Marriage with an atheist

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shanishani7

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I am a devout catholic(was legion of Mary, sunday school teacher before, and attend mass every Sunday, sometimes will have eucharist adoration) , and am engaged with my future husband recently, but he is an atheist, he’s never baptised and no religion. He respects my catholic faith, agreed to have wedding in Catholic Church, and agreed to let our children be baptised as catholics.
However, I started to be worried recently, not sure if it will be hard as a Catholic-atheist marriage and family life. And, how do I know if he is the one God wants for me?

Our wedding is not a “Sacrament”, because he is an atheist. I know blessing is included in a sacrament. So our wedding is only a “ceremony”, so there will be some differences, and I’m a bit worried…

Any comment? Thanks…
 
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That is going to be hard. Even if he lets you raise the kids catholic it could be co fusing for the kids to see such differing views by their parents, unless he is willing to keep his beliefs secret from them. And then also, you will always be worried about his soul. My first marriage was to an atheist so I know only too well. My ex was pretty hostile to Christianity, though.
 
  1. Yes. He agreed to let children raised in Catholic faith, I will bring them to mass and attend Sunday school…
  2. I myself is from this kind of family, my mother is very devout catholic, and my dad was atheist (death-bed converted to catholic, I believe it’s god’s Blessing and planning)
My elder brother is now fallen away from catholic faith, he never go to church now and not believed

But I myself is very devout because God saved and helped me and even talked to me (in mind)

So I guess… it depends on each person…
 
Is he the one God wants you to marry? You met him, you fell in love.

I have some experience of this too. It’s probably fine if he is honest about how he feels about Catholicism now. If he doesn’t intend to criticise or make light of your faith etc then it can work. But you should make this very clear to him before marriage.

Someone I know is proud to tell how it took her forty years to convert her husband! I must admit I feel a little for him, I’m joking, he seems very happy…as you’d expect!

A word of warning though, since being a Catholic is not by any means easy, if your children are left to make up their own minds about Catholicism they may choose not become one. But that does depend on your intended to a large degree and how neutral he will want to be and how persuasive you want to be.

I pray for you and hope everything goes very very well. Peace be with you sister.
 
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My mother was Catholic and my father never was involved in religion. They were happily married until they died. One child did not stay Catholic for another reason. The rest were Catholic. It is your love that matters in your relationship.
 
My (now Catholic😁) husband claimed to be an atheist when we met. I would up the ante a little more in child rearing if I were you.

I told him a few things when we started dating. I said I date to find a spouse, I marry for life, children are the fruits of marriage(God willing), my kids will be raised Catholic and their Daddy will sit in the pew with us every Sunday whether he is Catholic or not. When being that forward wasn’t a deal breaker and he actually started going to mass with me after the conversation, I took it as a good sign.

Something to consider is that your job as spouses is to get eachother to heaven. Consider the kind of longing and sadness that one can carry wanting your spouse to see the light of Christ and having them just not. It is a pretty big deal.
 
#1, you never know. 😛 Life isn’t a pink paperback novel. Whenever you make a major life decision, there’s always going to be doubt. “I can just keep on doing what I’m doing… or I can radically change my life.” One of them is safe and predictable, and the other one requires trust in God, in the other person, and the desire to make an effort on your part. The purpose of dating is to cull out the ones who are a total mismatch and have a low chance of success… but no one has a crystal ball to know “this relationship is guaranteed to succeed”. 🙂

One of the hardest things to make a mixed marriage work is that Catholicism isn’t just an hour on Sunday; it’s a whole worldview. And we have certain things that aren’t negotiable. So it’s not just “yeah, the kids can be raised Catholic”, it’s “what’s the purpose of a family in the first place?” (or even “Who needs kids?”). It’s not just “ok, we’re married, we can have sex now”, it’s “what’s the role of sex in an ordered relationship”. Those sorts of things.

It’s also more subtle stuff. You go off to have the kids say their prayers— and you’re wondering in the back of your head, “Is he judging me?” 😉

I’m dreading when the kids get a little bit older and they have The Talk. Because he’s going to tell them what Society says is acceptable, and I’m going to tell them to conduct themselves in a totally different way.

Those are things that I run into in a mixed marriage with a Methodist-- your atheist fiance at least has been exposed to the Catholic upbringing, so that helps a bit, in that you won’t sound like a total alien from outer space when your worldview comes front and center into a situation. 😉
 
What happens if you are sick and cannot get the children to Mass, will he take them?

What if you are gone for work for a month, will he take them to Religious Ed?

What happens if you die, will he continue to raise the children in the Faith?

I’d hope these discussions happened during your marriage prep.
midori said:
Catholicism isn’t just an hour on Sunday
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And those pesky Holy Days of Obligation. The next one that may cause some head scratching (for US Catholics) is Dec 8, Immaculate Conception. It falls on a Saturday.

IF your parish has a HDO Vigil, you can go on Friday evening then fill your Sunday obligation on Sat evening or anytime Sunday.

No vigil? They may have a Saturday morning Mass so you can celebrate the HDO then you can fulfill your Sunday obligation on Saturday evening or all day Sunday.

