Many negative comments about my Wedding Mass

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My 2 cents:

First: If this is the way he normally is, and this is why you like him and asked him to preside over your wedding, I wouldn’t expect anything but this approach.

Second: You knew your guests and were in a far better place to judge their possible responses (cafeteria Catholics who do not like the message, converts who wanted to get away from the hellfire and brimstone talk, non-Catholics whose only glimpse of Catholicism will come from this, etc) ahead of time than I am able to do here, now.

Third: I place a great amount of weight on community good and showing them the LOVE of Christ instead of the damnation they already know. Sometimes, you just gotta tell it like it is, though. This should have been part of your discussion with your priest during what you wanted the homily to be, and due weight should have been placed on it. I do not know if this is the case or not, so I revert to #1 and #2.

Fourth: It was your wedding and it sounds like it reflected you. Congratulations on the nuptials!!
 
A time and a place?
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All things have their season, and in their times all things pass under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted. A time to kill, and a time to heal. A time to destroy, and a time to build. A time to weep, and a time to laugh. A time to mourn, and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones, and a time to gather. A time to embrace, and a time to be far from embraces.
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A time to get, and a time to lose. A time to keep, and a time to cast away. A time to rend, and a time to sew. A time to keep silence, and a time to speak. A time of love, and a time of hatred. A time of war, and a time of peace*-Ecclesiastes 3
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TeriGator:
God bless you and your priest for caring more about the souls of your guests than of their “comfort level.”

Exactly what I was thinking, salvation above comfort. If people end up getting upset with us, we are probably doing something right. haha.
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Kielbasi:

And this is where we disagree: I believe the time and the place for evangelization is in the Church of God: regardless of whether or not there is a wedding taking place.
 
When I was a teenager, many years ago, a preacher used to stand on the corner across from the busstop and preach loud, condemning everyone to hell while folks were shopping or just going to work and catching the bus.

He had a couple assistants passing out literature.

I’m sure his preaching was fine, I spoke with the gentleman briefly after I became an adult, certainly a decent fellow who believed in what he was doing.

But there is just a time and a place for everything, as the bible teaches, 5th and Smithfield or a wedding really isn’t the place to beat someone’s ear.
 
I’m going to say a couple things then I’m done with this thread.

#1. I think you, the OP, should have prepared yourself for negative responses. Don’t expect a standing ovation when you ask a priest to lecture to a group of lukewarm Catholics.

#2. The responses on this thread have really irritated me. It sounds like many of the posters have taken delight in other people’s feelings of guilt and being uncomfortable. Make sure you don’t have a log in your eye.
 
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Kielbasi:
I really don’t think its really appropriate for a priest to preach long and hard about hell and damnation to a random group of wedding attendees.
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I remember hearing it said that weddings and funerals are often the only times that some people (including Catholics) go to Church, therefore the homilies at those occasions are very important. It gives the priest a chance to save some lost souls. The people who were offended by this homily probably needed it the most.

James… Congrats on your marriage. May the Lord bless you both!

God Bless,
Gary
 
James_2:24:
Kielbasi:

And this is where we disagree: I believe the time and the place for evangelization is in the Church of God: regardless of whether or not there is a wedding taking place.
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“Preach the word, be urgent in season and out of season, convince, rebuke, and exhort, be unfailing in patience and in teaching.” (2Tim 4:2)
 
Sounds like a bunch of CINO’s getting upset…I wouldn’t worry too much about it…a bunch of people got mad at Jesus for preaching the truth as well…just remember that 🙂
 
Congratulations!!!

You seem to be pleased with the sermon, so be at peace. It was your wedding!
I’ve seen some pretty scandalous things going on at wedding masses and it brakes my heart. A most sacred sacrament desecrated by thoughtless actions. Hopefully, the sermon had detered some from partaking communion and further causing themselves shame.
I believe Jesus was the voice of your pastor. He is working through your wedding, but the best thing you could do now is just, smile and know that Jesus makes good things happen in all situations.
God Bless the two of you!
 
