A reflection of God’s love for us. Mary, Joseph and the child Jesus. Think of them often.Pray to them more.
 
I’m going to put it in these terms.

He is becoming very brazen in his challenging you, in his open proud perversion and his internet surfing with YOUR CHILDREN in the room.

Are you waiting for him to be jacking off in front of the computer while one of your daughters walks in on it? It won’t be an “accident” as he claims. It will be him setting it up, getting YOU out of the house and it will be his sick way of breaking down barriers and getting his cheap thrills at defiling YOUR child! (A surrogate for the way he defiles you.)

He is a sick, twisted narcissist. Your children mean nothing to him. It is YOUR job to protect them. If he hasn’t already done stuff that they can’t begin to describe to you you need to take them over to your parents and leave them there with your son, who is safer with them than he’d be with you.

Because you know that man is a sick pervert and you left your children alone with him.

I really don’t want to read the big story you’ll come to here about his latest outrage and how one of your kids walked in on him fully exposed and getting satisfaction, and “Oops, I really didn’t mean for it. I thought she was out of the house!” No. I’m calling it now. And you’re sticking around waiting for that. And of course you wouldn’t call the cops, because you’d rationalize that no one would believe you and the cop would take his side because “every man jacks off to pictures of naked tramps.” Or something like that.

But by then it will be too late for your daughter, whichever one walks in on him. Pick which one now you think can handle that scene best. Imagine which one he might prefer to set up to have that happen.

I think at this point your parents, if they knew, would take you to court and terminate your rights and get custody of your children. You don’t seem to be taking this seriously enough.
 
At the very least, have the decency to forbid your daughters from being alone with him in the room when he’s on the computer.

They’ve told you they don’t like him. They want out of there. They want you away from him, and you’re still having intercourse with him.

Someday they will see that as a tremendous betrayal of THEM. They will THINK your sexual needs came before their safety. Yes, that’s how they will see it from their own teenage point of view.

What are you going to tell them? That he forced himself on you against your will and you still stayed with him?

Do you want the state to come in and remove your children and put them in foster care because you have endangered them by leaving them with this man when you KNOW what he’s capable of and what he does?

I’m so stunned that you are still with him and still talking about the next time he wants sex with you. I’m beginning to wonder if you’re a real person or a troll who is coming here and jerking our chains and making up outrageous stories, because I can’t imagine a real mother putting her teenage daughters through that with a man who isn’t even their real father.
 
Liberanosamalo said:
I’m going to put it in these terms.

He is becoming very brazen in his challenging you, in his open proud perversion and his internet surfing with YOUR CHILDREN in the room.

Are you waiting for him to be jacking off in front of the computer while one of your daughters walks in on it? It won’t be an “accident” as he claims. It will be him setting it up, getting YOU out of the house and it will be his sick way of breaking down barriers and getting his cheap thrills at defiling YOUR child! (A surrogate for the way he defiles you.)

He is a sick, twisted narcissist. Your children mean nothing to him. It is YOUR job to protect them. If he hasn’t already done stuff that they can’t begin to describe to you you need to take them over to your parents and leave them there with your son, who is safer with them than he’d be with you.

Because you know that man is a sick pervert and you left your children alone with him.

I really don’t want to read the big story you’ll come to here about his latest outrage and how one of your kids walked in on him fully exposed and getting satisfaction, and “Oops, I really didn’t mean for it. I thought she was out of the house!” No. I’m calling it now. And you’re sticking around waiting for that. And of course you wouldn’t call the cops, because you’d rationalize that no one would believe you and the cop would take his side because “every man jacks off to pictures of naked tramps.” Or something like that.

But by then it will be too late for your daughter, whichever one walks in on him. Pick which one now you think can handle that scene best. Imagine which one he might prefer to set up to have that happen.

I think at this point your parents, if they knew, would take you to court and terminate your rights and get custody of your children. You don’t seem to be taking this seriously enough.
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As one who has been through it, I hope Heather listens and kicks the guy out NOW.

Her posts are getting more and more disgusting XXX-Rated. I guess she cleaned up the “mess” in the bathroom after him too.

Sadly, society seems to think it’s the wife’s fault when their men turn to porn. I read a letter in Dear Abby about how if wives would give their husbands more sex, they wouldn’t turn to porn. REALLY! She then suggested the wife join the husband (or boyfriend) in watching porn to spice up their sex life!

In the doctor’s waiting room, I was reading a “parents” magazine. There was an article talking about the benefits of sex. It counseled, “You don’t have to wait for your man, going “solo” is just as beneficial.”

We all know porn has become a huge problem. There are many Catholic groups out there to help men addicted to this garbage.

Right now, Heather’s job is to protect her children and herself.
 
Liberanosamalo said:
I’m going to put it in these terms.

He is becoming very brazen in his challenging you, in his open proud perversion and his internet surfing with YOUR CHILDREN in the room.

Are you waiting for him to be jacking off in front of the computer while one of your daughters walks in on it? It won’t be an “accident” as he claims. It will be him setting it up, getting YOU out of the house and it will be his sick way of breaking down barriers and getting his cheap thrills at defiling YOUR child! (A surrogate for the way he defiles you.)

He is a sick, twisted narcissist. Your children mean nothing to him. It is YOUR job to protect them. If he hasn’t already done stuff that they can’t begin to describe to you you need to take them over to your parents and leave them there with your son, who is safer with them than he’d be with you.

