Marriage with an atheist

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shanishani7 said:
I am a devout catholic(was legion of Mary, sunday school teacher before, and attend mass every Sunday, sometimes will have eucharist adoration) , and am engaged with my future husband recently, but he is an atheist, he’s never baptised and no religion. He respects my catholic faith, agreed to have wedding in Catholic Church, and agreed to let our children be baptised as catholics.
However, I started to be worried recently, not sure if it will be hard as a Catholic-atheist marriage and family life. And, how do I know if he is the one God wants for me?

Our wedding is not a “Sacrament”, because he is an atheist. I know blessing is included in a sacrament. So our wedding is only a “ceremony”, so there will be some differences, and I’m a bit worried…

Any comment? Thanks…
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Children of mixed faith marriages and especially marriages with a spouse who is not practicing any faith are more likely to grow up as adults being irreligious. These marriages are also more likely to result in divorce or separation.

The father is also more indicative than the mother in terms of children’s religious convictions. i.e. a child is more likely to grow up practicing the faith if their father does than if it were the other way around.

For these reasons and others, marrying a person that shares your faith is preferred.
 
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TK421 said:
The father is also more indicative than the mother in terms of children’s religious convictions. i.e. a child is more likely to grow up practicing the faith if their father does than if it were the other way around.
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I made the opposite experience. Myself included. It may be true in cultural settings where religious education is seen as responsibility of the paternal side of the family ( the middle East part of my family would agree), but I see a church full of women with children on Sundays. I doubt this has less influence.
At least, a marriage is not wise to plan based on numbers and studies. It’s about unique personalities. I see people here in my eyes far to often making general rules for completely strange couples.
 
My condolences for the loss of your husband.

But people of faith should marry people of faith. We forget that marriage is a union made in the presents of God at a time when we are marking a covenant with all our friends and family as witnesses. Void this statement if you are conducting a civil union or one of mixed ideology.

Anyone who has been married for any length of time can testify that it can be challenging. One of the foundations that you will need is to be with someone of similar ideology (faith). There will be many times that you will seek the spiritual comfort that only someone close like a spouse can provide.

Hopefully, when children come along; you will accept your responsibly to raise them in the faith. However, children have the ability to divide their parents. Your partner is not going to support you when the time arrives that your child fights you on issues like simply attending Church on Sunday. We see way too many women that attend Mass without their spouse because he does not share the same commitment towards the Lord.

As people of faith, we only believe "a world can be a better place" with the presents of our Lord and Savior and not one void of Him. Marrying someone that does not share your same commitment only promotes division.
 
Hello.

My husband says he’s an atheist. We’ve been married 25 years +. I go to Mass alone - we have no children. This is my experience - only mine and not reflective of what may lie in your future. It is more difficult to be married to a person of another faith or of no professed faith, but it’s possible.

My 2 cents.
 
Leo2014 said:
My condolences for the loss of your husband.

But people of faith should marry people of faith.
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If you’re going to make a condolence post, I would suggest that you leave it at that, and then make a separate post criticizing mixed marriages.
To combine the two things when I have explained my situation is pretty insensitive.

My spouse provided me all the spiritual comfort I could have asked for and then some.
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
If you’re going to make a condolence post, I would suggest that you leave it at that, and then make a separate post criticizing mixed marriages.
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When you make separate posts back to back, the software often combines them into one post. It’s not necessarily the fault of the person who posted.
 
It is extremely impolite and presumptuous to try to tell someone else what they experienced in their decades of marriage!

I doubt very seriously you could possibly know more of what comfort Tis_Bear received from her husband much less the inner workings of her husband’s heart!

Sometimes it’s best to leave well-enough alone. Every argument is not worth having…
 
Can you run across the road without looking and be okay? Can you go without the flu shot and not get sick? Can you drive while tipsy and make it home okay?

All of these things are risky, but not necessarily doomed from the beginning. Some people pay a big price for doing them and some people are fine. This is how I view a mixed marriage. I think there are very good reasons why we are counseled not to be unevenly yoked.