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Kielbasi:
When I was a teenager, many years ago, a preacher used to stand on the corner across from the busstop and preach loud, condemning everyone to hell while folks were shopping or just going to work and catching the bus.
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See this is just the problem… and it is very irritating. Who would be thinking of themselves personally going to hell because of this Priests homily?? He condemned SINS not PEOPLE.

If he said something like: “Those who commit mass murder will not inherit eternal life.” Would you say: “People shouldn’t have to be thinking about hell” ?

I would doubt it, and if they are thinking about hell because of a statement like that, then they need to turn themselves in to the police.

Yet this is exactly what was done. Statements like:

Fornication is a sin and a offense against God and makes a mockery of marriage.

Adultery is rampant in our culture and needs to be condemned, it is a mortal sin.

And you say people shouldn’t be made to think about hell. Well, I can tell you, these statements sure didn’t make me think about hell, and if they make you think about being condemned… you need to repent and turn to God.
 
I would guess that most of those thinking a hellfire sermon at a wedding just fine are under the age of 30.

Weddings are the celebration of two becoming one not an occasion for reciting all the sins and faults suspected in those attending. I will say it again–it is very bad manners to say the least.

If this is the attitude of the future, I want no part of it. Priests rubbing sin in people’s faces at inappropriate occasions is not evangelization at all. It is worse than poor taste–it is subjecting a captive audience to abuse. No thank you. Not at any wedding I will ever be involved in.

Just think if this had been a Fundamentalist wedding at which many of the guests were Catholics. Would it be all right and laudable for the Fundie preacher to rail on and on about why Catholics are all going to hell? Isn’t that what they believe, so ergo, wouldn’t that be a good thing their eyes?

What happened at this wedding is no better, IMO. It was cruel and unnecessary. And if I knew who the priest was I’d report his lack of good sense to his bishop.
 
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StratusRose:
#2. The responses on this thread have really irritated me. It sounds like many of the posters have taken delight in other people’s feelings of guilt and being uncomfortable. Make sure you don’t have a log in your eye.
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I think perhaps this is where you are wrong. I see no delight taken by the previous people, but lovers of the Word/Truth.

Guilt is a good thing, it encourages change. If someone showed no remorse/no guilt for their wrongdoing then something is wrong; they are coldhearted.

What the people here take delight in is the defense of the Church’s teaching, the defense of Marriage, the defense of Christ, and the hopes that people will repent.

The Church isn’t here to make people feel comfortable, it is here to preach the truth and uphold God’s teachings. I was once an atheist/agnostic… when people told me “Jesus loves you” and that was it, it encouraged NO change.
 
I’ve been following this thread and I’ve seen many good points on both sides In defense of the homily there has been alot of talk about the need of speaking the Truth. The Truth was definately spoken. However, lets not forget that speaking about the santity of marriage, what marriage involves, the sacrifices to be made, the ups and downs that will definately come, total self giving to one another, etc, etc, is also speaking the Truth. The Truth of what it means to be married in the eyes of God. The whole congregation could have been introduced to what a Catholic marriage is all about. This was the kind of homily that I had at my wedding.

With a homily that focuses on what consitutes a Catholic marriage the offenses against marriage could have been easily incorporated. For example, the priest could have spoke of how the couple loved God and understood His plan for marriage and thus avoided cohabitation, fornication, and how they are committed to being open to life. He could have spoke of how they are so committed to being faithful to God that adultery or any kind of unfaithfulness would not be something to worry about for either of them. And when he touched on the offenses against marriage he could have explained why they are against God’s plan. The couple could have been presented as a “model” for a Christ-centered marriage. The congregation would have been introduced to what a Catholic marriage is all about. I think that opportunity was in some ways missed in James 2:24’s wedding homily. Both “styles” of homilies would have been speaking the Truth.