Because you know that man is a sick pervert and you left your children alone with him.

I really don’t want to read the big story you’ll come to here about his latest outrage and how one of your kids walked in on him fully exposed and getting satisfaction, and “Oops, I really didn’t mean for it. I thought she was out of the house!” No. I’m calling it now. And you’re sticking around waiting for that. And of course you wouldn’t call the cops, because you’d rationalize that no one would believe you and the cop would take his side because “every man jacks off to pictures of naked tramps.” Or something like that.

But by then it will be too late for your daughter, whichever one walks in on him. Pick which one now you think can handle that scene best. Imagine which one he might prefer to set up to have that happen.

I think at this point your parents, if they knew, would take you to court and terminate your rights and get custody of your children. You don’t seem to be taking this seriously enough.
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Well written. Right on the money. I second every word.
I wrote a while back that if she stays the girls will think it is normal. It isn’t.
 
Heather, in your first post you mention that you were previously visited by CPS because of him using porn around your children. So you KNOW that this is unacceptable. He had to go to counseling as a result of that, so not only does HE know that it is unacceptable, he knows you know. He is making you more and more his accomplice every day by pushing this issue closer and closer to the surface with you, rubbing it in your face. Don’t you see where this is headed? Why are you still there?
 
For the most of the time, I don’t see him doing anything because he sneaks. I find out by either the girls telling me or when I clean up the computer or he lets evidence lay around. He will not typically do anything when I am in the room it is when I am upstairs cooking or cleaning, in the shower, when I am traveling for work or when I run the girls. It is also very evident that he is doing stuff at work due to the people that he works with.

On an occasion, I have walked into the room and seen him but I don’t say anything because he gets pretty upset when I do and says that I am not letting him be a man. So only does this stuff when I am typically not around. When he asked about having sex because he was horny, the first thing out of my mouth was get back to work. Nothing at all was said about it last night. I have thought about turning the Internet off but he always says to me that the girls need it to do homework and he needs to have it so he can get his updates done for virtus due to him being a CCD teacher. So, it doesn’t get shut off. I will call them today and ask if there is anyway to block those sites from their end from coming into our house. Thanks for the advice.

I do get upset but I know that his behavior will not change. I put my daughters and myself into this situation and I will get us out. I told both of them to get their stuff and they argued with me. One had to get ready for work and the other had to get ready for basketball. I did try to get them to go with me. At that point, my husband was outside doing nothing. I didn’t want to go in the first place and then the girls didn’t want to go. I tried to make him go but he will not do any of the running anymore. That is on me. I have had the house blessed but I need to get it done again.

I found out last night that she had this assignment for a couple of days but my husband told me to go and I said I was busy and that he wasn’t doing anything for him to run them. He said that he wouldn’t. She already is not doing well in school and I didn’t want her to have a zero on the assignment. I did tell her that she needed to be more prepared and organized with her homework and that I would not do this again if she forgot. She understands fully.

I have an appointment with my attorney the first part of March. That is the soonest I can get into to see her. I will be taking what I have to her including everything here. We will be talking about the restraining order and what other legal options I can do. I am following up on the approval for my youngest daughter and myself today with the insurance. I am having a hard time dealing with this. I got so many emotions going on right now. I have a doctor’s appointment today to see about either increasing my medicine or changing it to help with this. I have my daughter’s emotions and issues that I am also dealing with along with my stepdaughter’s issues. I am one person trying to handle everyone’s problems and issues with no help to my husband.

I do believe you are right. I can remember him saying it is the thrill of being caught. He had said that when he got caught stealing. I am sure it is the same for the other stuff that he his doing. I know that all of you have been telling me to GET OUT for weeks. You have confirmed everything for me. There are just a few more things that need to be taken care of before I can do anything and most of this will be taken care of next week.

I do not want my children to be exposed to this type of thing. I only left them at the house because they didn’t want to go and they both needed to get ready to go somewhere else. So, I guess I should have forced them to go with me or forced my husband to take his daughter to get what she needed. I guess I was very wrong. I don’t want either one of them walking in on him doing this stuff. It wasn’t until I got home that I found out he was on this stuff while I was gone. I don’t want to loose my girls because of choices that I have made. I am a real person and I am not making these stories up. These are truly happening in our lives. This is not something that I would lie about or pretend that it is happening.

I am sorry if I offended anyone with the latest post. I truly didn’t mean for the posts to be XXX-Rated. I was just expressing what I was feeling and what had just happened to me and I guess I will need to watch what I post from here on out. I am very sorry my post came across that way.

I clearly understand where my marriage is headed. NOWHERE!! He clearly is not willing to change for the sake of our marriage. That is quite evident in the past couple days with his actions. Thanks again for the advice and support.
 
:confused:

I am confused. When you say you’re looking into getting the websites he visits blocked…why? You’re leaving him, I thought. :confused: You sound very matter of fact when you speak of this…I have read women’s threads on here who have husbands who view porn, and they sound torn to bits without any additional abuse on top of that, they don’t sound so matter of fact as you do. Maybe you are numb to it, that could be…I dunno…but, you need to get your girls away from this man…asap. Not two months from now, not a year from now…but very very soon. The levels to which your girls are exposed to your husband’s toxic behavior, should cause you to feel a sense of urgency. I don’t feel a sense of urgency from you about how dire your situation is for your girls, when I read your posts. :confused:
 
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