The bottom line is that no one knows. Not one person on this Earth can tell you whether your marriage will prosper or will fail. Couples with every possible advantage going into marriage can end up divorced in a few years, hating each other. Couples going into marriage with nothing but hard and tricky issues to deal with end up happily married for 50 or 60 years or more. And plenty of couples go into marriage with advantages and end up happy and disadvantages and end up divorced. There is just no way to know because it’s very difficult to make accurate yet general statements about a relationship that is a private one between two unique individuals.

You are not at a place where you can go back and choose not to meet him. You are at a point where you have already made a very serious promise to each other and your feelings are very bound up in this man. It will affect you for a long time, possibly for the rest of your life, if you “let this one go”. It will surely affect you for the rest of your life if you marry him and have children with him. Both paths involve serious matter. Unless you receive a clear and definitive sign from God that this man is NOT for you, I would probably proceed with caution and lots of prayer. May His blessings be on you both.
 
I have been looking for catholics men in church for a few years already but there are really very few and almost all have gf or married already.

I have no choice and my age is mid-thirty already, so maybe this is my only choice…
 
Thanks all for the advices. I have prayed, but could anyone tell me how to get the answer? How will God tell you or what sign will He give you to know if it’s the one to marry?

Did anyone have similar experience? Thanks
 
Well, a priest once helped me by saying, “Rather than wondering if you’re marrying the right person, ask yourself, ‘Am I willing to do everything that it takes to make this marriage work?’”
 
I think marriage is always hard, “mixed” marriages are just slightly harder. It depends if you are willing to put yourself through this hardship. Your fiancé sounds like a wonderful man, even if he is not catholic.

Saint Monica (Saint Augustine’s mom), went through what you are planning to go through, and she managed to convert everyone. 😉 So, it can be done, and I cannot imagine the joy this type of conversion can bring to a family. May be worth the risk to see this happen. God can do anything, why not convert him too….eventually.

May God bless you, and help you make the right decision.
 
The one difference, the OP is speaking of marrying a atheist. Your wife is married to a Christian, you both love God, accept His Son.
 
Agreed, but the post I was replying to did just say “mixed” in general, thus why I was taken back a bit.
 
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Are you suggesting there is no risk to a mixed marriage? therese1998 was just giving examples of how things can sometimes go right even when there is a risk.

Let’s say I knew that marrying a particular man meant assuming a 3% risk that he will leave me for another woman. Many woman would still marry that guy. I would not. I would want somebody who would rather die than commit adultery. Risk assessment, risk management, this is the area we’re delving into.

I personally would not want to marry somebody of a different religion only because I’m not prepared to do the necessary work ie. compromise, discuss issues, agree to disagree. But I wouldn’t stop somebody else from taking on that workload.
 
Every marriage has an inherent risk…

I find comparing the risk of a mixed marriage to that of blindly running into traffic or drunken driving outlandish.
 
therese1998 said:
Not one person on this Earth can tell you whether your marriage will prosper or will fail.
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So she basically agrees with you but you characterize the risk differently. TC3033, how would you characterize the risk of being in a mixed marriage? You seem unable to compare it to going without a flu shot, or getting away with driving tipsy, or running into traffic. So do better. Come up with a better analogy then.
 
I don’t think the comparisons of running into traffic to be that far off base, when we are talking about a person of deep faith marrying an atheist. My first marriage (to an atheist) did not work out and differences in faith are a big part of that. We have 2 children together and even though I made sure to do my part with them, one is catholic and the other one an agnostic who has been directly influenced by his dad. My ex husband is actually angry that his daughter is a Catholic and has a Christ-centered view of life and he bullies her over that and also her political views. I guess you could say that I got run over when I ran into traffic, but luckily just got maimed rather than killed 🤷‍♀️. I am so fortunate that the man I ended up marrying later is a Catholic too and shares my views when it comes to raising our kids. I don’t consider a Catholic and non-catholic Christian mixed marriage to be an issue that is too hard to overcome as long as the spouse isn’t “anti-catholic”.
 
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This isn’t a coherent message.( I took a crack at that further up thread) It’s just a list of thoughts.
  • her fiance is loved by God.
  • she cares enough to bring her concern here, we shouldn’t assume she is taking this too lightly.
  • some of the marriage prep through the church will help them face together many of the issues this thread has raised and will either strengthen their bond or validate any doubts.
 
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