No Sat AM Mass? Then you will fulfill the Immaculate Conception Mass on Saturday Evening and go to Mass again on Sunday.

There is no “go to one Mass on Saturday evening to fulfill both obligations” When Christmas falls on Saturday or Monday you have the same “why do you have to go to Mass TWICE this weekend?” conversation.

Talk about these things now instead of the day before, it will keep the conversation a bit less heated.
 
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Is he a true atheist? Meaning is he just a normal person who doesn’t hold any personal belief about God or religion? He’s not super pushy or preachy, doesn’t flip out about the idea of people having religion?

Or is he a pseudo-atheist crusader/misotheist ala the “new Atheists” like Dawkins? Meaning does he hate the very idea of god? Will the mention of God or religion alone send him on a hate filled foaming at the mouth rant? Does he try to “convert” theists to atheism?

If he’s a true atheist, you’re probably good to go.

If he’s a pseudo-atheist misotheist, RUN, don’t walk, away from him.
 
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your future husband sounds like a tolerant & decent man

i get the feeling he will do what needs to be done to make the marriage work…
 
What exactly are you worried about?
That he won’t keep his promises, or that it won’t be a sacrament?
If things have progressed so far with this man, you must have had a reason for wanting to marry him?

I note that on this forum, usually people raise a huge number of concerns with marrying anyone who isn’t a practicing Catholic. However, if the man is tolerant and decent as Brian said, and you two love each other and he is willing to keep all the promises he is making, I’m not seeing the problem to be honest.
 
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DisorientingSneeze said:
My (now Catholic😁) husband claimed to be an atheist when we met. I would up the ante a little more in child rearing if I were you.

I told him a few things when we started dating. I said I date to find a spouse, I marry for life, children are the fruits of marriage(God willing), my kids will be raised Catholic and their Daddy will sit in the pew with us every Sunday whether he is Catholic or not. When being that forward wasn’t a deal breaker and he actually started going to mass with me after the conversation, I took it as a good sign.

Something to consider is that your job as spouses is to get eachother to heaven. Consider the kind of longing and sadness that one can carry wanting your spouse to see the light of Christ and having them just not. It is a pretty big deal.
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This. Exactly this. Especially that last part.
 
The father’s role of spiritual leader is so indispensable in a marriage …

Further, I cannot imagine the sadness of not being able to share the most intimate detail of your life with your spouse.
 
JHFamily said:
However, making it work and having a great marriage are two different things.
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Being both Catholics is not any guarantee of a “great marriage”, and having a religious difference is not a guarantee of having a less-than-great one.
Whether a marriage is “great” depends heavily on what both parties define as being “great”.
One couple’s “great” might be another couple’s “annoying as heck.”
 
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It’s a very difficult decision. No offence but if you die what will happen to the children’s faith? If you do decide to proceed make sure you pick their godparents very very carefully and maybe put soemthing in your will that allows them to intercede in matters of faith like a legal right to intervene to get the children confirmed and have first communion … sound ridiculous? yeah…there is that. 😃 … Sorry for the morbid comments (and killing you off 😉 ) it is just something to think about. I dont mean to sound condescending to your intended but it is one thing to say he will raise Catholic children while you are there but even if he says he will, he won’t do it if you would not be there. It is difficult enough being a parent and teaching children faith and keeping it up when the love of Jesus beats within your heart… but when you dont know that love… well I for one can’t imagine what will get you up and out to mass on Sunday after a sleepless night with young baby/s knowing they are likely to embarrass you screaming during mass. Or actually with surly teens. And if you miss one mass cos it’s exhausting then it slips into two then three then well you have to go to confession anyway, so it may as well be a few etc… Anyway just my opinion. I suggest going to adoration and taking this matter before the one who knows you like no one does and asking Him for as long and as many times as you need til His answer makes sense to you. That’s a common way to discern a vocation and marriage is a vocation. God bless you.
Oh and this was just the from the childrens point of view…
 
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DisorientingSneeze said:
Something to consider is that your job as spouses is to get eachother to heaven. Consider the kind of longing and sadness that one can carry wanting your spouse to see the light of Christ and having them just not. It is a pretty big deal.
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Exactly…if one spouse understands this and the other does not even believe there is a Heaven then I see future problems. Going into marriage thinking the other person is going to change is not a good idea. And if the Catholic spouse does not understand that marriage is about getting each other and their children to Heaven then they might have their own Faith issues.
 
shanishani7 said:
I am a devout catholic(was legion of Mary, sunday school teacher before, and attend mass every Sunday, sometimes will have eucharist adoration) , and am engaged with my future husband recently, but he is an atheist, he’s never baptised and no religion. He respects my catholic faith, agreed to have wedding in Catholic Church, and agreed to let our children be baptised as catholics.
However, I started to be worried recently, not sure if it will be hard as a Catholic-atheist marriage and family life. And, how do I know if he is the one God wants for me?

Our wedding is not a “Sacrament”, because he is an atheist. I know blessing is included in a sacrament. So our wedding is only a “ceremony”, so there will be some differences, and I’m a bit worried…

Any comment? Thanks…
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I’m going to ask you a blunt question: are there no Catholic men available to marry? Is that why you are going outside the faith?
 
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