Now for a disclaimer. I can’t post this with saying that I was at this wedding. I saw the homily first hand. I thought it was a great homily and I still do. However, after reading the comments here I see how it could have included more of the Truth, specifically the Truth about marriage. I also know that there were specific people in the congregation that were commiting sins against marriage (invalid marriage, cohabitation, fornication, etc). In one couple in paricular the “wife” cried the “husband” turned red and looked visible shaken and sad that continued into the reception. (I qouted husband and wife becuase they are not really husband and wife…their marriage is invalid (and many people who attended the wedding is aware of their situation). I don’t know for sure but I wouldn’t be surprised if they felt they were “setup”. I did feel “sad” during the homily at times because my mind kept thinking about them and what must have been going through their mind. So with that said, did like the homily? Yes. It was great and spoke of many Truths. After reading posts here I came to see how maybe it should have also included what the Sacrament of Marriage is all about.
 
Congratulations Newlyweds!

Well, I’m not one to judge the appropriateness of the homily, considering I wasn’t there to hear all the specifics - exact wording, tone of voice, things he said and did before and after etc, knowledge of who was present and what they need to hear to turn to God…

If I were in your or your wife’s place (and maybe, no definitely, I’m too sensitive), I’d be most bothered because I’d have this negative memory attached to my wedding day because of the complaints and whatever self-doubt they caused in me (like did we go overboard etc.). This is what I’d tell myself in response (yes, I’d be talking to myself at this point): Marriage is not just between the couple and God. It is a sign for the whole community of the love of God for His people, and the loving communion of the Holy Trinity. Your marriage is meant to be a witness to all people of the Truth.

Your decision to have such a homily certainly witnessed to the truth about what marriage is and isn’t. Maybe this homily will stick with some of your attendees for years, and they may approach you for moral guidance years down the road because they remember what you put your stamp on. Maybe people will now ask you questions about Church Teaching because they have a way to bring the topic up. Maybe someone will reexamine their life and actually make a change directly because of that homily.

Maybe there are some who would have been better off not hearing this at the wedding. Maybe as the years pass, you’ll find that you prefer to be more mellow in the way you evangelize. Maybe you won’t. What seems clear to me is that you and your wife are starting your wedding knowing what it is you’re doing - experiencing one of God’s sacraments AND being a witness to truth to the world.

So please look back on your wedding day (and tell your wife - she’s probably the one who really wanted the day to be perfect) with only fond memories, and the knowledge that you did your best to answer God’s call with your vocation. Whether or not you executed it perfectly, shouldn’t trouble you.

God Bless Your Marriage,
TKC
 
Congrats and be sure to encourage this holy priest. I cannot think of a better time to preach on those topics then at a wedding. Many who attend weddings never go to Church and never hear the truth! Such a setting is a perfect chance to show authentic love to all.

To those who think the truth should not be preached at all times I want to know when the faith should be hidden under a basket? When should the priest compromise? When is it wrong to preach the good news?
 
I’ve been following this thread and I’ve seen many good points on both sides In defense of the homily there has been alot of talk about the need of speaking the Truth. The Truth was definately spoken. However, lets not forget that speaking about the santity of marriage, what marriage involves, the sacrifices to be made, the ups and downs that will definately come, total self giving to one another, etc, etc, is also speaking the Truth. The Truth of what it means to be married in the eyes of God. The whole congregation could have been introduced to what a Catholic marriage is all about. This was the kind of homily that I had at my wedding.

With a homily that focuses on what consitutes a Catholic marriage the offenses against marriage could have been easily incorporated. For example, the priest could have spoke of how the couple loved God and understood His plan for marriage and thus avoided cohabitation, fornication, and how they are committed to being open to life. He could have spoke of how they are so committed to being faithful to God that adultery or any kind of unfaithfulness would not be something to worry about for either of them. And when he touched on the offenses against marriage he could have explained why they are against God’s plan. The couple could have been presented as a “model” for a Christ-centered marriage. The congregation would have been introduced to what a Catholic marriage is all about. I think that opportunity was in some ways missed in James 2:24’s wedding homily. Both “styles” of homilies would have been speaking the Truth.

