Male-Female Friendship

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do_justly_love_mercy said:
And, if you are heterosexual, how do you cope with having gay and bisexual friends?
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That’s a little different because the people like Mike Pence who monitor their relationships are doing to so keep their OWN emotions in check.

They are not usually doing it because they fear what the other person will do or what others might think. They refrain because they fear their own thoughts/emotions betraying them.
 
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Fauken said:
That’s true. There are no deep friendships on TV anymore because in their minds, they all lead straight to romance. If they’re deep friends, they want to be lovers, even if they’re both the same gender. Sex is no longer a precious thing reserved for married people, it’s now a profane human interaction. They’re incapable of writing good deep friendship that doesn’t slip into romance because of it.
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CS Lewis notes it in The Four Loves:
“It has actually become necessary in our time to rebut the theory that every firm and serious friendship is really homosexual.”

So I guess this has been going on for quite some time. I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse.
 
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Thanks for truthful inside scoop. It’s reasonable and not to be ignored.
 
These people were perpetually celibate. When your bride is the church, you’re basically married and you can be “Friends” with women.
 
Heterosexual, attractive men and women can be friends by default. Not on purpose.

Let me give you a few examples of default:
-I have a male friends who works in my office we are friends because we work together
-I have a male friend who is married to a woman I am friends with
-I have a male friend who is dating one of my female friends
-I have a male friend who is on my young adult core team at church

In all of these scenarios, I have a friendship with these men (we share inside jokes, laugh together, enjoy each other’s company). However, the friendship exists through something or someone else.

If any of these men were going out of their way to be friends with me on purpose (i.e. hanging out one-on-one, staying up late talking together, going on a trip together just the two of us-things that I could do with my female friends and no one suspect anything more than a friendship), there would be more than a friendship whether one of us was saying it or not.

In adulthood (in the US usually means after college) you can’t have just friends of the opposite sex on purpose-only by default (any of the examples I listed above).

I’ve never experienced a male going out of his way to be friends with me without wanting something more.
 
Going to have to politely disagree there. My closest friends have all been women, and I’ve never had any interest in taking any of those relationships further.
 
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And to add to that: Men and women who have been emotionally involved (even if not sexually involved) will always have a romantic bond. They can never just be friends.
 
Women always think this because we are relational creatures. Men are physical. I hate to break it to you, but if your friend was straight and you were attractive, he was probably attracted to you just never did anything about it.
 
DivineMercy01 said:
Heterosexual, attractive men and women can be friends by default. Not on purpose.

Let me give you a few examples of default:
-I have a male friends who works in my office we are friends because we work together
-I have a male friend who is married to a woman I am friends with
-I have a male friend who is dating one of my female friends
-I have a male friend who is on my young adult core team at church

In all of these scenarios, I have a friendship with these men (we share inside jokes, laugh together, enjoy each other’s company). However, the friendship exists through something or someone else.

If any of these men were going out of their way to be friends with me on purpose (i.e. hanging out one-on-one, staying up late talking together, going on a trip together just the two of us-things that I could do with my female friends and no one suspect anything more than a friendship), there would be more than a friendship whether one of us was saying it or not.

In adulthood (in the US usually means after college) you can’t have just friends of the opposite sex on purpose-only by default (any of the examples I listed above).

I’ve never experienced a male going out of his way to be friends with me without wanting something more.
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I’m a guy.

From my experience, in most cases, I think you’re right.

I think a woman can have male friends who are “just friends” from her perspective.

But if a guy is going out of his way to hang out with a woman (and as you say it’s not one of the “default” cases (coworkers, other activities, etc.), I’d bet that (in most but not all cases) it’s one of these two things:

(1) The guy really wants the woman as “more than a friend,” or

(2) The guy might be hoping to meet one of her female friends, or maybe the guy is interested in one of her female friends he’s met before and hangs around her as an excuse to be around the friend.
 
Preach. I’ve been approached by single guys before and literally thought “Either he likes me or he is thinking ‘Cute girls have cute friends! If she’s not interested, her friends will come around.’”
’
 
Again, broad brush.

I could pick up the phone right now and call (all but one, because he dropped off the planet) of the men I dated seriously before I married, tell them I needed XYZ and they would be there for me, and I for them. People can be friends after dating. Not everyone can do it, sure, but, your experience does not reflect all experiences.
 
I’d like to reiterate that that has not been my experience or the experience of quite a few of my friends at all (my guy friends I mean.)
I don’t doubt that it doesn’t happen, but that’s honestly a kind of creepy generalization to apply. Sometimes people just want to be friends.
 
Why would you need to call them? Do you not have other friends?
 
My point is, not everyone burns bridges. In fact, when tragedy hits my life, my phone will ring with a message of support and friendship from these men who are my friends, as well as people I see daily and my female friends.
 
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TheLittleLady said:
Again, broad brush.

I could pick up the phone right now and call (all but one, because he dropped off the planet) of the men I dated seriously before I married, tell them I needed XYZ and they would be there for me, and I for them. People can be friends after dating. Not everyone can do it, sure, but, your experience does not reflect all experiences.
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Sure.

That woman I used to know, if she called me because she had an emergency situation and needed help paying her phone bill, I’d help her in an instant.

But, that’s helping someone in need; that’s not going out of my way to hang out with her.
 
Well, a few years ago, my 2nd serious boyfriend who lives half a continent away, was driving through town and we had a lovely lunch to catch up.
 
To each their own. All I know is that most of the men I know would be VERY uncomfortable with their wife or girlfriend being in contact with an ex.

If you have a kid with your ex, different story. That’s more of a civil business partnership.

If you don’t have kids with your ex or any mutual friends, I don’t see the point of going out of your way to stay friends. Presumably, you both have other friends or could go make new friends so you have a support system that is NOT your ex.
 
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