Now for a disclaimer. I can’t post this with saying that I was at this wedding. I saw the homily first hand. I thought it was a great homily and I still do. However, after reading the comments here I see how it could have included more of the Truth, specifically the Truth about marriage. I also know that there were specific people in the congregation that were commiting sins against marriage (invalid marriage, cohabitation, fornication, etc). In one couple in paricular the “wife” cried the “husband” turned red and looked visible shaken and sad that continued into the reception. (I qouted husband and wife becuase they are not really husband and wife…their marriage is invalid (and many people who attended the wedding is aware of their situation). I don’t know for sure but I wouldn’t be surprised if they felt they were “setup”. I did feel “sad” during the homily at times because my mind kept thinking about them and what must have been going through their mind. So with that said, did like the homily? Yes. It was great and spoke of many Truths. After reading posts here I came to see how maybe it should have also included what the Sacrament of Marriage is all about.
 
James_2:24:
Hi everyone!

I was married just over a week ago: September 10th. Immediately following the wedding a lot of negative and rude comments made about the Priest and his homily.

My Priest is extremely orthodox and preaches fidelity to Rome and Christ at all costs. He is sick of where our culture has gone and where it is heading. Many of his homilies are centered on being faithful to Rome and turning away from immoral lifestyles. He is also not afraid to preach about hell. His preaching style is pretty dynamic: a lot of raising of his voice and pounding on the ambo.

On September 10th he launched into a defense of marriage as a Sacrament and attacked the culture which so attacks marriage. He preached against fornication, adultery, artificial contraception, prolonged teen dating, immorality of the media, return to the Sacrment of confession and not live in mortal sin. He openly preached about who should receive communion and who should not. For example he said things such as: “if you are fornicating, living with a boyfriend/girlfriend, or reading pornography, you should not receive communion.” He was very loud and very very dynamic.

At the end of the Mass, at the reception many complained about the following things and said the following things:
  1. He made everyone feel like they were going to hell.
  2. The homily was so innappropriate
  3. Who the “h*ll” does he think he is?
  4. That Priest really p*sses me off!
  5. Why does he have to pound on the podium?
  6. etc, etc, etc.
There were many complaints which really bothered me since the Priest and I went over what we wanted him to preach on – so it was also my fiance’s and my idea. There were many great comments about his homily… but there were so many complaints as well. There were a lot of sighs in the congregation and some even openly talking to show that they weren’t listening.

What really struck me is that most/all of the complaints came from Catholics while much of the praise came from non-Catholics.

Any thoughts?
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A thousand congratulations on your marriage! Regarding the complaints…well…Let it go. Your priest obviously got folks thinking. Some people, Catholic and otherwise, just can’t stand to be told the truth…it interferes with their way of conducting their lives and some find that “offensive”. To them…phooey! Get a grip and enjoy a wonderful day watching two beautiful people pledge their lives to one another. To you… long life, fruitfulness, and all the joys of holy matrimony. God Bless you both, and don’t fret about others…that’s God’s probem 😃 (as if He didn’t have enough)
 
James,

I agree with many here that you are blessed to have a priest preach the truth of the Sacrament of Matrimony. As you know, it is a public profession of your life together in Christ, and reflective of Christ’s love for His Spouse, the Church.

That some would find offense certainly suggests either discomfort with the subject matter, or, in my opinion, a lack of understanding of what marriage is about. I would bet your priest was trying to contrast the beauty of your commitment in a sacramental marriage and its life giving qualities, with the sad culture of death that surrounds us. If one person was touched in their life at the ceremony through you and your priest’s witness to the truth, then the graces from your marriage began flowing to another on the very day of your wedding!

As the father of a soon to be bride, I am thankful she sees that her marriage will be a vocation that goes even beyond the graces it bestows to her immediate family. Her wedding will be a witness…as was yours!..Congratulations!
 
*Fornication is a sin and a offense against God and makes a mockery of marriage.
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Adultery is rampant in our culture and needs to be condemned, it is a mortal sin.*
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And you say people shouldn’t be made to think about hell. Well, I can tell you, these statements sure didn’t make me think about hell
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That’s apparently because you’re neither a fornicator nor an adulterer.

But you are most definitely a sinner, none the less. I don’t know what your sin is, needless to say, but it would have been a lot more humble on your part to ask the priest to talk about detraction, or avarice or pride or gluttony, if you are guilty of those instead of targeting in on the sins and percieved sins of your guests.
 
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